Texts From Babylon 5

(201): I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass

(701): Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.

(+61): I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.

(812): UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING

(813): His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.

(414): Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend

(701): I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.

(707): I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?

(701): Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.

(501): The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound

(903): I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.

(416): I think I gave a random lady a dildo (587): Again?!

(254): I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks

(919): My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty

(507): do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?

(617): I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?

(617): I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.