Shenanigans

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Mrs Weasley makes all her kids volunteer at the hospital, and she encourages ron to go talk to the coma patient who’s his age that no one ever visits

hermione is a smart girl who volunteers to read to coma patients in the hospitals

at first ron is like “back the fuck off, this is my gig” cause he’s 11 and he doesn’t like girls yet, but soon the two of them start to get along, and they talk to each other and pretend to include comatose harry in the conversation.

and ginny, who is still totally a badass, but also a hopeless romantic, kisses him like he’s sleeping beauty and might wake up

they both get weirdly protective of the boy the same age as them, who’s been in a coma for so long, and get really mad when the Dursleys decide to pull the plug

(petunia actually feels bad about it, because she did love her sister and harry is all there is left of her)

so ron and hermione hatch this elaborate scheme to keep harry alive by moving him around the hospital, so the doctors can’t ever find him

they get caught, and harry gets taken off life support and monitor gives out one long beep, and he’s dead

and then suddenly his heart starts beating again, and he blinks is eyes and sits up and goes “Ron? Hermione? …you don’t look how i pictured…”

and it turns out that harry really did have a lot of money left to him by his parents, and if he’d died the dursleys would have gotten all of it (vernon’s evil plot, prolly), but it’s 8 years later and he’s legal and gets all of it

but Mrs. Weasley totally takes him in because all of the weasley have grown fond of him over the years, despite never really getting to know him.

PS: hagrid was the janitor that talked to harry during the night shift

Remus was Sirius’s boyfriend with HIV who visited all the time and would tell Ron and Hermione about all these studies on comatose patients, how to talk to them best to get through to them, how to keep their tones bright and encouraging to subliminally convince the patient to keep fighting and not give up, telling them happy stories or memories to combat the brain’s attempts to shut down.

Draco was another random kid their age who always seemed to be around, but neither Ron or Hermione really knew why, and he never volunteered the information. He had in fact been diagnosed with Leukemia young, and his often brattish behaviour was the result of bitterness towards his condition and all of the various unpleasant treatments developed in other countries that his parents were always shipping him out to try on their vast family fortune. He envied the companionship Harry got from Ron and Hermione, but was too proud to tell them he was ill and lonely.

McGonagall was the strict but kindly ward sister who could be utterly terrifying but was fiercely protective of her patients and loathed the Dursley’s with a passion.

Arthur Weasley was an off-the-wall medical researcher at the Hospital (hence Molly getting all the kids to volunteer there) who would often bring in weird brain wave stimulators and other such things with Harry being one of his most common test subjects. He would ‘carry conversations’ with Harry, asking whether this, that or the other felt? Any effects? Despite knowing full well Harry wouldn’t respond. 

Umbridge was a newly appointed and very evil health inspector who suggested that turning off all the life support machines was the most efficient way to minimise the budget.

Fred and George took after their Dad, but in less a helpful ‘Maybe this will cure you’ way than a fun ‘let’s see if we can entertain the poor sod a bit’ way, who were particularly fond of a pair of glasses they’d created which flashed brightly coloured lights at the patient’s eyelids. They called them ‘Fred and George’s Firework Frames’.