unconventional study tip: keep a mirror facing u where u can see it
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@thatdehydratedmedic
unconventional study tip: keep a mirror facing u where u can see it

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In other news I started watching House MD and Why Raeliana ended up at the something somethings mansion. and also Love is blind Habibi and world of winx and ouran high school host club
TLDR i got netflix
the love of my life asked me out for eid WITH A ROSE and took it back. said he hasnt changed his mind on what we talked about earlier. I'm assuming he means about the fact he's not ready to consider marriage at all because I told him I don't want a haram relationship at all. But hey at least its clear he likes me. He got a buzz cut a week later. Its bittersweet knowing we could have been on a date tomorrow. But its okay. We both chose to please Allah. Alhmadhulillah for that. I'm gonna hole myself up in my books tomorrow. Maybe I'll go to the library for the sake of getting out of the house. Exams are in less than 50 days. Its time to lock in. I've spent so long wallowing. Now's the time to get on to doing unless I want to live in regret again. Now's a good time to re-read my piece on academic regret I assume.
win for today my friend said he tried doing the ophthamology assignment "my way" (actually using the book and reputable internet sources to research the topic rather than plugging it into chatgpt like most of my class usually does). told me he actually learned the topic in a way that he remembers and that it inspired him to keep studying on his own
idk I'm so proud genuinely it makes me so happy that he's happy to have learned
Year 1 results
Let me tell you what a 237 day Anki streak gives you in med school. It gives you a 29th Percentile rank and a score of 66.7%. Of course, it would have been way better if the subject did not make tons of unnecessary flashcards and waste her time with useless concepts and actually stayed on top of her classes but all's well that ends well.

