Knowledge is Power

IF YOUR DOM/DOMME IS USING THINGS LIKE LOCKING YOU OUTSIDE IN FREEZING COLD TEMPERATURES, SLEEP DEPRIVATION, FOOD RESTRICTION, ETC. AS "PUNISHMENTS"...GET OUT.

YOUR PUNISHMENTS SHOULD NEVER BE SOMETHING YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH.

IF YOUR DOM/DOMME IS USING "PUNISHMENTS" AS A WAY TO FORCE YOU INTO DOING THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO DO...GET OUT

PUNISHMENTS SHOULD NEVER LEAVE YOU FEELING HURT OR CONFUSED.

Enlightened thinking.

Don't forget to call them beautiful after calling them a slut

Don't forget to soothe them after you've marked them

Don't forget to remind them of their worth after degrading them

Lying to your daddy dom is not being a brat

(this doesn't include lying about candy or silly little things im talking about more serious things that would upset him)

Tumblr has a way of portraying d/s as waifish, doe-eyed subs at the beck and call of scary suit clad dominants who clearly have it all figured out, and it's so disturbingly inaccurate and troublesome.

The idea that your dom is some sort of robot that is always "on" is unfair and needs addressed. They are as human as the next person and just as prone to the issues we all face daily. Just because they are the one in the position of power in your relationship doesn't mean that they can't have a bad day, suffer from medical issues, suffer from anxiety or depression, be having trouble sleeping, feel a little lost or just need some time alone and I find it really confusing that so many people don't seem to understand this seemingly obvious concept.

There are endless asks bouncing around tumblr along the vein of "my dom is busy with work/with family/sick/stressed and I don't feel they are giving me the attention I need". And yes, sometimes this is clearly just a dom that isn't invested in the relationship and willing to put in the work, but I think we can be too quick to jump on the idea that they're a bad dom without considering the fact they could be a person struggling and just need some support to be able to get through this for the two of you.

Yes, when they accept your submission they are accepting responsibility for your welfare (entirely based on the dynamics of your own relationship) but that doesn't make you, as a sub entirely lacking in responsibility and it doesn't mean that they should neglect their own well-being to get the job done, that's just trouble waiting to happen.

It means that you need to have a conversation about what happens when the situation arises that your dom may not be feeling themselves. Not that they are not your dom anymore or that the relationship is in any sort of danger of collapse...just that you carry on as usual and they/you can deal with what they're going through until they're back on track.

That they communicate their needs and you understand what you need to do to support them and that it doesn't mean you or your needs are any less important in their world. I'm not saying that for us subs it doesn't throw us off sometimes but it's real life and not Tumblr d/s.

It's basic human decency and something that needs to be talked about more openly. We speak so often about subs using their words and communicating their needs and it seems to get overlooked that doms need to not only do this too but feel like they can do it without judgement or lack of understanding.

They need to be able to feel that they can have a bad day without feeling like they'll lose your respect.

They need to know that you've got them just as much as they've got you.

Doms can be sensitive or self-conscious

Doms are allowed to cry

Doms can deal with mental illnesses, like depression or anxiety

Doms need aftercare

Doms are valid even if they don’t act dominant or leading 24/7

Doms have feelings, too, and are allowed to show them

Doms need to trust their sub, as much as the other way around

Doms might get triggered during sessions

Doms can get mentally or physically abused by their sub (!!!!)

Doms might need the care of their sub sometimes

Doms are HUMAN and therefor you - as a sub - shouldn’t shame them for being exactly that, just because in your fantasy you always imagined a dom to be a certain way and act certain way. You - as a sub - need to accept that sometimes your fantasy is exactly just that, and it’d be abusive and unhealthy to force that image onto a real human being.

Doms like to be in control, we like to do it sexually and sometimes also in a not sexual way. But we are still humans. We have needs and insecurities, and as a sub you should always accept these and take care of your dom, and never force them to do something they don’t feel comfortable with.

If your girlfriend coerced with you she is equally responsible. Remember sexual assualt is not gendered.

Consent can be receded at anytime, except after the fact. Its not something you can pull away after the fact because you regretted it and say “it felt like rape even though I consented”. “Girls” who do that are responsible for their contributions to rape culture as well. Everything else here is 100% spot on.

It is better to have no Daddy, than a shitty Daddy… It is better to have no Daddy, than a shitty Daddy… It is better to have no Daddy, than a shitty Daddy…

I speak to far too many little ones who come tell me about how they are afraid their Daddies, who are treating them with little regard, are going to leave them. Here’s the truth little girl/man: I hope they do. That type of dynamic is damaging. 

Gaining any old half ass Daddy, isn’t the prize that validates your submission. Gaining a good Daddy, who sees who you really are, and treats your submission with respect, is what will validate your submission. 

Don’t sit on the pot, when you deserve the throne.

♡hair pulling

♡having financial stability

♡choking

♡recycling

♡bondage

♡saving the bees

♡role playing