The Neighbors from Hell

Remember that biohazard of a bathroom, the one he’d let the dog crap all over and then hadn’t cleaned?

Yeah. Biohazard in more ways than one.

It was contaminated with mercury.

So, this story begins about fifty years ago. My grandfather was an electrician. and one day he was working at a construction site and saw mercury floating in a puddle.

So he scooped it up and took it home. 

In his lunch thermos. 

My dad says he remembers grandma and grandpap standing on the back porch, straining the mud out of the mercury. Grandpap put it in a glass peanut butter jar and kept it around the house as a curiosity. Y’know, as you do. 

So it was a large peanut butter jar with, say, 2.5 inches of mercury inside. So when they were cleaning out the house, my aunt remembered the mercury jar and went to look for it. Instead, she found a significantly smaller jar in the bathroom with a significantly smaller amount of mercury in it. 

This begged the question: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REST OF IT?

My uncle remembered that Grandpap had said something about selling the mercury to somebody several years ago. Apparently, when he did so, he kept some of it, putting it in a smaller jar.

So dad called in some experts to test the house. They did indeed find traces of  mercury on the bathroom floor. ...And on the stove. 

Apparently when my grandfather transferred the mercury, he spilled some of it. 

I mean, it wasn’t pristine even while my grandmother lived there. Not that she didn’t keep it clean--she did. But the basement, the garage, and the A-frame were all filled almost to overflowing with junk. One of the basement bedrooms had a narrow path around it, and the rest was PILES of things up to chest-high. So it wasn’t great to begin with.

But now, the house is a SHITHOLE. It STINKS. (I am getting this info second-hand, as I have sworn never to set foot inside that biohazard of a house. No, I really MEAN it’s a biohazard.) Part of this has to do with the fact that my grandfather basically never cleaned it. Part of it has to do with the fact that my grandfather never tidied, either. Imagine somebody living in a house alone for a decade or two and never cleaning much of anything. There were dishes of food on the dining room floor that he had put out for the dog and never cleaned up. At some point his microwave had caught on fire and partially burned the kitchen cupboards, and there they still hang, half-burnt.

But none of this has ANYTHING on the upstairs bathroom.

You see, it wasn’t only my grandfather who shat in the bathroom. Oh, no. The dog did, too. Directly on the floor. Repeatedly and habitually. And my grandfather apparently never cleaned it up.

My dad and his siblings called in professional cleaners to deal with said bathroom, and despite being an expert in gross stuff, the guy who came to do the estimate almost gagged when they opened the door, and said it was not only on his list of top ten worst jobs he’d ever seen, it was on his list of top FIVE.

Grandpap wasn’t a nice man. In fact, he was a real asshole. He was an extremely angry and bitter person. Anytime he felt he had been in any way Done Wrong by a business, for instance,  he would throw a fit that would actually frighten the employees and then swear he would never go to that business again. It has made some things, like trying to find all his bank accounts around town, an interesting prospect. 

He also had a heart attack and a stroke some years ago, and has been Not Quite Right ever since. My grandmother had already left him by this point, and my aunt (let’s call her Betty) had been her biggest ally (housed her until she got her own place, etc). So my grandfather really hated both of them, and he had all kinds of persecutory delusions about them.

For instance, he put up security cameras around his house, and declared that my aunt Betty, an extremely normal woman, had come to his house in the middle of the night wearing a floor-length black lace veil and had stolen his undershirts and socks, and then had erased the footage of herself from his security cameras, which was why he didn’t have proof of this claim.

Whenever something went missing at his house (which was a lot, because he Wasn’t Entirely There and also was EXTREMELY messy--more on this later), he would claim that my grandmother had broken in and stolen it. And when he would later find the object, he would say that she had broken in and MOVED it. To confuse him.

Another thing to know about my grandfather was that he owned guns. Lots of guns. At the time of my grandparents’ divorce, there were something like 17 guns which were evaluated as part of the divorce settlement. So ten years later, when my aunt Betty finally got a Protection From Abuse order against him, Grandpap was required to hand in his firearms to the police. He gave them 10 guns. So we KNEW he had at least seven more, and probably more than that by that time, but there was nothing the police could do, because firearm laws in this country are a fucking JOKE.

My grandpap also once supposedly set up a booby trap at his front door so that if you opened the door, a specially positioned gun would shoot you. The police had to go and convince him to take it down. The local emergency services had orders not to approach his house after a 911 call until after the police had arrived to make sure the scene was safe.

So you can imagine that when he died, right around when quarantining started, everybody kind of viewed it as a bit of a relief.

That was, until they had to deal with his HOUSE.

Donald Trump has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. But what does that actually mean? It isn’t just that he’s full of himself (though he is). Here is a list of common characteristics of people with NPD.

--Their first priority is self-gratification. Their second priority is getting others to admire them. Everything else can go hang.

