@thatfrailsoul

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@mieluno ♡

a short story of how a silly (so I thought) reading about a deity, ended up being a gentle knock on my head from my tarot cards, that guided me to a deeper reflection

The "Devotion", by Theodoros Ralli (Greek, 1852-1909).♡

For some reason or another (or perhaps simply because of my own frustration and overthinking and fear about the journey I was on), in the last days my mind started to whisper to me ''What If I ask for help a deity, an entity, something bigger than me that has much more power and knowledge, to guide me?''.

With full conviction I grabbed my tarot deck, took out my journal, and started asking.

First, obviously, was the question about if there could be any deity or entity that could be ''''''interested'''' in me, or help me if I'd to ask them, to teach me and follow me. Then who they might be, what they are associated with, if I ever had to do with them already. The usual stuff of an ''interrogation'' ( I was obviously set on knowing as much as I can before going to bother some ethereal creature for my silly little problems).

But as I received my answers, I started to get a vague strange feeling, almost like the cards were satisfying me, exactly like an adult does with a game of play pretend with their little adorable human, while subtly mixing in a bigger lesson...

From the answers I was gathering that there was indeed someone or something that could've helped me, although not by granting me my wish or assuring me my desired rewards. But more through a guidance and help in navigating and mastering the discipline I would need, to face my journey and go through it, changing the current stagnant situation into something better and more like what I wanted. (The chariot and the wheel of fortune.)

That it wasn't someone or something interested in me (let's be honest it never was realistic in the first place), but rather someone that already did guide me in my previous journeys, that I listened to and followed subconsciously, until I gradually detached myself from them and their ''voice'' because of my own convictions or opinions that downed upon me... So now, rather than being me asking for help or calling out to them, it is more about me pulling out of my own head the wrong and limiting convictions that now reside in them, and don't allow me to see or hear the needed guidance. (The queen of swords and the ten of swords).

That it wasn't a specific deity that I've had already my eyes on (In my mind I needed first to understand which mithology or religion could've been theirs, considering it was supposedly someone I already ''crossed''.), but someone that I briefly gazed at, was interested in, was curious about but never looked more deeply into because I didn't felt too connected to them, or the process of learning about them for some reason resulted confusing and difficult for me. (The seven of swords and the moon...).

I also understood that it was more of a feminine energy, or this someone or something was associated with it usually. And they were often represented like a ''numerous'' entity, rather than one, although considered the same, different duties or powers. And they were, also, a part of something that I would associate with family or community, perhaps a pantheon or somethig connected to the divination and esoterism more closely and specifically... (The tree of cups and the ten of cups).

And this was the moment I thought, or perhaps remembered, about the Norns (Norse Mythology), the Fates (for Romans), and the Moirai (for Greeks). The ones that indeed always interested me but never enough to look into them deeply, because of different interpretations of them, so many stories and mythologies, that felt always too overwhelming. The ones that are infact associated with destiny, passage of time, fortune, knowledge and understanding of life. And as I discovered through my brief research, also oracles, readers, and the ones that practice divination of every form. The were also the ones that are often consulted in times of desired change, or difficult decisions and doubts, or regrets and still heavy on us past. In hopes of understanding it, seeing it, and obtaining control over it and our lives, exacly like the cards of the wheel of fortune, two of swords and the five of cups confirmed to me when I asked about what they are usually associated with.

To say that I was ecstatic it's an understatement - it all made truly sense in my head. I was interested in them vaguely but never looked into them. They are connected to divination, to understanding and knowldge of time and lives and destiny. To which I'm connected to some extent through my own practise. They were three and also the same. They were feminine in their representation. I was honestly all ready to feel special and the chosen one, imagining that the destiny itself wanted to mentor me.

But then I asked, ‘‘Are they interested in me because of what they are and represent, or was I connecting with them and seeking them unknowingly, because of what I was looking for (a change in what felt a bad destiny of mine, that I felt the need to escape from)?’’. The ten of coins, the four of swords, the death.

We were all connected to them, to it. Always. Because they are the ones that make our lives and choose them. And althought their interaction with us is somehow passive, they still allow us to access their ''archives'', their knowledge, what they are doing as they are creating our destiny, if one wants to change it. If one wants help with rewriting it. No matter if we do it through divination, reflections, choices, actions - once we decide we want a different life or outcome than the one that seems to be written for us, they allow us to connect to them, and to ask them for help and guidance in doing so, in ‘‘adjusting’’ what they did for us.

My mind started quitely processing in the background, connecting little and subtle details that seemed to be all hidden in every answer the cards gave me.

Are they, the ones that could help me and guide me, a literal deity as we think about them, or something bigger, perhaps a concept, maybe the one of destiny or fate that they are used for representing? The ace of coins, the eight of cups, the six of wands.

