i don't know you anymore.

The most Vanya ever did in the evenings was go out for a smoke, maybe meet the guys to catch up for a bit; sometimes that was prime grocery shopping time because the stores weren't nearly as crowded after nightfall. Sure, occasionally he went out to a bar or party with his friends, or had to meet a customer, but he wasn't exactly the type to go out and do anything too outlandish. Even in a city that always had something going on, Vanya tried to stay away. He really wasn't big on crowds, or people, or anything other than keeping to himself and trying to make ends meet. This solo time was starting to dissipate though now that he and Kai had been spending more time together. Their friends-with-benefits situation was making Vanya question what the hell he was doing with his life.

Even though they had agreed to keep things casual between them, this was already a huge leap from his typical relationships; which were, pretty much non-existent. He'd meet someone, they'd hook up, and then he'd never see or speak to them again. It was a simple need fulfilled without strings attached. And although that was supposed to be what he and Kai were doing as well (albeit more regularly), things already felt more loaded. They texted sometimes and hung out even when they weren't fucking. What tripped him up even more was that he didn't exactly hate it. Anytime his mind focused on that though Vanya quickly shoved it back because it didn't matter. They weren't going to be anything more. He wouldn't allow it, both to protect himself, but also Kai. Even if they were still getting to know one another, Vanya was already completely aware that Kai deserved so much better than he could ever offer. He was leagues above Vanya, and someday he'd realize that and finally accept that Vanya really was just some asshole that deserved all of the bad shit that happened to him.

How he had let Kai drag him out to the Lunar New Year Market, Vanya couldn't even be sure. Any time he'd seen any sort of festival and event going on around the city, Vanya immediately went the other way. Now here he was at Kai's side, feeling quite overwhelmed. Kai had been so damn excited about it though, and he didn't have it in him to say no. Not when he met those big, pleading brown eyes of his. He actually was kind of looking forward to whatever historical facts and stories Kai might be feeding him through the night. Vanya always pretended they were dull and endless, but found he actually quite liked them. There was something comforting about his voice, his smile, and how adorably excited he got. Vanya never grew up with that kind of wholesomeness, so he was soaking it in like a sponge.

The street was incredibly loud; music spilled out from somewhere down the block, lights strung overhead flickering in warm golds and reds. People brushed past them constantly, their shoulders bumping into them, and conversations overlapping in a blur of sound. Kai was mid-sentence about something, but it was difficult for Vanya to hear him over the noise. He knew there was a pop-up boba tea stand that was on their agenda. Maybe he was rambling about the history of that. He'd already taught him about matcha, so he wouldn't be surprised. That was when someone clipped Kai's shoulder hard enough to knock Kai off balance, jolting him forward. Vanya's jaw tightened in response, but he bit his tongue and refrained from cussing the guy out because the last thing he needed was to start a fight and cause a huge scene. Or worse, get arrested. Instead he focused on steadying Kai, his hands reaching out to gently grab his elbows and keep him on his feet. "Are you okay?" he asked, louder than he would have liked but again it was so noisy he couldn't exactly whisper.

Vanya swallowed hard, freezing for a moment as he felt Kai's fingers at his side, lacing through his own. Not because he didn't like it. Not because this was something entirely new for him, ever (though it was). He'd never held anyone's hand in his entire life, at least that he could remember. He stalled because it scared him how perfectly, seamlessly, their hands fit together. Kai's skin was warm despite the cold air, grounding in a way the festival noise wasn't. Vanya hesitated for maybe a beat too long, probably, before letting his fingers curl loosely around Kai's. Vanya's pulse thudded in his ears louder than the drums for a moment, and he tried to keep his gaze forward, jaw set like this was nothing. However, when the crowd surged again and their shoulders brushed, Vanya's grip tightened just a little — protective instinct bleeding into something gentler before he could stop it. It was stupid how much that small contact did to him, and that terrified him.

As his light eyes met dark ones though, drowning in the pools of molten chocolate that instantly warmed his insides, Vanya couldn't bring himself to let go or pull his hand away. It felt more intimate maybe than anything he'd ever experienced but he couldn't deny that if there was anyone he wanted to hold his hand ever, it was the beautiful boy with him now. Vanya's lips curved into the softest smile, almost a little shy. His voice was tender and teasing as he spoke. "Want to go find boba stand now, yes? I am excited to try while you give me boring lecture about it."

of course, he would love to attend with vanya, but frankly, kai never thought he would agree. it didn’t seem like his vibe, so he had been hesitant to even ask him because he was deeply afraid of being rejected by him. that wasn’t purely vanya’s fault and had more to do with his own traumas and fears, the constant voice in the back of his head that told him that he was undeserving and that he simply just… wasn’t good enough. he felt like that was the main reason why vanya didn’t want anything real with him. of course, he could factor in the many other aspects, like the fact that it was obvious the other was practically a slavic rock when it came to communicating and feelings, but kai felt like at his core, that had to be the number one reason, even if vanya told him otherwise. it was hard feeling worthy when his entire life, he’s been judged so heavily in a physical aspect, making him feel inferior, even by people who meant the criticism with the best intentions. when it came to vanya though, kai would take whatever he could get. his crush on him was honestly ridiculous at this point, but he couldn’t for the life of him stay away. he’s never done drugs before, but he can imagine that this is what it must feel like to be addicted to something, to crave a high. when vanya wasn’t with him, he was thinking of what they could do the next time they saw each other. it was so fucking pathetic and embarrassing.

imagine his surprise when somehow, someway, he had convinced vanya to come with him. his excitement was far too evident in the way he jumped up and down and gave the tiniest squeal of approval, squeezing the other’s shoulder and insisting he would have a ton of fun, something kai couldn’t exactly promise, but he at least hoped he didn’t hate it. he’d probably be one of the few non-asians there, but everyone was always really nice. of course, kai was already going on and on about the lunar new year, resembling one of those deep dive channels on youtube, but all of this knowledge was inside his big, nerdy head. the history, the traditions, though most of the fun facts were about the korean lunar new year because of course, he was biased and he was far too familiar with it. he can’t be sure if vanya is fully listening, if he understands every word he’s saying, if he can even hear him with how loud it is here or if he’s completely zoned out, but he goes on and on, eyes shining like a kid on christmas morning, and he’s smiling so damn wide as he rambles like a fucking encyclopedia because okay, maybe this is better than having sol here, something he would never verbally admit to her, of course, but something about vanya’s prescense puts him at such ease. even with the large number of people that were attending this year, all he could focus on was him, and feeding him facts and facts on subjects he never asked for, yet still let him go on and on about.

there was a lot of noise, whether it was conversations all around or music livening up the place, but regardless, it was rather loud, definitely the definition of sensory overload for some people. a lot of people were walking by them, and kai wanted to think that they were doing a good job with staying out of people’s way, but then a group of younger guys, definitely in their teens, practically zoomed by, some running and laughing, one in skates, and one, funnily enough, on a hoverboard, like they were being transported back to 2017 or something. he just so happens to be the one to knock into kai from behind with such force, he can’t even react. he feels himself jolt forward and lose his balance, having no time to try and maintain his balance. vanya grabs him by the arms and steadies him to prevent him from coming face to face with the floor and god, as if he isn’t already smitten enough with this man, he has to go and do that. kai doesn’t answer right away, feeling his insides churn and heat up all at once, immediately melting the moment they lock eyes. he’s so taken by him, he wants to push him against the nearest wall and kiss him, but he does something far deeper than that. kai grabs his hand and intertwines their fingers, his warm touch mixing with his cooler one. “i am now.” he replies, the smallest hint of a nervous grin forming on his lips.

