ThatOneSadEnding

So I heard it's AUgust

Trust and Scars

Caleb Widogast dug Molly’s grave. He was the one who dug him back up. With his bare hands, on his knees. Having no qualms about disturbing Molly's grave because, "I'm already going to hell anyway"--the implication that Caleb believes he's already damned, beyond salvation. But Mollymauk was still worth saving.

Caleb buried him with a letter, telling Molly to come find them if he wakes, daring to dream of the impossible, "The man dug his way out of a grave once, if he is to be believed...He's done it once, maybe he will do it again. Do we stay here, do we try to find...? I don't, I--I have read of miracles..." How much it tormented Caleb to have to leave Molly behind.

Several months pass. Jester offers to resurrect Caleb's own parents--the one thing he's always wanted--and he still asks her if she could bring back Mollymauk instead. Dreaming of the possibility of reunion, being the most vocal of all the Nein to push for a resurrection, "[This] could be a conversation, or a reunion." And Jester--always so earnest and full of hope--still tries to temper his expectations, to make sure he doesn't get his heart broken if Mollymauk doesn't return to them.

The Nein feeling entirely at a loss, directionless. Hopeless and heartbroken in Aeor. Jester drawing a card from Molly's tarot deck for guidance, for some bit of comfort after Lucien's coldness. It's pure luck, just chance, but the card she draws is the Magician. "The Magician. So, Molly drew this card for you, Caleb. It looks like you." Caleb seeing that, seeing himself drawn in Molly's hand, and everything falls into place.

He knows where he needs to be. "I have been trying to make sense of everything that's happened in the last few weeks--every day--and I am not seeing it. But...I know that we're supposed to go where Molly is. Otherwise, we would not have seen the things we've seen. We wouldn't be the Mighty Nein."

He dreamed of “reunion,” went all the way to Cognouza because saving Mollymauk was worth it. Always knew where this road was going to lead. "Why did we come this far, if not for this?" "But what if...? Why did we go so far, and fight so hard?" Caleb pleading with Mollymauk's caged soul again and again, begging for him to hold on, to keep fighting. He wasn't beyond hope, they could still save him. "Please don't give up. You can find your own life again. There will be time for that later."

"That wasn't me," Lucien vehemently insists, his will still trying to dominate Caleb's in this world of sheer dreams and manifestation, endless possibilities. "He's gone, and you will all die and join me." "Bullshit," Caleb says, and keeps resisting him again and again, keeps shattering his control. And he pays dearly for it. Lucien kills Caleb for his endless loyalty to Molly, for daring to still try and save him. Caleb, who breaks through Lucien's control again and again, who has the most profound effect on him and Molly when it all comes crashing down.

"He's gone. Let him go. Let it all go..." The last Eye Lucien branded him with--it appears right over Caleb's heart. Did Lucien do that just to spite him, as a way to try and shut out Molly's feelings--

Essek never knew Mollymauk in life, didn't have to grieve him after all the pain Lucien caused. But when he sees Caleb say goodbye, watches Caleb return that forehead kiss from so long ago--sees how much Caleb loves him--that's what makes Essek break down. "Essek gets up in a huff, walks about twenty feet away," storms off and cries over the unfairness of it all, over seeing Caleb and the rest of the Nein lose someone so dear to them.

Of course Caleb is the one who limps to Molly’s side in the end and casts the ritual to resurrect him. Tealeaf reeling from Greater Restoration, wakes in a daze and goes, "Oh...I was having the nicest dream..." And it's Caleb who reaches out to him--asks his name, tries to help him stay grounded. Caleb being the one to assure Kingsley that, "Well, first of all, you are among friends." The way King replies, with absolute certainty, "I know."

Caleb continually holding out a hand to Kingsley, asking him to stay. "Well, let's take him at his word. Perhaps this is your first time meeting us. It's our second time--third time--meeting you. Stick with us." Assuring him that he'll always have a place with the Nein, that Caleb is happy to have him back--whoever he comes to be. That Tealeaf will still always be theirs. "We have a habit of taking in strays." Kingsley being so easily charmed by Caleb and flirting with his Magician immediately, falling so quickly for this person who gave everything to bring him home.

like, you meet a guy with full authority on whether you friend's husband lives or dies. he's mysterious and powerful and will not take any of your bullshit. he's incredibly hot. you invite him over for dinner and he says no i have work and then knocks at your door fourty minutes later and says i changed my mind would you um uh. have me over for dinner. he infodumps to you about driving his father to his own death and also not having any friends. this makes a lot of sense. he wont let you forget about all those favours you owe him but does teach your wizard some baller spells. you fuck off for a couple months. come back in time to attend a fancy party in honour of the peace agreement you busted your entire ass to make happen. out of curiosity you decide to spy on the convo between ludinus and some slightly suspicious dignitary. its like, super easy to do that unnoticed. the dignitary is that fucking guy. holyshit.jpeg . he's still doing his most recognizable gimmick under his disguise. youre like what the fuck man and he starts crying. you fuck off for another couple months. get back. he's incredibly hyped to hear from you and eager af to help. not a mention of the favours you owe is made. halfway through the conversation he stops to rant about how hes a terrible person and will do anything to atone. his devastating puppy eyes are on par with your wizard who he's obviously pathetically in love with. you bring him with you into the worstest couple days of his elven life. he's visibly trembling but like still trying to be cool in front of your wizard. when its over he gives a speech about friendship and love and repenting. he's crying the entire time.

