dan nicky your bobbie s

if she’s YOUR girl, why’s she using MY crafting table?

Travis McElroy is a suspiciously suprisingly wholesome person for someone who is the devastating combination of a Scorpio, slytherein, and theatre major

“good intrusive thoughts” i know you all get your entire scientific education off random tumblr posts but please for the love of god read even just one psych paper. im begging

or even just take an english class. “intrusive” means you don’t want them. they’re unwelcome. they can NEVER be fun or quirky or funny because by definition they are unsettling, unwelcome, and INTRUSIVE. jesus fucking christ 

theyre called thoughts

god is a sock puppet but I have a hoof

i just throw words at things and one day i’ll die

i put new yellow shoelaces on my boots to show people i am Cool. I walk to my work full of old lady cashiers. “I like your shoelaces.” one of them says to me. I see my life flash before my eyes as this ancient test is presented before me

Op did you say it

did you say it op

life was simpler when we were kids and thought the name bob was the funniest possible thing in the world

i had the funniest fucking dream i was hanging out with michael jackson and someone asked him what his pronouns were and he said “he/hee!” and i woke up crying

a power move

apparently I’m playing skyrim again… and by “playing skyrim” I obviously mean “spending hours installing mods before I ever open the game”

foreplay with Todd

do you ever think before you post

yes, I think “ha! funny” and hit post