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1. Magnus Archives. Named things like ‘Jon’ and ‘Tim’ and ‘Martin’. I love them but those are some bland ass names.

2. Bright Sessions. Named things like ‘Annabelle’ and 'Damien’ and 'Rose’. Getting a little less common but still fairly mundane.

3. Penumbra. Named things like 'Juno Steel’ and 'Sasha Wire’ and 'Mick Mercury’. Hey now, getting a little funky!

4. Critical Role. Mollymauk? Jester? Damn these are some cool names, but you’ve still got like. Caleb and Percy.

this is breathtaking

This is now one of my top three favorite photos of all time. 

another one of my favorites

and as it turns out we forgot to pause the video bc we separated for a second and looked at each other

there was a moment of silence

and then the room is flooded with the sound of griffin mcelroy exclaiming

I THINK THOSE TWO PEOPLE ARE ABOUT TO HAVE SEX

it was in awe lmao

then the hygienist and assistant all came over to look too and they were like “wooooow” and my ass was sitting there like

story time

okay so to preface this, my hometown where i’m originally from is a really fucking weird place. like from the outside it seems like a normal suburban town, but once you’re there for awhile you get the feeling that’s something’s not…quite all together. a lot of people are really fucking weird there — so much so that that was a running joke in school growing up, that people in the town were just like that. everyone knew not to go out to the farm lands surrounding the town especially at night, we called it “the cuts” and people used to disappear out there all the time or get shot at by the especially weird people that would live out there. the news was and still is truly a thing of horror. every time i come back i’m regaled with even more stories of crazy shit that has happened there.

to put it in perspective we generally never had “normal crime” like robbery or anything like that when i lived there, though that did happen sometimes. the news stories were always like, “a kid was kidnapped by local residents and tortured in a house around the corner,” “a random person was chased down and shot for sport in a really nice neighborhood,” “someone was gored to death by a bull while out car shopping,” etc. (these are all real, btw). everyone does drugs and the whole town is located really close to a government site where they test nuclear weapons and chemicals and shit. this is how i grew up, in this bizarre environment.

i need to preface it this way so that you get that it’s weird. it’s a fucking weird place. i used to listen to the welcome to night vale podcast and make comparisons from it to my hometown, that’s how weird it is.

i only say this so you know that this town is where i got my orthodontics from.

all the kids in my town went to this one particular orthodontist. i also used to go to a dentist in town that a lot of people went to as well. i had a permanent retainer put on my bottom teeth after braces and no one had ever said anything to me about the model of retainer itself or it being weird type of retainer at all. i saw a ton of other people (mostly other kids that were my age at the time) that had the same type of retainer as me too so i never thought about it.

so i kept my retainer in — it’s never caused me problems and it keeps my teeth straight, why not?

however i went to a dentist for the first time in a metropolitan area now, and when he saw it in my mouth his literal first reaction was to say “uh can i ask you a question….what the hell is that”

LITERALLY the words that he said

which in hindsight makes almost too much sense. of course my town of all towns would put these weird unnecessary contraptions in kids’ mouths, and of course it happened so much that everyone just thought it was normal. that sounds exactly, to a T, like my hometown.

my permanent bottom retainer is apparently this prototype that is so rare that he’s literally never seen it before in his life, not in dental school, nowhere. it’s not that it’s an outdated type, it’s just rare as fuck. they were still staring at pictures of it on my chart in wonder when i left the office.

After scum-bucket had fled the scene, J decided that L needed some more support, so she called every women she knew.  Everyone available showed up to L’s apartment with weapons and booze.  Imagine if you will, around 30 women stuffed into a one-bedroom apartment comforting L and passing around the drinks when someone spots scum-bucket’s car pulling into the parking lot.

It was decided that a few ladies would stay in the apartment with L while the rest of us when downstairs to confront scum-bucket and prevent him from entering the building.

Now all of us ladies at that time happened to belong to the same theater group that specialized in swashbuckling plays, lots of sword fights and the like.  So, when I say we brought weapons, I mean we brought things like broadswords, battleaxes, crossbows, rapiers and like.

So, scum-bucket gets out of his car and starts walking across the parking lot only to spot 25 or so heavily armed women marching out of the building, raising their weapons and charging at him while screeching like furies.

Scum-bucket had a pretty good sense of self-preservation and the sight of us was inspiring.  He ran back to the car and peeled out of the parking light like the hounds of hell were at his heels and I suppose we were.

anastasia