The Sharpening

Bullseye FanFiction:

How Do I Break You Before You Break Me?

Web weaving:

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII PART VIII PART IX PART X PART XI PART XII PART XIII PART XIV

Fic webweave: IT WAS ALWAYS GOING TO HAPPEN

Origins; There's no home for me besides these gallows.

Hypervigilance and Paranoia; I wish I could blink.

Instinct; I'm sick of the chase but I'm hungry for blood.

I want to be wrong but His silence is deafening.

Edits:

STAY

Annihilation: The Husband's Journal 1 and 2

Content sources:

"You know why."

It's the same as always; the non-answer that says everything.

You're just like me.

Usually it's infuriating, but she's too tired to brace for another heated argument.

"You didn't have the right." She mutters hopelessly. "I made a choice on who I was going to be, on the life I was going to live. You had no right to take that from me."

"I got you out before it swallowed you."

"You're delusional." Is all she can muster, but it lands on deaf ears.

He presses his forehead to hers, fingers lacing in her hair, like it's supposed to achieve something.

"Stop." She breathes. "Stop with this forced intimacy bullshit."

"You think you can run forever?"

"I'm not running from anything except you."

"What did I say about honesty?" His voice takes on frustrated edge. "You were dying with your head in the sand."

"So getting killed in a bunker is better?"

"You're alive! You're here and you're real." He repeats it a few more times, grip tightening in her hair in a poor attempt to self-soothe. "You're real, and you've been choosing me, whether you like it or not."

"You made sure I had nothing else to choose."

"Then why don't you grab that gun and shoot me!?" He snaps.

"Get fucked." She chuckles weakly. "I'm drunk and you think you can take advantage? Spring this shit onto me?"

The mention of alcohol makes him frown, then nod in understanding, like she made a good point.

Then he's gone.

Off of her, off the bed.

For a second, she thinks he gave up.

But Dex walks towards the table, towards the bottle of bourbon. He grabs it, twists the cap open. And chugs.

She sits up and watches as he take long gulps. He only stops for a second to catch his breath, the liquor burning his senses.

Then he continues, and drinks til the last drop is gone. The empty bottle drops to the table with a loud thud. His chest heaves, eyes a bit red as they lock onto hers.

"There." He rasps. "That evens the playing field."

Disbelief wars with a sense of awe.

What the hell is wrong with him?

"I'm not dealing with this." She stands up on shaky feet and aims for the door.

Dex steps in front of it, blocking the path.

There's a dark look in his eyes. It's something familiar, something that brings her back to Sublevel 2.

Adrenaline stirs within.

It's easy to forget how terrifying he can be when he wants to.

"... get out of my way."

"You wanna know what's wrong with me?" He takes a step forward, but she doesn't waver. "Same shit that's wrong with you."

"I'm nothing like you." The words are barely out before he grabs her chin roughly. She tries to break out of the grip but resistance only makes it tighten further.

"I'm done waiting, Y/N. You're gonna face it."

"Let me go!"

"You're going to tell me how it felt to kill."

"I'm not doing shit!" She spits.

With a quick, effortless throw, her back meets the wall. The impact is harsh, but his voice is unforgiving.

"Talk."

"No."

"YOU'RE GONNA TALK."

"OR WHAT?"

"OR I DRAG YOU BACK!" He loses every ounce of patience he's been cradling for the past month. "I'll drag you back to that bunker kicking and screaming and keep you there til you decide to be honest with yourself."

The threat is enough to stun her into silence.

"You wanna blame me? You wanna make me the monster? I'll play the part." He promises. "I'll do whatever it takes to rip the truth out of you."

You're just like me.

"You just have to say it." He tries to soften, but his impatience is like a live wire. "That's all you have to do."

"I can't."

"You can." He pressures

"I can't, Dex. I-"

"How did it feel to kill?"

"Please, stop-"

"HOW DID IT FEEL?"

"I CAN'T."

"JUST SAY IT! FUCK!" His hand slams the wall by her head. When he steps away, she lets out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding.

The iota of relief doesn't last long; The bottle of bourbon flies across the room and explodes into a thousand pieces.

"WHY WON'T YOU JUST FACE IT?"

You can still make her proud.

Dex tries to catch his breath while she stays glued to the wall.

"You think I wanna do this? I don't wanna fight you! But you won't. stop. RUNNING!"

Just be good

Just be good

Just be-

"I know you're scared but I'M HERE! I stay and I fight for you! I FIGHT FOR US, DON'T I? WHEN IS THAT GOING TO BE ENOUGH? WHEN-"

There's a knock on the door.

Dex grabs the gun from the table, and lifts it to where Earl's head is on the other side.

He doesn't pull the trigger. Instead, he moves at an angle so he won't be seen and gestures for her to open.

The threat is clear; Act normal or the owner of the lodge gets his brains blown out.

The door may be made of thick wood, but Y/N doesn't wanna find out if a bullet would lodge in the fibers or pass straight through.

Dex is looking like he's begging to be tested.

The handle twists carefully. The door cracks open, just a sliver, just enough to greet the old man.

