Hoes Mad

Uvogin: How did I end up here?

Y/N: Like always, you laughed too hard at your own joke and blacked out

----------

Hisoka: I’m jealous of your heart because it’s pumping inside you and I’m not

Y/N: I- ok

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Illumi: You can’t make everyone like you. You’re not Y/N

Milluki: What? Not everyone likes Y/N

Illumi: Who doesn’t?

Milluki: Well-

Illumi: Names, now. Give me their names

----------

Y/N: Every time Machi hears me crying in my room she slips money under my door

Nobunaga: Really? Machi tells me to shut up

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Y/N, jokingly: I should have Chrollo kill you for that

Chrollo, peering around the corner: Who do I need to kill?

Y/N: Wh- no, I was just kidding around

Chrollo, pulling out his book: No, who’s bothering you?

---------

Y/N: Hey, what’s the name of the guy we always run into in town?

Kite: His dogs’ names are Boots and Spots 

Y/N: That’s not what I asked

Kite: That’s the information I have

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Leorio, very drunk: *points to y/n* That’s my girlfriend, suckers!

Killua, sighing: Your wife, idiot

Leorio: My WIFE! EVEN BETTER!

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Y/N: From now on Alluka, if anyone laughs at you, they’ve gotta go through me

Alluka: Really? Anyone? What about Hulk riding a rhinoceros? Would you stop him from laughing?

Y/N: Wait, is Hulk laughing or the rhinoceros?

Alluka: Both but the rhinoceros doesn’t know why. He just wants to fit in

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Y/N: Kurapika I did something terrible

Kurapika: It’s okay, I have a shovel

Y/N: Wait, what do you think I did?

Kurapika: Doesn’t matter. No one will ever know, trust me

----------

Y/N: Does anyone have a flashlight?

Killua: Gon is the only light I need

Y/N: Leorio is going to die, Killua

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Y/N: You’re so tall. What can you see up there?

Hisoka: Everyone’s flaws

----------

Chrollo: We all have our own problems

Y/N: *points to Killua and Gon* These two are mine

--------

Y/N: Hey Feitan, wanna draw a mustache on phinks

Feitan: You woke me up at 2am for this shit?

Y/N: Yeah...

Fukuzawa: Would you say you are independent?

Atsushi: *looks at Y/N

Y/N: *Nods*

Atsushi: Yes I would say so

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Dazai carrying a large box: What would you do if I came home with, um, Chuuya Nakahara?

Y/N: What’s in the box?

Dazai: ...

Y/N: Osamu, what’s in the box?

Dazai: I think you know

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Ranpo: I gave the police captain a get well soon card

Y/N: That’s surprisingly nice of you

Ranpo: He’s not sick I just think he should do better

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Y/N: What’s the first thing you notice when a man approaches you?

Yosano: The audacity

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Mori: Alright listen up you monsters!

Mori: Except you, Y/N. You’re an angel and we are all thrilled you’re here

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Y/N: Higuchi, tell Akutagawa he’s an idiot but I still love him

Higuchi: Gross. Tell him yourself

Y/N: We’re in a fight

Higuchi: You’re sitting on his lap?

----------

Y/N: What goes up but never comes down?

Kunikida: The stress you bring me and this company

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Chuuya: This date is boring

Y/N: This isn’t a date. I said I was going to the store

Chuuya: Then why did you invite me?

Y/N: I specifically said “don’t come with me” and then you said  “Fuck you Y/N, I do what I want” and followed me here

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Kunikida: Why is Ranpo on the bathroom floor crying?

Kenji: He’s drunk

Kunikida: Okay and?

Y/N: He heard that I was married.

Kunikida: He’s married to you though

Y/N: *kisses Tomura’s neck*

Shigaraki: What is this?

Y/N: Affection

Shigaraki: Disgusting

Shigaraki: Do it again

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Twice: I really like Y/N but I’m afraid if I ask them out they’ll say no

Toga: Dude, I don’t know what your stressing about. Y/N would totally go out with you, you just gotta play it cool

Twice: Play it cool, got it

Twice 10 minutes later: *kidnaps y/n*

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Y/N just getting home: Hello, people who do not live here

Toga: Hi

Dabi: Hey

Y/N: I gave you the keys for emergencies 

Twice: We ran out of doritos

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Y/N: You’re the greatest wife ever!