there’s a moment where kai thinks vanya might subtly push his hand away, reject him the way kai is so convinced he deserves, but then he also lets his fingers hug his own and, well, kai’s smile grows in size, the unknown yet welcoming feeling once again settling in the pit of his stomach, a feeling only vanya has ever gotten out of him. “i can’t believe he’s riding a hoverboard. like it’s the 2010’s. in this slippery, cold concrete – he’s gonna fall.” he says, mostly as some kind of distraction to what was happening between them, but it’s like his words were set in stone, because surely, the kid falls back on his ass, probably losing his balance on some black ice, causing kai to scrunch up his nose. “told you.” but he’s up on his feet again, thankfully, not before being laughed at by his supposed friends, but at least he’s okay. when he feels the other’s grip tighten as another larger crowd passed them by, kai’s instinctively runs his thumb over vanya’s knuckles to try and soothe him. it’s kind of crazy how something as little as a touch is making his heartbeat accelerate a ridiculous amount. he has to try and get it together.

of course, that’s proven to be difficult when they lock eyes again, the mix of vanya’s gaze and his soft, aqua colored hues causing kai’s breath to catch in his throat. how someone who looks like an actual greek god can bother to even want to spend time with him, kai doesn’t know, but he’s too wonderstruck to really focus on anything besides vanya. as if mimicking him, kai immediately smiles back, but his is a lot bigger, eyes crinkling with pure joy. “you enjoy my boring lectures.” he teases in return, his eyes momentarily darting to his lips before meeting his once more. “you know, those places also have vietnamese coffee with or without boba, if you don’t want to give up your usual coffee.” he knew he drank his coffee black. maybe boba tea would be too sweet for him, or maybe he might really like it. he could never fully know with vanya. he was like a mystery wrapped inside an enigma perfectly stitched together by the most puzzling conundrum. kai couldn’t stay away. he didn’t want to either way. “let’s go so i can give you one of my boring lectures.”

He'd learned his name, focused on his beautifully deep brown eyes. Tried to count the freckles across the bridge of his nose and cheeks when they were talking. He had kissed him on the lips, which was something Vanya mostly avoided. And it had been more times than he could count, not just one singular liplock. For once Vanya hadn't rushed just to get past the finish line, but had been determined to make it last as long as possible. His mouth explored Kai's skin and reveled in the softness of it. It was the first time he'd actually made an effort to take care of someone; he almost blushed recalling Kai pointing out in front of his buddies about how his fingers had worked inside of him. Had he forgotten about his tongue, too? Caring actions that Vanya never needed to use before. Maybe he hadn't wanted to, or most of the time they were ready and in a matter of minutes he was gone. The sounds that filled the room from Kai he had memorized, and then some. He'd even given Kai his number, and although it was under the assumption he might reach out if he wanted some kind of drug to keep the edge off, Vanya now wondered if that was the real reason he had. Why had he ignored him? Maybe because for once he felt a small inclination for something other than sex. Literally the very first time in his life. And that terrified him. He didn't expect to ever see Kai again, but sitting there now, unable to quit staring at just how gorgeous he was, he was kind of glad he had.

The tapping of Kai's nails softly against the table drew the tiniest smile from Vanya as he noticed the color of them. Of course they were pretty too, just like he was. They matched his cheeks, which had grown hot from the compliment. It was only the truth; Kai seemed too earnest and wholesome to stand up to him, and yet he had. That's why it had taken him by such surprise. "Maybe," was his only response about being called out again because, well, no one had cared enough to do so before. No one had his number to try. He couldn't say all that though; that was too... vulnerable. Blue eyes widened a fraction as Kai joked about standing outside of his window, embracing the tease about being his stalker. It took him a moment because sometimes catching onto sarcasm was a little slow for Vanya, but he noticed the way brown eyes shone with playfulness and realized he was just messing with him. This pulled the smallest, deep chuckle from the blonde before he brought the warm cup of coffee to hips lips again. His gaze kept trained on Lai though, letting the most subtle curl of a smirk be revealed as he set the mug down once again. "You will freeze, or be murdered. Is not very safe where I live," he offered quietly. "Why stand outside when you can come in and put your mouth to good use?" Vanya had never had a conversation long enough besides with his friends to get to this point... whatever it was. Was he flirting? He didn't know, but he really wanted to see him blush again. It was breathtaking. Maybe being cheeky like this would do the trick.

Vanya meant what he said about not liking to see Kai sad. He may have been stone-cold in some ways, but he wasn't heartless. He also was being honest about Kai deserving better. Even if they were still practically strangers, he knew it to be true because anyone deserved better than Vanya. He would never have a real relationship or fall in love. He certainly would never get married or settle down. It just wasn't in the cards for him. he knew this, accepted it, and ran with it. Having no one to love him or care for him even as a child had made him completely detached, and he doubted there was any way or anyone that could fix that. His intention wasn't to be callous as he explained to Kai about not doing relationships, dating, anything along those lines. He wanted to be upfront and truthful with him about it because he had a hunch he was the type that wanted all of that mushy stuff. He didn't need to get attached or tied to someone that couldn't give him that. Vanya couldn't see past his own walls to even try. It might have seemed selfish and brash to anyone else, but Vanya genuinely believed he was being as selfless as possible.

Yet, he offered the idea of getting together again because honestly, he wanted it. He wanted him. Again and again, as many times as Kai would allow. It was just sex (or so he told himself) but he didn't expect Kai to accept this kind of thing. Maybe it would scare him away and Vanya could just move along as if none of this had ever happened. Even as he pondered it though, he worried that might not be true. Just in the few days since their hook-up, Kai had been on his mind more than anyone had, ever. He was even enjoying their current conversation and Kai's ramblings, which ordinarily would have made him run for the hills. The smart thing to do would just be to end it after they had their drinks. To tell Kai to leave him alone and shut him down. Still, he found himself waiting with baited breath for Kai's response at the offer. The silence that followed said everything... or so, Vanya thought. At least if nothing else Kai had gotten as gentle of a let down as Vanya could give, and a free matcha. That made him feel a little less like an asshole. Nervously his fingers fidgeted as he wondered if he should just get up and leave. He could easily block Kai's number and hope they never crossed paths again. He noticed the anxious way Kai toyed with his bracelet and felt this strange urge to reach over and take his hand. He could say that it was annoying him, but really he just wanted to calm him down, like he had at the party. But of course he couldn't do that.

The lump in his throat couldn't be explained as Kai's lips parted to speak. Vanya prepared for rejection, and that was... fine. Expected. Preferred. This is what he was telling himself anyway. But that incredibly soft 'okay,' had such a strong effect on Vanya that he could feel his pulse kick up a notch and his palms grow sweaty. He listened intently as Kai explained that he'd just wanted to see him again and that he hated being ignored by anyone. The latter twisted Vanya's stomach because he had done that. Kai had caught him doing it. But honestly it had been better that way for Kai; Vanya convinced himself. He hung around a troubled crowd, had a seedy job and didn't need that in his life. he considered explaining this, but the look in his eyes was so sweet, so earnest that Vanya wasn't sure Kai would even care about those warnings. When he agreed to keep things casual though, Vanya was taken aback. Friends with benefits, he'd said. the Russian's eyebrow quirked with intrigued as his hands wrapped around his mug again in an effort to keep warm, even if by this point the coffee was mostly gone, and tepid at best. "I am sorry for ignoring." His apology was sincere, and spoken about as tenderly as Vanya could muster in that thick accent. "Was not you, I just..." He bit his lip gently. "Like I said, I do not do this. I did not want to... disappoint you. I thought you would just move on. Not hunt me down in the park." He couldn't resist a little ribbing, a small, lazy smile playing upon his lips as he did.

