Distant Dreamer

[PM] Ugh, I can never win with you! What do I need to do for you to give me a chance?

[PM] Stop telling me you’re sorry because your words have no merit with me. I don’t trust you and I’m certainly not just going to forgive you just because you ask me to; you lost any right of that happening when you left. You want to be my brother again? Prove that you deserve it. 

Score. I’ll win them all back even if it takes me all year. Really? There goes my really cool story about how I spent two months in Alaska. Well then, it’s settled. Can I get my ticket through you when the time comes? Yeah, set design. Is it? Because it seems hard, being that creative and all.

Of course. You’d be mocking because I would have chosen a terrible movie, and the only way you’d know if it was terrible or not would be because you were here to watch me pick it out. My entire goal is to just get you here to hang out. Everything after that is just a bonus.

I want to say that I have faith in you but I don’t even know you, so I’ll just tell you good luck and hope that you don’t blow it. Was that a pun? I’m happy to listen to your chilling adventures as long as I don’t have to live through them myself. Sure, I guess. Usually you have something to base it off of with the script but a lot of it relies on your own imagination and interpretation. I don’t think it’s hard; I think it’s the one thing in life that is easy.

Guess you achieved your goal then because my curiosity is piqued on what you’re going to be showing.

So you’re just going to hold this grudge over me forever? I’m your brother. Like, you don’t even want to help me or have me be there for you now?

That didn’t matter to you when you left, why should it matter to me now? I definitely don’t want to help you do anything and news flash: I’ve been just fine without you for the last four years. I don’t need you to be here for me because I’m here for me and I’m the only person I need in this stupid life.

No. Fuck that. I wanted to do something I’ve dreamed about. I wanted to leave. Sorry for not telling you. But my intention wasn’t to fucking abandon you completely. Can you just fucking forgive me already and help me.

Well, you did. You left me with our overbearing, controlling mother and I got to be the kid that didn’t disappear, which meant that I got her control doubled because she didn’t know what happened to you. You’re not forgiven and I’m sure as hell not helping you do anything.

Is a grizzly bear okay? There’s more color and more sleeping.  And less cold if you’re into that, too. The odds that I’d also be in to theatre is very slim, but I’m still sorry that you’re losing faith in me. I appreciate his aesthetic (his sunglasses), so I just might. Will it help your hopes? That’s a huge influence so keep that in mind. I’ve never gone out of my way to see a musical, but I can be persuaded. That sounds really fancy. Is it hard?

I win either way, too, so really, this might be the best idea I’ve ever had.

Less cold is a definite bonus that I didn’t even think about; you regained a small portion of points for that. I’ve never even left Arizona so I don’t think I would fare very well in an arctic tundra. Good looking out. Um, yes? It will definitely help my hopes for you and not just because you told me that you seeing the play is dependent on that.  What, set design?

You win by me mocking you?

CASS: ...sorry I brought him out of the hole. I just had to do the right thing. He was still a sucky brother to you and I still get it.

Pasta is good, too. I can understand why people would post pictures of food. Well, um, when you put it like that, I guess it makes sense.

Okay. Just let me know, um, what you’d like me to do. And the rehearsal schedule, I guess. That’s okay. I wouldn’t accept payment anyway. You can think me a new guitar? What does that mean?

Pasta is the light of my life. They should write sonnets in dedication to pasta. Sometimes I make sense, but I’m not sure you should get used to it.

I love waffles so, um, I can understand why that would happen. That sounds like, well, a great thing. Are they? I don’t know. Maybe. I’ll think about it.

Oh, I see. That sounds interesting. I really love music from the 1960′s, so that will be fun. Ah. I understand. Okay. Well. I can play piano, guitar, percussion, whatever you need.

I guess they’re aesthetically pleasing enough but I’ll always prefer instagrams dedicated to pasta. Instruments are definitely cool. You might as well use your empty account for something, right?

No. But Thalia, I never wanted to abandon you. I just wanted to pursue my passion. I swear I would have visited or have you come visit all the time. I’m pretty sure they made me into the asshole that forgot all about my family. Like… all these emotions and memories just hit me tonight when Cass had me unbrainwashed, like what the fuck? How did they manage to get rid of all of these memories. They were the ones who made me forget how important you were. 

You could have pursued your passion and still let me know about it. Instead, you up and left in the middle of the night and you can’t blame that on some douchebag messing with your memories. That was all you. So thanks, but no thanks because I was never an important factor in your life.

I don’t do anything cool enough, that, um, is picture-taking worthy. It was very cool. I, um, like everything, too.

Oh. I see. So it’s… uh, kind of like a song cycle? Yeah. I can help. Is it a super production, or would people not react well to instruments playing themselves?

There are instagrams dedicated entirely to pictures of waffles, so I think that you could manage to find something to take pictures of. You could start with your instruments. Those are pretty cool, I’m sure. Everything is good.

Come on, Thalia. I’m sorry. I don’t know why.. or when… or even what. What the fuck am I saying. There’s just a lot going on in my head.. I just.. I miss you. I don’t know what’s real or not, but I do know I’ve always wanted you around. 

Riddle me this, Riddler: were you brainwashed when you left home?

I can’t even begin to explain like… I’m so fucking sorry. To everyone. Like, I have no idea how it came to this or how it got this bad. How I got bad? How did I manage to live… possibly years…. not as myself. If that makes sense. I sincerely apologize to anyone that may have gotten hurt because of me or anything. Under a normal circumstance I would have never done any of this. I don’t want to throw apologies all over the place, but I do plan on apologizing to everyone. Consider this my public apology. I understand if you want nothing to do with me… but just know… it wasn’t really me. At least my intentions weren’t real.

So, you didn’t get stuck in the blackhole. Pity. If we had a fat, jolly man for our winter holiday then I would know what to ask him for.

valenciadelafuente replied to your post:[P: Um, hi. I'm sorry if this is a little weird,...

Cass. I’m Valencia; Manny’s sister? To make this short, I can do what you can—with the exception of it being whatever I say—and if it’s not too much trouble, I prefer to keep that under wraps.

Never heard of Manny but I made Cass a sprinkle pool for one of her parties and she was pretty into it. Hope you don’t talk in your sleep; that’s where I always fuck up. Sure. I’m not one to go gossiping about something that doesn’t benefit me.