I am an artist, writer, teacher, and lifelong student (at the time of writing this, I'm two weeks from graduating with my second degree). I've been writing since I was a kid, starting with fanfiction like many of my age; however, I didn't start writing seriously until 2022. I was tired of never finishing a single project, so I told myself I couldn't write fanfiction or start another project until I finished my primary project (Nightmares + Serenades). Romance and fantasy have always been the genres closest to me, but the dark Gothic side of life has grasped me in its cold embrace. One word that many peers and betas have used to describe my writing is "immense."
There's something about the Gothic and Romantic era of literature, I have discovered in my studies, that so uniquely describes the human condition in earnest without shying away from what ugliness lies underneath. Gothic works, like Gothic Horror, Romance, or Fantasy, excavate the coffin from the earth, and even in the face of death, they hold the truth with such tender embrace. The most inspirational authors to me are Mary Shelley and Nathaniel Hawthorne.
π Themes on Identity, Corruption, Memory, Beauty in the grotesque, Forbidden knowledge, Worship, devotion, and sacrifice, Multiplicity of truths, and Moral ambiguity
π§ I adore the arts: writing it, studying it, annotating it, reading it, creating it, listening to it...
Iβm fascinated by:
π·οΈ Mythology; Psychology; Theological worldbuilding (specifically Pluralistic Polytheism); and Philosophy
I devour:
πΈοΈ angst with payoff; complicated characters making terrible choices; dangerous romance; soft moments amid brutality; poetic gore; dark academia; and slow burn (painfully slow)
πΈοΈcorruption arcs; vampires / fae / celestial beings; morally gray love interest; and enemies to lovers
On this blog youβll find:
π writing thoughts
π excerpts & worldbuilding rambles
π aesthetics & art
π personal notes & inspiration
If youβre here, welcome. I hope you find something worth staying for.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I've had the most terrible urge as of late to begin a new story from dissatisfaction with the one I've been working on for 4-5 years now...
I don't know if it's because I've been in such a slump and unable to conjure what it is that needs to be done to merge gaps, or if it's the lack of energy (though I do desire to write and have had ideas to extend or create a new short story), or some other, secret option Ii do not yet know....
I do feel I need a hard reset to wash away the built up stress of 3 long, continuous years of non-stop work, but that can only go so far.
My nerves are so strained I don't even listen to music, and I just want to sit in a suspended silence.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
Since I only have 3.5 books left (not counting Dracula bc I'm really not that far in it) I figure I'd add the rest of my TBR (aka the books I own but haven't finished or read yet) (and actually, I dont even own Cursed by the Dawn saurrrrrrrr............. 2.5 books lol) in no particular order
Phantom of the Opera
We the Animals by Justin Torres
There, There by Tommy Orange
Lone Women by Victor Lavalle
I really like Romantic/Dark Romantic/Gothic books, so if you have any recommendations, let me know. I've been considering The Count of Monte Christo, but I know it's crazy long...
I'm currently reading Phantom of the Opera and it's so much more easier to read having finished Dorian Gray and other older classics. It's a lot more modern comparatively, while when I had first tried to read it, maybe ten-ish years ago, it was too difficult.
So far, I'm nearly one - third of the way through it. I love the Phantom; he's really funny and sassy.
I've had the most terrible urge as of late to begin a new story from dissatisfaction with the one I've been working on for 4-5 years now...
I don't know if it's because I've been in such a slump and unable to conjure what it is that needs to be done to merge gaps, or if it's the lack of energy (though I do desire to write and have had ideas to extend or create a new short story), or some other, secret option Ii do not yet know....
I do feel I need a hard reset to wash away the built up stress of 3 long, continuous years of non-stop work, but that can only go so far.
My nerves are so strained I don't even listen to music, and I just want to sit in a suspended silence.
I have not worked on my novel for over a month because of a lack of inspiration, know-how to bypass my current plot issue, and surrounding accountability (I unfortunately thrive and, pretty much, require a body double).
Three movies I've watched recently (all between 1940-90s)have sparked some inspiration in me; however, not for my current work. Though this is an issue, the MORE SERIOUS issue lies in, even though I have an inspiration, I still cannot connect any coherent plot or story idea despite those films being quite familiar.
I am completely in a creative drought. If anyone has a way out, please lmk.
At the back of my journal, Iβve set up a Sleep Tracker and a Mood Tracker.
I take medication and continuously change the dose for my migraines and sleep that affect my mood pretty drastically.
My doctor just recently upped the dose again in hopes of giving me a more positive experience, so I figured Iβd track it all to see if it helps me any.
Perhaps Iβll make a migraine tracker and see if I can measure how productive I am on one of them.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
β Live Streamingβ Interactive Chatβ Private Showsβ HD Qualityβ Free Actions
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
In 1977, Vincent Price starred in a one-man-show where he played openly gay Oscar Wilde. The show was condemned by anti-gay activist Anita Bryant. When asked about her condemnation, Price replied that Wilde had already written a play about Anita: βA Woman of No Importance.β
I've had the most terrible urge as of late to begin a new story from dissatisfaction with the one I've been working on for 4-5 years now...