"But I will not ignore again," he promised. Vanya's face gentled, his expression softening as he met those warm chocolate hues. "Yes. We can be casual if you are sure that is what you want. I do not want to keep you from finding someone you can be with the way you want to though." He paused again, stare still locked fondly on Kai's, reveling in the beauty of this man. He'd never really looked at someone so much before, but with Kai he was mesmerized. Vanya's gaze finally broke as he focused on the table, his next sentiment barely a murmur. "I do not want to hurt you. You seem like a good person. Much too good for someone like me."

he was the only person who kai has ever had sex with. it was almost impossible for him to not hyperfixate on every little thing, because unknowingly to vanya, he had given a huge part of himself to him and he was hooked. he has a feeling vanya might never fully let him in, but he still wants to try to get to know him, the guy with the sad blue eyes and monotone expression. ever the optimist, really. even the tiniest grin that settled on the other’s lips was something kai wanted to see, over and over again. he wonders if anyone has ever really told him how beautiful he is. kai isn’t referring to the usual lust filled comments on him being hot or sexy, because he’s sure he gets superficial compliments on his looks consistently, but he wonders if anyone has ever actually looked him in the eyes and told him he’s beautiful without any sexual context behind it. the words itched at the tip of his tongue, but he refrains from voicing these thoughts, instead taking another much longer sip from his drink, which was a little more than halfway done. he doesn’t reply back to the maybe, but he’s sure his loverboy smile is enough of a response for the other. his smile momentarily falters when vanya actually looks concerned over the joke of him standing outside his window, and he’s tempted to clarify that he was being sarcastic and joking, but thankfully, it seems to dawn on the other that he wasn’t being serious, and admittedly, this earns a genuine laugh from kai. he’s not laughing at him at all, he honestly just thinks the misinterpretation was kind of… wholesome? cute? it felt foreign tying vanya to those words considering the energy he had radiated since the moment they met, but it felt like the most accurate words to describe him in this context. 

kai figures he probably didn’t catch on right away because of the language barrier. he wonders how vanya translates things in his head. he had grown up speaking english and korean, spoke mostly only korean for more than half of his life ( unless he was on a phone call with his father back in the day ), and now, he was back to english and korean, but mostly english. it was like a switch in his head that he didn’t think of much because he was fully fluent in both languages. he didn’t struggle with translating, but clearly, the same couldn’t be said for vanya, with his thicker accent and the way it seemed like he was overprocessing what was being spoken to understand. it was honestly more endearing than anything. hearing that where he lived wasn't safe doesn’t really surprise kai, but the sentence that followed kind of did even though it really shouldn’t. still, it causes yet another rise of heat to his cheeks, followed by light chuckling and the shaking of his head. “wow… put my mouth to good use, huh?” he replies, unsure if he’s teasing, flustered, or both. leaning both elbows on the table, kai feels like his playful side has been unlocked. “what would we do that would put my mouth to good use?” he pauses to shrug innocently, eyebrows furrowing in mock confusion, as if he’s genuinely clueless to what vanya was implying. “karaoke maybe? a competitive match of scrabble?” obviously, he knew that wasn’t what the other meant, but he wanted to hear him say it in that thick, addictive accent he had. he also enjoyed the flirting, or teasing, or whatever the hell it was they were doing right now. it felt refreshing and like a nice, much needed change of pace.

his following words, once again, confuse kai, but his facial expression doesn’t give that away. he can’t imagine why vanya would think that he would disappoint him this early on. it made him wonder what truly lied beneath what the other presented to the world, and what could be so ugly about him that kai would feel disappointed over it. he didn’t think he had a right to feel disappointment towards him when they barely even knew each other, but then again, the idea that vanya would even care at all warms his dumb, stupid heart in ways that should be studied. he had been disappointed and angry when he blatantly caught him reading and ignoring his texts, because he didn’t think it was a nice thing to do when they had been so intimate not even a week prior, but kai also knew that people had hookups and ghosted each other all the time, so really, he had no right to feel any type of way over it. yet, he still marched over there and gave him a piece of his mind, and now they’re here so… kai can’t say he regrets his actions even if he finds his outburst to be a bit embarrassing and completely out of the ordinary from something he would usually do. the playful, flirtatious smile he had plastered on his lips dies down a bit the more the other keeps talking, and it’s replaced by a much more earnest, overly soft one. he really hadn’t been expecting an apology of any sort. it surprised him in the best possible way, and any previous idea that maybe he shouldn’t be so nice to him, of course, was discarded, not that it was ever in play to begin with. he doesn’t think he could ever be mean to vanya either. it was just in kai’s nature to be a nice person. this was just the flat out truth about him – he was just a nice guy with nerd tendencies.

he scoffs overdramatically at what he said next, playing into the narrative that he was truly offended and hurt by his words. “okay, well first of all, this is a plaza with many different stores, so us finding each other here was pure fate and the universe implying that you needed to be called out, and two, i totally didn’t hunt you down! also, you came in here after me when you could have just walked away and ignored me forever, so really, who is hunting who down? i think maybe, deep down, you are the stalker here, vanya.” there’s a glint in his eyes when he says all of this, enjoying the back and forth more than he should, a carefree laugh leaving his lips, that transitions into his usual warm smile when the other promises he won’t ignore him again. however, kai begins to chew on his bottom lip when he claims he doesn’t want to keep him from finding someone who can be with him the way he wants. it’s almost as comical as it is upsetting to kai. upsetting, because obviously, he wants something deeper that vanya is being very transparent about being unable to give to him, and comical because vanya really thinks he has a list of contenders waiting for him, people who would actually want to be with him, when that couldn’t be farther from reality. as a kid here in seattle, he was always labeled as weird and was picked on, whether it was his light up shoes, his love for anime, or being the only asian kid in class. this lead to severe anxiety at such a young age and of course, resulted in him not having many friends, or any at all. growing up in korea, it was kind of a similar story, but at that point, he had learned to mask things a lot better up to the point where he wasn't bullied, just not well received by most, even if he started suffering with other self esteem issues at the time. in both places, he didn’t have many friends. back then, he only really had yumi, and yumi’s friends, people he considered acquaintances but wasn’t really close with at all. right now, his only real friend was sol. 

the fact that he’s in his twenties and can only think of two people who were ever his friends to begin with, is a little sad. if people don’t even want to be his friend now, he can’t imagine anyone wanting anything more than that, which is a little depressing, but it’s true. he knows he’s not everyone’s cup of tea, he knows he can geek out too much and really, he doesn’t even find himself physically attractive, his god awful body dysmorphia haunting him in every aspect of his life. it’s only really a matter of time before vanya realizes how damaged he really is on the inside and cuts off whatever thing they have going on. the odds of him finding anyone, when vanya is literally the only person he’s ever kissed and had sex with, is kind of wild, but he doesn’t say anything about that. even hearing him say he’s too good for him is baffling, because he’s really not. he wasn’t even good enough to save his best friend, something he still can’t swallow down, even with the inpatient program he had been in for six months, even with the constant therapy he had gone through after her death. instead of voicing how messed up he really is, and how truthfully, vanya is the one that is too good for someone like him, he forces a smile. “yes, i’m sure that’s what i want.” he pauses, playing with the straw from his drink, before saying, “i think you underestimate your worth and your potential… and i don’t think you’re a bad person if your main concern is not wanting to hurt me. bad people don’t care about stuff like that.” he’s tempted to reach across the table and hold his hand for comfort, but he doesn’t to not scare the other away.

his phone starts vibrating, and kai is thankful for the distraction. the feeling is short-lived when he sees it’s a text from his father. please pick up kenny from hippotherapy, there’s an emergency at the station now, nia can’t pick him up. the look on his face immediately shifts to concern, looking down at the screen and immediately writing back. why would you just drop him off there? you’re supposed to stay and supervise him. he sees his dad typing, but still writes another message. you can’t just leave him there, it’s not a daycare. does nia at least stay with him when you can’t? there’s a lot of typing, then he stops, then he continues again, before kai sees another message from him. i know, i’m trying my best. please help me this time. the raven haired male lets out a frustrated sigh, reacting to the message and putting his phone back into his pocket. he runs his hands past his face, evidently not happy, especially not how he was a few moments ago. “i’m sorry. i really wanna stay, but i have to go.” he’s grabbing his backpack and putting it on, already stressed over the situation, his entire vibe shifting and the worry setting in. “my dad can’t pick up my brother from therapy and now i have to, and i don’t even know why he would just drop him off there in the first place. it’s just…” he shakes his hand around, “a whole mess. i’m sorry. i'm rambling again. you probably don't really care.” even though vanya had ignored him, kai feels bad leaving like this, so bad, that for a moment, he stands there awkwardly, his matcha in hand, even after he had given him a pretty valid reason for his sudden departure. “thank you for the matcha. i’ll text you, okay?” he hesitates, but then grows the courage to lean down and kiss him on the lips, something he's been wanting to do again for what feels like an eternity now. the idea of sitting on his lap and making out with him is present, getting lost in his touch, in his scent, in him. kai has to force himself to just give him a soft, heartfelt kiss, one that felt far too short lived for his liking, but it would do for now. “i'll see you outside your window in the bad part of town another time, and then maybe… i'll put my mouth to good use then.” he gives his shoulder a light squeeze and offers him a light but teasing grin. “bye.” and just like that, he's gone.

