@thatfrailsoul

Is this journey still the right one for you, or is it time to say goodbye to it? / a tarot pick a pile reading ♡

piles → one and two ♡

It wasn’t at all easy, to make this decision, to go into this journey. Without having the proper time to understand it, all the responsibilities and the implications. Nor to prepare for it, to really consider every but and ifs… But you still did it. Because in that one single instant, it felt like it was the right thing, the only right option. You had faith in it, faith in the fact that no matter how this journey will be, in one way or the other, but it will gift you something. It will have in store for you something precious, something worthy. Or, in the worst case, that you will be able to find it either way in it, you will make it work out regardless…

Now, some time has passed already. And even though you learned quickly to love all of this… Some doubts and wanders are catching up to you, asking questions that you don’t know how to answer. They are overwhelming, so insistent, that thanks to them a new thought is finding its way to you, the one of changing everything, of looking for something else, a different path, that might be better, safer, easier or faster, more worth all of it…

But this journey is not finished. The journey itself, is not ready to let go of you, to surrender to the idea that you might never see what it had in store for you just because it is more slow in its growth and progress. So, today, it wants to talk to you. The very journey you are now on, the one you had faith in, the one that you are, unfortunately, starting now to doubt because of how little it is progressing. It wants to tell you a little secret, about what it hides right here, on the horizon, ready for you to take it, if only you wait and resist a little bit.

So slow down for one brief moment, and think about it, about all that you’ve experienced so far since your decision to trust this one path. And allow it to speak to you, through the details of this painting, guiding you to that one pile that holds its message.♡

- Pile One,

(the key: the tower and the king of wands)

Details of “The Favorite”, 1892, by Max Nonnenbruch.♡

It’s strange because… You kind of knew it. You knew that it will not be easy, that it will take this time, to come closer to the realisations of your goals, of your achievements.

You knew it. But you also knew that this is a sure route for it. And, at the same time, you’ve had enough confidence in yourself and in your capabilities. You believed, deep down in your heart, that if the things change, if your attitude about this journey changes, you will be stronger than it, you will shift every single thing by just desiring it. The pace, the time needed, the rewards… You told yourself, convincingly, that if needed you could change its course by simply being you, and working harder, speeding up a little bit…

But you weren’t stronger than all of this. Not stronger than this journey, people involved, circumstances, little and big ones. You weren’t able to shift and mold this situation to how you wanted it to be. Instead, it’s this path that not so gently refused to change, when you tried to do it.

More you pushed and more it slowed down. More you looked for shortcuts, and more complicated, filled with obstacles and ups and downs, every route became. More you tried to be like others, to ‘‘infiltrate’’ the system gently, in hopes of changing things… The more you stood out, in an uncomfortable way, in the one that makes others leave you slightly behind, not willing to get closer, to help, to listen to your ideas…

And all of this, all these tries to change things, weren’t even necessary, when you think about it. It’s just that… You felt like it. You felt like moving, changing, exploring, trying, daring. You felt like not staying in one place, not letting go or losing the other things that were so tempting to you. You felt like not committing, fully, because it seemed, deep down, a little bit too dangerous. To really have to have this much faith in one single thing, one single journey, instead of having plans b and c to back you up, if something goes wrong.

So you’ve played into it, in that sudden desire to rush, to experiment, to try things. If not on other journeys, than on this one, to achieve more, to have more results and evidence to demonstrate that this is the right one, that you can achieve anything that you could ever want… But it only, kind of, broke it. That bubble that sometimes, some journeys, create around us. It’s environment that allowed it to grow, the protection and silence and space it gives you, so you can truly focus on what you are working on… It all bursted out, it all changed, and not how you intended to. And through that crack that your own impatience and doubt created - so many other challenges came through.

From stagnant, slow and boring… It all became just frustrating and confusing and challenging. To the point that, if before you thought about trying something else because of difficulty to stay still, now you are thinking about it because it all became too much. A mess that you don’t really know if you can, or want, to take care of now.

But, although it seems and feels like a revenge, some karma that is attacking you back because of your little faith… It really is just a coincidence, combined with your perspective of someone who feels a little scared, a little ashamed, and insecure now.

Those things, the disruptions and obstacles, the changes ‘‘for the worst’’, would’ve happened either way, in that same exact moment. They were always supposed to be part of this journey. They were, in fact, the things through which it would’ve really evolved and progressed, thanks to your help. But your impatience and decision came in, suddenly, in the same period. And it changed completely the way you interpreted every single situation from that moment on - you connected it all to you, you saw everything as your fault, because you expected it to be easier, not more challenging.

But it was just a bizarre timing. And the confusion of it all that made pass one thing for another. It wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t because of it. It rather was you, all those doubts and impatience, that were a reflection of the arrival of the right moment for this journey to level up, to morph into its next phase and form that you’ve been longing for.

This journey, as alive as it might be, never took it on as a battle, or a betrayal. It only saw you, your emotions and desires, being completely in tune with its phases. But, not knowing it, not expecting all of what came through, it saw you being so confused, and mistake it for a punishment that it never wanted to give you.

You are safe. You are alright. You are still on the right path. Even if some desires of yours have changed, even if your goals and timeframes now have some more details - this journey was made exactly for this, it is already conscious and ready for all of it, for your every change, and growth and elevation.

It is reflecting you, mirroring you, the same way you did it unknowingly, before getting confused and scared. This path still will lead you to your desire, even if it somehow changes. Because this is the reason you were drawn to it in the first place - you chose it because something in it felt the same as you, same phases, rhythms, possibilities that your heart chases.

p.s.

