It's not on fire any more

absolute madman

self portrait

My mattress is strapped to eight roombas and I leave all my doors open at night so the roombas can go where they want to. I wake up where they want me to be. I trust their decisions.

as my uncle frank used to say “you aint getting any bananers if you dont use yer manners”

your uncle frank seems cool

thanks i made him up

let’s get one thing clear. im not here to look at your jpgs. i’m not here to learn your username or understand your opinions. i’m here to read the time stamps of your posts to make sure i’m progressing forwards in time

We don’t only care about the Oregon trail…….

yes you do thats why youre still talking about it

This man is gonna die on the set of always sunny

i tell all my buddies who are sharpening a stick in order to stand in the shallows and spear fish the same thing: you gotta adjust your aim to compensate for light refraction

break the rules

no gods no kings no masters

Concept: one of those cliché angel/demon romances, except the demon is the stuffy, orthodox one and the angel is like “hold my beer”.

#demon: youre SUPPOSED to be a background influence!! no one is supposed to see you!!! youre not supposed to leave any sign of ur presence!#angel *sneezes and twenty feathers drift to the ground*: lmao im gonna cure this chicks blindness and make that guy rethink his life choices (via @andsotheuniverseended)

demon: *sits there drawing up a long contract for a lawyer’s human soul, working out the loopholes because lawyers are sneaky* angel: i think that dude is on lsd lmao i’m gonna go talk to him in my true form demon: don’t you have burning wings and a thousand eyes or something angel: haha ye deom: *long sigh*