As soon as he heard the words, Vanya's eyes squeezed shut. He and Kai had made a deal to keep things casual, which was honestly more than anyone else had ever pulled out of him. At first Vanya assumed this would just be them hooking up on occasion and leaving it at that, but they were already spending nearly as much time hanging out as they were fucking around. He wasn't sure what that meant or how to process it, so Vanya just... didn't. He tried to push it out of his mind any time it popped up, to deal with later. Although he wasn't sure he ever actually would.

However, the plea in Kai's voice struck him harder than he expected, and Vanya knew if he was foolish enough to open his eyes and look at him he'd give in right away. Saying no to anyone had never been a problem before, neither had ignoring them. Kai seem to break all of those rules, to knock down all of his walls, and he genuinely didn't understand how. Vanya's palms pressed against the back of his eyelids as he released a huff of air and attempted to let him down gently. Did he want to go? Not really, but he needed to set boundaries. Otherwise the lines would keep blurring more and more, and that scared Vanya almost as much as going back to Russia did.

"I have to, I am sorry. I am supposed to meet Misha." That much was true, although he didn't bother explaining that it was for a deal going down. He wasn't ready to break that news to Kai, and that was one of the reasons he couldn't let those barriers down. He didn't want Kai stuck in the middle of their trouble, or disappointed to learn that Vanya really was not a very good person. Ideally, he wouldn't ever have to tell him, but that was part of the problem, if this continued. of course he could wait and meet Misha later; it would only take a text to make that happen, but that would mean showing that he actually wanted to stay longer. Vulnerability was something Vanya did not bode well with.

His hands reached for the sheets they were tangled up in together to pull them down and escape when he made the ultimate mistake. Eye contact. Blue eyes fell to Kai's dark brown ones, the look in them alone practically begging him to stay. Vanya sighed exasperatedly, although the way he felt was anything but. He snuggled himself back under the covers and into Kai's side, burying his face into the warm crook of Kai's neck. "You suck," he muttered lazily against his skin, though there was the smallest hint of a smile he was trying to hide. There was no way Kai couldn't feel it though.

"If I stay, what is it that you want to do?" Vanya kept his nose nuzzled in place as he breathed in Kai's scent greedily. His soap, his cologne, his shampoo — it was beautifully intoxicating and dizzying, just like Kai himself. He could drown in him and die happily. The moment the idea crossed his mind though, Vanya immediately snuffed it out. "I do not know why you like me to stay. I am not very good company." If he wanted another round then that was fine with Vanya; he wouldn't say no. Kai was addictive that way. He assumed that was the reasoning because no one ever wanted him for anything else, not ever.

all he could do was focus on the gorgeous man beside him, who had decided to shut his eyes the moment he told him to stay. this didn't exactly bother kai though, because that meant he could admire his beauty without him realizing, and god, was he absolutely breathtaking. his golden locks were luscious and slightly untamed from having sex, his lips were plump and the softest rosy shade he could imagine, almost as if asking to be kissed, and his eyes? his eyes were on a whole other level and really deserved a category of their own. kai didn't even need to be looking at them now to remember the impact they had on him. lighter eyes tended to shift color depending on the lighting, but for the most part, they were the deepest shade of blue. his look was so mesmerizing to kai, he felt his insides heat up, the effect the other had on him being impossible to ignore.

his words weren't surprising. what was he expecting after all? they weren't anything, yet, that didn't stop the look of disappointment that spread across his features, the slightest pout forming on his lips. he wants to reply, but decides against saying anything, afraid to come off as needy and resemble a high schooler with a crush. kai can’t be too sure how the expression on his face reads, but he knows he doesn’t look too thrilled, and maybe vanya notices it too, because the moment they lock eyes, vanya lets out a sigh and much to his surprise, gets back under his bed covers and snuggles up beside him again, digging his face into the crook of his neck. without a second thought, kai's fingertips run through the other’s hair soothingly, the pout soon turning into a full blown smile, a content sigh following. “well… yeah, sometimes. i can suck more if you want me to.” he knew that wasn’t what he meant, but he couldn’t help but joke about the double meaning behind it, not too sure vanya would understand right away, but really hoping he would.

“hmm, i don’t know, maybe…” without warning, he flips them over so now he’s sitting on top of him, straddling his waist with his legs on his sides. “some more of this?” he leans down and kisses him softly. kai doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of kissing him. he’s already put on his oversized, baggy britney spears t shirt and a pair of sky blue colored short shorts, but he wouldn’t mind getting naked for him again. “we can also watch america’s next top model. i hate-watch that show sometimes, specifically the makeover episodes.” he says, grinning down at him sweetly, so tenderly, with an energy only kai can radiate. the grin dies down when he hears what vanya has to say next. he doesn’t like it when he brings himself down like that. it confuses kai because he isn’t sure why he would assume he isn’t good company or that kai wouldn’t want him around, when all he can do is think of him when he isn’t present. it’s actually pretty pathetic how much space he takes up in kai’s head.

because you’re the one person who manages to calm me down. because you’re so easy to talk to. because i’m more comfortable around you than i am with anyone i know, it feels like i’ve known you forever. because i like spending time with you and having you around even if we aren’t doing anything. because you don’t judge me for my niche and nerdy hobbies. because you’re so beautiful, it actually feels like my insides are turning to mush just looking at you. because you took my virginity and made me feel things i’ve never felt before and now i don’t know how to quit you and i don’t think i want to either. because you’re… you, and that’s more than enough for me. these thoughts are some of the many things kai can list, but he settles on something a lot less deep, not wanting to scare vanya away. “i mean, who else would listen to me go on and on about the most random things without telling me to shut up? anyone who doesn’t groan or roll their eyes when i’m a minute into my nerd rant is good company for me. also… we have pretty good sex.” that felt like a safe response, and while it wasn’t as raw as he’d like to be, he wasn’t lying. “i also want to show you something, but you have to promise me you’re not gonna laugh at me.”

"I'd never expose someone to that, unless I didn't want a second date. That sounds like torture, sitting through your annoying face on screen for two hours straight." Wyatt ignored the remark about being vile and shitty, because as much as he disliked the guy, he didn't believe that was true. Yet he wasn't going to correct him either. He was so full of shit and wondered if the tick in his jaw gave him away, or how his blue eyes ventured toward the floor instead of looking at Quinn. However, his co-star's arrogance was starting to gnaw at him, and even someone as chill as Wyatt was having a tough time holding it in. "I can't help it that the people like seeing as much of me as they can get." There was a new wave of confidence burrowing within because he had proof now that Quinn had watched at least some of his films. Why or what he thought of them, Wyatt didn't know, but it was enough to win this little mind game. And the pathetic come back that Quinn retorted with just made his lips curl into a more defined smirk. Usually he was quick-witted, snapping immediately with something bratty but intelligent, so this time Wyatt knew he'd really rattled him, and he felt a swell of pride at that. "It's looks like you're trying to claw your face off." It didn't, really. If anything it just drew attention to his delicately beautiful skin, that perfect little nose and big brown eyes that were hard to ignore. But he couldn't exactly say that, or really, anything nice. Even when he paid Quinn a compliment, it was a backhanded one. But it was still usually nicer than the things Quinn said about him. He felt like he was in a trance watching Quinn do his face routine, unable to look away at his stupidly gorgeous face.