More of my readings | My personal guidance ♡

- Pile Two,

(the stork: the ace of cups and the emperor)

Details of “The Favorite”, 1892, by Max Nonnenbruch.♡

As promising and abundant as it seems… It just feels like too much to carry. It feels, at times, like the future of this journey has much more to offer than what you deserve, than what you ever would hope or dare to ask for. And thus… Why should you stay here, wait for it to be handed to you, if you already know that you are not ready to take it, to accept it?

It is a different kind of struggle, the one you have. It comes from within, even though the situation, the circumstances, are yet to happen - your mind already proves you in so many ways how you won’t ever be able to handle it. Not even if you know it in advance - you never could acquire enough experience or confidence. And not even if you were the one choosing this journey - you were just too naive and in your head, when you made such an absurd decision.

There is no really way to win against your mind, against those thoughts that are so persistent. So, every single time, exactly like you are about to do in this journey, you simply start to listen to it more closely, wandering, if the risk of not following your doubts is even worth it.

Let’s say you do it, you resist, you stay here. And you achieve it, whatever is on the horizon. Than what? Will you really be able to hold the pressure? The responsibilities? The future ahead that will not still be written or decided, and that you will need to create all on your own again, by choosing? And, first and foremost, will you even be satisfied with it? Do you really still want it? Or was it just because the goal seemed far away enough to choose to do it safely..?

Such harsh words… are really difficult to fight off. Especially when your last moves and changes weren’t that successful. It just all looks like a lot of stress, a promise of constant obstacles and fights and mistake that you will inevitably need to pay for.

It is scary to even look at it, to think about the possibility of staying, and one day be the one in charge, the one with the authority, because this is where ultimately this journey is leading…

It does seem easier to just go away. To make another change, to go through another ending and beginning. Because at least it will be the one you will choose for yourself, the one that you will somehow be mentally prepared for. Instead of dedicating so much to this journey, only to be one day, suddenly, be pushed from it…

Because this is what it really is about. The fact that even though you will be in charge, it still won’t be something that you could control for 100%. The responsibilities on your shoulders, the expectations, will constantly weight, and throw off your balance. You will be constantly at risk of failing, but, in this case, also in losing quite everything. Being this the journey that you will dedicate yourself completely to, for such a long time, creating it with your own hands, even though it might not protect you forever…

But even though these concernes are painfully real and serious… When thinking about them, or to be exact, when listening to that voice in your head and its thousands arguments, you don’t notice one little but important point… That it doesn’t ever mention you. The you factor. It never counts how many things you already accomplished and got through. It doesn’t, so cleverly, name the things that did not break you, even though you got through them when no one was there to help you. It doesn’t remind you, ever, how many times you created for yourself and on your own, that needed space and strength to be able to hold something in your life, with all its complications.

Because the truth is that it doesn’t happen all in one single instant. It takes time, it takes a lot of moments and decisions. A lot of opportunities for you to adjust things, little by little, as they are happening. Giving them their right space, moving them a little, learning to take care of them, seamlessly, as they arrive, without realising even how much you are handling at the same time.

Objectively it’s not so different from any other journey of yours. Except for the fact that you did chose it, it was one of your first ‘‘adult’’ decisions. And this is worth something. You do want it. You are just not sure about how you will handle it in the future, when it will become truly what you chose it for… But how you could ever know how to do it right in this moment, when you are barely halfway through it?

The goal of yours is pretty big, and it is far away from you now. But it is normal - it’s this way to allow you to be prepared for it, when it becomes true. Right now things are a little slower, and this gives you time to think about it, to rush directly to that specific moment when you will achieve it… But it’s just an illusion, isn’t it? There is so much time and space between this moment and that one. So many things can happen, the ones that you can’t even imagine or comprehend now. The ones that will change you and your life, little by little, without you noticing, so it can hold so perfectly exactly that thing that you are doing all of this for.

You will change, you will grow. But so will this journey, that one thing. It won’t remain unchanged, or, to be exact, you perception of it won’t be the same as now, as you will get closer to it. Your knowledge will be deeper, you will notice more details, and every single one of them won’t seem so strange, or new or complicated. Simply because, in that moment, you will be standing there after doing so many things that will prepare you for it, that will make you become the person that really will be strong enough, and confident, and deserving of holding it.

p.s.

More of my readings | My personal guidance ♡

Is this journey still the right one for you, or is it time to say goodbye to it? / a tarot pick a pile reading ♡

piles → one and two ♡

It wasn’t at all easy, to make this decision, to go into this journey. Without having the proper time to understand it, all the responsibilities and the implications. Nor to prepare for it, to really consider every but and ifs… But you still did it. Because in that one single instant, it felt like it was the right thing, the only right option. You had faith in it, faith in the fact that no matter how this journey will be, in one way or the other, but it will gift you something. It will have in store for you something precious, something worthy. Or, in the worst case, that you will be able to find it either way in it, you will make it work out regardless…

Now, some time has passed already. And even though you learned quickly to love all of this… Some doubts and wanders are catching up to you, asking questions that you don’t know how to answer. They are overwhelming, so insistent, that thanks to them a new thought is finding its way to you, the one of changing everything, of looking for something else, a different path, that might be better, safer, easier or faster, more worth all of it…

But this journey is not finished. The journey itself, is not ready to let go of you, to surrender to the idea that you might never see what it had in store for you just because it is more slow in its growth and progress. So, today, it wants to talk to you. The very journey you are now on, the one you had faith in, the one that you are, unfortunately, starting now to doubt because of how little it is progressing. It wants to tell you a little secret, about what it hides right here, on the horizon, ready for you to take it, if only you wait and resist a little bit.

