Sunidhi Singh

It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

I read a post. It said, 'that guy from your hometown isn't your soulmate. You just miss him because he reminds you of what it feels like to be 17 again.'

And it might be true. 

I don't miss him. 

I miss the person I used to be before him. And during him. It's only ever been downhill from there.

He reminds me of a memorable time in my life that I will never get back. Undeniably, his presence made it a million times better. 

I won't say I want it all back. It didn't work out then, it won't work out now. It'll end the same way and I know it. I am aware. 

But I can't help but jump right back to thinking about it every time anything goes wrong in my life, even in the slightest. 

I've always known myself to be a nostalgic person. But it's been almost ten years. Have I only been suffering for the last ten years? Haven't things gotten better at all? 

How come you're laying on the same bed as me, unclothed, legs entangled with mine, and all I can think about is how  you can't/don't/won't want me in a way I want you to and how it'll end one day and you'll walk away from me as easily as possible, all the while shattering my whole world and there's nothing I can do about it.

Sometimes, I do want to hurt you. I want to give you atleast half the heartbreak you cause me on an everyday basis. I want to cause you pain. You know why? Because, at least that would mean I matter.

"So, let me go"

You can't know how differently they are treating you, unless you see them treat somebody else.

Cats

Dogs

Emotionally unavailable men

Mentally ill people

Psychopaths

Serial killers

Actual children