I think it’s time..
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Product Placement

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@thecreatureoftheshadows
I think it’s time..

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Ways Autistic Attempts at Connection are Misunderstood
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I just want to find friends to go hang out with in cafes and drink coffee and hot chocolate and rant about fictional characters. But apparently that’s too much to ask for in my late 20s 😭

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The exhaustion of having made it through a day is already too much for my chronically ill mind and body. And then you expect me to be productive and functional while maintaining a “pleasant” personality. Why don’t you just ask me to go build the pyramids as well since apparently now I’m capable of performing miracles?!?
“I hope that someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight, and that’s all they do. They don’t pull away. They don’t look at your face. They don’t try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms, without an ounce of selfishness in it.”
— Unknown
When does this stop? When does this end? How much longer do I have to keep going in hopes of things eventually getting better? I am so freaking tired. And fed up. Of everything.
I hate when I complain that I am exhausted and people go “oh I’m tired too”. You do not understand, there is a difference.
Tired is something where you can just take a nap and feel better.
The type of tired I am is fatigued. A type of tired that you can’t sleep off, it’s prolonged and makes you feel weighed down and unable to do much. It’s not the same thing and I hate when people think it is. I wish I could sleep it off but I can’t since it’s not that type of tired.

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me, undiagnosed for the first 21 years of my life, not knowing what a flare up is:
huh i wonder why i get sick for a few days after every exam season. huh i wonder why i get sick for a few days after every tennis tournament. huh i wonder why i get sick for a few days after every tech week. huh i wonder why i get s
Despite knowing all my life that I’m chronically ill, I still manage to get surprised every time I have a flare up (I’ve been ill since my birth, how is this still managing to surprise me?!? Smh…. Ik it’s probably coz every flare up is DIFFERENT & I am fed up of these new, mutated variants of flare ups… )
Been ill this week & I assumed it was because I idiotically went out without a face mask…. That was also probably a contributing factor but seeing this post reminded me of the fact that my exams literally finished a week ago & I have been ill since then 🙃
Anyone else mourn the time spent resting?
Like I need to clean, there's errands to run. Books I want to read. Lots of art and cooking I want to do.
But I just can't. I'm exhausted. I feel it seeping through me like warm sun.
People: the normal amount of pain is zero
Me, chronically ill: sounds sketchy but okay
Franz Kafka, 1912
“slut era” i whisper to myself as i rot in my bed, sick like a frail victorian child

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Something I think people who don’t live with chronic illness don’t understand is that there is a big difference between resting to get better and resting to avoid getting worse.
There’s no such thing as work-life balance for neurodivergent & chronically ill people.
This is because everything in my life requires work:
maintaining friendships
keeping up with my hygiene
managing bills
making money
remembering my basic needs
sleeping regularly
outputting creatively
All requires some aspect of work for me.
And when everything in your life requires work, your balance goes out the window.
If you're neurodivergent and overwhelmed — I see you.
If you're chronically ill and overwhelmed — I see you.
You're not dysfunctional.
You're not incapable.
You're doing your best.