Sedulous sub

Well, it's simple, I have never once believed or been made to believe by my dom that I am in any way below them or less equal than they are just because of my gender.

Do I enjoy being told what to do by my dom? Yes, it absolutely makes me weak at the knees and switches something in my brain.

Do I enjoy being held accountable and having his rules to follow? Yes, that's what I asked him to do and it's something we both need. It's a power exchange and is always consensual.

Do I enjoy being called his dirty, squirmy little mess of a whore? Oh my goodness, yes. My stomach does this little flippy thing and everything starts to tingle.

The important factor here is that it is my choice. I choose to allow these things and they were all mutually agreed upon when he accepted my submission. I need these things because it's who I am. I agreed to them or requested them freely with no coercion. No pressure. Not based on any sort of gender stereotypes.

Do I also believe that I am beneath him and that he is better than me, uhm, most definitley not!! He's wonderful in every way but he's always my equal.

Do I deserve the right to the same jobs, wages, opportunities, opinions and respect as him? Damn right I do!

Do I believe that he will be right there as one of my biggest supporters in all of these things and everything I try to achieve? As sure as night follows day. He will be and he has proven time and time again that he cherishes and respects me.

This is just based on how we do d/s and you may do it differently. However you shape your relationship is up to you, there's no wrong way as long as its safe, sane and consensual.

My dom and I are in a long distance relationship, it's not ideal, we both wish we were closer but it is what it is and we make the most of every second.

I've mentioned previously that he has vastly more experience than myself and has tried everything at least once. I on the other hand grew up as a baby sub through a combination of Kik chat rooms and Tumblr. Not the best place to start, but once I found this world and realised who I was I couldn't just leave it, its who I am. It does mean that there are many things I am curious about. That I have seen played out and that I have researched. That I have no real life experience of and so I don't actually know if, in practice they are for me.

And so I question whether I am a masochist or if I'm even allowed to call myself a masochist when I don't have the scout badges to prove it.

I've dabbled in spanking. I'm quite the fan of clover clamps, I'm not adverse to pain, my threshold is quiet high and I get a quiet calm from certain kinds. The thought of breath play and choking and the like intrigue me and make me gooey. My list of "kinks to try" grows daily as I see things that set my brain off in a swirl. But still I question myself. What if, in practice I don't like it as much as I think I will?!

The only thing I'm sure about is that for him I would try anything. This is his body and I trust him to use it however he needs and however he thinks I need. I also trust him implicitly to know when to push my boundaries and when I've reached a limit.

I know that he loves me and I know that he cherishes me and for that I will give myself over to him willingly and push myself to make him proud.

Yes!

Do I adore being your messy little squirmy slut?

Also yes!

Do I have a point to this?

They should feel as though they get the parts of you that nobody else gets to see.

The parts that are just for the two of you.

And that's how you make them feel different.

That's how you make them feel special.

They should feel as though they get the parts of you that nobody else gets to see.

The parts that are just for the two of you.

And that's how you make them feel different.

That's how you make them feel special.

I think there is always room to debate whether a submissive is born out of nature vs nurture. I have no doubt that what some of us encounter in our formative years will make an impact and effect who we are as adults. Predominantly however, I think it's just who you are.

To the outside world I may not come off as submissive. I'm not bold or brash or loud but i learned from an early age to keep a quiet air of calm composure (think graceful swan above the water and legs a paddling beneath the surface). I have a fairly important job, I am a reliable support structure for my friends and family, I run a household. I can take on a lot and still manage through life without asking for help. In fact I absolutely hate asking for help and feeling like I'm giving up some of the control I fight constantly to keep.

A lot of this is what makes submission so important to me. That release and calm and trust that comes from handing over the power to make choices and decisions. Knowing that he is my perfect opposite and that my need to submit is just as strong as his need to push my boundaries to help me grow.

The consistency and structure that it brings to my life when I can often struggle with too much going on inside my head. It helps to ground me and focus me. He is my lighthouse when I'm lost and all I can see is storm.

When I don't feel as strong as I need to be and my resolve breaks, he is always there. With just a message or the sound of his voice, he can anchor me and stop the swirling in my head that threatens to break me.

I have such an overwhelming desire to please him and make him proud. Not just for praise but because it calms me and gives me a sense of purpose. I need to feel useful and I need to feel that I'm making just as much difference to his life as he does to mine.

You have told this other human that you will be their rock. You will be there to lead and guide and support them. It's totally unacceptable to then disappear off the face of the planet when times get rough or you are not feeling it that day.

Tell them you are busy but thinking of them.

Tell them that your anxiety is up and you may be less conversational but still contactable.

Tell them that you're going to be out of contact for a few hours but set a time to re-establish communication.

Set boundaries, communicate your needs and your level of activity for that day, let them know what you can realistically give.

Please don't leave their messages unanswered. Please don't tell them that they are bothering you or that you don't have time for them. Please don't tell them that they can't message you.

You are just as human and susceptible to the same ups and downs as everyone else but that doesn't give you free reign to be an asshat. All you are doing is teaching your submissive that they can't trust or rely on you.

And to all you submissives out there, yes, everybody's relationship is different and levels of communication vary massively. But please don't accept this kind of behaviour. A dominant making you feel bad or too much for the basics such as keeping in touch throughout the day is a big flappy red flag. If they don't have the capacity to message "good morning" and "good night" then they don't have the capacity to be a dominant. You deserve more.

It takes 30 seconds to send a text saying "I'm swamped with meetings today. I'm thinking of you and we will make time for us when I finish work".

So here's a shout out to, all the amazing doms who step up every day and take their responsibility seriously.

Doms, you're allowed to be the sappy one sometimes.

Tumblr d/s isn't real life. Its not all doms in suits and kneeling subs. It's not black and white. It's a relationship like any other and it needs give and take on both sides. It's supposed to be loving and it's supposed to be fun. You're not doing it wrong if it's right for you.