"Miss." White hair and a stern expression meet her.

"Sir." She clears her throat. "Were we being too loud?"

"Yes." The answer is short, to the point.

"I'm sorry, we had a little too much to drink. I promise we'll keep it down."

"It may be off-season but that doesn't mean you disregard the noise policy."

"I understand, sir. It won't happen again."

Earl sighs, looks her up and down, as if trying to figure out if he should be more considerate.

"Do you need help?" He ends up asking.

The safety of the gun clicks off.

"No, sir. We just had a rough couple of weeks, that's all."

"Hm." It seems he can tell this mess is the tip of iceberg. "Get some rest, miss. And no swimming in the creek."

She nods in agreement. When Earl turns to leave, the door closes with a brief click.

Dex flips the safety back on, then runs a hand down his face. He waits a bit until the footsteps outside fade away.

Then:

"We're going back."

No.

She turns to look at him.

"We'll sleep this off and leave first thing in the morning." He grabs the duffles and puts them on the table, then starts packing.

The gun disappears in the bag. The few clothes they hung in the mini-closet gets folded. Dex sets aside a clean pair of clothes for her to wear tomorrow.

Then, he's on the floor, picking up the blades she'd tossed aside earlier.

"And don't make a scene, or I swear I'll kill everyone who-"

His voice turns into background noise.

I'm not going back

You're not good

I can't do it

You can't escape from this

This isn't what she died for

It's never going to end

Dex is still talking.

I promised I'd be good

You killed to be here

I tried to be good, I'm still trying

It can't be all for nothing

Dex keeps talking and talking and talking.

There's no use.

You're just like him

Just like him

Just like him

Just li-

"-are you listening to me?"

Her senses sharpen all at once.

Fuck it.

"Felt like waking up." She doesn't blink as the words leave her, nor in the long seconds afterwards

"...what?" Dex asks.

"Killing... it felt like waking up at the bottom of the lake."

She finds the bed somehow, sits down, tries to keep her breathing steady. Dex doesn't move at first, afraid to break the moment.

"Felt like I spent my entire life drowning and I was underwater for so long that I got used to it. Forgot about it. Then I finally woke up, swam up for air, and... it all went quiet. Everything is so loud, Dex. But death is quiet."

She doesn't look him in the eyes when he approaches and knees between her legs.

"Did you kill me back at the bunker? Did you pull the trigger on us?" Her voice cracks. "C-cuz I can't tell anymore if we're dead and this is purgatory or-"

"No no no, don't say that." He wipes off a stray tear. "You're more alive than I've ever seen you be. Can't you see? You're finally you."

You're just like me.

Acceptance is as cold as the water at the creek, bitter as it forces its way inside, hollowing everything else out.

Time stretches between them.

The ice must be affecting him too because his fingers are back in her hair, bringing her forehead to his.

"I'll never forgive you for ripping it out of me." She mutters.

"It's ok." He smiles. "I just want it all out."

She wants to disengage, to disappear, to let the scarabs under her skin escape into the woods until she's nothing but a deflated human suit.

Dex can tell she's getting lost in her head, so he grabs her wrists and brings her hands up to his neck.

"Hurt me?" He pleads. "Nobody hurts me better than you."

Temptation takes birth in her chest, tingles through her arms, all the way down to her hands, but-

"I don't want you to like it."

"Don't worry about how I feel." He insists. "Do what you need to do. Be selfish. Just... use me."

Her fingers dig into his throat tentively.

His uses her wrists like an anchor and nods in encouragement.

That's all it takes, truly, for temptation to solidify into conviction.

The squeeze isn't gradual.

One second he's breathing, the other, his trachea is getting crushed.

She watches him endure silently, suppressing the instinct to cough.

His face goes red.

Then purple.

I've been waiting.

She can feel the erratic heartbeat on his carotid.

He doesn't thrash for air.

His eyes roll into his skull.

His mouth hangs open.

Just end it.

The grip on her wrists weaken.

One of his hands lets go entirely.

You're just like me.

YOU PROMISED YOU'D BE GOOD

She cringes and tries to pull away like Dex is the incarnation of a hot stove. The remaining grip on her wrist tightens in a weak attempt to keep her close.

He tries to speak between coughs.

"Don't s-stop" His eyes blink back open, voice barely audible. "K-keep going."

She tugs her wrist away a second time, managing to free it and bolt for the door.

She doesn't even manage to take three steps away from him.

Her face nearly smashes onto the ground when he yanks her ankle. She claws at the floor when he yanks a second time.

Then, his entire weight is on her back, pressing her to the floor until she can't move a single muscle.

"Dex-"

"You're not walking away from me." He pins both her wrists to the ground, somehow still strong as he tries to catch his breath.

To fight and to flee are instinctual reactions.

Freezing is a conscious choice.

Freezing is all she can do if she wants to be good.

Don't play the game.

You lose either way.

"Why aren't you fighting?" His voice sounds firmer now that he has his breath back.

Ignore him.

"Fight." He orders.

Be good.

