Moth

Being a member of the LGBT+ community, I’ve had to come out many times to many people. When coming out to someone you don’t know well you end up trying to gauge “Is this person safe?”. Maybe you ask leading questions or dance around it a bit. Poke one foot out of the closet, far enough to see a reaction but still able to duck back inside if things go south. Sometimes people will just come out and ask you, and you need to make a split second judgment of their character, because stalling is also an answer.

Then there’s the Jewish closet. And it’s exactly the same.

Story time. I live in a place with almost no Jews. And I don’t mean no visible Jews I mean, according to census data, single digits. And ironically because of this, we feel safe having our mezuzah outside. No one knows what it is. In fact we only know of one time it’s been recognized, and we know because we could hear slurs being spoken outside our door.

Anyway, I was bringing in a grocery delivery, and as I was unloading the food the delivery driver looks at the mezuzah and asks:

“What’s that thing there?” “Oh uh… it’s a mezuzah” “What’s that?” “Oh um… it’s a like, a charm?” “What kind of charm?” “It’s a prayer scroll” “Oh, like a religious thing? What religion is from?”

I had been trying to be vague but he kept asking questions. And now I was faced with coming out of the Jewish closet to a man I'd known for two minutes who knew where I lived.

“Yeah… it’s a Jewish thing” [Pause] “Huh. Well that’s different.”

And then I finished unloading my groceries feeling like I’d just failed a quick time event. But in the end “Well that’s different”, while a bit weird, wasn’t aggressive or angry, and so I was probably safe.

Some people don’t have the luxury of the closet though, they can’t pass as straight or cis or gentile. If you can’t pass, you’re always out in the open. And if you can:

You don’t look gay. You don’t look trans. You don’t look Jewish