So slow down for one brief moment, and think about it, about all that you’ve experienced so far since your decision to trust this one path. And allow it to speak to you, through the details of this painting, guiding you to that one pile that holds its message.♡

- Pile One,

(the key: the tower and the king of wands)

Details of “The Favorite”, 1892, by Max Nonnenbruch.♡

It’s strange because… You kind of knew it. You knew that it will not be easy, that it will take this time, to come closer to the realisations of your goals, of your achievements.

You knew it. But you also knew that this is a sure route for it. And, at the same time, you’ve had enough confidence in yourself and in your capabilities. You believed, deep down in your heart, that if the things change, if your attitude about this journey changes, you will be stronger than it, you will shift every single thing by just desiring it. The pace, the time needed, the rewards… You told yourself, convincingly, that if needed you could change its course by simply being you, and working harder, speeding up a little bit…

But you weren’t stronger than all of this. Not stronger than this journey, people involved, circumstances, little and big ones. You weren’t able to shift and mold this situation to how you wanted it to be. Instead, it’s this path that not so gently refused to change, when you tried to do it.

More you pushed and more it slowed down. More you looked for shortcuts, and more complicated, filled with obstacles and ups and downs, every route became. More you tried to be like others, to ‘‘infiltrate’’ the system gently, in hopes of changing things… The more you stood out, in an uncomfortable way, in the one that makes others leave you slightly behind, not willing to get closer, to help, to listen to your ideas…

And all of this, all these tries to change things, weren’t even necessary, when you think about it. It’s just that… You felt like it. You felt like moving, changing, exploring, trying, daring. You felt like not staying in one place, not letting go or losing the other things that were so tempting to you. You felt like not committing, fully, because it seemed, deep down, a little bit too dangerous. To really have to have this much faith in one single thing, one single journey, instead of having plans b and c to back you up, if something goes wrong.

So you’ve played into it, in that sudden desire to rush, to experiment, to try things. If not on other journeys, than on this one, to achieve more, to have more results and evidence to demonstrate that this is the right one, that you can achieve anything that you could ever want… But it only, kind of, broke it. That bubble that sometimes, some journeys, create around us. It’s environment that allowed it to grow, the protection and silence and space it gives you, so you can truly focus on what you are working on… It all bursted out, it all changed, and not how you intended to. And through that crack that your own impatience and doubt created - so many other challenges came through.

From stagnant, slow and boring… It all became just frustrating and confusing and challenging. To the point that, if before you thought about trying something else because of difficulty to stay still, now you are thinking about it because it all became too much. A mess that you don’t really know if you can, or want, to take care of now.

But, although it seems and feels like a revenge, some karma that is attacking you back because of your little faith… It really is just a coincidence, combined with your perspective of someone who feels a little scared, a little ashamed, and insecure now.

Those things, the disruptions and obstacles, the changes ‘‘for the worst’’, would’ve happened either way, in that same exact moment. They were always supposed to be part of this journey. They were, in fact, the things through which it would’ve really evolved and progressed, thanks to your help. But your impatience and decision came in, suddenly, in the same period. And it changed completely the way you interpreted every single situation from that moment on - you connected it all to you, you saw everything as your fault, because you expected it to be easier, not more challenging.

But it was just a bizarre timing. And the confusion of it all that made pass one thing for another. It wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t because of it. It rather was you, all those doubts and impatience, that were a reflection of the arrival of the right moment for this journey to level up, to morph into its next phase and form that you’ve been longing for.

This journey, as alive as it might be, never took it on as a battle, or a betrayal. It only saw you, your emotions and desires, being completely in tune with its phases. But, not knowing it, not expecting all of what came through, it saw you being so confused, and mistake it for a punishment that it never wanted to give you.

You are safe. You are alright. You are still on the right path. Even if some desires of yours have changed, even if your goals and timeframes now have some more details - this journey was made exactly for this, it is already conscious and ready for all of it, for your every change, and growth and elevation.

It is reflecting you, mirroring you, the same way you did it unknowingly, before getting confused and scared. This path still will lead you to your desire, even if it somehow changes. Because this is the reason you were drawn to it in the first place - you chose it because something in it felt the same as you, same phases, rhythms, possibilities that your heart chases.

p.s.

More of my readings | My personal guidance ♡

- Pile Two,

(the stork: the ace of cups and the emperor)

Details of “The Favorite”, 1892, by Max Nonnenbruch.♡

As promising and abundant as it seems… It just feels like too much to carry. It feels, at times, like the future of this journey has much more to offer than what you deserve, than what you ever would hope or dare to ask for. And thus… Why should you stay here, wait for it to be handed to you, if you already know that you are not ready to take it, to accept it?

It is a different kind of struggle, the one you have. It comes from within, even though the situation, the circumstances, are yet to happen - your mind already proves you in so many ways how you won’t ever be able to handle it. Not even if you know it in advance - you never could acquire enough experience or confidence. And not even if you were the one choosing this journey - you were just too naive and in your head, when you made such an absurd decision.

There is no really way to win against your mind, against those thoughts that are so persistent. So, every single time, exactly like you are about to do in this journey, you simply start to listen to it more closely, wandering, if the risk of not following your doubts is even worth it.

Let’s say you do it, you resist, you stay here. And you achieve it, whatever is on the horizon. Than what? Will you really be able to hold the pressure? The responsibilities? The future ahead that will not still be written or decided, and that you will need to create all on your own again, by choosing? And, first and foremost, will you even be satisfied with it? Do you really still want it? Or was it just because the goal seemed far away enough to choose to do it safely..?

Such harsh words… are really difficult to fight off. Especially when your last moves and changes weren’t that successful. It just all looks like a lot of stress, a promise of constant obstacles and fights and mistake that you will inevitably need to pay for.