Toga: I wish I could marry you all over again!

Toga: *gasps* Let’s get divorced!

----------  

Y/N: I’m having guy problems

Magne: His dead body won’t fit in my car problems or I like him problems?

Y/N: I like him

Magne: Too bad, I could’ve helped more with the other one but I got you honey

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Compress: You’re smiling, did something good happen?

Y/N: Can’t I smile just because I feel like it?

Spinner: Dabi tripped and fell in the parking lot while trying to dramatically walk away from the fire

----------

Shigaraki: I’m angry with you

Y/N: I’m angry with you too. Let’s give each some space

Shigaraki: Fine

Y/N: *climbs off his lap and sits next to him still holding hands*

Dabi: What the fuck is wrong with you two?

----------

Kurogiri: What kind of tea is this?

Y/N: Oh I just boiled some gatorade 

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Y/N: Where have you been

Compress coming back from hearing Dabi backstory: Emotional hell

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Spinner: Did y/n just tell me they loved me for the first time

Compress: Yes

Spinner: And did I do finger guns back?

Compress: Yes you did

---------

 Y/N: Well what do you normal do when I’m gone?

Toga: *tearing up* Wait for you to come back

---------

Y/N to Overhaul: Don’t talk to me or my girlfriend and 5 boyfriends ever again

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BONUS: CHAPTER 290 Spoilers

Y/N: No one asked you to take your shirt off. Stop volunteering to take your shirt off

Y/N: *accidently brushes Bakugo’s hand with their own*

Bakugo: *aggressively holds their hand*

Bakugo: Fucking commit to it

----------

Y/N and Iida: *staring lovingly into each other eyes*

Todoroki: *opens a can of soda*

Iida: We’re having a moment

Todoroki: And I’m having a coke

----------

Monoma: I know you hate me but-

Y/N: Wait what? You think I hate you?

Monoma: You always get all red when I enter the room, and you’re always watching me, and you never want to hang out with me alone, and you get all tense when I walk close to you and oh, yep, now I hear it. You have a crush on, that’s adorable

----------

Y/N: *getting ready to visit Dabi*

Y/N: Ok, how do I look?

Kurogiri: Like a widow in mourning

Y/N: Perfect! He’ll know I’m available 

----------

Y/N: *staring at momo* She could kill me and I’d thank her

Bakugo hearing this for the 100th time: I’d thank her too

----------

Y/N: You know what?

Tamaki: What y/n?

Y/N: I’m gonna fuck the sun

Tamaki: What?

Y/N: I’m gonna fuck the sun

Tamaki: Y/n no

Mirio: Tamaki, my man, let y/n speak

----------

Shinso: *after joint trainning* In honor of what happened today, you can hug me for four to five seconds

Y/N: FOURTY FIVE SECONDS?!

Shinso: NO FOUR TO FIVE SEC-

Kaminari: Do you like me?

Y/N: It’s 4 in the morning, we’re not going through this again

Kaminari: But do you like me or like like me?

Y/N: DENKI WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR THREE YEARS

Kaminari: YOUR NOT ANSWERING THE QUESTION

Y/N: *sighs* Yes Denki, I like like you

Kaminari: *smirks* knew it

__________

Random Villain: *sits next to y/n* 

Y/N: *scoots over*

Random Villain: C’mon I don’t bite

Shigaraki: But I fucking do

__________

Y/N: You want me to talk about it? Haha, no no, I prefer to internalize all my problems until they eat away at me from the inside and I am no longer able to function

Bakugo: See this is the shit I’m talking about. What the fuck am I suppose to do with that information? Should I be worried or pissed?

__________

Todoroki: What are you doing?

Y/N: *squiggling in his arms* Hiding

Todoroki: Do you mean hugging?

Y/N: Did I stutter

Bakugo: *from down the hall* I HEARD YOU WERE TALKING SHIT

__________

*in a play argument*

Y/N: Fuck you

Shinso: Later. Now, listen here you little shit-

__________

Y/N: Jesus it’s cold

Midoriya: Here you can have my hoodie, I’m not really cold

Y/N: Thanks I’ll give it back tomorrow

*later in the dorms*