I don't know if it's because I've been in such a slump and unable to conjure what it is that needs to be done to merge gaps, or if it's the lack of energy (though I do desire to write and have had ideas to extend or create a new short story), or some other, secret option Ii do not yet know....
I do feel I need a hard reset to wash away the built up stress of 3 long, continuous years of non-stop work, but that can only go so far.
My nerves are so strained I don't even listen to music, and I just want to sit in a suspended silence.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
β Live Streamingβ Interactive Chatβ Private Showsβ HD Qualityβ Free Actions
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
This is a recap of my session 0 for Curse of Strahd in the form of in-character journal/field drawings. For more details (and an extra portrait drawing), keep reading below! ;)
Omen began his journey at a crossroads, guided by one of the oldest fragments of memory he still possessed: a self-made map of Vallaki, marked with names, notes, and investigations he no longer remembered conducting.
Following the map, he came upon a tipped carriage. The oxen lay dead where it has fallen, mauled. The driver fared no better: vestments torn, neck nearly severed by a single, brutal bite.
He was in the middle of securing what supplies remained and hiding them off the road when he heard a child crying for help.
Against his better β perhaps wiser β judgment, he ran toward the sound. He found a small boy wedged into a crevice along the rock face, terror-stricken, severely wounded and trapped.
Wolves circled.
Omen was preparing to fight when another carriage arrived, clearly expensive, though not ostentatious. The rider had blue eyes and black hair tied neatly with a blue ribbon. He urged both Omen and the boy to climb aboard.
As the black horses lurched forward, the two men fended off the rabid canids long enough to escape. When the danger finally cleared, they stopped to rest. Omen poured every scrap of divine energy he had into healing the boy β Yeshka β then treated the strangerβs wounds with practiced, mundane care.
The man introduced himself as Vasili von Holtz, accountant of him.
After they recuperated, they returned to gather the remaining supplies left by the ambushed carriage and travelled together toward Vallaki, speaking easily along the way. Vasili offered Omen two gold coins for his trouble. Omen refused, instead asking for something more valuable: information. Accounts of people worth knowing.
Vasili asked how far back Omen wished the records to go. When pressed for a specific name, Omen produced a portrait instead.
There, at the bottom of the yellowed and almost-brittle page, a name is written haphazardly with something crimson.
Sergei von Zarovich.
Vasili went pale. The man in the drawing bore an uncanny resemblance to himself and carried the family name of the dreadful lord Vasili served. He sharply warned Omen to cease his questioning, especially anything tied to the Lord of the Land.
Omen complied. The journey continued in silence, at least for a while.
Somewhere along the way, Omen had begun casually flirting. Vasili noticed. Vasili asked if he was being flirted with. Omen chuckled and gave half an answer. Omen didnβt mean harm. He missed the banter. He missed good company.
Vasili also mentioned he had lost his wife and son seven years ago, the gold wedding band still resting on his finger.
Vasili did not seem to mind.
They rested once more, Yeshka sharing food with them along the road and promptly resting from his almost-fatal injuries. Upon reaching Vallaki, Vasili bribed a guard named Rusty to allow Omen at least a dayβs stay. They returned Yeshka to the Church of St. Andral, and there, because the boy wanted to pray for him, Omen told him his true name.
Vilomen.
As an offer of additional payment, Father Lucien of the church asked Omen if he had a request. To this, Omen requested for onions and fresh bread, bringing them with him to the von Holtz household. (For onion soup. Admittedly, Vasiliβs favourite.)
At dinner, paired with wine and warmth, Vasili asked Omen for quite the huge favour: to travel to the Village of Barovia and answer Father Donavichβs call concerning his son, attacked six days prior.
When Omen questioned why Vasili would trust a stranger, Vasili answered plainly: he was desperate. And besides, they were the same: outcasts, shunned, suspected by the people they tried to help.
It was then that Omen revealed his face.
Seeing the half-exposed skull, Vasili faltered but did not withdraw his request. He only cautioned Omen not to reveal more than he already concealed.
In return, Omen asked Vasili to write a detailed account of both the request and his memories, admitting to the fractures in his own mind. Because of this, Vasili hand-printed a daily planner for him β tasks laid out, space for notes, stretching all the way to the day Omen was meant to return.
At one point, while Vasili worked at his printing table, he slowly stopped.
"Vilomen, you should stop looking at me like that."
"Like what?"
"Like youβre in love with me."
Omenβs eye widened. He looked away, stepping back from this man. This stranger.
"I didnβt know I was looking at you like that. Iβmβ Iβm sorry."
"No, it'sβ " Vasili fiddled with the golden band around his ring finger. "It's alright."
Vasili looks like Sergei von Zarovich.
And even without knowing what they once were β if they were anything at all β Omen looks at him the same way.
With the ten gold he was given in his pouch, and everything he owned, Omen rode hard for Barovia.
When he woke the next morning, he remembered every face he has seen in Vallaki.