It is scary to even look at it, to think about the possibility of staying, and one day be the one in charge, the one with the authority, because this is where ultimately this journey is leading…

It does seem easier to just go away. To make another change, to go through another ending and beginning. Because at least it will be the one you will choose for yourself, the one that you will somehow be mentally prepared for. Instead of dedicating so much to this journey, only to be one day, suddenly, be pushed from it…

Because this is what it really is about. The fact that even though you will be in charge, it still won’t be something that you could control for 100%. The responsibilities on your shoulders, the expectations, will constantly weight, and throw off your balance. You will be constantly at risk of failing, but, in this case, also in losing quite everything. Being this the journey that you will dedicate yourself completely to, for such a long time, creating it with your own hands, even though it might not protect you forever…

But even though these concernes are painfully real and serious… When thinking about them, or to be exact, when listening to that voice in your head and its thousands arguments, you don’t notice one little but important point… That it doesn’t ever mention you. The you factor. It never counts how many things you already accomplished and got through. It doesn’t, so cleverly, name the things that did not break you, even though you got through them when no one was there to help you. It doesn’t remind you, ever, how many times you created for yourself and on your own, that needed space and strength to be able to hold something in your life, with all its complications.

Because the truth is that it doesn’t happen all in one single instant. It takes time, it takes a lot of moments and decisions. A lot of opportunities for you to adjust things, little by little, as they are happening. Giving them their right space, moving them a little, learning to take care of them, seamlessly, as they arrive, without realising even how much you are handling at the same time.

Objectively it’s not so different from any other journey of yours. Except for the fact that you did chose it, it was one of your first ‘‘adult’’ decisions. And this is worth something. You do want it. You are just not sure about how you will handle it in the future, when it will become truly what you chose it for… But how you could ever know how to do it right in this moment, when you are barely halfway through it?

The goal of yours is pretty big, and it is far away from you now. But it is normal - it’s this way to allow you to be prepared for it, when it becomes true. Right now things are a little slower, and this gives you time to think about it, to rush directly to that specific moment when you will achieve it… But it’s just an illusion, isn’t it? There is so much time and space between this moment and that one. So many things can happen, the ones that you can’t even imagine or comprehend now. The ones that will change you and your life, little by little, without you noticing, so it can hold so perfectly exactly that thing that you are doing all of this for.

You will change, you will grow. But so will this journey, that one thing. It won’t remain unchanged, or, to be exact, you perception of it won’t be the same as now, as you will get closer to it. Your knowledge will be deeper, you will notice more details, and every single one of them won’t seem so strange, or new or complicated. Simply because, in that moment, you will be standing there after doing so many things that will prepare you for it, that will make you become the person that really will be strong enough, and confident, and deserving of holding it.

p.s.

More of my readings | My personal guidance ♡

personal readings from me, to you ♡

There are moments in which… Everything is just a little too much. Too much chaos or too much stagnation. Too many ideas or doubts. Too much pressure. There are moments in which it is so frustrating and scary to wait or try to decide, risking so much of what we managed to achieve so far. There are moments in which we just crave something clear, something direct and simple to help us find that peace. There are moments in which we hope for an answer, a message that is only for us, that can help and guide us through everything that is overwhelming us. So we pray, we hold onto that sign, that dream, that feeling, looking for someone that could explain to us their meaning… And so now, if you ever want or need, I can be the one to help you with it. With connecting with yourself, your heart and your mind. With asking those questions that you don’t know how to say out loud. With finding their answers, and understanding them without any if or but. With finding your own safe and right path.

p.s. Please read everything thoroughly before contacting me or paying ♡

- What you need to know?

General things to keep in mind when requesting a personal reading from me ♡

★ You may not ask questions about death, pregnancy, legal, medical or health related situations, or about celebrities and fictional characters. As I’m here only to help you with understanding your own self and your world more, so you can make your own decisions and steps in life.

★ In case you already did a reading with me, and you would like to receive once again guidance for the same situation or topic - unless there were some significative changes in the situation itself or how you feel about it - I will use my right to decline your request. Simply because by providing you guidance I’m meant to help you to move forward and make progress, learn and grow. Which is the complete opposite of making you pay again and again - nourishing your focus on the wrong things - for the answers that you already have and need only to truly hear and understand.

★ This service is for entertainment purposes only, and it’s not a substitute for medical, psychological or legal consultation. In the same way, you hold the responsibility for your own actions and decisions in your life, good or bad, and me, or the reading and this service, are not responsible for it in any way or form.

★ A refund is not possible, even if you change your mind before the date of our reading. A reading is something really serious and important, so I want you to be really mindful of your choice and take your time to be sure of your decision before paying, to avoid having regrets or spending your money uselessly.

- How it works?

Some details about my personal sessions ♡

★ If you are interested in receiving personal guidance from me, or if you have some more questions about my service, you can message me here through my blog or my email ([email protected]). And I will answer you as soon as I can, usually within 24 hours. This way we can talk it out, so you can be more sure about your decision and aware of all the details about how it works. Talking with you first will also help me understand your situation better so I can eventually give you a more suitable reading, or let you know if, for any reason, I can’t or don’t want to read for you.

★ For the reading itself, and apart from what you will feel comfortable to share with me about your situation or wanders, I will need to know a few more things: your email, your tumblr username (if you are not contacting me here), your first name or nickname, and the one of the person you might be asking about (the surname is not necessary).

★ After we talked and when you are sure about your decision, and only after that, you will be able to book a reading with me and pay for it through my kofi page.

★ You will receive your reading within 3 days after we organised and confirmed everything. In case I have a lot of clients you will receive it a little later, but you will never need to wait for more than a week after paying me.