Wyatt was relieved that nothing had been said about him watching Quinn strip down; maybe he didn't even notice. He could hope. But he couldn't imagine anyone sane not looking. Regardless of how damn frustrating he was, Quinn was stunning. It wasn't a matter of opinion, but a fact. When Wyatt followed suit he didn't bother looking up, afraid that he might see disdain on Quinn's features, or that he wasn't even being given a glance. He wasn't sure which would be worse. Although well aware that he worked hard to maintain his body, to stay fit and build muscle, that didn't mean he was everyone's cup of tea. It bothered him that he even cared. As he settled onto his bed, he couldn't resist the back-handed compliment about his pretty mouth. Technically, it wasn't a lie. He did have a pretty mouth; one that Wyatt often sometimes wondered if it might be as soft and supple as it looked. If it tasted as delicious too. But he'd never find out and he'd never voice that either. Still, it had mostly been a distraction to chuck the wet rag at his ass without Quinn noticing. And boy was it worth it. "Target acquired!" Wyatt chirped enthusiastically as he laughed and cackled nearly uncontrollably at this point. He had to be careful not to roll off the damn bed in a fit of giggles. Everything had been so damn tense, despite being a place that should be anything but. And Quinn's reaction was gold. He'd never seen his cheeks so red; it was honestly more adorable than anything else, his adorably freckled nose scrunched up with anger.

"Oh I wet your boxers, did I? And here I thought you really hated me, Quinn. Do I wet your boxers often?" Wyatt fired back, turning Quinn's words on him even if he knew that's not how they were meant. Quinn had left himself wide open for it. "Get over yourself." Wyatt was so lost in his laughter that he was completely blind-sided when a tepid water soaked him. Wyatt coughed, the water sloshing into his mouth because he'd been mid laugh. There was something in it, but he wasn't sure what. Maybe tea tree oil? Something minty that kind of stung. "Seriously?!" Wyatt buried his eyes in his palms pretending the essential oils made them sting. They didn't actually, but the cogs in his mind were already spinning, a plan of revenge in the works. "All I did was give you a wet ass. What if you blinded me?" Golden curls were now was sopping wet, and if it hadn't been for the steam in the room he'd be freezing. Slowly, blue eyes opened as he pulled his hands away, then moved back onto his feet. Wyatt inched closer to Quinn, backing him up against his own bed so that there was no space between them. Since he was drenched, he thought it only fair to press against him enough that Quinn's skin also faced that wrath. Which, in hindsight might have been a mistake. He could feel Quinn's breath tickling his skin, and Wyatt's heart was racing much quicker than he wanted it to in the proximity of Quinn Stokes. God he hoped it couldn't be heard. He'd never actually been this close to him before, and fuck, he didn't like the way it made his temperature rise either. "Are my eyes red? I swear I'll kick your ass if you fucked them up," Wyatt goaded, trying to distract Quinn with his fierce baby blues while he reached for the pillow on his bed. His fingers curled into it softly, quietly, before he swung it, smacking Quinn right in the shoulder.

"Quit being such a baby. Your ass would have dried in like like ten minutes. And I barely smacked you. Do you want me to rub it better for you? Or kiss it? Do you want me to kiss your ass, Quinn?" Wyatt cracked into a mischievous grin again and shook his head like a dog just given a bath, ensuing he got a few more drops on Quinn. Pillow still in hand, he attempted to hit Quinn with it a second time. Unfortunately, instead it went flying through the air and into the wall, knocking down one of the 'serenity' placards, which crashed to the floor just as the workers walked back in. Instantly he felt bad for letting things go this far, for allowing himself to stoop down to Quinn's level. Maybe he hadn't started it with the ribbing, but he had been the one to take it a step further physically. Wyatt's face fell, his expression turning soft and apologetic as the spa workers glared at them, clearly unsure what to do next. They'd probably never been in this situation before. His eyes turned gentle, even as they stared into Quinn's for a beat before breaking their close proximity and picking up his robe off the floor. "I'm sorry," Wyatt apologized to the employees as he carefully pulled on his robe, nestling himself inside of it as if it were some kind of protective blanket. "I'll pay for that. And all of this mess too," he assured, though it already felt like any bit of bonding or rest they were supposed to get today was already out the window. The one thing he'd gotten out of it though? The ability to draw a laugh from Quinn. And not a sarcastic, snotty, demeaning one, but a genuine one. It had sounded nice, and melodic. Almost carefree. Even if it took Quinn pulling a prank back on him to achieve it, it was worth it to see him break free of the polished persona he always put on, even of just for a moment.

quinn didn’t really have time to dwell into the complicated nature of their relationship ( if you could even call it that ) because before he knows it, they’re throwing stuff at each other. wyatt smacking him with a wet rag, to which obviously, quinn has to retort with throwing water filled with essential oils right over his face. this gets a laugh out of him, even more so when he watches it land inside wyatt’s mouth. “yes, you totally do wet my boxers often. in your literal delusional daydreams, where you constantly obsess over me and think of scenarios between us that will never happen.” he taunts, his laughter increasing, unable to help himself. little did quinn know, that was foreshadowing for the future, but he was having his moment now and nothing was going to change that. that is, until he sees wyatt with his palms over his eyes, both of them squeezed shut. his following words make quinn’s laughter immediately die down, soon being replaced with a concerned look. with slight hesitation, he inches closer to him, trying to see what kind of damage he had unintentionally done, and then he feels really, really shitty about splashing him because obviously, quinn never meant to cause any real harm, like make his eyes sting or anything. he couldn’t know for sure if wyatt had any allergies to any of those essential oils, and while their dynamic is definitely an odd one, he wouldn’t wish anything genuinely evil upon him. part of him was already envisioning a ride to the hospital while the other got injected with an epipen repeatedly to stop whatever reaction he was having, all because quinn didn’t consider that he might be sensitive to whatever they put in that lukewarm water. my god, what did he do? he doesn’t think he could forgive himself if this all goes downhill. then, in a tone he’s positive wyatt has never heard from him, one the blonde might not even be aware exists, he asks, “are you okay?” and under any other circumstance, quinn wouldn’t dare to sound so soft and unguarded towards him, concerned even, but he was actually worried for him now.

he’s about to start stammering out an apology, even suggest that he could take him to the er if it came down to it, but then wyatt is removing his hands from his eyes and stepping closer to him, and as much as quinn hates the feeling that overtakes him, he actually can’t help himself. he feels his stomach drop out of nerves and… fear. fear because there’s a split second where he’s fully convinced that wyatt is going to hit him, take a shot and potentially tear his other iris, and really? he couldn’t exactly blame him if he did. quinn was always such an asshole to him, that maybe, this is where he drew the line and the nice guy persona completely shattered. he wasn’t scrawny in the slightest, but he also wasn’t an idiot. wyatt could easily take him if he really wanted to – quinn very well knew that. wyatt’s form was truly impressive, and he also couldn’t say that the blonde decking him in the face wouldn’t be well deserved. he doesn’t even realize he’s taken so many steps backwards until wyatt practically corners him, but despite his racing heart, he can only hope the expression on his face remains as stoic as ever, not giving away his internal conflicts. however, instead of feeling a blow to the face, wyatt is pressing their bodies together to purposefully wet quinn, which once again, catches him off guard. his breathing almost hitches at the close proximity, feeling like the room somehow got hotter despite the fact that they were now both wet. it takes him a minute to even react, his judgment completely clouded because god, how much time does wyatt actually spend at the gym? he can literally feel the abs on his stomach. “god jackson, why are you so obsessed with me?!” quinn lets out, backing up the slightest bit and trying to ignore just how lightheaded he suddenly felt. he was blaming it on how hot the room was, not because wyatt was so damn close to him and it made him feel some type of way – definitely not. “no, they’re not red, okay? they’re the same dull, bulgy, beady little eyes you’ve always had!” he had to throw in an insult there, anything to distract himself from just how beautiful wyatt’s eyes really were. they were so blue up close, with specks of gold and subtle flecks of the softest shade of emerald quinn has ever seen. he was having a hard time not getting completely lost in them.