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How I wish I had studied during my A levels
I want to start by saying this is NOT a guide. If anything, It comes closest to being a disorganized rant. Its basically what I would tell myself if I could go back in time. I wrote down that I’d also slap my past self. But my better judgement suggests that I should be kinder to myself. I’d give her a hug. She did the best with what she had when she finally tried, and I applaud and thank her for that. She was so brave and so, so, kind. I truly appreciate her effort. If not for her strength I would not be here today. Here’s a kiss to her forehead. I celebrate the immense trust she had in God and her love for me. My love, past self, you were so strong, I love you. You feel more and more distant from me every day, and yet you burn bright, scarlet red. You truly were a teenager full of rage.
To the girl who was afraid of trying, you did it anyway (Grave, you've progressed to year 2 medicine!)
Its been a long time since I've written and posted something truly raw and from my heart. I remember writing through tears back when I had gotten my A -Level results. Things have changed, most importantly I have changed. I just finished first year of medical school, and regardless of the fact I didn't do as well as I had hoped, I am proud of myself. All I can say is alhamdhulillah.
I was a girl who was afraid of trying. I was afraid to really push myself in case it wasn't enough. Perfectionism got the better of me. I would half-ass anything and everything because if I didn't try I could always just say I'd do better if I had tried. But losing the opportunity to get the government scholarship at A-Levels snapped me back to reality. No, it wasn't even that. I was sick of watching my life pass me by. I wanted to take control, and so take control I did.
I felt insanely privileged to be able to go abroad and study medicine at all. That too at a good university? I had to give it my all, it couldn't be any other way. I had already used up my 'failure quota' for my life.
I woke up and felt everyday was a blessing. Every night I got to sleep was a blessing, and every night that I spent burning the midnight oil was also a blessing. I was truly, truly grateful.
A while ago, I had posted about what I'd do differently if I did A-levels again. Granted, I am writing about my first year results in med school, I do think those things were important for my growth.
Past Papers - My university does not provide past papers but we do have access to a question bank for which students make questions for. There's also passmedicine, which I did use even though it was way above the level required by my university. I do want to note that I didn't start doing questions as early as I should have. I started only in the beginning of Sem 2, once again because of my perfectionist tendencies, but in sha Allah next year I will definitely start from the first week itself.
YouTube videos - A lot of my classmates found Ninja Nerd videos helpful, but I find that they are much longer than I'd prefer. I would typically use textbooks for physiology and pathophysiology, because videos just aren't thorough enough. I did like using YouTube for Anatomy though.
Skimming through textbooks - skim? I didn't know that word this past year. I had a tendency to deep dive into textbooks, way too much. That has got to stop, so next year I plan to treat textbook deep dives as a reward, not a necessity.
Anki - 237 day streak, loved it. Made too many cards tho. Gotta tone it down next year.
Paying attention in class and not being late - Well, so far it seems I di just fine sleeping in class and arriving half an hour late. But tbf, life would be easier and I'd be able to go to bed earlier if I made the most of my classes, and I really do gotta start.
More religious - ok so, i was not perfect, but I was devout. Loved that for me. I need to spend more time reciting Quran next year.
Wearing less makeup - I barely wear any now. I do need to start doing skincare though. My face is a mess rn, even my mum's begging me to use benzoyl peroxide. Don't judge.
Quality over quantity in friendships and leave the romance for later - i have like 3 friends and its great. Romance if it comes it comes.
Believe in myself - Hell yeah.
Maintain a healthy lifestyle - I slept at 4am every night and woke up at 6am... Don't ask... I fell asleep immediately after my last exam. That's what 10 months of sleepless nights does to you.
That's all. It does seem I lost my love for writing. I just can't comprehend writing flowery prose anymore. I used to write to escape. Now I write to remember. This isn’t poetry, but it’s honest, and that’s enough.
I’ve always felt that I was hard to love. From the fatigue in my mother’s voice telling me she can’t hold me anymore when I was a child, to most of my friends never really enjoying listening to me just talk the way they do when our other friends talk, I’ve always felt that to love me, it took great effort. And yet I don’t believe it. My friends have told me that loving me comes naturally and I know that my mother finds solace in my advice. I know that my nature radiates joy, and I know I act with integrity. People around me have told me. So, tell me, why is it that in practice it’s all so hard? Why is it that in practice, these same friends who tell me that I’m worth so much drain out my words through their ears? Why is it that doing things that bring me joy is a chore for the same people who claim that I deserve only the best? Why is it that I tell these same people that I think someone may be interested in me I’m only met with criticism and ‘Oh, you’re so delusional!’ While supporting our other friends? What is it about me that makes me unworthy of that same love? Why do I not deserve it? And why is it that as soon as I think I am about to be loved the way I wish to be so badly they change up and then the demon emerges once again to hold me firmly by the throat and looks me dead in the eyes to remind me, ‘how could you possibly think that?’
just sharing something i wrote on main
on the validity of recognizing emotions
So this post is MANY years old but I was thinking of it today and want to thank @elodieunderglass for the single most helpful piece of actionable mental health advice I’ve ever gotten.
Also I’ve found that the nebulous cloud of unease abates if thanked for giving me vigilance and a signal that it’s time to stop and to go “Okay, what am I actually uneasy about, and what can I actually do about it?”, if that helps?
[research life]
Winter break; motivating myself to do some prep work for my thesis! 💞✨📖
AI under capitalism

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Adapted from Homer, The Iliad
// David Benioff, Troy
Every time a small child starts crying or having a tantrum in my vicinity and I catch the parents glancing at me I’ve started saying “me when…”.
Friend kept trying to tell his crying kindergartener to calm down and relax and the kid growled “I AM relaxed” while visibly tensing every muscle in his body and I was like “oh that’s me at work every day” and we had a chuckle.
Parents look to other adults like “shit are they mad? Do they think my kid is acting like a demon?” And this response is my attempt to say “no. I think your kid is just acting like a human being.”
I WISH I could fling myself on the ground and cry because I experienced a minor inconvenience.
bingewatching will never come close to bingereading. there is nothing like blocking out the entire Earth for ten hours to read a book in one sitting no food no water no shower no bra and emerging at the end with no idea what time it is or where you are, a dried-up prune that's sensitive to light and loud noises because you've been in your room in the dark reading by the glow of a single LED. it's like coming back after a three-month vacation in another dimension and now you have to go downstairs and make dinner. absolutely transcendental
one bad habit I've noticed that Malaysians have is that when they're at the elevator, they don't wait for people who are already on it to get off they just rush in
in many ways being alive is about getting to have a little coffee every morning
im about to go to uni and have a little coffee

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one must imagine sisyphus doing anki
everyone is deactivating lately omg..reblog if you are a real internet addiction fan