An energy. A thought. The strength. The courage. The ones that we desperately need and look for when we decide to completely shift the reality that we are living. The affirmation and reassurance of having the right, the ability and the possibilty of changing our lives, our situations, our destiny. Bending it to our will, to our desires and passions, to our needs and desperate hopes that we hold onto.

So, I asked as my last question, ‘‘Is perhaps this entity and deity that you've said to me could help me and guide me in my journey, when I asked you about it, only a lesson that I need to remember and learn once again, one more time now. About the right that I have to choose to change my life, my journeys, my situations when they don't feel right anymore for me... And the ability and possibility that I always have to do so, if I just decide, and believe in myself enough, and truly commit, to manifest through my attitude and persistence the outcomes and experiences that I do want... And you just played along with my questions, using them as a metaphor for all of it...?

They answered me with the justice.

When I closed my journal I had a smile on my face. They did it again. My cards. My own subconscious that used them to speak to me more clearly... They redirected me once again, gently. From my convictions, to what they mean, what they represent, what I actually desire and want for me.

A deity to guide and show me the right path, so I'm 100% sure that I’m doing the right things and will receive and live my desired outcome... Or just me lacking the confidence and conviction in the fact that I indeed can control and change my life, no matter how doomed or unlucky the circumstances make me feel?

I think that I will sit with it for a few days. Because, obviously, understanding it not always gives you automatically that courage and perseverance that is needed... But I'm once again deeply grateful for my deck, for divination, for this little magic that helps me see and understand so much more of myself, more than my at times too negative mind allows me.

It might be just an exampe of how my own convictions do change the way I might read the answers, in the end I am indeed more close to spirituality and psychology, rather than mythology and religions. But it also might be a beautiful example of how tarot cards can be much more than just prediction of a future - they are the ones that can translate to us our own thoughts and feelings, filtering them, and showing what really is moving us through our current needs, desires and convictions.

p.s. This was one of my personal readings, my own little therapy sessions as I call them. But, if you might be ever interested, I do post weekly pick a pile readings, through which I try to do exactly the same: use the cards as a key to ourselves, our emotions, our current thoughts, helping us to understand and hear ourselves better, by allowing our subconscious to guide us intuitively through details of paintings and signs and reflections of ourselves that it sees in them, trying to tell us something. ♡

What this august, these last weeks of summer, have in store for you? Which of your desires for this season will be fulfilled suddenly this last month?

piles → one and two ♡

The last month of this season, the last weeks, the last days in which we can't help but put all our hopes in. Hope that they will be able to shift our whole life suddenly, that they will give us everything that the rest of the summer failed to manifest for us... Hope that it is not too late, that we weren't too delusional, that we will be proven right, when our dreams and goals will come true at the last minute, no matter what...

Slow down for a moment, take a deep breathe in. Think about it, about all of it. The summer, the plans you've had, your visions... And the things that never appeared no matter the patience and hard work that you've had for them... And follow your gaze to that one pile, one detail of this painting that is calling you, hiding your message, about the goodbye gift this summer has for you.♡

Details of "A playful distraction", by Frederik Hendrik Kaemmerer, that inspired one of my readings.♡

And even if the wave of doubts and fears is throwing you around now... You still will make sense of all of it, and find your balance. Holding yourself tightly and protecting from all the storms around, or within, you.

the anchor and the mice ♡

A few days ago, as I was holding my diary tightly, with it seemingly fitting my hands so perfectly... I thought to myself, can it really be just an object? Can I affirm, with full conviction, that it is not a person, full of feelings, thoughts and memories?

Sure, they are all mine, I've put them into it, one might say. But still, now they are in it, in him or her, in them. As real and vivid, ink that traces each one of them on paper, the same way they are in me. The way they make me alive. Even if, some of them, where put into me by other people. Can I really affirm that it is not a person, just like myself, because of what I poured into it? What is the difference? Perhaps only the fact that what it holds now are bits of parts of me that belong in the past... But then again, this doesn't make those versions of me less real. So why shouldn't they have the power to give life, the same way they did to me?

It was just a moment, a passing thought, and I didn't find an answer to my wonders. But it did change the way my diary felt, when I was holding it. It was an object, but at the same time a person. It was me, but also someone else, from another time and another version. It did grow and change at the same pace as me, but also it standed alone, it existed. Holding stories, knowledge, emotions, that perhaps I myself didn't hold anymore, forgetting about them or running from them.

The diary felt more heavy, but also comforting. Like a long and just tight in the right way hug that makes you feel safe and at the same time free enough to choose to stay there for another moment. And for this reason, simply, it didn't felt right anymore to call it just a diary. Not when every single one of them was so different, a riflection of a person that I was when I was hugging it... It felt more right to call them by their names, names that they deserved, that were their right, as a person.

(So I present to you, without any particular reason behind his name but the fact that it just kind of feels right, ✨Richard✨ ahaha)