of course, whatever millisecond of a moment they could have had was short lived when wyatt smacked his shoulder with a pillow. that little shit had been trying to distract him, and it worked! his jaw clenched, eyebrows furrowing to show he clearly wasn’t happy, though he doubts he looks truly intimidating. “you know our disney era is over, right? no need for pillow fights, or middle school remarks.” of course, he completely ignores wyatt’s rather blunt question on whether he wants him to kiss his ass, and really, despite his words, he wants to grab his own pillow and throw it wyatt’s way as a form of payback, but then wyatt is shaking his head and further splashing him with more water, causing quinn to lift his hands up in a weak attempt to shield himself. “you have that dog in you in the worst possible way ever, now we’re both wet!” he wants to grab the blanket from the bed and throw it his way, but the flying of a pillow through the air, knocking down a placard and causing it to shatter on the ground, honestly shocks quinn to the point of not fighting back. as if matters couldn’t get any worse, both spa workers happen to walk in right at that very moment, leaving quinn at a loss for words. he chews on his bottom lip, honestly too embarrassed to speak or even make direct eye contact. his dark eyes look to wyatt when he apologizes, grabs his robe off the ground and puts it on, as if these spa workers aren’t used to seeing people half naked all the time. quinn doesn’t bother to put on the robe again, but right when he’s about to try and explain whatever the fuck just happened, wyatt mentions how he’ll pay for everything, when really, celebrity spas like this make tons of money and overcharge for every freaking detail. quinn knows that’s not an excuse for what they did, and while wyatt’s words are a nice ( way too fucking nice ) change of pace, quinn knows they aren’t necessary. if it was a mom and pop owned spa, then of course, but not for this greedy, over influx of opulence. still, quinn couldn’t entirely let him take the fall. he had to say something. “so…” he trails off, pursing his lips and rocking back on his feet, “how about those massages, huh?” of course, it was a joke, a weak attempt to try and lighten the mood, but it clearly doesn’t land as somehow, much to their shit luck, the beautiful, one of a kind bowl quinn had used to splash wyatt with water wasn’t put on the table properly, and right when the words leave quinn’s lips, it slips from where quinn had left it and onto the floor, the sound of expensive, antique glass breaking behind them. quinn lets out a sigh, squeezing his eyes shut and running a hand past his hair.

the next few moments go exactly as one could imagine. two private cars are on the way to pick them up, courtesy of their agents who decided it was best they leave seperately for obvious reasons, and of course, they are no longer welcome in the spa. more than that, the owner decided to ban them for life. not that quinn cares exactly, it’s more embarrassing than anything. he’s thankful that they’re allowed to wait inside while their respective forms of transportation arrive, as the last thing he wants right now is to be recognized, however, he’s irritated by where they’re seated at. it felt like solitary confinement of the two, as they’re placed far away from where they can reach anything and far away from anyone at the spa. quinn couldn’t blame them though, they had made a huge mess and caused damage. his phone was blowing up, back to back essays his agent was writing him via text message. quinn swears, he would have fired marty ages ago if it was anyone else, but this was the same guy who had been best friends with his father since they were infants. this was the same guy who had been the best man at his parents’ wedding, the same guy who has always been there for his mother after his father’s passing, was quinn’s godfather and has literally changed his diapers before, and pretty much was like a second paternal figure in his life – he wasn’t just his agent, he was family. besides, quinn isn’t sure what other sane person would put up with his back to back bullshit. still, he could do without all the reprimanding, even if he was in the wrong. “this is all your fault, you know that?” that was unfair and he knew it, but did that stop the words from leaving his mouth? no. should wyatt be even the slightest bit surprised? also no. “you just wanted to smack my ass so bad, huh? well congratulations! you got us banned. i couldn’t even get a massage out of this, or a facial.” that was really why he was grumpy deep down. he didn’t need a massage or a facial really, but he would never say no to either. now, he’d have to book an appointment elsewhere. “and now i have to see you again at the fair. and film a whole show with you. and pretty much be stuck at the hip with you for all of this. why does life keep bringing us together? we’re not meant to fit.” almost as if he’s not supposed to receive a response to that, his phone vibrates, a phone call from his agent, which he reluctantly picks up. “yes, i read your dumb, essay-like texts.” he hadn’t of course, but he would have to eventually. he couldn’t ignore marty for long even if he wanted to. “okay, i’ll be right out.” with that, he hangs up and puts his phone into his pocket, standing up and looking back at wyatt. “my ride is here...” he trails off, until finally, he shoots him a half assed smirk. “see you soon, hallmark.” with that, he’s out of sight.

Meeting fans at a local country fair wasn't exactly how Wyatt had planned on spending his weekend, but he also didn't mind. It was rare that he got to do something more down-to-earth instead of late night show interviews or signing what autographs he could outside of the studio. He enjoyed meeting his fans and having the chance to engage with them. Just like with any bunch there were a few that went overboard and his bodyguard had to step in, but that was the norm for any celebrity. The last time he'd been to an event similar was in promoting one of his rom-coms a few years back. And before that, probably when he was a teenager and on the other side of things; enjoying the rides, the fried food, and still trying to get discovered.

He figured Quinn hated everything about this; worst of all that they were stuck together once again. Filming was soon to start on their new show together, so he was just going to have to buck up and get used to it. Wyatt really was trying to mostly mind his p's and q's, but Quinn made it so easy to annoy. And equally as fun. Except of course when he was the one being annoyed instead. As the hours went on and the heated kicked up outside, Wyatt sensed people were getting tired of waiting in line. He could see their faces getting warmer, maybe from the sun or frustration; probably both. He and Quinn had managed to have limited interactions together, save from the occasional fan photo. Usually said fans sandwiched themselves in between them, so it was fairly easy to keep their cool and distance.

Once it was time for a break so they could eat something, hydrate, and cool down a little, Wyatt made quick way to the booths to grab a fried corn dog and some cotton candy. Both the kinds of foods he loved and rarely got to indulge in. He was actually slightly concerned that Quinn wouldn't be able to find anything he liked. Maybe that was harsh judgement because they hadn't spent much time together yet. He would probably learn more of his preferences once they were on set together nearly every day, but just assumed junk food probably was very low on his list. The one and only thing he'd managed to see him indulge in once before, was Oreos. Why Wyatt made a point to acknowledge, let alone remember that, he wasn't sure. Unbeknownst to Quinn, he'd packed a ziploc full of them in his bag just because... well, he didn't want him to starve.

Wyatt sought out a shady table away from the crowd to eat at; their security trying to blend in so as to not garner more attention. He smiled at Quinn when he saw him approaching before he couch catch himself, but if it was addressed he could always use the excuse that they were supposed to get along when out in public. His pleasant expression was incredibly brief though, as Quinn placed his drink down on the table and knocked it over, spilling it all over Wyatt and his clothes. Immediately he sprang up from his seat in reaction, blue eyes icing over with anger. He wasn't sure if it had been intentional on Quinn's part or not, but he wasn't dumb enough to believe it was innocent. "Seriously?! What is wrong with you, man? If you wanted to see me in a wet t-shirt you could have just said so."

