The Classical Cat

At the moment I’m writing this, I don’t know if I even want to have any children. But I’m quite afraid and anxious about the idea that I might have you and not be able to raise you well. I’m 24 and still learning how to adult. Apparently, being an adult is great and all cause you’re pretty much free to choose what you want to do / what you want to be, but 1) With great power comes great responsibility 2) The possibilities are endless and sometimes it’s just overwhelming.

So yeah, during my own journey, I look around and apparently find myself growing up into a pretty conservative person. You know, I’m all about doing what the society expects, behave myself, staying away from conflicts and all that. And as you grow older, you will meet more people, and they might be just like you (same history/interests/hobbies/values/etc.), also they might not. Sometimes it shook me when I discover that people aren’t exactly who you think they were. 

I used to think that they’re wrong, and I’m not, simply because I’ve always been doing what the parents / teachers taught me to do. But sometimes I feel like it’s not fair, cause everyone has their own stories, and who am I to judge anyway? In the end, I learned that I need to open myself more to those possibilities and just accept those differences as they are. It’s time to face reality.

Actually, it’s not just about people. It’s also about other stuff, like addictions, sex, mental health, or capitalism. Things that you didn’t know even matter before. Things that are rarely brought up into conversations that made you realize your whole life has been a lie when you finally talk about it.

Do you love notebooks? I know I do. But most of the days I just don’t know what to write.........

By the way, it’s been years!

The good news is: I woke up this morning, and suddenly I felt that I need to write something. Well it’s been so long since I’ve written anything. I mean, yeah things have been soo busy lately, especially after I joined the ‘work force’ and everything. Just an update, I’m really grateful that I get to finish college and also get a decent animating job, and still be able to be active in the marching band + pursuing my obsession with dance / musical theatre stuff. It’s been a hustle, but yeah, I’m enjoying it. I hope my 8 year old self is proud of me lol.

So yeah, the thing that I’ve been wanting to write:

Is I don’t know what to write.........

The thing is, I just realized that I own like several blank, unwritten notebooks. Some I got for myself, some are gifted from other people. And I LOVE THEM. I love getting notebooks. 

But I really don’t know how to use them properly. You know, I’m afraid that I’m going to misuse it. I mean, since I’m not it school anymore, I’ve been writing less and less important stuff. Even if I have to write anything I usually just make a note on my phone #millenials. 

Also I just got Taylor Swift’s “Lover” deluxe album, which basically is a journal book consists of her old journal / diary entries and blank pages for you to write your own. Maybe that’s also what triggered me to start writing again, hehe. But yeah, I don’t want to just use them as personal diaries. Well they turned out to be quite cheesy and besides, I still keep one that I use since 2014/2015. I’m not constantly writing, so I still have plenty of space to write my not-so-daily contemplations and rants on.

I’ve been thinking to use one of my notebooks as a goals / productivity journal (and I’ve tried). But again, like how most New Year resolutions end up, I kinda stopped doing it by the end of January. Things got busier, yadayada. I’m planning to continue it tho. Never too late to start again right? :)

Well that’s one book. And I’ve got plenty more of it!

What should I write in them?

Hold on to the memories, 

they will hold on to you #TaylorSwift

Disclaimer : All rights to this video belong to Disney. I don't claim anything but my voice. This was made just for fun, not profit.

By : Marcia Damayanti / 1801375806 / DKV Animasi

10089. Yep, that’s me :D I was hoping it to be 24601, but eventually...universe said no #lesmisjoke. Okay. for the first time in forever, I’ll be writing the post in Indonesian~

10089 adalah nomor peserta saya di acara DV RUN 2016 yang saya ikuti pada hari Minggu, 4 Desember 2016 kemarin. Event ini diadakan oleh Komunitas Mahasiswa Buddhis Dhammavaddhana (KMBD) universitas Bina Nusantara.

Acara ini dimulai sejak pagi. Sekitar pukul 7.00, lokasi acara, yaitu Pasar Seni Ancol sudah dipenuhi oleh para peserta lari meskipun kondisi cuaca saat itu sedikit hujan. Tak lama kemudian, kami mulai melakukan pemanasan. Agak berat rasanya memulai pemanasan dalam cuaca dingin dengan rintik-rintik hujan. Tetapi semangat dari instruktur pemanasan membuat kami pun ikut bersemangat untuk melakukan pemanasan.

