Any And Everything

I was in a large crowd and had a lucid moment. I stopped one of the guys walking next to me and said. “Hey, you know you’re a dream person, right?” To which he laughed and replied, “No I’m not,” before walking away.

In the 22nd century, the word homeschooling was replaced with homosexualing. My mom ordered a teacher for me from an organ market and she told me, “Tomorrow you’ll be homosexualed,” and I was homosexualed for three years but Sauron only taught me Tic-Tac-Toe tricks.

I was on the show Chopped and Gordon Ramsay was a judge. I had to make mashed potatoes, which sounded easy enough so I decided to procrastinate until the last 5 minutes. I had my potatoes done and just needed to put them on the presenting plate. As I was scooping the food, I had realized that I didn’t have any potatoes in the bowl or on the plate. Ramsay kicked me out and gave the trophy to the trashcan cause I was the only contestant.

That’s such a Ramsay thing to do though

I’m sorry but your profile picture looks like a female version of Boyinaband

I also kind of think he looks like @setheverman but with colorful hair

are you saying Dave is actually the fusion of you and Seth Everman

I’m saying Infinity War is not the most ambitious crossover anymore

Im gonna do something cursed

ERZHHGGGJJGRUKVFUBZKZXUVUVIFUFZFUCFZDTDZFUGIGIDUDUFUVKGKHIFUFUFUFIGUFZ

BILLIE EILISH????

Which one of us???

yes

this is like the end of a scooby doo episode

Wait. One-time-I-dreamt had a…face?

Hey, I still have it!

Not for long

W-what

KOH THE FACE STEALER!!!!!???!!

This is just the best interaction on the site

I DO WONDER why this happens with every single photo of me I post

Hollywood is so toxic with men's "body goals". Society is so toxic with men's mental health. This is heartbreaking to see. I really hope we change the view point of these things.

SHE’S ADORKABLE

Those aren’t even her claws, they’re letting her play with Logan’s. :D She is all of us in this scenario.

“GONNA STAB U WITH THE GIANT CLAWS!”

*in adorable voice* I’M GONNA GET YOU!

Villain: Awwww she’s so cu (Stabbing sound) OH GOD MY PANCREAS

“LET ME STAB”

Logan: “No!”

Laura: LAURA YES

I think my favorite jokes are the ones that weren’t even all that funny until I was an adult, and now they’re fucking hilarious. I’m not even talking about the dirty jokes. I’m talking about in Finding Nemo where the sharks are having fucking AA for fish eating. Remember that shit? “I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image, I must first change myself.” Who ever thought of that? That was brilliant. Or what about that time in Shrek 2 where Shrek and Donkey infiltrate the castle pretending to be union workers? Little me didn’t give a shit about unions but big me is remembering Shrek going “It’s okay buddy, we’re from the union” and the desk worker secretively “we don’t even have dental,” and Shrek just shakes his head and looks at Donkey like he can’t believe this shit and goes, “They don’t even have dental.” What the fuck. I’m dying of laughter. Who comes up with this shit.

HONESTLY.

Makes me wanna puke that this isnt a joke when you think about.

#2020 mood

I was Mother Earth and I got sick of climate change deniers that I arrived on Earth in a human body, wearing a dress entirely made out of leaves and flattened the UN headquarters using boulders only to find that I quickly became the most-searched keyword on Pornhub.