I'm Crooked But Upright

I really need to stop doing anything for people. I drop EVERYTHING even call off of work to be there for you for your cats goodbye appointment and buy you nice food to get you to eat(that I walked through fucking dtla to get) since you hadn’t been eating and now I have to do the same thing to my horse and I barely get condolences. Not even gas money to make it to 4th of July celebration YALL invited me too bc I can’t afford it bc of this shit. So I get to spend americas 250th birthday alone with no family just looking at my horse that I have to put down on Tuesday ig

accepting that I’m destined to live alone and never being anybody’s favorite person is one thing getting rid of the bone deep desire to be treasured that’s lived in me since I was small is another thing entirely

I wonder if I’ll die having never been treasured or loved romantically

I want to run away. Drop my cats off at my sisters house, sell my horse, pack up my car and just fucking leave. Drive and drive and just keep driving and just never get close to anybody ever again. I’m so fucking tired of being hurt or even worse slowly being ignored. I was never meant to be loved or to have somewhere to call home and I’m tired of breaking my own heart working for those things only for them to be farther and farther and farther away. I want to run away and never be found.

Having a degenerative disease is being able to see in real time how the more disabled you get the more the world wants you dead

a lot of y’all turned into furries when I was gone wtf

Who’s still here lmao