Kami mulai berlari sekitar pukul 7.30.

Saya berkumpul bersama teman-teman sejurusan saya. Kami tidak pernah berlari bersama, karena biasanya hanya 3-5 orang yang berlari. Sisanya akan terus berjalan sampai bertemu lagi dengan yang sudah lebih dahulu berlari. Mengejar para pelari itu cukup mudah karena biasanya mereka tidak sanggup berlari lebih dari 3 menit. Terkadang kami merasa yang kami ikuti bukan DV Run, tetapi DV Walk hahaha.

It was a walk to remember. Yah, biasanya waktu kami selalu tersita untuk pekerjaan dan tugas-tugas kami sampai-sampai kami jarang menghabiskan waktu bersama. Paling hanya sekali-sekali kami menonton bioskop atau pergi karaoke. Apalagi, semester depan kami akan terpisah-pisah karena harus menjalankan program magang #dramatis #sentimental. Jadi, sepanjang jalan kemarin kami bercanda ria, bermain dengan obstacle, berfoto-foto, menikmati pemandangan laut sambil bernyanyi ‘How Far I’ll Go’ dari film Moana, sampai mengganggu kucing yang berkeliaran. Kami baru mulai berlari serius pada kilometer terakhir, tetapi kami masih sampai di garis finish sebelum pukul 9.00, sehingga kami masih mendapat medali, yay :)

Begitulah perjalanan 5K kami.

Setelah itu kami beristirahat sejenak. Kami duduk meluruskan kaki sambil menikmati jajanan dan musik yang disajikan di atas panggung. Jempol deh buat event ini, seru banget #applause #cheers #confetti.

Ketika mendaftar untuk acara ini, saya sebenarnya hanya mencari ‘pelarian’ hehe. Di kala UTS baru selesai, ditambah lagi mengikuti acara Binus Festival yang berlangsung 3 hari berturut-turut, jujur saja kami agak kelelahan dengan hal-hal yang berbau perkuliahan. Jadi, mengapa tidak menggunakan sedikit waktu untuk bergerak dan bersenang-senang? Kapan lagi...sebelum...magang... #breaksdownandcry #jk.

Kemudian, mengingat acara ini juga diadakan sebagai acara amal untuk anak jalanan, saya jadi mengintrospeksi diri sendiri. Bangun pagi, memacu diri sendiri, lari-larian di bawah hujan mungkin bukan hari Minggu pagi yang ideal untuk kita. Namun membayangkan bagaimana anak-anak jalanan yang tidak terurus harus menghadapi hal itu hampir setiap hari...sepertinya tidak pantas kalau saya mengeluh hanya untuk mencari alasan supaya bisa bermalas-malasan di rumah. Jadi saya belajar untuk memotivasi diri sendiri dan menunjukkan bahwa saya bersemangat. Semangat itu ternyata menular, sama halnya dengan kasus instruktur pemanasan yang sempat saya ceritakan di atas.

Oleh karena itu, saya juga ingin memberi pesan kepada teman-teman anak jalanan dan aktivis-aktivis anak jalanan supaya tidak mudah menyerah dalam menjalankan misi mereka. Apabila mereka melakukannya dengan semangat dan niat yang baik, pastinya usaha mereka dalam memperjuangkan kesejahteraan anak di Indonesia tidak akan sia-sia. Sering-seringlah mengadakan acara seperti acara DV Run ini, karena acara-acara seperti ini sangant membantu kami untuk kami lebih sadar / aware terhadap permasalahan sosial yang mungkin selama ini tidak pernah kita perhatikan. Penyertaan anak-anak jalanan di dalam acara juga sangat baik apabila dapat dilakukan. Di dalam acara ini, saya sangat senang melihat bagaimana panitia mengikutsertakan anak-anak jalanan di dalam acara, salah satunya untuk mengalungkan medali bagi para runner ketika mencapai garis finish.