I will also, if you prefer it, tell you the exact day and time I will do our reading. And contact you when I'm starting, to reassure you.

★ The reading itself will be sent via email. The videos or photos of the shuffle of the cards are not available, for storage reasons, but I will always mention all the cards that will deliver your message.

- What you can choose from?

All the types of readings I currently offer ♡

★ Advice, 9€ + 1€ for transaction fees

Sometimes we only need a few words of reassurance. A confirmation that we are doing the right thing. That we are doing well… And other times we need just a tiny clue, about where to go, which way of handling things is safer, what is better for us… A little help to unlock us, so we don’t get dragged in that spiral of fears and doubts that overwhelm us.

includes: a little message/ advice for the topic or situation of your choice, or what you need to know and hear right now more generally. (You don't need a specific question for this reading, just your intention and focus on one situation will be enough.)

★ Answers, €18 + 2 for transaction fees

There are questions that… Never really leave us, never leave our mind. There are questions that seem to hold the keys to entire moments, situations, phases of our lives that we keep on carrying in our hearts, unable to untie them from us. There are answers that we just need to know, to hear at least once, to hope to find some peace and be able to decide and choose, and to move on.

includes: direct answers to up to three questions about the topic or situation of your choice, and a little advice about how to handle your situation from now on, based on the message you will receive overall. (You can ask only about one specific situation, topic or area of your life, as long as the total number of questions is three. In case you don't feel like you might have that many questions in mind, or don't know how to word your thoughts, I will help you with that without any problem. But you must choose your questions and their number before our reading, as you won't be able to add more questions afterwards, even if you initially chose less than three questions,)

★ Insight,

(coming soon...♡)

★ Foresight,

(coming soon...♡)

★ Forecast,

(coming soon...♡)

★ Deep dive,

(coming soon...♡)

★ Story,

(coming soon...♡)

★ Path,

(coming soon...♡)

Lastly, please remember that personal guidance or not, you always hold the answers you need within yourself. And, while I do help you in understanding them better, you still can do it on your own. So if you don’t feel sure, and especially if you have a challenging financial situation, don’t feel pressured in paying me or anyone else for help. But instead take some time for yourself, slow down. And listen closely to your heart, that you can always trust. ♡

an exclusive tarot pick a pile reading ♡

piles → one and two ♡

How much is enough? How much intention, energy, patience, and hard work of ours is enough, when it comes to our desires, to our goals that we chase until the world around us becomes blurred, until we lose sight of our fears and doubts, and with them of ourselves too, sacrificing everything we are made of? Where lies the line? Where is the limit to how much we should give, before accepting that it is enough, that it is not worth it? Or… perhaps that we already took everything we were allowed to take with us?

There is something here, in your life, in this very moment… Something that you are holding onto. Even thought it doesn’t sit right with you anymore, even though it makes you uneasy, the thought of being bonded to it forever… There is something to which you dedicated yourself so fiercely, daringly, ignoring every voice that said that it was wrong for you, not fitting. Something, someone, who doesn’t resonate with you anymore, doesn’t speak to your soul, doesn’t even hear it. But that, still, for one reason or another, you are unable to leave behind, to cut that string that is pulling you, only becoming tighter… Is this only a phase? Is there still a chance for things to get better, or how they used to, as the season changes and this situation starts to bloom again for you? Or was it all that it had for you, all those moments that became lessons and treasured memories? Is it time to wait for more, to be strong and patient, or to let go once and for all, saying the last goodbyes to them and to the version of you that believed that these were the right choices?

Slow down for a moment. Breathe. Soften your gaze into this painting, into its details. Allow them to speak to you, to call you, to that one pile that holds a message for you.♡

- Pile One,

(the child: the temperance and the seven of swords)

It didn’t quite work out, in the end, as you expected it… No matter how many times you stood your ground, found the way to come back to your chosen path, survived every obstacle that tried to push you out of it… It still didn’t work out as you wanted. It never became that one thing, never realised that potential, that you saw in it… It did progress, it did grow, it gave you some results and rewards… And yet, every single one of them felt so heavy, when you received it. Almost like you are not strong enough to hold it or, perhaps, not strong enough to make it believable that you really did all that on your own, that you are worthy of it... (continue reading...)

- Pile Two,

(the rider: the justice and the knight of coins)

For some, and for you too, it might seem obvious at times, from certain perspectives… That this is it. That this journey lasted long enough for this moment, this situation, this obstacle… be its rightful conclusion, the beginning of an ending that is happening exactly like it is supposed to. And yet… There is still something there, sparkling, blinking at you, every single time a doubt crosses your mind. A very specific one - and what if this is not the end? What if there is still more that you could find here if only you wait for a moment?... (continue reading...)

a little tarot reading about your next victory ♡

"A playful distraction", by Frederik Hendrik Kaemmerer.♡

We give so much to that one single moment. So many hopes, faith, patience. Hard work, intention, sacrifice, over and over again… We give it so much, and yet, sometimes, it just feels not enough. It feels like, almost, that moment of victory simply doesn’t want to come. Could it be because it takes much longer? Or did we miss something in the process? Are we, perhaps, pursuing something that is never supposed to be ours..? We don’t know it really, we just can’t. So we keep on hoping, a little confused, a little anxious, trying to have faith that we will be able to make something out of all of this, someday…

But, this time, our victory wants to speak to us. It wants to reassure us, as it sees us slowly getting lost between these doubts. That victory, the one of many, that will come sooner, that we are so much closer now to… Wants to give us a little sign, a little message, so we know where our last steps should be headed. So, slow down, take a deep breath. And gaze. Into every detail of this painting, into every pile, into every message that hides behind them. And follow the one that calls you more now.

piles → one, two and three ♡

- Pile One,

(the bouquet: the ten of wands and the king of cups)

You are probably looking frenetically through these lines, in hopes to find faster the words that reflect a desire of yours, describe so perfectly at least one of the many journeys you are struggling on… But this victory of yours, the one that is awaiting you, counting minutes, seconds, until your encounter - is something hidden, something sudden. Something that you are not noticing now, not even would think about as an advantageous success…

It is something that is so close to you, yet doesn’t really receive your attention. Something that you used to love, to cherish, to nurture with your hopes… Until you simply didn’t have the strength to keep on doing it, to keep on caring for something that wasn’t changing your life, your world, as you hoped it would.