"FIGHT." He grabs her by the neck. "I'm not going to say it again."

"Fuck you, Ben."

. . .

She can feel the way he freezes, going deathly still.

The silence is heavier than his body.

It's a low blow, really, but self-control died back in the bunker.

"I'm not going to- AAH-"

Her mouth gets covered at the same time pain explodes in her shoulder. Screams are smothered, his palm locking over her lips to prevent any sound from escaping the room.

Biting.

He's biting her.

Teeth dig deep enough to pierce flesh.

She tries to thrash but it only makes his jaw lock in place. Muffled shrieks rake her vocal chords raw, warm blood escaping his mouth and dropping to the ground.

He gets heavier somehow, like he'd been holding back from completely dropping his weight. So heavy, it gets harder to breathe, much less scream.

She can feel the rumble of his chest as he groans and-

... a gulp.

He's swallowing the fucking blood.

She doesn't care about breaking anymore, she just wants to beg.

Amidst the haze of pain, she spots a blade on the floor, under the table, that he missed when putting the mess away. But she can barely move and it's too far out of reach.

She manages to open her mouth just enough to bite the meat of his palm. When metal stains her taste buds, she tries to spit out in immediate regret, but he angles his hand just right so that it forces her mouth to stay open.

Blood licks at the barrier in the back of her throat.

Fighting is just partaking in the game.

Fleeing is an illusion.

Freezing is avoidance.

So she wilts with resignation.

Except Dex won't accept anything other than violence.

When he feels her untense under him, his teeth disconnect from her shoulder to rasp against her ear

"That all you got? Fight."

Please stop.

"You're not taking this seriously enough."

The hand pinning her other wrist lets go to pull her shirt down, ripping it in the effort to expose skin.

His teeth find a new home in the meat of her back.

This time, what leaves her throat isn't a scream, but a growl. The new wave of pain is like poison, fury overriding the attempt at resignation.

Anger is far more comforting than acceptance.

Her free hand reaches back blindly.

Nails sink into his neck, trying to meet hair.

When she finds it, she tugs as hard as she can, and fuck it if he takes a chunk of flesh out with him.

The weight finally eases, giving her enough space to move.

She scramble towards the blade under the table.

When she feels that familiar grip on her ankle, she throws her elbow where his face should be. She feels the impact but she doesn't check if it was enough to incapacitate him.

Hand meets blade.

And swipe it back blindly in his direction.

There's more blood, but she can't focus while lost in the cloud of adrenaline.

She pounces with the intent to kill. His back meet the floor, making him let out a sharp, pained gasp.

She drives the blade towards his heart. Dex tries to grab it, but it ends up cutting through his hand. She yanks the blade out and aims for his head but his forearm gets in the middle.

She struggles to rip it out of the thick muscle. And that little moment is when her vision clears up to see the mess under her.

Dex has a clean horizontal line cut across his forehead. Some of the blood spilled into his eye and made him partially blind. Her own blood stains his lips and teeth.

The hint of concern gets shoved to the back of her mind.

"YOU PROMISED." She screams, and fuck it if anyone can hear. "YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T HURT ME! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?"

His eyes lock on the bite mark on her shoulder.

"Needed you to know I was real." He shakily reaches for the blade embedded in his forearm and rips it out before putting it back in her hand. "Just finish the job. Me for you."

It's just an equation.

"... you don't get to have it end that easy" She seethes.

She covers his mouth to make sure he won't scream, then presses the tip of the blade to his forehead.

It cuts in a vertical line.

Then slices in a circular motion.

Once

Twice.

Until there's a bullseye symbol carved into him.

The blood runs freeling into his hairline.

When she's done, she presses the blade against his neck to make sure he stays still.

She's not sure what she expects afterwards, but it definitely isn't him pouring his heart out.

"I've got nothing to lose, Y/N." His voice shakes from the pain. "But I would give everything for you."

Angry tears fill her eyes. She's so tired of crying.

"Why?! Why me?"

She should know better than to ask for reasons.

"You... you make me feel like myself, like I'm human."

She should know better.

"You're not, Ben." She breathes out, in between tears.

"Don't call me that." His expression finally morphs into true pain.

It's an anguish with no pleasure mixed in. They're both a mess of bodily fluids, but she doesn't miss the rare opportunity to dig deeper.

"You're a fucking animal." The blade nicks the skin on his neck. "You're an attention-starved, stray dog that nobody wants. You're a rat that crawls through people's blood and guts. You're a fucking parasite."

Her heart breaks when he sobs.

"I don't care what I am anymore." He doesn't hold back, the tears mixing with blood as they run into his hair. "You're never getting rid of me. I can't let you go, Y/N. I can't. So just finish it."

There's no point.

"You're sick." She tries to get angry again.

"I know."

Her tears drop onto his face.

"You're disgusting."

"I know." His voice is so bittersweet.

She tosses the blade aside.

"I'll never forgive you."

Dex lets out a whimper when her lips crash onto his.

A/N II: I really hope i was able to properly transfer the intensity of this scene from my head to written words, bc i feel like my writting hasnt been as good, idk.