Berdasarkan info yang pernah saya baca, anak jalanan di Indonesia saat ini jumlahnya mencapai 5 juta anak dan tidak kurang dari 240.000 anak hidup terlantar di 12 kota besar di Indonesia, dengan Jakarta sebagai kota dengan jumlah anak jalanan terbanyak. Kita tentunya tidak boleh membiarkan masalah ini berlarut-larut karena mereka juga adalah bibit-bibit penerus bangsa. Pemerintah melalui Menteri Sosial saat ini sedang mencanangkan program Indonesia Bebas Anak Jalanan tahun 2017. Ada baiknya kita ikut mendukung program tersebut sesuai dengan kemampuan kita masing-masing. Apabila tidak dapat terjun langsung ke lapangan, kita dapat mendukung teman-teman sukarelawan kita dengan menyumbang bantuan berupa dana, fisik, maupun moral. Beberapa sarana bantuan bagi anak jalanan pun sudah tersedia untuk masyarakat, di antaranya : Rumah Singgah, KOPAJA (Komunitas Peduli Anak Jalanan), Griya Baca Kota Malang, dan Komunitas Peduli Anak Yatim dan Jalanan.

I miss my YouTube days.

When I was 13 (...no, brain, don’t play that “Baby” rappin’ part) I stumbled into a fandubbed video of my favorite Little Mermaid scene. It was really good that I actually tried to create fandubs of my own. And, voila! I created my first Youtube channel with actual activities. 

This video, however, is from my second channel with actual activities xD My first one was called marciadblinditz and the contents were getting messy so I decided to move to a new channel, which I bizzarely named waterastrogirl. Seriously, I hate the name now.

Yeah so, there are 19 videos there so far. Most of them are fandubs (some include singing) but I also got a few singing and piano covers, like this one :) It’s one of my favorite work because I discovered the notes myself and somehow managed to create the sheet. You can download it for free, too~

Whoop, it’s been a super trouper long time since I’ve written anything. So glad I can finally chill around Tumblr again~ It’s only been a year, I think. But internet, media, people (and basically everything) have seemed to evolve a lot and rapidly. Just like your Pokemons. I bet everyone’s doing their best to ketchup catch up, eh?

For example, more and more people are capable of owning smartphones these days. Internet providers supported it by granting us easier access to more byte-consuming medias such as videos. I still remember how we used to only have 1 GB to use per month and I get scolded for opening a music video on YouTube. LOL. Look where we’ve gotten now. Vlogs. Hauls. Playthroughs. Essays. News. Lists. Illegaly published TV series and movies xD Bless those scientists and technology experts.

Now, how has your life evolved so far? :D Here’s some reflective thoughts of mine.

20.

I just read my old post about being seventeen and not feeling like it. It’s not so much different now. On my last days being nineteen, I still couldn’t see myself being a 20 year-old with the attributes of a real 20 year-old. Like, I don’t know how to be 20! Twenty does sound old. And mature. And capable of achieving great things. And making money. And using totebags. Perfumes and make-ups. Heels.

But just like Taylor discovered that being fifteen is not about dating the boy in the football team, or me discovered that being seventeen/eighteen is not about catching up with celebrity trends, I think I’ll manage this one just well enough. As long as we never lose sight of ourselves, our values, our people, and our dreams, I believe that heaven and universe will conspire to bring out the best prize for all of us.

However, keeping sights of those things are pretty challenging sometimes. “Who am I?”. 24601. Not a question you always know how to answer. “What do you want?”. Who knows what we want? We’re all mysteries, even to ourselves (Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister, Gregory Maguire). Sooo yeah, I think we need to regularly ask ourselves these questions to keep in track of who we are.

This is the wisdom I gained before I turned 20, so I think I’ll remember this age as a turning point of my view and ideas of life :) That’s what I think being 20 is about.

That’s how I evolved.

Also....now I’m a legal driver, have expanded my knowledge of city transportation and directions (thanks to Waze as well), managed my own expenses, found some fun in doing chores, started knitting, and a proud cat-sitter of seven :3

STAGE LIFE.