It is a victory that will be brought to you, gifted, somehow. Some words that will bring the memories to the surface, a sudden free moment, and a needed and connected to it object that will come out of nowhere… It will come back to you, at once. And you will face it, first infuriated: you don’t have time now. Then saddened: even if you do it, it won’t serve any purpose, it won’t make your current situation worth it. But then…then it will be just surrendering. To the curiosity, to the nostalgia, to the wander of if you would still like it, if you can still do it, even after all of this…

A simple moment and action of coming back to yourself, suddenly but intentionally. The act of accepting the proposal of the life to slow down for a moment, to be only with yourself, to exist only for you…

It seems so little, insignificant, actually even frustrating. And yet this will be the little but most valuable victory in this phase of your life - the one that will give you real rest and strength for the moment, and for the future, for the work that you will need to keep on doing.

It’s not a given, the power that holds the action of nurturing ourselves, doing what we love, what unwindes our mind and relaxes our body. And you know it, but you do not remember, truly, how does it feel like.

And this victory of yours, this victory of the life and your inner self that will finally be able to break through your rush, and anxiety, and fears, and doubts, and urgency…. Will quite literally change everything. One single little moment. One act of remembering and feeling. Will change the way you see and perceive all other battles that you are fighting. It will change the value that you will give them, the power over you, their importance. And at the same time, change how much of you you give to them.

From that one moment on, your journeys will start to feel and be different. One little victory, that will lead to many others, just through the way it will impact you deeply. One little thing, that was so worthless in your eyes to keep on nurturing in these difficult times of struggling… Will be the one to nurture you, to give back to you, exactly what you need to make everything else to work out.♡

- Pile Two,

(the tree: the ten of wands and the seven of cups)

The victory that is waiting for you… Is such an important, precious, one. A victory that you looked for in all those countless books, and advices, and tutorials and tips… In the voices and whispers of all those people that, supposedly, know exactly what you have and what your body needs… A victory that, no matter how many sources and things you’ve tried, just seems hidden, unavailable to you who is loosing yourself, not recognising the person in the mirror…

Your victory, is the one of health, to put it simply. A victory that was long overdue, the one for which you fought with all the last strength you’ve had in you… It’s finally here. Your body, your mind, your heart… Whatever was feeling too heavy, too tired, too consumed by all these ‘‘magical’’ medicines, habits, and routines… Will start to finally, and really, get better.

Because you did your best, in researching. In staying open but also true to what you were feeling, and that others couldn’t quite understand for whatever reason. You did your best in trying, and most importantly protecting, your own self. By never ceasing this search, never, completely, losing the hope. And it all simply… paid off.

It might not look like now, in this exact moment, but you are starting to feel better, you did find something that was really worth it. A little simple thing, among all the others that you’ve tried. But still, one that is starting already now to influence you, to fight back your burden.

It might take some time to understand which one is it, the thing, the method, that is truly working. But, at the same time, as you will start to notice it more and more, in how you feel, in how life feels better, this understanding and discovery of what you really needed all this time, won’t come alone - it will bring in with it all the other things that you might need from now on. Funds, methods, knowledge, ideas. People that got through the same and have their experience to share, or the ones that studied it and can really guide you… Even the ones that always have been there but never took you seriously - they will all start to gravitate towards you, and help you, gently, delicately. Assisting you in this recovery.

The worst is in the past, you’ve overcome and won over it. You resisted for a long time, you’ve endure it. And now, almost with the same rhythm as the one this world has, with its new season, it will all just be different.

You reached for it for so long, and now you will finally have it, the one of the most precious things we could ever have - the one of feeling good, the one of feeling better.♡

- Pile Three,

(the cross: the three of coins and the eight of wands)

There are so many things to organise, to resolve, to plan… So many things that still don’t have any progress, any tangible and serious results, anything that could put your mind and anxiety to rest… There are just so many things in your life that are not quite like you want and need them to be that… it all just feels the same, quite frankly. Just a big cluster of stuff that doesn’t work, of problems, of challenges that you are keeping on enduring seemingly all alone. It all seems and feels too heavy, to heavy to live and try to lift on your own… But, fortunately, it seems like you won’t even need to do it anymore.

Not for everything, not all at once, but some things seem to be getting ready to leave you, to allow others to take care of them, and free you from these burdens… Different things, different situations, different areas of your life and, also, different people that are coming towards you, knowing or having exactly what you need.

Because it is indeed not your fault that things are like this, that there is this quiet chaos all around you. It’s just that you are alone, dealing with it, trying to figure out things in which you don’t even have any knowledge. Some things are new to you, others just can’t be changed no matter how hard you could try to move them, because it doesn’t depend on you, or this moment is just not right… There are so many things, actually, that you’ve been trying to resolve but that simply are not yours to handle.