--If they can’t make themselves out to be the hero, they will make themselves out to be the victim and thus get pity attention and people to fight for them.

--Nothing is every their fault. It’s YOUR fault. THEY’RE not the narcissist: YOU are!!

--Narcissists will recruit others to back them up in arguments by lying. These people may then become “flying monkeys,” rabidly attacking those whom the narcissist has pointed out as enemies.

--Narcissists need narcissistic supply: they need people to admire them and tell them they’re wonderful. If they can’t get positive attention, negative attention is the next-best thing. This is why Trump is so active on Twitter.

--If a narcissist’s self-concept is threatened, they will completely go off the rails. This is called narcissistic injury or narcissistic rage, and causes narcissists to act in irrational, childish, and violent ways.

--Narcissists can be very charming one-on-one when they want to be. But it’s all a mask, and when the mask slips, you see all their terrible selfishness and rage.

--The narcissist’s ideas of status markers tend to be very shallow and stereotypical. That’s why Trump is like a stereotype of a rich man.

--Narcissists get very bored very quickly. This may lead to thrill-seeking behaviors.

--Narcissists often idolize one of their children (the “golden child” who can do no wrong) while victimizing another (the “scapegoat”, who can do nothing right).  Both of these roles are extremely psychologically damaging to the children and may incite narcissistic traits or full-blown NPD in the narcissist’s children.

--Narcissists often act in sexually voracious ways: they’re “players” and simply use their partners for self-gratification and self-aggrandizement.

--Narcissists display very poor planning skills, because they tend to be all about instant gratification, with bad concepts of causality. 

--Narcissists believe they must have the best of EVERYTHING because they are CLEARLY more important than everybody else. Because of this (and the above poor planning), they are particularly terrible with money. They will therefore prey on others financially.

--Narcissists are essentially incapable of empathy. Other people are like cardboard cutouts to them: they are tools, audience, narcissistic supply. They are there for the narcissist, and otherwise, they don’t exist.

--Narcissists therefore tend to be amoral. If they follow a rule of morality, they generally do so only in order to “look good.”

--Narcissists cannot admit that they have a problem or that they have done wrong. If they DO admit to a mistake--LOOK OUT. It’s a way of manipulating you.

me: hey dude several states away, maybe opening with whining about why women don't respond to your need to tell them about themselves isn't your best bet?

me: are you interested in learning about why women *aren't* obligated to respond to such sentiments, verbal or written?

message: Anyway...

message: I think you're wonderful. Beautiful, seemingly smart, a high match, "real" (vs. full of it), and exactly the type of woman I'm searching for. How's life? How does it feel now that the one has finally found you? LOL, just kidding. :)

I am a deep, intelligent, sensitive, caring, strong, patient, respectful, sarcastic, outspoken, and easy going kind of guy who likes movies, music, poetry, cartoons, board and video games, animals, and people who like these things too. I am a political slam poet. And, I have an I.Q well over average. I am a childish 31 year old father. I enjoy not taking life so seriously , and taking time to enjoy the little things that most miss. I am looking for love and a future with someone. I am not looking for a mother for my child he has one he does not need two. But, caring about him and being there if he needs a hand is acceptable. I don't like racism, bigotry, fascism, or anything unfair. (sharing is caring). I'm a liberal libertarian, I like jokes but not everyone likes mine. I have a sarcastically dry sense of humor, I read, write, listen to music, watch TV,movies, stand up, and documentaries. I have a really Good sense of character and either love you or hate you. I have a son he is my world I'd die today so he could live tomorrow. I crochet occasionally (don't judge me monkey) lol. I make hemp anything. I love the way popcorn tastes but hate eating it. I like water both for thirst and fun. I love and embrace my imperfections. I drink not that often.I goto the bar never, it was a fun phase but that's in the past now. I'll soon be on a work out regiment (I think). I watch world news and the BBC, Anderson Cooper and his new show. Im smart: there's not a lot about what's going on in the world and in science that I don't know about, I am baffled by the mysteries of the universe, but more baffled by ppl who have it figured out. I think its funny that the world was suppose to end 8 times this year and hasn't. I find it hilarious how americans are the only ones who have misinterpreted the end of the Mayan calendar. I feel fairly certain I will die of boredom before a health problem. My favorite feeling in the world is when you first get into bed. I think if you wanna know more about me your a good judge of character. I think that about does it. if you love these qualities, and/or have them you might be what im looking for. Oh, I almost forgot to ask, how much does a polar bear weigh? ...............enough to break the ice, hi, I'm Dan You should message me if

Dad decided to put a stop to the raccoons digging the dirt out of everything on the porch: he sprinkled cayenne pepper on the big flowerpots.

The raccoons DID get into them, and the effect of the cayenne pepper can be seen in the fact that they went to get a drink so fast, they spilled some.