The very first theatre stage that I stumbled into was Graha Bhakti Budaya, located in Cikini, Central Jakarta. I was sitting in the audience, watching a marching band concert. It never occured to me that a few years later I get to become a part of them :) My second encounter was the one I’ve written about, when my friends and I accompanied a teacher in a storytelling competition. I was on stage, but unseen. I was too shy anyway :P

It never occured to me, either, that a few years later I get to join a dance school. I never imagined me being a dancer, you know. Though I’ve been doing colorguard for 4 years at that time, I never quite realize that all this time what I’ve been doing is actually dancing. Plus, there are endless possibilities of creation you can make with those equipments when combined with dancing. So sad I hadn’t noticed it earlier :(

Anyways, going to the dance school was like entering a completely new and unknown world for me. Real dancing techniques and disciplines. Late-night rehearsals. Backstage rushes. Crafting your own costumes. Doing your own hair. Doing your own make-up! To be honest, if I haven’t gotten into dancing I wouldn’t have cared at all about make-ups, hehe. And guess what, I get to perform my first performance in Teater Jakarta -- one of the biggest theatres in the city! And after that, I’ve also performed a couple of times on the stage of Graha Bhakti Budaya, something my 10 year-old self would never even have thought of.

At first, it was just that.

But then as I dove deeper I started to notice the many characteristics of the dance styles, how to actually ‘feel’ the movements (whether you’re doing it or just watching it), delivering and receiving messages through dance, and the way the choreographers work is actually quite similar to what I do in college. Somehow, my dancing life and my college life start to complement each other #feelinginspired  ✮ ✮ ✮

I never really thought of becoming a professional performer -- keeping the attitude, yes, but not like doing it for living :P And apparently my love for the art had actually led me to many “stages” (lately I learned that it’s not just the big stages that counts, since any place can actually be your stage) , met many awesome people, played different roles (audience, performer, stage manager...what’s next?) and experienced many beautiful moments :) So yeah, from this I learned the lesson again : if you love something, try to do it a lot, as much as you can and whole-heartedly. As far as I know, it’ll do you good~

LIVIN’ THE DREAM.

I’m about to enter my 3rd year in college now, woohoo. But last semester was super exhausting and I bet the upcoming semesters are going to be more fun and torturing at the same time :”D

However, since the beginning of the year a thought has been haunting me, and probably like you all know, good things never come easy. I remembered watching the last Glee episode when Rachel Berry gave her Tony acceptance speech (YES RACHEL’S FINALLY GOT A TONY). Also, recently, the moment when my dance teacher gave a speech at the opening of our new dance studio. In their speeches, they both said, “Dreams really do come true”.

Hearing those words from them was like breathing in some fresh mountain air coz most of the time reality is polluted with things that constantly tries to beat people and their dreams up #hyperbolemuch #exaggeratemuch

Yes, they’ve both achieved great things. Most people recognized that, but not everyone witnessed their hardwork, their sacrifices, and their dedication when it comes to whatever they’re dreaming about. You know what they say : success is like an iceberg.

Another thing that I’ve learned from them is that ‘success’ has never been ‘the dream’. And ‘the dream’ itself has never been the destination. A dream is not a destination because you don’t just get or catch your dream. You have to keep it, take care of it, live with it. Rachel won’t retire after getting her first Tony and my dance teacher won’t stop teaching after earning the studio. It’s a constant struggle. The more you suffer, the better it gets mwahaha #maso

So, am I living my dream?

I may not have produced any big films or own an animation company like what I’ve always imagined in my junior-highschool daydreams, but right now I’m getting a good education in animation and already developing a complicated relationship with storyboards, 3D softwares, keyframes, after effects, as well as sleepless editing nights. I have four more of fun and torturing semesters, an internship program to take, and an unimaginable battlefield of real animation / filmmaking career waiting. Therefore, I’m grateful to say : I am living my dream.

