At Last I See The Light

I also found proof that this wasn't the first time he's cheated on me - There's a picture of a half-naked woman on her back on her bed and it looks like he took the picture while he was on the bed with her but over her and that's definitely not my leg because I have freckles. So he fucked someone else in February of 2019 while we were long distance because we hadn't met until March of 2020.

I'm basically holding everything close to my chest until my parents get here in November or I get this job and find a place to live and then I'll nail his ass with everything I have and destroy him. I've never been the vindictive type but this experience has made me so different - We were planning our wedding! WE WERE PLANNING OUR WEDDING! WE WERE ACTIVELY TRYING FOR A CHILD!

Am I stupid for getting upset over that?

No.

But he's making it out to be 'no big deal' because he wasn't looking for an outrageously expensive hooker. That's not the issue I have here. The issue is that you knew what the site was for and yet you still looked at not one but five hookers.

We had a "therapy" session with one of his friends yesterday. I just feel like it's not working out. I feel like I need to go. He isn't ready for marriage, that's obvious. And I can't stay stuck somewhere, where I'm trying to find a job, trying to do my share of the house work because he works all day, but it's like even that isn't good enough.

It makes me feel like a house wife and I'm not even a wife yet. That's not what I want. I want a partnership - you notice I'm not feeling well, you pick up my slack. I notice you come home from work and need to decompress, I let you decompress and then I tell you hey, can we talk for a minute?

But I'm tired of being the bigger person and being like "oh it's fine." When I'm hurting. When I'm stuck in the house all day and I have to make sure the sheets are washed and the laundry's folded and his cat is taken care of and then he just gets to come home and sit on his ass while he's been cheating on me while he's been at work. 🙄

Not only that, but he has the audacity to be like "how is it different from what you do?" Because I'm not looking for a hooker. I'm looking for friends around here. I moved a thousand miles away, excuse me if I feel lonely and want a friend to go get coffee with and bounce your actions off of so I know if I should stay or if I should abandon ship before you take me down with you.

I'm not saying I have things that I don't need to work on. I know I need to work on my cooking skills, my math skills, my tendency to think about just leaving him when he does gross ass shit like this but can you fucking blame me????

We're engaged. We just started living together in November of 2022, it'll be two years come November, everything was going good, we got the early kinks out of the way of assimilating into a living together dynamic, the wedding planning started, and then boom! He cheats on me with a girl from his past in a sexting exchange while he's at work in the beginning of January 2024. That gave me some betrayal trauma so I'm like alright, I'm hypersensitive to a bunch of different things now, my intuition is all out of whack and I feel like I have to monitor my partners shit now. After a couple months of healing, I realized that was unhealthy so I stopped and then I had this fucking suspicion, hey, somethings not right. Let me just check. Find out he's looking at hookers on the Internet on mother's day when I was meeting his family that came in from Colorado and we were talking about the wedding.

This isn't how I wanted my engagement to go. And I was like is it because I asked for a long engagement? You thought I was putting it off so I didn't have to marry you? He says yeah but then I go okay so why is it when I start planning, and I tell you hey I'm starting to plan this wedding again, you get cold feet and end up sabotaging the fucking thing? Doing something you know damn well you're not supposed to do when you're practically a married man just without the fucking paperwork?

He's like I don't know because I'm a guy. Because I'm horny because you don't seem like you care about me. How the fuck do I not care about you? I moved a thousand miles away from everyone I've ever known to try and make this work. I forgave you for cheating on me when I was working on our future together TWICE.

And then his friends like "well you have some growing up to do too. You never let him heal from your infidelity in the beginning of the relationship." Okay so me cheating on him when we didn't really even know each other is equal to him cheating on me again (because I know damn well there's no way he didn't cheat on me for four years of long distance with the way he's acting now that he actually has me living here) and he's acting like one instance of me cheating EIGHT FUCKING YEARS AGO is equivalent to him cheating on me when we're engaged??? And then it's like everything's fine because he wasn't looking for a hooker to buy, it was just "out of curiosity" that he stumbled across a comment of virgin hookers selling their virginity.

But why look up the site in the first place when the url even states what it is, it's an escort service. Then he looks and it's like oh, these people are selling their virginity online. Let's check out not one but four other girls and look up the differing rates in prices "just out of curiosity" even though I have a fiancee at home that I took her virginity.

He's even like "you know how hard it was our first time? Why would I subject myself to that again?" I don't know. Why are you looking at shit you're not supposed to be looking at?

What else don't I know about from the five years we were long distance? Because it just seems fishy to me that once I'm actually here and I make the big move, you keep looking at things that make it seem like you don't care that I'm here at all?

Why propose to me if you don't want me? Why keep me here when it's obvious you aren't putting my feelings into account before you do something?

Yes, I did the same shit. But I grew from it. I learned. I didn't do stupid shit like look up an escort service while I have a fiancee at home.

Changed my lock screen and background picture.

I know my worth and I won't settle for anything less than what I deserve.

