I wasn't afraid of loving you. I never for a second, thought 'what if you never love me back'. What if I have to force myself to fall out of love with you one day.
Back then, I knew. I was certain that I couldn't stop loving you, even if it ended up hurting me, crushing me to pieces.
When you didn't love me, I was okay with giving you all of me without ever getting anything in return.
But now that I've had you, been with you, every day I feel scared of loving you with the fullest of my capacity. I am scared to the point, that I never give you my one hundred percent.
When you didn't love me, I didn't have to care about the uncertainties that I worry about now.
What if one day you change your mind, what if one day you wake up and fall out of love with me.
I'm not ready to see you unlove me.
When you didn't love me, I didn't have to be sure of your love for me, and that made things a little bit easier. Because now, I know you love me. And I really should be happy. But yet I spend every moment in uncertainty— this is it, this is the where you tell me you're done.
And I'm not quite sure if it's solely my fault that I think you won't love me for a long time.
The wiser bits of me force me to fall out of love with you, as if it's under my control. I love you less, just because I'm afraid. I try to protect myself.
And I hate having to feel or show lesser love than I want to. I hate feeling this way.
Loving somebody gives you strength. But being loved back makes you weak. Your love has made me weak.
jbbartram-illu
areudirty
snowghoul
stormborns
blakekathryn
andulkaphoto
ellievsbear
vaporwave