I hope you are, too :D

Hey again, folks :) I just want to announce something today. Sooo... I’ve been working on another Tumblr blog and I’m planning to make it something like a portfolio website. Well, there’s still things to be fixed later but be sure to check it out! >> http://marcmadam.tumblr.com 

Typography. I’m no master. I just learned it last semester and I don’t think 13 classes would do much help to your skills. It’s actually up to how many hours you’d spend beyond it. Lots of things come instantly these days, but skills just don’t work that way :) 

About this piece, the idea just struck me after I heard a song on the radio. It’s an Indonesian song, titled “Jatuh Hati” by a beautiful Indonesian singer, Raisa. The words in the chorus were the most beautiful among all Raisa songs I’ve ever heard. They even made it to the top of my list -- not sure what list, though. It goes like this :

Ku terpikat pada tuturmu, aku tersihir jiwamu

Terkagum pada pandangmu, caramu melihat dunia

Kuharap kau tahu bahwa ku terinspirasi hatimu

Ku tak harus memilikimu, tapi bolehkah ku selalu di dekatmu?

If translated it would sound like : I’m attracted to your words, your soul enchants me, I’m amazed to your views, your perspective of the world, I hope you know that I’m inspired by your heart. I don’t have to have you, but may I please stay by your side? Lol, translations are weird.

H for “Hope” and for “Holding On”. So this piece was inspired by many things that happened around me lately. As far as I know when making it, this isn’t just about hoping as individuals, but building a hope together with others.

So today is kind of an important day for all 12 graders in Indonesia. Like somehow their whole future depends on this day. This is the day where we discover whether we’re accepted in a state university or not.

I didn’t get in.

Somewhere in this blog, I wrote that at first I wasn’t planning on applying. But looking on my school marks, it looked like I had a chance. And let’s just be honest, anyone who gets accepted must gain some pride because it’s a real tough competition.

I was disappointed but well, I’ve got a backup.

After I saw the results, I spent the first hour thinking, "Oh well, guess I’m not lucky enough". I feel okay, but something still feels missing. Could it be my pride? No offense, I’ve always been a straight A student for 12 years in school. Of course I gained pride, although I know too much pride is never a good thing. Second, I hate being rejected. At anything, really, I always look for acceptance. So, I was being a straight A student and get rejected. That doubled the sensation.

Suddenly, I feel like I don’t want to meet other people, because most of them would ask, “Did you get in?” and when I say no, they’d say, “HOW COULD IT BE?” And it’s annoying, don’t ask me, just ask the rector!

Also, my mother had had a dream of me wearing the “yellow jacket”, like she did years ago. Although she said it’s completely ok that I didn’t get accepted, still she had dreamed about it (of course it meant something to her) and I hate the feeling that I might just crushed her dream.

What's more, I can foresee tomorrow! I’ll go to school (yearbook purposes), I’ll go stumble upon my teachers, and they’ll ask me about how things are going. Annoyingly predictable. I don't know, all this time people around me are being really supportive, so it feels really bad to think that I had let them down. Imagine yourself being a celebrity with a lot of fans putting so many hopes on you. But I can have some hopes, too, right? I hope people will see and appreciate more of what I've done back there, instead of just the results.

Then after I got my senses back, these ideas started to pop up. Screw what other people think, I didn’t “dream” for this in the first place. All this time, I’ve always been paying too much attention on what other people are thinking about me. And I really have to stop it now, because it’s toxic.

Second, the only reason that I might want to get accepted was only because I want to feel accepted. That’s my nature. What about those who really “dream” to get accepted? Those who “dream” to be an architect or computer engineers? I didn’t “dream” to become those things. I only chose them because I wanted to try out (merely to feel chosen) and those are the only majors that seem to be connected to my interests. Well, an architect draws and in the computer faculty I can make games. It's kind of sad to think back that in the past 4 months I've "pretended" as if I'd be living my dream if I got accepted in one of those majors (again, merely to feel chosen by one particular university).

Since I was little, my biggest dream is to become an animator, an artist, and to build my own animation empire. I'm so lucky to be able to discover what I wanted to do since a very young age, just like Rachel Berry and/or Lea Michele :D (whatever, I love both of them!)

