thebipolarmama

Before the sky falls…

The worst feeling in the world is watching the stars fall from the sky around you when no one else can. No matter how hard you think you are shouting for them to see it. The words seem unable to escape your mouth. Your voice seems to have disappeared into the night. And despite all your efforts, you have no choice to watch the world crumble around you. The bubble locking you in. Tears stream down…

Pixabay- RogerMosley   Not again The world is collapsing around me I can’t breathe Please not again Why? Is it because the sun is shining too bright? Deep Breathe in Deep Breathe out Rocking too and fro My boat is about to capsize Please, Please, please 1,2,3…. Shit Shit Shit. I am suffocating and the world is going without me Circles, Circling my forefinger over my thumb Over and Over again I…

In the wake of recent events, it seems to me that much of the general public has a misconception of what depression actually looks like. Most people see depression as this: They picture in their head a person overcome by sadness. They have this forlorn look,even crying. Maybe a little unkempt, unshowered and still in their pajamas. The problem is too many people equate depression with extreme…

A moment of silence

Photo Credit: Pixabay- Zerocool It is 10:49pm. I should be in bed. Yet, the soft tumble of the dryer mixed with the gentle chip of crickets begs me to enjoy the moment of calm. Chaos is every day life with two small boys. My day is filled with the sound of sirens alerting the small town in my child’s imagination that help is on the way. There is the squeal of laughter followed by the clomping of…

Mom blogs can suck it.

I remember a time when the words would just flow from my fingertips like an everlasting river. Now, they just trickle here and there like a dried up stream. I miss it. I miss it all. I need to remove this beaver dam of a writer’s block. I think the truth is I grew tired of always thinking about how I am sick. Honestly, I was just always too tired. My brain could barely scraped basic thoughts…

Taking a new step

So I have decided to take a new step in blogging by adding YouTube videos. I wanted to explain to away that I could share y thoughts without having to write them out. Sometimes it is easier for me to physically talk about them then write. So I started a YouTube channel. I posted my first video. I will be honest I was super nervous about doing thins but I am glad that I did. I ramble for a little…

5 Things to consider when starting a treatment plan

I often have people reach out to me looking for solutions on how to treat their mental illness. Or they want suggestions for medications. I love being able to help other but I do know my limits. I understand that I am not a medical professional. I am just a blogger with bipolar disorder who only has experience. So this is what I offer those who approach me:   I want to say that it takes a lot of…

They say…

Go for a walk. They say. It is not so bad . They say. It is all in your head . They say. Aromatherapy helps. They say. Eat better. They say. You aren’t trying hard enough. They say. You are just trying to get attention. They say. I know it will help you. They say. Though I have no frame of reference. They say. I was really sad once. They say. So it is kinda the same. They say. Just snap out of…

My bipolar disorder is a small piece to a bigger puzzle that is me. #mentalillness #bipolar

  I have never been ashamed of my disorder. Shame was never the reason for me to bury my pain deep within my soul. Shame is not why I swallowed my tears and put on a brave face. Shame is not why I smile despite my brain was screaming. I was afraid people would see me based on some preconceived notion they were given from the media and poor education. I never understood why can’t people look into…

Softly she whispered “No more” No more hate No more tears No more judgement Let the world know love Let it know how to be there for one another Let it be safe Safe to be Yourself Love who you want Believe in who you want Speak from your heart Learn from Babes For they truly know the world

Dear Supporters of Brock Turner and Victim-Blamers,

Dear Supporters of Brock Turner and Victim-Blamers, Listen, I get your argument. I mean what respectable woman gets drunk and passes out behind a dumpster. I mean she should have been more responsible, right? But let’s be truly honest. Deep down you know that is wrong. You know that what he did is wrong. And if you don’t believe me, I need you to do me a HUGE favor. Ok? I need to you to find your…

The Burden of Depression: This is Real #stigma #depression #mentalillness

The sun is shining. The birds are chirping. My kids are running and laughing in the background. And here I am trapped in a bubble where my heart is unable to enjoy any of it. My kids are clean and feed. My dishwasher is running. I even did a load of laundry. I function. Barley. But I function. I am the queen of faking it, just ask my husband. (I am just kidding about the last part. Love you…

Sometimes I am a crap mom #motherhood #reallife #mommitment

Sometimes I am a “crap” mom. And it is ok. My children have run around outside in our yard naked. They have spent hours watching Netflix because Mommy needed a break. They have had cheese single sandwiches with cheese doodles for lunch.  They have had candy and juice. They have played unsupervised. They are read bedtime stories almost every night. They live in a home full of kisses and hug. They…

The piece that didn’t make it

So last month, I auditioned for a spot in the “Listen To Your Mother” production. It is a wonderful production of women sharing stories about motherhood.While watching past years shows on their YouTube channel, I knew that my piece was a long shot. However, when I think of motherhood, my children having to deal with my illness comes to mind. It is really something I wanted to share because I knew…