Unbothered & Undaunted

i am under so much pressure. i keep telling myself this is so a diamond can fall out of my mouth whenever i speak. i feel life like a centerpiece. i am wonderful to behold and so delicate, always silently cracking. who will hold me? there is no good reason to be worried from the outside. i am perfect, always have been. always will be. do not look in. do not go searching. if i open one door, all my rot will fall out and we will be drowning. do not wonder about me. i will cry about this and then pull myself together and make a better story. this is it, right? what you need me to be. 

i’m so sorry if someone made you think it’s hard to love you

ok this is important to me. gaslighting is not a synonym for lying. it’s a type of lying. if someone says to you “the sky is green,” that’s a lie. if you say “the sky is blue” and they respond “no, it’s green, you’re wrong, your eyes are playing tricks on you” THAT’S gaslighting. the crucial requirement is that they try to convince you not only that you are wrong but that you shouldn’t trust your own senses. that you’re imagining something/hallucinating/dreaming. the abuser is trying to make themselves more of an authority on reality than your own mind, often with the goal of making you reliant on them to tell you “truth” from “fiction.”

Every time I see you I want to write poetry. My mother once picked out all the letters from alphabet soup and said - this is how you'll tell her. You'll ache to the point you make something new.