Then it hit me : I knew that all along. Why did I pretend so bad, just to make other people satisfied? Why did I listen more to them instead of my own heart? When I first applied, I said to God that I'd accept anything. Both ways are awesome, but in the end I still see myself in the finish line as an animator. But that pride thing-y kinda set me out of track, which got me freaked out for an hour after I saw the result. I sort of felt like there are so many flickering arrows pointing on me, with the word "LOSER" written in capitals on it.

However, I remembered one quote from my all time favorite musical, The Sound of Music, which said, "When God closes a door, He sure will open a window". And I just realized that He just made my paths easier. I mean, if I wanted to become an animator (and He desired), I should just go straight forward to it -- and eventually get it. Just imagine if I were accepted in the architecture/computer faculty, I might need to turn right and left before I can reach my purpose, or I might as well end up in a completely different world.

Suddenly the thought of losing my pride just flew away....and gone with the wind. For good. Well this isn't completely my fault either. I still am an A+ student till graduation. 

Last Tuesday, May 20th, 2014 was the day I've been waiting for. It's been such empty weeks after the final National exams. I like the fact that I had more leisure time and I can finally "enjoy" my life, but still...I've only conquered the exams, what about the results?

I've ever been this excited to wake up early for school. Well, only to see the results *wink*. I didn't know if it was excitement or anxiety. Mixed feelings. I suppose everyone's been there, done that. I knew -- I believed all students will graduate that day. I just wondered if I will get a list of scores that I've been hoping and working so hard for. Aside from my personal satisfaction, I really wanted to get an invitation from the University of Indonesia. At first I wasn't planning to apply for state universities because that means I have to study in the middle of the holiday, which is a really, really long holiday that I've never had before. But my mom said, I had an advantage since I've been a straight A student since the 10th grade. It's been said that state universities give a chance to straight A students to get in without tests. Yet sometimes they also accept those who might not be doing well in their early years in High School, but gradually gets better as the years go by. Like it or not, I think it could be seen unfair from both perspectives, and yeah, you applied and there's nothing else much you can do except to pray for the best.

I had a back-up university, which is also a good one. There, I can go straight to pursue my animation empire :D So either ways, whether I'm accepted in the University of Indonesia or not, I'd be happy. The announcement will come out next Tuesday. I'll let you know :)

Meanwhile, enjoy some photos from my graduation ceremony!

Picture #1. Those were our temporary graduate certificates. The official ones will come out in two weeks. These were enough, though, either for show-offs to your relatives or to complete your registration for the university which you got accepted in.

Picture #2. Still wearing our official school hats, still acting goofy like a true high-schooler. The girl next to me is Marsha. Be careful with the pronounciation. Her name is pronounced like [marsh-a] and mine is pronounced [mar-see-ah]. Hope this helps.

Picture #3. I'm fangirling! It's our music teacher, which only taught me once -- that was also because I was in the school choir. Unfortunately, she's only teaching regularly in the Social Studies classes. Her name is Mrs. Christine and she's got a really beautiful classical voice. Fact, she has also played in some musical productions! I wanna do that too, one day *daydreaming* Meanwhile, let me take a #stalkie ;)

Picture #4. Okay, so we've got our medals! Our names are carved in each ones. We've also gotten a headpiece. It's a tradition, which might not be in other schools, since we're in an all-girls school :3 The theme shifts every year. In 2010 the theme was blooming roses, so the graduates wore roses crown. Last year, the theme was fairytales. It was quite similar to the 2010's headpiece since they also wore a flower crown. This year we became Egyptian princesses!

Picture #5. The picture of sophisticated graaace...*ouch*

Picture #6. The same girl I took the fifth picture with, Dinda. We were trying to make quite an impression.

Picture #7. Now that's a good picture :) From left to right, you've got Dinda, Santa (or Vale), and me.

So, that's how we celebrated the night. We've got a visit from Dimas Anggara and his band, but I'm not really a fan so I'm not getting all freaked out. But my friends did. It was simply an amazing night, and we enjoyed our last moments together at school. At the end of the celebration, our teachers blew up confetti! I'd like to call the last picture of me and Vale, "Under The Confetti". She's eating confetti!! Ew....I'm gonna miss you!