Grabbing the napkins he had snagged along with his food, Wyatt attempted to pat down his jeans and shirt, but of course the liquid was seeping through, showing off more than he'd prefer to in public. His cheeks were now pink from embarrassment, rage, and also not applying sunblock like he should have. But he hadn't thought that far ahead and no way in hell was he going to ask Quinn for some. "Asshole," Wyatt growled quietly enough that Quinn could hear but hopefully no one else around would notice. Still, despite being pissed off and soaked, he retrieved the baggie of Oreos and dropped it into Quinn's lap with a grunt. "Better watch your hair while I eat this cotton candy, Stokes. It's very sticky and thanks to you, it's damp now too. Would be sucha a shame if some of it got stuck in your hair and you have to shave your head..."

there was also the fact that he felt bad for the fans as well. it was hot in california right now, as it typically always was, and a lot of them were waiting in the blistering heat just to meet them for not even a full two minutes. they were provided water and food, an idea that stemmed from both him and wyatt, but quinn still didn’t feel great about it. he would like to talk to each one for longer but that also didn’t feel fair to the security staff, as well as the other fans in the far back of the line who still wanted to get in their minute and a half ( if that ) with wynn. yes, wynn. once the synopsis was released and fans knew they would play love interests, the online speculation, old pictures of their disney days, and even fanfiction, among many, many other things, had begun to skyrocket, and thus, the ship name wynn was born. quinn especially hated that it had such a nice ring to it. not as much as he hated the enigma that was wyatt jackson, but it was pretty damn up there. he didn’t even want to think of how crazy the fans would get once the actual trailer dropped, but that was a battle for another day. they hadn’t even started filming, so a trailer wouldn’t happen for a while now.

eventually, the sun wasn’t as strong as it was a few hours back, and they finally got time to take a break. he was fully aware that all eyes were on them, even if wyatt had found a spot in the shade, farther away from fans, but quinn knew they had their ways. he could already see a few of them snapping pictures from behind rails and slowly but surely making their own theories, so he had to play nice – they both did. there was only so much privacy they could really have at a place like this either way. of course, there was nothing here he could really eat, and the stuff he could eat, he found repulsive. he wasn’t exactly starving, but he couldn’t say he wasn’t hungry either. he had a pack of organic sea salt seaweed in his pocket and was making his way over to serve himself an extra large cup of water to refill his owala, which he had left on top of the table with wyatt. for now, that would do until their forced get together was over. 

just as he’s walking back, his phone vibrates in his pocket. pulling it out, he mentally reads a text from his mother. quinnlee stokes BE NICE TO THAT MAN!!! quinn rolls his eyes, a bit irritated over how well his mom really knows him, and he’s about to reply with a single hand, eyes too focused on his screen to realize the force in which he sets down the water he had gotten, with no lid on top of course, because his plan was to refill his water bottle. maybe he should have been paying attention or maybe he shouldn’t have filled up the cup as much as he did, but unintentionally, some of the contents make it’s way onto wyatt’s clothes. he’s sure the other won’t believe him when he claims it truly had been an accident, and the way quinn starts laughing doesn’t help his case either. so much for being nice. he chews on his bottom lip to try and contain himself a little, not wanting to draw more attention than they already had on them. instead of doing the right thing, like apologizing and letting wyatt know it was an accident, quinn, of course, takes a different route. “nah, this is just payback for you getting us banned from that spa. i should’ve spilled it all over your head.” he bites back, as if getting banned from that place hadn’t been both their faults. 

of course, he hears wyatt call him an asshole underneath his breath, but this just ignites yet another shit eating, mocking laugh from the other as he grabs what’s left of the cup and starts pouring it into his owala. luckily, it fills up all the way, so maybe spilling some of his water on wyatt had been beneficial after all. he closes the bottle shut completely, to make sure there isn’t another accident, then pulls out the pack of seaweed he had inside the big pocket of his loosely fitted cargo pants and places it on top of the table. he’s about to give some snarky comeback, but then wyatt places a ziplock bag on his lap filled with oreos, and admittedly, it completely catches him off guard, so much so, that he doesn’t reply to his mild level threat over quinn potentially having to shave his head. he blinks, clearly not expecting the gesture. eventually, he grabs the bag from his lap and places it on the table, the expression on his face contorting to one wyatt has never seen before. he bought a small, four pack of oreos to their chemistry read, and frankly, he didn’t think anyone even noticed. “you… got me oreos?” this time, he actually bothers to look at him. “why?” and, for what feels like the first time ever, his tone is actually sounds decent when referring to wyatt, a stark contrast to the usual petty and bitchy way he’s snapped at him before, something quinn never thought would be a reality.

Wide brown eyes softened as he watched the other run a hand through his curls; he looked exhausted. Beautifully exhausted. Now that he thought about it, that seemed to be just about every time they crossed paths. It was early in the morning after all, and though Sawyer typically would be dead asleep by now, he was too wired and worried to feel sleepy. Concern eased a bit though as the Russian pointed out about the elderly in the building and the number of floors there were. He was making good points, because if there was a medical emergency EMTs definitely needed a way in. They could only go so long without elevator service. Sawyer nodded, his lips sliding into a soft smile. "That's true. It's probably against fire code or something too. Thanks for the reassurance. As much as I'm sorry that you're stuck in here too, I'm selfishly glad I'm not alone." Then he really would be freaking out. With his stunning neighbor as company, Sawyer had to at least act normal. He was glad when the antiseptic wipe was taken and used, because he didn't know the guy well enough to question his injuries, Sawyer felt relieved that he was trying to take care of them. He waited for a joke about his name because even though it wasn't too outlandish, it wasn't all that common either. People usually commented on it. Sawyer bit his lip as he watched the wipe glide over wounded skin, but when he caught the tiniest flicker of a smile from the other, it made his own face light up with a blinding grin. And then the way his name rolled off the man's tongue in that sexy accent made his insides flutter; never had he ever appreciated his own name so much. He wanted to hear him say it again and again. And again.

He was about to chime in, to maybe gush over Sasha's name or really say anything to fill the silence, but that was when Sasha began messing with the elevator doors; he assumed to see whether they were on a floor or between. Internally Sawyer was panicking a little again because if they were hanging by a cable the last thing he wanted was to see it. He might throw up in the corner or start crying or something devastatingly embarrassing. He would have offered to help, but knew looking down would catapult him into a spiral. Although he struggled a bit, it seemed Sasha really didn't need much help, injuries and all. And by then, Sawyer was too distracted by the rippling muscles of his biceps and his back to be concerned or scared or anything other than completely enamored. He was gawking, jaw agape and just hoped he could function again by the time Sasha turned back around to catch him. "Dammit," Sawyer muttered, finally collecting himself and in realization that at least there was a wall blocking them in and he couldn't just tumble over the side, he went to help Sasha pull the door back to closed. Well, he tried to, but Sasha beat him to it, managing to accomplish it all on his own, in pain and all. Like a damn superhero. Sawyer watched through heavy lashes as Sasha slid down to the floor of the elevator, his tired body leaning against the wall as if he hadn't slept in days. Sawyer joined him, though gave some space between for his bag so that he wouldn't be completely crowding him.