DAY 5 – JUNE 7TH:

"Please."

The Plank King doesn't beg, but it's a near thing.

A gentle hand alights on his cheek, soft and sweet.

Caleb's spell is a welcome reprieve; Kingsley sighs as he sinks boneless into waiting arms, enveloped in his Magician's warm embrace. Surrender on his own terms. Caleb weaves his spell with a delicate hand, binding Tealeaf with but the lightest, faintest touch.

He still remembers the very first touch of Caleb's magic, adrift and fading in the Astral Sea. Like a kiss or a soft caress, being enveloped in another's warmth. A stranger so achingly familiar, breathing life back into him at the edge of oblivion. "Live," that spark of magic begs, igniting a fire deep inside him, setting his shattered soul alight. A dying star burning in the darkness.

Gentle hands comb through his hair, sweep back dark wavy curls from sweat sheened skin, coaxing him to lie still and rest.

The first time he'd asked for this, Caleb just stared at him in disbelief. Too damn noble, too soft, too good. "You...want to be charmed?"

King tried to parse the words, heart heavy as a stone. "Not what they did to you," he chokes out in a rush, throat closing up. "Not like that. I...I'd never ask you for that, I swear. But I...I have all this stuff mixed up in my head, these pretty dreams and fucked up nightmares, and all these little fragments that could be memories, but it's not me, and...I just want it to be quiet, sometimes. It's killing me."

He doesn't say the rest--that his first true memory, his first real feeling, is that gentle brush of Caleb's magic, warm and tingling, binding to his very soul. How he still longs for it, aches for it, the only thing to ever keep him anchored in the vast, endless Astral Sea.

It's easy to submit when he feels that first brush of magic--ghosting on his skin, dizzyingly warm and tantalizing, molten heat and desire, the threadbare longing for more. And it's Caleb's touch, Caleb's will, that takes him apart so well.

It's not being strung up like a puppet, not...feeling something else in his skin, moving with his limbs, hollowing him inside out. It makes him feel safe. Whole.

Caleb reaches for that thread of fading consciousness and pulls, tugs at his heartstrings until he comes undone, unravelling like a soul shattered into stardust so long ago. "Like so much confetti," Lucien had said--as if that was all his mortal soul was worth, scattered leaves blown away in the wind.

All the noise and static of too many lives began to fade, all of it starting to flow and ebb away, a tide of tumultuous memories and distant dreams. Faces flickering one after another, phantom images, ghosts still haunting a soul long dead. Places, faded and forgotten, just the barest sketches and inkblots of impressions. All the voices from his dreams drowned out.

It's good--it's quiet, more peace than he's ever known. He lets himself fall back into that sunken place, lulled by gentle touches and hushed whispers. His limbs are heavy, sluggish, eyes starting to flutter closed.

Vaguely, he's aware of his Magician's softly lilting, soothing cadence. He doesn't know what was asked, not really, but he knows his answer all the same.

“I’ll do whatever you want,” Kingsley whispers, head bowed. “I'm all yours."

He has to say the words, to give Caleb all of himself, or it won't mean a thing. The man risked everything before, laid his whole heart and soul bare for Lucien to rake his claws through. He can still feel the blood on hands that weren't his, throat scraped raw from his own anguished scream. He wants Caleb to do the same. An eye for an eye--"blood of mine for blood of yours." A prayer on his lips in the Sanguine Chapel, where he once knelt as he kneels now, and offers up his hollow heart.

But the bastard won't--won't let him repay that blood debt, won't take the only thing he has left to give.

I'm yours.

"Nein," Caleb whispers fiercely, fingertips trembling as he strokes King's cheek. "You belong to no one but yourself, Mr. Tealeaf. Do not give yourself away so freely--not after we fought so hard to save your immortal soul. You are...dear to us. To me. Never forget that. Please."

It's only cause you make it so easy, he thinks. You always had me.

"'m sorry, love," he mumbles blearily, tail curling idly as he turns to nuzzle his cheek into Caleb's palm, burrowing closer with a warm purr.

The gentle fingertips grazing his cheek feels like contrition, the light brush of a thumb over his lips tastes like forgiveness. He sighs, soft and sated, lets his eyes flutter shut as he focuses on the singular sensation of his magician’s tender touch.

"How I've longed to hold you like this, since you last went out to sea," Caleb sighs softly. His pretty blue eyes are glassy, watery, and Kingsley aches to bush his tears away.

One moment King is lying on the floor, the next he's on the throne, sprawled on Caleb's lap, tail curling to wind around him. Caleb pulls him closer still, lets Kingsley nestle into the crook of his neck, breathe in his familiar scent.

Do you think Caleb's heart always aches when he sees Kingsley, that he ever sees that last fatal scar, and remembers Tealeaf lying lifeless and bloodied and naked in his arms? Caleb feeling hopeless and defeated for the very first time when thinks he's lost Mollymauk--when his spell fails, when all his magic isn't enough, when he pours his whole heart and soul into this desperate wish to heal, and he can still do nothing to save Molly's shattered soul.

Do you think, when he calls King his stray with such fondness, tells him to stick with the Nein and they'll always take care of him--that he always tries to keep Tealeaf close, whenever his Circus Man starts to pull away and close himself off? That Caleb will always be especially protective of Kingsley, swearing to himself that he won't lose him again?