Hi fellow readers! This is going to be my first review in the blog. So I'm writing a review about Lea Michele's debut album, "Louder". I've just received a copy of mine last Wednesday, with an autographed booklet! Feeling so lucky, since I'm a big fan of her and the CD was actually a birthday present :) By the way, I'm not just going to state the plus/minus of the album, but more to my personal opinions to each of the songs in the album. Enjoy~

SONG BY SONG REVIEW

1. "CANNONBALL" - This is the first song released before the album launched. While some people made fun of it based on Miley Cyrus' "Wrecking Ball", it turned out that the song can stand out with its own uniqueness. The song is easy-listening, it also has "positive" melodies that goes along with the encouraging lyrics. The main thing that this song talks about is that YOU'RE the one to decide whether you want to be free, or you want to let yourself scared to death and lose your mind.

2. "ON MY WAY" - A mid-tempo song, sounded a lot like today's common pop songs, with a touch of electronic sounds. Personally, I don't really like EDMs, but I like "On My Way" and some other dance songs in Lea's album because it's fun to dance to, but the song still bring out Lea's voice quality. I also like the arrangement after the second chorus. It contains catchy string sounds, which kinda remind me of Coldplay's "Viva La Vida". But again, I promise it's not going to be like "Viva La Vida". 

3. "BURN WITH YOU" - One of the songs that I think captured Lea's music best. Pop-ballad, you can say. This song also has very deep meaning, like you don't want to separate with a person you really love, even if they're going to hell. So emotional. My heart breaks down everytime I hear it.

4. "BATTLEFIELD" - The only acoustic song in the album, it features only Lea's voice and piano in the background. Lea explained in her "Louder Diaries" (check LeaMicheleMusicVEVO on Youtube) that the recording was actually a demo, but she wouldn't re-record it again, because you can hear her singing it with so much feelings and emotions. Lea's really good when it comes to playing with our emotions. This song proves it pretty much. No need to bring up a lot of music/instruments. Her voice itself talks pretty much to us already.

5. "YOU'RE MINE" - This song took a little mid-east music touch in its melodies. This song was also sung with so much passion (as you may have expected). It told a story about someone's feelings when they feel 'connected' or entwined with another people. Like, you don't even have to care about their past or weaknesses. This song doesn't really play with deep words such as in two previous songs, but the music plays more than the words this time. 

6. "THOUSAND NEEDLES" - Lea's voice took over again this time. The main thing spoken in the song is the feeling when you're left behind by somebody. And you're feeling it badly. Even worse, the person might be leaving you behind till your memory fades -- and you might not wanna forget them. Not actually an easy song to sing along with, but those who likes deep emotions and dynamic songs would likely put this song on top of their playlist.

7. "LOUDER" - The main concept of the song that became the title of the album is to encourage people who are scared to show their full-potential selves, Lea said so herself on her song by song explanation on her VEVO channel. I can say this is a perfect song to dance and sing along to because of the upbeat tempo and its catchy melodies.

8. "CUE THE RAIN" - I have always been drawn to 3/4 or 6/8 songs, and "Cue The Rain" is one of'em. Beautiful melodies, beautiful lyrics, that's all the song is. Yet the song means something like you're searching for your "light", finding your path, but on the other hand you knew -- reaching the destination is a battle to be won, you would even sacrifice yourself in the flames. Sometimes you don't need the Fire Department to put out the flames. The rain will know. As if the sky has its own smoke detector. It'll just pour down and wash away all your pains.

9. "DON'T LET GO" - My favorite song to jump up and down on Saturday night. Such an upbeat, powerful, and dynamic song, it is. I recommend this song for your party playlists. I think this song can perfectly capture a fun friendship/relationship, like ones you may have in high school/college. The song's almost like forcing your inner youth to rise up to the surface all over and over.

10. "EMPTY HANDED" - I really can't stop praising for the tenderness that Lea always give in emotional songs such as this one. This song breaks my heart. I mean, try imagine someone loving you unconditionally, and you realize that you can give them nothing in return. The song started out with a simple band instrumentals and near the end of the song, the music enriched with addition of violin trills, which I felt brought more emotions to me. You can even have goosies :)

11. "IF YOU SAY SO" - Last song of the album, and yet another emotional song pulled off beautifully. You can just feel the emptiness, as you've lost something that's been a part of you for a long time. The worst part is that you will never know : will it end happily or tragically? The song left the end hanging on. The person just left, then what? The last thing we have told them was, "I love you more", and then they just replied, "if you say so".

