I Dance (but not very well)

The simple act of holding a camera in my homeland of Western Sahara can be a crime. When Sahrawi film-makers and journalists attempt to document everyday life under Moroccan occupation, they can often end up in prison cells. For the Moroccan regime, a camera in the hands of a Sahrawi threatens its official narrative that Western Sahara is part of Morocco. In contrast, when celebrated international names in the film industry wish to capture an ideal picture for an epic journey, and decide that our land is exotic enough to shoot the desired scenes, they are welcomed, escorted and granted access by the same authorities that usually deny us that right. [...] Nolan’s choice to film in an occupied territory highlights the extractivist practices embedded in the western film industry. Western cinema has often been complicit in mining stories and immaterial culture from the global south at a scale no smaller than the material resources mined by the western colonial industrial complex. International film crews parachute in, shoot our faces, clothing, dunes and material culture, then fly off. For them, it seems we are simply decorative elements for their sets and back in New York, London or Paris, they gain prestige, box-office returns and awards. For Nolan’s Dakhla shoot, he appears to have neither sought our consent nor considered the ethics of in effect helping to prop up and legitimise Morocco’s occupation, thus making the space even more unsafe for Sahrawis living under it. He is actively participating in a state-sponsored PR campaign designed to legitimise an illegal occupation.

It's some shit that everyone thinks they can understand based on vibes but science just doesn't work that way. Real scientists have proved time and time again that it doesn't work how people assume. Many medical conditions where it's assumed weight is a "cause", something to blame the patient for, it's often actually a symptom.

Body size is based on so many individual possibilities. genetics, upbringing, wealth, what type of food you eat, what type of work you do, where you live, etc etc etc. it is impossible to control for all of these.

I was a child born to fat, impoverished, labourer parents, and I grew up doing farm labour, gaining muscle - I will never ever be thin. It's just how my body developed. And no matter how much weight I were to hypothetically lose, doctors would still push me to lose more. Family would push me to lose more. Society would push me to lose more. It will never ever ever be enough. You will never be thin enough, there is no bmi low enough to satisfy them, there is no "progress" that won't just make them pity or shame you even more. Your personal circumstances aren't important to a pseudo-scientific practice, the variables don't matter that much, it must be a one-size-fits-all solution.

Every weight loss pill, every low calorie shake or meal replacement, every weight watchers frozen meal, it all contributes to the pseudo-scientific cult of thinness. Every ad that says you're not good enough, it pushes you to drop your critical thinking skills. We have created a world where people think shitting themselves into thinness using potions with untested ingredients is healthier than having some fat on their bodies. But it's not! That's absurd! You're sending your body into a constant state of gastric shock!! And one day, when you get bored of eating tasteless nutrient paste and decide to eat something with some flavour in it, your body will react with a starvation response and store every little bit of fat that it can, because it's so used to being fucking starved. Which sends people into a panic response, buying up more pills and trying to crash-diet and lose their meagre protective layers.

Your body stores fat because that's your reserve energy. Fat is protective. I thank my body every day for storing so much energy for me, fuck knows I need it! That's your blubber!! You are a large mammal. Your body is designed to keep energy in reserve so you can sleep and stay warm and keep your brain alive. You should research the human metabolic process. You should research the cow metabolic process. You should research bear metabolic process. YOU NEED FAT!

And just like so many other pseudosciences, fatphobia and all that it entails is deeply rooted in racism and specifically antiblackness. It is not a mistake that the ozempic-chic era is coinciding with one of the biggest waves of open, globalised white supremacy we've seen in decades. Whiteness needs to perform & police whiteness constantly, maintaining appearances is THE way to stay part of the ingroup.

I am nearly 29, knew I was trans since 17 and I have been on HRT (estrogen) on and off for the past 18 months with testosterone for the last 6. Currently: 8mg Estradiol Enanthate weekly, plus 25mg testosterone weekly.

The hypothesis: The body auto-converts excess T→E and excess E→T, so it can handle high levels of both without much trouble. Women regularly take testosterone during menopause — this should be doable.

My theory: Take high E to block natural T production, then supplement a tiny bit of T to compensate. Should keep everything contextually balanced.

Six months in, and I just got my labs back. My doctor (not amused by this experiment) is shocked: I'm healthier than I've ever been across every metabolic marker. Dead center on every single metric. Blood pressure normal (first time ever). Weight stable. I have some breast growth starting, but no solidified nodules — so with raloxifene I could revert 90%+ if I wanted (TBD). They are very sensitive, for better or worse.

I have noticed my body becoming more feminine (appreciated), which is saying something since I am naturally broad and muscular. Think of a very masc blacksmith-NPC-character-model kind of build. I have curves now. Skin is overall softer. Body hair is much thinner (previously was bold, black, and gnarly). Face is smoother, jawline more defined, but the face itself is a bit rounder, especially in the cheeks.

Mental state is solid. Making real progress on projects, feeling hopeful, taking more risks and actually being comfortable with it. More open, more outgoing. Before this was quite depressed, anxious, paranoid, unable to make decisions, and just felt worthless, now its the exact opposite - I have tried every anti-depressant around, and had great luck with LSD, but this has been by far the most 'calm', happy, and level-headed I have ever been. That said, on pure estrogen, my mental clarity is certainly sharper. The combo is still clear enough though.