ever since i was a little girl i knew i was doomed to take things too seriously and think about them forever

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@th0rnie
ever since i was a little girl i knew i was doomed to take things too seriously and think about them forever

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the more time you spend in active recovery from any given self destructive behavior or addiction the more you understand the common conception of the "relapse" as defined by a broken "streak" to be, like, so bad for one's own well-being that it would be funny if it weren't resulting in just a lot of misery and death
I told my girlfriend to think of quitting vaping as training her endurance by seeing how long she can run before she gets tired, then doing it again and hoping to go further next time. She said it really helped her.
This is the stages of change model, with each circle being a part of the process of growth. You'll notice how relapse is not a failing of the model, or a set back, but an active step in continuing to grow and change. Everytime you relapse, you learn something; maybe a certain time of year is difficult for you. Maybe certain people push you back into the habit. Maybe your other coping skills/replacement habits didn't work how you wanted and you need to strengthen them, or develop new ones. Maybe it's not quite as clear cut and you need to spend the time figuring out what exactly went wrong so you can catch it next time. It doesn't matter the exact lesson, but it's part of the process.
Aria Aber, from Hard Damage; āOperation Cycloneā
one of the most important things, perhaps the most important thing I have learned in my life is that nice people can fuck each other up in monstrous ways. people can be bone deep kind and loving and self reflective and still lash out under pressure. people can be earnestly neighbourly and charitable and hospitable and generous and still find themselves in situations where they become selfish. people can be well meaning and easygoing and gregarious and hold deep seated opinions that turn them into vicious little bullies under the right conditions. nobody is just one thing, and nobody stays one way. every person is a kaleidoscope and they will surprise you. you will surprise yourself. it's not a warning and it's not a judgement and it's not an excuse, and it's certainly not a reason to stop trying or to stop trusting. it is just a fact.

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It's normal that things might not get better when you leave an abusive situation. For many people, things actually get harder at first. Being in a safer place can give your body permission to feel everything it had to suppress just to survive.
That doesnāt mean leaving was a mistake. It means your nervous system is finally exhaling.
Trauma doesnāt end when the danger ends. And even if it feels worse right now, itās still good that you got out. Getting out creates the possibility for things to get better.
the hardships are tough, but i am tougher
I HAVE TO DO THE WORK SO THAT MY LIFE CAN BE DIFFERENT AND I CAN REAP THE BENEFITS
some places will make you feel like you donāt belong. that doesnāt mean there isnāt a place for you in the world.
Absent daughter figure
Deadbeat daughter

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I'm tired. I'm just so fucking tired. I don't think i have it in me anymore. I feel so alone. I feel so scared. I feel like a nuisance. I feel too much. I'm tired. Happiness is so fleeting. I'm so tired of returning to this state. I feel so close to snapping.
Amor, coherencia y tiempo.
Depression is the bed in which I sink, / my body primed for painās insidious hooks: / the swollen fingers and the stiffened back; / the way regret can pierce you with its knife; / the migraines like some medieval rack; / the winnowing of loved ones from my life.
Linda Pastan, from Insomnia: Poems; āOld Jokeā
Maya C. Popa, from Wound is the Origin of Wonder: Poems: āPestilenceā

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i mean this in the nicest way possible but some of you need to learn how to be annoyed
people are going to annoy you and thatās not a reason to burn bridges or blow up relationships
some people will even annoy you often! some people arenāt good at social cues and will therefore be frequently annoying! still not a reason to blow everything up!
part of developing your sense of community is learning how to tolerate people being annoying to you
itās no great hardship to include even the people you find a bit irritating in your community
this post is about everyone whoās kind of annoying (which. everyone is annoying sometimes) but itās also specifically about neurodivergent people who are just trying to exist in their communities without being ostracized for not doing every social interaction perfectly
agonizing over all the time you wasted or lost is useless. itās gone now. you survived in the only way you knew how. doesnāt your survival deserve some recognition too?