And this is why it will be one of those victories that is subtle but so powerful: it won’t be one, but many of them, little ones, all around your life and situations. Little details that will be taken care of, seemingly effortlessly, because of a coincidence, moved out of your way by someone else, just so easily that it could even frustrate you... And yet, it won’t be to show you what else you could’ve done or where you could’ve do better - it will be to show you how not even one of the failures that you associated with yourself were really yours to take the blame for.

One after another things will be sorted out, adjusted, organised, guided, by others that will come and go from your life, perhaps only passing by. But it will be enough to shake it all up, to clear the path, to give you space. Space to actually slow down and take a deep breath. Space to start to create the life you want, with things that you can and know how to control.♡

"Beneath The Golden Willow"

a tarot reading ♡

piles → one, two and three ♡

It is incredible how much it doesn’t matter, is it? How it seems to not have any value -the intention, the desire, the willingness to make a connection work, to save it… When the other person is simply already too far away, even though you can still touch them, you can still hear their breath right next to you… It doesn’t matter. Nothing seems enough or the right thing. Not even your own heart’s pieces. And the only thing left to do is to question everything, every moment shared, every memory created. Were those things not enough, or were you not enough to satisfy them?

These are only questions, wonders, really. And yet they are so heavy, on your heart and mind, even after some time has passed, even after you thought you let go and healed… But they are the ones to not free you, not until you hear a real answer that can give you some peace, and perhaps courage to move on after all of this… And although we can’t ask them, the ones that left so abruptly, so suddenly… We can ask ourselves, and this world, for a little sign, a hint, a message. About what really was so wrong in that one connection, to not let this person even try to stay for a little longer.

So slow down. Take a deep breath. Rethink about them, about what happened. And allow that connection, its memory and essence that is still here with you, close to your heart, to guide you to the one pile that holds its message.

- Pile One,

(the six of swords, the moon and the seven of cups)

picture from → pinterest ♡

It was supposed to be forever, I know. It should’ve been stronger than any obstacle, distance, argument. It should’ve been able to survive it all. Or this, at least, was what they told and what they promised.

And it wasn’t only you and them, either. There wasn’t hope, and sureness, just in your hearts about this connection. There were others, around you, that whispered their advices, their experience. Taught you about how this is all good, it is all normal in a relationship, it will pass, it won’t ever break it.

You listened to them, you learned. You learned about how to be even more patient and understanding, how to put others and their perception of things and emotions first. You learned about thinking about them, about their vision, their version of things. You learned to look for motives and explanations to their behaviours, even when they themselves didn’t ever say that there was one…

You learned to step aside, out of your own connection. Just for love, for them, for the relationship. Because it was supposed to be just a phase, a period that soon enough ends and leaves you in a relationship that is much stronger and healthier than what it was before… Not you all alone, wandering about how come nothing of all you did was enough, even if it took so much away from you…

But, as frustrating as it is, perhaps, it’s still not anyone’s fault. If not of the humans, and the way we grow, through mistakes, sometimes on the expenses of others…

Because you wanted to be the one, you desired so deeply to make it work and create, feel, something as beautiful as the stories you’ve heard. Because others, the ones around you, got through the same things and it worked for them. Or, at least, it gave them something that was enough. And they genuinely thought that it would work for you too, not knowing every detail of what happened, and having only their experience and story to talk from… And, in the end, because that person heard and thought it too. Because they had their examples that they followed, not understanding that it wasn’t the correct one for everyone…

Each person that lived this connection and situation, each person that looked from a far… You were all just convinced, just sure, not knowing how much ignorant you were, and how much it could hurt.

But knowing this, understanding it, doesn’t really matter either. It won’t heal your heart, nor cancel the convictions that were carved in it. It just sounds like another call for understanding and forgiveness, to a mind that is already tired of its own meanness.

The real answer, the more simplified one, is just that… It was a mistake really. A mistake of ignoring your own feelings, in favour of the words of others, even when they started to hurt so much and so deeply.

Because it could’ve changed it. Not the relationship perhaps… But it could’ve prevented the wounds that you’ve endured and accepted so innocently. It could’ve changed it, but it didn’t. The only thing it did, this mistake, is teach you. Teach you to don’t do it, to don’t ignore your own feelings just because another person is so good at doing it. And, for what it’s worth, it is at least something more than just hurting, and confusion.

There is no need in thinking about it, in imagining, in trying in your own mind to come up with a solution that can make everything work and leave everyone satisfied… There is no need in doing it because it’s fine the way it is. It’s fine with you getting to know what is it like, and overcoming it, and healing from it.

Because even if it felt so important, so destined, so true… It was only the beginning, the first try of creating something meaningful with someone else, of feeling something so deeply and trying to trust others to help you. It was needed.

In order to help you learn who is the one you can trust more, who is the one that really knows you, the situations you are in. And who can really tell you what is best, guide you through the whispers of your feelings, protecting you truly, no matter the situation you are in now. Regardless of the way it happened in the past. Regardless of how it could’ve been.

- Pile Two,

(the justice, the knight of cups and the hanged man)

picture from → pinterest ♡

It took you a lot of courage to reject them, those last tries they made to make up. Those demonstrations that they do care, that they really want to make things work, to change them… It took a lot to turn around, to don’t look at them as they sweared and made those promises that you asked for so long for…

It took a lot to not give in. To stay put and still. To continue to remind yourself of all the times you were the one praying, the one crying, the one starving of affection and support, of that understanding and gentleness that is supposed to come naturally, when you love someone…

But you still did it. You remained true to yourself, to the version of you that suffered through all the little but so painful moments, scattered all across the story that was supposed to be all about love and romance…

You protected yourself. Fiercely. Firmly. So why, now, you are wandering about why things didn’t work out…? Why are you forgetting the courage and strength it took you to see the reality, to accept it, and to reject it? Why are you questioning your decision of leaving, that was made after you already gave them so many other chances?

