#bipolar parent

Today, I’ve been thinking about my mother being bipolar among others illnesses. I was wondering if I am much more insensitive toward her mental illnesses than I thought. I’ve always prided myself for being understanding, but then I came to the conclusion that there’s a possibility that I am not as understanding as I believe…

My mother has had to have a two surgeries in 3 weeks due to pinched nerves, and she’s had to take a few unintended extra days off the second time around. Well, today we had to take my niece home, on the way back my mom changed, transitioned, I don’t know, but she wasn’t the person she was 10 minutes prior, and she was rudely rushing my stepfather as he was going in to the store to buy HER cigarettes. Well, as he was in the store she was complaining (he was in there 1 minute, literally) about how she didn’t want to be seen out…

Let me give some back story to this before I just throw it out there… My mother is a higher up manager (starting Sept. 1st) at a fast food place, since she started (3 years ago) the job has changed her and consumed her. She no longer eats home cooked meals, (this may sound harsh, but if you could see it…) home cooked meals are beneath her now. She ONLY eats food from restaurants… Now, this is not because of the meals I cook, trust me, I get complimented often for my cooking, except from her… who 9.99999 times out of 10 refuses to eat food from our house. For the most she acts superior. When we go out, she makes damn sure to tell everyone “she’s a department manager, she knows how the food business works…” Now I have no doubt that she does, but…. it’s embarrassing and rude. All conversations are about her work. If my cat died and I needed a hug or someone to talk to, it would go like this… Me: Mum… *making damn sure I have her attention* Pussycat died, and I feel so lost and broken. What am I to do? I don’t think I can live without him…

Her: *most likely started staring at some sort of screen while I was talking* Oh…………………. Did I tell you about these rude ass customers I had the other day?! (That making 25 times I’ve heard the same story since it happened)

Me: *dies a little more inside*

Literally happens everytime, but it’s not just me. She does the same to my stepfather and one of my two sisters (emphasis on ONE of my TWO sisters).

Back to today… Since she was complaining about him taking forever and him going to make her get seen by a co-worker, I thought well maybe she needs some reassuring? I said, “Fuck them. You had no choice but to call out. You can barely walk and your stitches are bleeding…” Well… she flipped out. Saying shit like, “I don’t give a fuck. I don’t want them to fucking see me out in town. I got to have a goddamn job (reminding me that I’m a failure and have no idea as to what I’m talking about)…. etc.” So…. I said, “You had to take your granddaughter home, it’s not like you’re out running a marathon and going out shopping…” So, she once again said she didn’t care that she needed her job, but not as nice this time… So… defeated, I just shut up. She acts as if because I don’t work I’m a fucking moron and have no clue about anthing… Anyway, she was fine, being funny, playing with my niece, aggravating me and that ONE sister and my stepfather who was driving, but as soon as we got back into the truck after dropping my niece off, she went into “Frank” (that’s what we call her meanness) mode.

After the last few days, and then her freaking out when I was only trying help… I found myself very angry… I know she can’t help herself sometimes, we all have our moments, but… Sometimes… it hurts more than she cares to know. It would be different if she actually seemed to care how she treats the people around her… but she doesn’t. She blatantly walks around treating us (my family and I) like scum of the Earth, but is willing to move mountains for her co-workers. She also has her favorites out of our family. #1 being herself #2 my niece (2 years old) #3 my cousin #4 her abusive ex husband (my sisters’ father) #6 my ONE sister…

I love my mother, but the more time that passes the more my resentment grows. I keep hoping things will magically get better. I don’t want to be forced away, but… I don’t know how much more I can take. I know that she’s not going to wake up one and not be bipolar, I just want her to consider somebody other than the 5 people listed.

My ex stepfather always told me, “Don’t ever let her walk all over you. You do it once, she’ll never stop…” I didn’t want to believe it… and here I am…