"Sawyer is a family name. From way back," he picked up their brief conversation, eyes crinkling as he smiled again. Sasha was a classic name, very fitting for someone of his beauty. "It's nice to meet you, Sasha. I like your name. Personally, I think it's more suited for a man." And now his cheeks were turning pink, something he hoped the dim light would hide. "I'm always prepared. Except for you know, being stuck like this. I'm a vet tech and just came off shift so there's plenty more where that came from. If you ever need band-aids or gauze or anything," he rambled, gaze flitting to Sasha's bandaged hand with tenderness, "I'm your guy." As soon as the words left his mouth Sawyer regretted them. Not because he didn't mean them but because he feared he was already giving away just how desperate he was for any attention from Sasha. While he was tired, Sasha looked drained. Physically and emotionally. And yet he still was drop dead gorgeous. As blue eyes closed for a moment, Sawyer used it to examine Sasha's beauty; the slight curve of his nose, long blonde eyelashes that kissed his cheeks. He too had freckles, they were just less obvious on his light skin. He was fucking breathtaking. When he saw his eyes flutter back open Sawyer's gaze dipped to his bag, pretending he hadn't been staring. "Yeah, hopefully not too long. You can rest your eyes if you want. I promise I'm okay. You're pretty banged up," he added more softly, light concern etched in his voice. He left it an open invitation if Sasha wanted to talk about his injuries, though he didn't expect him to. "And actually," Sawyer fished into his bag and retrieved a fleece blanket that had been stashed in there for the rare overnight shift. "You can use this if you want, take a little nap. I can wake you when someone comes, I promise."

at this point, the only danger were the choices he made on the daily. the anxious look across the other’s face, a stark contrast to sasha’s monotone expression, proves he was probably raised in the complete opposite route that sasha had been raised in. his response earned another laugh from him, but he really wasn’t laughing at him at all, even if he did nothing to clarify that he wasn’t. “we are not going to crash to our deaths. do not worry.” that was probably easier said than done. he can’t really blame him for panicking either, as the situation was less than ideal. even in his panicked state, something about the other’s voice was soothing to sasha. his voice sounded ethereal enough to be in one of those asmr voice overs, even if he was freaking out over being trapped in here. it was a stark contrast to sasha’s deeper tone, thrown together with a thick russian accent that he’s been told sounds intimidating, or asked to please repeat what he said because it didn’t click the first time. he’s tried to get rid of his accent, and while he doesn’t think it’s as thick as it first was when he originally moved here, he isn’t sure if he’ll ever be able to fully drop it either. he moved here too old to speak english the american way, too old to ever get rid of the accent that made him stick out like a sore thumb. while he isn’t one for many words, mostly because what he wants to say sometimes gets lost in translation, he doesn’t mind listening to sawyer talk. in fact, he enjoys it much more than he would let on. sasha nods along to what he’s saying, a tired grin forming on his lips. “yes, fire code. whatever that means. i agree.” he would be sure to google that later when he actually had signal available. sasha doesn’t respond to him being glad he’s not alone, but he does smile, and for sasha, actions mean more than words do.

he also agreed even if he wouldn’t say it. he could definitely be trapped in here with worse company, someone unbearable. sawyer was so easy to look at. he had such a pretty face, even if there was the smallest hint of fear in his dark eyes. sasha finds himself nodding his head at his explanation of sawyer being a family name, resisting the urge to smile back at him because he didn’t smile too often with strangers. he barely smiled with his so-called buddies, but then again, a lot of the stuff they got up to required anything but smiling. it was hard to smile when you were getting the wind knocked out of you, or on the opposite end. or even watching someone else get the wind knocked out of them. “sasha was my father’s name. and grandfather. and guy before that, and guy before that. and guy before that. so… family name too. like sawyer.” sometimes it hit him that he wouldn’t pass down his name to anyone else the way it was passed down to the men in his family, generation after generation. he wouldn’t have a little boy and name him sasha, and he wouldn’t see that little boy grow up, have another boy and also name him sasha, and sometimes, he wasn’t sure how he felt about that, even though he knew deep down it was for the best. even if he was into women and had that window wide open, he couldn’t just bring a kid into this world and risk the possibility of unintentionally passing down all the generational trauma that was unfortunately passed down to him. he wouldn’t want that for any child and with all the shady stuff he got up to, it was a less than ideal scenario for anyone to be in, let alone a kid. his bloodline and his name died with him, and he was fine with that. this was also news he knew would probably make his father roll in his grave, all tied down to him being gay, but he didn’t care about that. sasha stopped letting his voice dictate every aspect of his life years ago, and it was beyond liberating. he felt free.

his ears perk up when he mentions he’s a vet tech, and really, he only knows what that is because of maksim’s dog, a boxer who constantly hung out with them on their wild adventures. he was eleven years old and named moscow ( for very obvious reasons ). he was a senior dog, so vet visits weren’t uncommon, which is how sasha even knew what a vet, or a vet tech was. for being the low lives that they were, everyone loved that damn dog. it was one of two rules during any fight. don’t tell people about street fighting and be nice to moscow. no one needed the second rule though, because no matter how scummy everyone he surrounded himself with was, he has yet to meet anyone who didn’t like moscow. sasha could be a garbage person, but he always thought people who were mean to animals had a special place in hell. he’s always wanted a dog, but never had one. he loved them dearly, though. sawyer going into the veterinary industry made a ton of sense to sasha even though he didn’t really know him at all. he seemed so sweet. way too sweet for someone like him. the fact that he would care for animals that way and turn it into a job didn’t surprise sasha. if he was smart enough to get into something like that, he would. “you are vet tech?” he doesn’t hesitate to ask the following question. “you have picture of dogs you treat?” he could look at pictures of dogs all day. sawyer could show him a thousand pictures back to back and he would still want to see more. as if he couldn’t get any more attractive, he was also smart. sasha was convinced he didn’t even deserve to be in the same space as him. that much was proven true when he pulled out a fleece blanket from his bag, causing the russian male to burst out laughing. “what else is in bag? airfryer?” he wasn’t laughing at him at all, he just thought it was cute as fuck. still, he takes the fleece blanket and shakes his head. “you are very pretty. inside and out. but i cannot nap in small, uncomfortable elevator.” even if he wanted to, it wasn’t happening. he was exhausted and worn out, but his body wouldn’t let him sleep here. “no nap. tell me about yourself, mr. vet tech.”

he lets out a sigh, fully expecting the words that left parrish’s lips, but not having the energy to argue with him. no matter how stubborn kendall could be, he knew that parrish was right. he was being stupid and selfish, and as crappy as it might sound, if he could go back in time, he would beat up the guy again, even if he knew what the outcome of that would be. it’s almost like he lacks any real sense of control when it comes to the other. “well what else do you want me to say? what’s done is done. i’m sorry i put you through all of this, but you didn’t have to answer that call, you know?” that was unfair and he knew it, but it felt easier to go down this route rather than give him the real reason as to why he had beat that man into a pulp. “why did you even answer? you should’ve just left me in there.”

READ THIS INFORMATIVE TWEET / DOC

GOOGLE DOC

(tw: mentions of pedophilia, racism, manipulation) i would like to bring an important situation to everyone‘s attention. i write both on tumblr and twitter/x (the platform that i am mostly active in right now), but it is important for the tumblr community to be aware of this since she occasionally writes in this platform mostly as dean winchester, captain hook (ouat), lucy heartfilia, and rias gremory. a writer on twitter/x, named proph/harley, who was known for racism and pedophilia (groomed a minor) came back under a different alias and roleplayed for a year. aside from that, she was known to be a pathological liar and manipulator, slandering people and ruining storyline groups. the whole thread on twitter detailing her atrocities was deleted (the poster might have deactivated or removed it). it happened a few years ago, so anyone in tumblr rp wouldn‘t get the full context. however, the tweet i linked here is the recent callout post my friends and i made, proving her identity —— proph‘s phone number was traced back to her paypal account, matching harley‘s information (everything is in the doc). last night, a space was made on twitter/x, leading to her admitting to be the cancelled and problematic person. here are her known tumblr accounts: @menorue @akucharm @versifur these accounts are currently inactive, but she might try to return under a different alias. if anyone else knows of her other accounts, please share it with me. she is also in some discord servers. content creators, gif makers, and the rph in general, beware of her:

she is confirmed to be a teacher who works with kids, which makes her a danger to them, and it turned out that her family and boyfriend supports her actions as stated in this tweet. if any of her close friends here have any information about her, please share it with me. vile human beings like her deserve to be charged for their crimes, and those children need to be protected.

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