fairy tales and hokum

a lot has happened. our baby got really sick, and we ended up taking him to the vet on New Year’s Eve and walked out empty handed. it was so hard to watch j get so deeply attached to a cat he swore he didn’t care about, and then be left bereft.

we’re fostering a kitty right now tho, and as much as he calls her sassy and spoiled, i have a feeling she’s gonna be a foster fail.

we went to japan, endured a horrific car accident, started hot yoga together, been to/will have gone to six weddings from Nov 2024-Feb 2026 (of which we were in half!!), lost some friends, made some really good friends, traveled nationally, and cried. oh also, we got engaged ✨

my fave thing to do on tumblr is hop on every few years and just dump info apparently but anyways.

so much has happened. we live together, in our own apartment. we have a kitty son, and he’s cute. we’ve traveled together, and cried together. he has held my face in his hands and told me i am more than my broken pieces, but the crazy part is that i believed him.

I am overwhelmed. Quietly, and with good grace, but overwhelmed regardless. I haven’t been okay since December. My dad died, you know? That doesn’t go away. Well, let’s be clear. My dad was murdered. And that absolutely rankles. On top of the waves of grief, I am constantly fighting the ugly injustice of this. How does this happen? To a genuinely good person? To an innocent person? Everyone says that. It’s almost comedic, how people are thrust into sainthood when they die. But really, he was a good person. He actively tried to make the world a better place. Rescued every animal and distraught teen he could. He acknowledged the shitty parts of his person, and tried to do better. I love when people say that I remind them of him, because if I’m half the person he was then I can die happy.

There are times when it’s okay. Not fine, not great, just liveable. Pockets of time when I can keep going. It sucks, absolutely sucks balls, that this came at a time when I’m trying to break into new things. Cause with how things are, I just can’t find the purchase to try to get better. You know I’ve always struggled with not getting overwhelmed by the drama and the darkness but this time, I am drowning. But oh so quietly, and no one notices. It feels almost rude to ask for help or to point it out. What help is there? What I need is time and space to scream this out but I can’t. Bills exist. Im financially responsible for my mother, or should be.