Either he grows the fuck up and we get married or he stays as he is and I leave.

It's no loss on my part either way.

Getting away for two weeks was so great for me. It healed me. It helped me realize what I already knew but was too caught up in all of our wedding planning to listen.

I'm a damn treasure and you can bet your ass I'm not settling for some grown ass baby man with mommy and daddy issues, self esteem issues, and self worth issues so he can cheat on me again.

Either he figures his shit out and grows from it like I did, or he doesn't and I leave.

And his excuse is because he was "bored and horny at work." 😠🙄

Granted, I cheated on him while we were long distance in the beginning of our relationship but we didn't really know each other then, we had started this relationship off on sex and now it's breaking apart for the same reason.

I can't.... I don't understand.

I asked him if he was trying to get out of the wedding, I asked him if he was trying to even the score with me, I asked him if he did this before I moved in/before we were engaged, he said no, not until Wednesday when she hit him up.

I knew it was happening. I sat on it for four days because I was fuming and pissed and I wanted more evidence in case he decided to lie to me and in all honesty, I wanted to see how long it would go on for. My car's been out of commission so I originally wanted to wait until my car was fixed and I could get the fuck out of here and go to a hotel for a couple days to sort out my feelings, figure out my next step. He didn't even seem sorry or apologetic when I asked him. He knew I knew and didn't care. He admitted it.

Me: "I need to ask you something."

Him: "Okay. What's wrong?"

Me: "You tell me. And don't you fucking lie to me because I already know."

Him: "You found out about Bailey."

What I should have said in hindsight: "No... Who's Bailey?"

What I actually said: "Yeah. I know about Bailey."

He admitted everything, how it was just pictures, her husband was beating her and she reached out to him, they started talking but "apparently" it wasn't anything sexual until Wednesday.

We've been together for seven years, but only really together for four. I didn't know him when I cheated on him. I didn't know what he was like because we had never met in person before. Not that that excuses it, I know I fucked up by doing that but I was young and naive and sheltered.

We had only met in 2020 and then started visiting each other and actively working on our relationship for the past four years. I worked on myself for four years, never contacted the guy again, and just started getting myself on the right track - got a job, got my license, quit school, worked for a company for three years, quit that company, got two freelance jobs for a year, got an actual job and started saving money and making steps to move to be with him in 2022. I never cheated on him again. I packed up and moved a thousand miles away from everything and everyone I've ever known to be with this man, we were living together for only a couple weeks and he proposed, I said yes. Told him I wanted a long engagement, so I could figure out if I liked it here, if this was what I really wanted, if he was who I really wanted. He said okay, we've been engaged for a year, and then when I'm actively planning this wedding - making save the dates because we've figured out where we want it, when we want it, etc. - I snooped on his Facebook and found out he was sending pictures to this girl while he was at work.

I wanted to know if he had told any of his friends about the wedding, he sent me a screenshot of his conversation with one of his friends about my colors and I just wanted to see what they were talking about. I know it was wrong but I just had a feeling... I needed to check.

And there it was. I took pictures on my phone and sat on it for days because I wanted to know. Confronted him about it, after he admitted it, he got down on his knees while I was getting my shoes on and hugged me/begged me not to go. He asked if it was sabotage or if I found out on my own, like if the bitch had sent them to me it would have made a difference? I told him I wish she had, so I could have told her you can have him, but no, I found out on my own.

We were watching tangled the day before I confronted him about it and I was crying while we were watching it together. I couldn't eat, I still can't. He figured out I knew when I didn't eat my pizza. I told him I was feeling sick, that the pizza was making me feel sick. He caught on and apparently ended it then. Told her "hey, I can't do this. My fiancee is in my arms right now and I can't do anything to jeopardize that." I confronted him about it the next day, leave to go calm myself down, and then I came back and asked to see the messages again and he goes "I deleted them when you walked out the door." ... That seems suspicious, right?

I get back home after we're talking things out and he goes "I had to tell Mom about it because I was gonna kill myself while you were gone." Manipulative, gaslighting motherfucker. You were gonna kill yourself and then have me come home and see you lying on the floor after two hours of being gone? I called him out on it, told him uh that's on you, that's not on me. You need therapy. You need to work out your own shit because that's not good. He goes I do with my friends. Bitch, that's not working through it.

My eating disorder is going haywire with this information, but do I bring that up when we're fighting or "talking through it"? No, I don't. He's been sleeping on the couch for the past two nights because the way I see it, I moved, I sacrificed everything and everyone I love to be with him, to try and make this work, I know no one here but him and his mom and his friends, and I get the bed because I didn't do anything wrong. It's isolating and terrifying and I took a huge leap of faith to even do that. Yes, I didn't go about it in the right way, but I thought if it works out, it'll be good for me. If it doesn't, I can move back.

But now... With my car on the Fritz, I can't decide anything until my car is working again. We're planning on going to therapy this coming week, to see if we can work things out, so that's the plan as of right now.