my life in boxes and rectangles

For a really long time I didn't think I'd ever feel beautiful..

Then one evening...

I had gotten out of the shower and was getting ready to head out with friends when I stopped to look in the mirror. And I stared, as I usually do, overanalyzing every detail.. Then I took a step back, I looked at myself, naked and sopping wet, and said aloud, "You know what? I am fucking cute." And as if a curse had been lifted, I felt this huge weight lift off my shoulders. So I said it louder, more excited this time as I smiled real big at myself, "I really am cute!". And just like that my brain began to rewire itself. My drearily consistent neurological pathways were suddenly taking a turn and one I quickly recognized as enjoyable. Every feature I ever despised of myself, from my tall nose, to my assymetrical eyes, seemed so much less important. It was almost silly to me, that I never saw past those things in the first place. I started to realize that the person I am is a whole lot better than I think.       

While I have been put down for my looks in the past, it occurred to me there were dozens of people, both online and irl, who thought of and saw me differently. They see me as beautiful and go out of their way to tell me this, yet I was putting priority on those who just sought my downfall instead. I became sickeningly aware of how much weight I put on these negative thoughts about myself, how much time I spent despising myself, for NO reason other than not achieving societies idea of perfection. Well, Im achieving my own perfection, one that not everyone will like, one that society might reject, but one that I know I will love and one that I know the people I care about will love. Both inside and out.    

You big disgrace