Lea is starting to show who she really is. She might be labeled as "Rachel Berry the Broadway girl" but she's starting to show that she could also put on her incredible singing quality to everyday pop songs on the radio. Again, personally I enjoy complicated songs more than easy listening songs, but somehow Lea pulled them off together, and that's definitely not an easy thing to do. 

Honestly, I never truly feel like a 17 year old girl, much less 18, though I’m turning that old in 33 days. All this time, my image of teenage girls that age includes partying, dating random guys, auditioning for Idols, demonstrating some rebellion, and thinking more maturely. Well, some of my peers are like that, but there’s also a lot of them who aren’t, including me. Seriously, do you think this case is normal? Like, my friends were wearing short-cut satin dresses to prom, while I dressed up like a fairy or a princess in my favorite bedtime storybook. Anyway, I don’t really bother with those stuff, since I think this is all a part of growing up…and there’s time for everything, right?

Today, I go to the marching band practice, as usual. The only thing not usual about today is that my mama didn’t get to pick me up. So I had to go home on my own. It’s not like I’ve never done that before, but really, your fingers are more than enough to count how many times I did that. Just imagine. Seventeen years long.

I don’t know how to feel about it though. Should I feel ashamed, or should I feel grateful? On one hand, I admire other kids who are even younger than me that go anywhere on their own feet, and I want to be like them. On the other hand, all the concern that my parents gave me (well, perhaps because I’m an only child) is really something to be grateful of.

I think I’m getting my driving license this year, after I graduate high school. But you know what? I don’t want to ride a car (or motorcycle, whatever) all the time. I’ve been talking about saving environments in my essays all the time, and words will just be words without an action. And I especially don’t want to ride a vehicle if there’s another person who drives it for me. I’ve had enough of it. Well, my father, my future husband, and public transportation drivers might be the only exceptions ☺

Back to the story of the day, after sunset I walked a few meters to find a Bajaj because my house is quite close to the practice spot. Hiring a taxi would cost too much, although my mama usually prefers taxis over any other transportations. Apparently, I just realized that another reason why I prefered Bajaj was because I want more thrills. Waiting on the sidewalk for an empty taxi, sitting inside with a well conditioned air, being dropped right in front of the gates………..unless it’s with my man, it’s deadly boring. I could’ve had more adventure if I took a bus (or some kind we called ‘angkot’ in Indonesian) but honestly, I’m afraid I’d get lost. Truth is, I’ve never paid attention to the bus routes because ALL THIS TIME, I could just sit down and get home eventually. Sad, huh?

In the middle of my walk, some of my seniors stopped by and offered a ride. They’re so very nice, so I accepted, just to be dropped off near the Bajaj’s corner (I had no idea what to call it, really). I still had to walk a little to get there after I was dropped off. But even when I was off already, they stopped still and looked around for my presence in the middle of the crowd as if I was gonna get lost in there. I was like—duh. Just to assure them, I waved and gave them an it’s-okay-I’ll-be-fine smile. It’s good to know that they’re concerned about my safety, but I’ve got too many people acting that way towards me that I just want to remind them that I’m a big girl now.

Looking like a girl who had it all. From what I’ve read, a lot of princesses felt that way. Merida (Brave), Ariel (Little Mermaid), Rapunzel (Tangled). Deep inside, they just wanted to break out. Tired of the fancy walls and all. I feel exactly the same way right now. I’m no princess, but this is a similar kind of situation. Being a teenager is awful when you’re expected to act mature but still seen as a helpless kitten. I just think that being seen that way could also affect how we see ourselves. Remember when I said I don’t truly feel like a 17 year old girl?

By the way, I got this thought when I was walking home. Breaking out once in a while is actually good for your whole being ; the mind learns new things, the body gets refreshed, and the soul gets flourished with new inspirations.