get compressed, bitches

I feel like modern au Agott would be that one kid that's really cagey about sharing notes with classmates because she doodles in them and is embarrassed about it. Coco lifts up one of the suspiciously placed sticky notes while copying off her one day and gets blessed with like 5 little cat drawings

Another reason why trains would be good is that most people are not good at driving

fuck off it's not a collar it's to hide my decapitation scar. my head will literally fall off if you take it off it's not a sex thing. the decapitation was a sex thing though yeah.

one out of the many things i really love about discworld is how deeply unlikable the watch is in non watch books. that might seem a strange thing to say but if you've read the books you know what im talking about. its such a simple yet effective way of showing the multitudes any organization has, but especially one that's enforcing a system or law. i mean, think about it, when reading the watch books the only people you're rooting for is the watch themselves, everyone loves sam and carrot and angua, they're all our favorites!! but when you come to face w them in other books like, say, the truth or going postal or unseen academicals, you're suddenly not as keen on them. because why are they interfering w william, who's just trying to do the right thing and why can't they just leave moist alone, who's just trying to survive (albeit by not always lawful means, but if you choose to read a terry pratchett book im sure you've already gotten over that) and why are they so distrusting of trev, who was really just trying to save his friend? well, obviously, because it's their job. and when they're doing that job in the watch books it all seems justified and necessary, but when seen through civilian eyes, they're just annoying bastards with bad case of entitlement issues. and terry MEANT for you to feel that. lets look at another example. we like william very much in his book, he hasn't got the best background but he spends the whole book and after making up for it. but when we meet him in, say, monstrous regiment, he's kinda just pretentious and posh and when moist mentions him in making money he doesn't seem to be universally liked. terry is not precious with his characters, he doesn't coddle them, and thats what makes them so real.

*smirking* you couldn't waterboard that out of me, but even if torture was an effective method of information extraction and not a futile display of state-sanctioned sadism, the high percentage of false confessions it produces would mean that even if you could waterboard it out of me, could you even trust the veracity of my statement?

have you guys heard that they expect you to complete *assignments* at uni????????? disgusting. their cruelty knows no bounds

I explained the concept of "blorbo from my shows" to my 71 year old immigrant grandfather because I referenced it in passing and I thought nothing of it, until today when he said "I think I'll watch peaky blinders tonight and see my blorbo from my shows" referring, of course, to Cillian Murphy playing Tommy Shelby

English isn't his first language so he's not super in touch with modern slang, so I've been accidentally teaching him to talk like a tumblr user. His favorite thing to say lately is "me when I'm a little hater" when he's like talking shit about the neighbor's son

My friend really changed once she became a vegetarian 

its like ive never seen herbivore

i sighed so loud my mom asked me if i was okay and she’s two rooms away

the purpose of friends is to have people who unconditionally hate your shitty exes & relatives. like maybe YOU have a complex relationship with your father but i sure don't. i'm outside his house with a gun. he's not the unforgivable asshole who raised me he's just an unforgivable asshole

all books should be written by deeply damaged autistic perverts

@pangur-and-grim ?

YOU DON'T NEED TO TAG ME ON THIS, I WROTE THE POST

Ghosts aren't real, it was probably just the house settling that gave you that blowjob

I hate the videoification of everything. If I have to hear one more video of someone speaking closely into their shitty mic and I have to have all their yucky wet mouth noises and plosives and nose whistles and throat clearings and sniffles I am going to dig a vertical hole the exact dimensions of my body and I’m going to slither in head first

as someone with misophonia, the widespread popularization of asmr audio editing + people that are being pushed to make video content with no formal training and have no idea how to edit their audio (ex college professors, average joe tiktokers, etc) is literally my nightmare scenario. this is hell I am in hell

reminder that you are cool and legend

you are cool and legend you hear me

the sewing machine is like if a horse and an inkjet printer had a child