You did no wrong. Nor to yourself, not even to them. You saved both, ironically, even if you never intended to, even when you never thought that they deserved it too, until now. You protected yourself, without surrendering, without compromising your own sanity and wellness. And in doing so, you also protected them from thinking that it is okay, the way they were behaving. So they did change, what you are seeing now, from the distance, is true and different. They are a better person... And yet it still doesn’t mean that they could’ve become that sooner, if only you waited more for them, for their maturity.

You still do care for them, it’s true and normal. And this is why there is nothing wrong in feeling somehow bittersweet, in seeing them giving to someone else what you hoped so dearly for, sacrificed yourself just for them over and over again, without any remorse… But what is not fine is to let this feeling linger, let it in, let it infiltrate your mind and heart, your own memories and feelings of them. Letting them rewrite the story, fill you with doubt and regret, regret for protecting yourself and standing up for you…

They did change. And perhaps they could’ve done it in the past too indeed, if your decisions were different. But also, was it really your duty to change them, to care for them at the expanse of your own heart and feelings?

You are looking at them now, with nostalgia and a little bit of loneliness. And you see them differently, everything seems so perfect. But you weren’t there when they changed, you don’t know how it happened or how much it costed them. Them, or the ones around them, perhaps even the one that is now being showered with love by them. You don’t know, you don’t think about it even, at how difficult it could’ve been, what you are now regretting of not doing.

Waiting, surrendering. Allowing them to keep on wounding you. While whispering to them gently that they are not supposed to be this way with someone that they swear to love to… You are not thinking about it now, when you look at them. But you should. For the you of the past that didn’t escape from all of that, just for you to regret it, to regret protecting your own self from them.

It is frustrating, it is strange, to see them so perfect, the exact version of who they were supposed to be with you too, who you deserved to meet and be loved by. But it’s the way it is. For one reason or another, you weren’t the one that they were ready to grow up for. To be more sweet, more gentle, more understanding… And nothing could’ve changed that, no matter how much you would’ve accept or try to endure to.

And this is why it’s so important, so right, what you managed to do back then. This is why you shouldn’t regret it, feel ashamed or like you were the one to make a mistake by not remaining… You endured enough. You did so much for them. You gave them your whole heart. Your soul. And it wasn’t enough for them. And this is not your fault. This was not your problem to resolve, not your person to teach and raise, as they were hurting you with each day that passed.

- Pile Three,

(the knight of cups, the seven of swords and the nine of coins)

picture from → pinterest ♡

Now, when you look back at them, at those moments, at that story… Now that you look at it from where you are, from the nostalgia, from the bittersweet loneliness that is overwhelming you… You ask yourself what else you could’ve done, what were those missing things that you didn’t think to try or work on. You see, all the things you’ve done, as not enough, as wrong, as mistakes you did over and over, unable to win their heart, to make them fall for you…

And yet, when you really were in that moment, think about, try to remember it… All these things seemed and felt too much, didn’t they? They felt like too much work for someone that didn’t give you even an ounce of it back, never thanked, never appreciated…

So what changed this perception of yours? What made you reconsider everything, to the point of rewriting your own memories, the suffering that you’ve endured for a love that took everything from you, even what it never owned? What made you think, now, that even that was not enough? What made you choose their side, of the one that never saw enough in you, in the love that you offered, instead of protecting your experience, your suffering, your right to be loved either way?

Perhaps, in some way, it is the fault of growing. Of growing how you did. Of growing through the connections that you chose for yourself over and over again, so similar to that one, in hopes to make things go differently even just one time. Perhaps it was the act of giving, more and more, to that same person and their memory hidden in the ones that you chose in their image. Perhaps it was the fact that they too, exactly like that one, never considered it enough, who you were, who you are, who you always will be…

Perhaps it is the fault of growing through them, allowing these people to eat your life over and over again, teaching you in which ways you are wrong, where you can be better, how you can change for them… Perhaps it is the fault of being alone again now. Alone with yourself, with your memories of all of them, and your own mind that never gets silent in this constant search for an answer, an explanation, something…

But what if the only real reason why you never found it, is simply the fact that there isn’t one? What if the reason why you never were able to satisfy them, to become better, more perfect, is because you already were… Just not in the way they needed you? What if it’s only a series of unfortunate events, in part accidental, in part created by you who tried eternally to correct the first mistakes you were convinced you made back then? What if all of this seems so useless, so wrong, so miserable, simply because you are on a journey, on a hunt, for something that is not yours, something that can never be yours?

You are about to do it all again. To try, once more, to fit into the perfect image of someone who you are not. You are about to find another person that looks exactly for that, you are about to challenge yourself and ignore what feels so wrong or so right… All just because it’s all you know, the search, the trouble, the rush to become that one right for someone, the hope that you will make it…

Perhaps there is no need for all of that, for all of this. There is no need to keep on thinking about them, analysing every single bit of every situation for a clue of what was wrong and what wasn’t. Perhaps, for once, you shouldn’t look for anything or anyone. You just need to exist, and live, on your own, freely.

Without searching, without guessing, without challenging. Without looking for another person to please and convince to love you. Because you did it already, so many times, destroying yourself. Never allowing to slow down, to be who you are, to even just learn and understand what really your soul is made of.

Running, constantly, behind someone that doesn’t see you until you make them, and not seeing yourself the ones that do the same with you, the way you are truly and simply, but are unable to catch you. Unable to tell you, to whisper to you that you are enough for them, you are right for them, even if you don’t change, even if you don’t adapt, even if you don’t make them fall in love for you. Because they already do it, naturally, wholeheartedly.