tumblr humor at its best @textpostsforthewin - Tumblr Blog

joseph: mary, how are you pregnant?

mary, who’s about to invent christianity: oh? haven’t you heard?

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tonightweredrinkingfromthebong

gwen stefani was right when she said this shit is bananas

420moshdad

*steals ur girl* *mom finds out and makes me return her and apologize*

thecw4kids

ghost in the house: GET OUT. I WILL TAKE YOU-

real estate agent: chill, its me.

ghost: oh hey. have you sold it yet.

real estate agent: obviously NOT, idiot.

eatyourfacecat-deactivated20250

you know what? the years really do start coming and they really don’t stop coming

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istanbul-not-constantinople

Yesterday at work this lady was buying a leaf plate and when I told her I thought it was cute she said “Yeah, it’s perfect for my treehouse!”. I was like “oh, do you have kids?” and she said “yeah, I have kids, they just aren’t allowed in my treehouse” and honestly same

notmusa

i expect ill be able to solve a lot of my problems once my baby brain falls out & my adult brain grows in

jkateel-archive

I needed this today.

greyisbetterthangray-deactivate

I tried to just scroll and move on … but I couldn’t. This is just too perfect.

asia1ei

past tense of william shakespeare? william shookspeare

the-cloud-road

Wouldiwas Shookspeared

canthinkofaurl-deactivated20221

delete this

112196355

Imma start charging people for hurting my feelings $3 a minute

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bastille

How the FUCK do some of y’all sleep in the nude like what if ya mumma walks in and you’re all spread out with your junk hanging out? Who’s gonna help u then? The Lord our savior? I don’t think so

hurleyquinnzel

Songs that never fail to make white people beyond turnt

Don’t Stop Believing

Bohemian Rhapsody

Living On A Prayer

Come On Eileen

Sweet Caroline

Shot Through the Heart

Pour Some Sugar on Me

Sweet Home Alabama

Under Pressure

Shook Me All Night Long

Ice Ice Baby

Cotton Eyed Joe

500 Miles

Wonderwall

Buddy Holly

A Thousand Miles

Teenage Dirtbag

Red Solo Cup

Mr Brightside

Never Gonna Give You Up

Eye of the Tiger

Chicken Fried

American Pie

I Love Rock and Roll

Dancing Queen

Don’t You Want Me

We Will Rock You

The Time Warp

Hey Jude

Piano Man

This Is How We Do It

Drops of Jupiter

Hey Soul Sister

In The End

All The Small Things

Stacy’s Mom

Kryptonite

All Star

You Found Me

Bad Day

Bring Me To Life

Dance, Dance

Sugar We’re Going Down

I Write Sins Not Tragedies

All The Small Things

Ocean Avenue

Dirty Little Secret

Margaritaville

Sk8er Boi

Brown Eyed Girl

Life Is A Highway

Some Nights

Little Lion Man

Breakeven

Hey There Delilah

Viva La Vida

Use Somebody

Carry On My Wayward Son

Take On Me

1985

Iris

I’m Awesome

Seven Nation Army

September

Since U Been Gone

Skinny Love

Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)

Bye Bye Bye

Say It Ain’t So

Somewhere Only We Know

I’m Yours

Last Resort

My Girl

Tiny Dancer

Roxanne

Shout

I’m a Believer

Soul Man

Feel Good Inc

Check Yes Juliet

Walking On Sunshine

MMM Bop

Pumped up Kicks

Hooked On A Feeling

It’s A Beautiful Day

Summer Girls

Before He Cheats

Happy Together

You Make My Dreams Come True

Build Me Up Buttercup

Escape (The Pina Colada Song)

DONTTRUSTME

Shake It (Metro Station)

Juke Box Hero

Girls Just Want To Have Fun

comedycentral

If you filter the word “Trump" from your Facebook feed, it’s just that one chicken parm Tasty video over and over.

ammit420

i say idk alot but trust me

i be knowin

wavymama-deactivated20150522

clean and clear commercial

white/lightskin/racially ambiguous girl: i had a pimple one time and i was ugly and dying and everyone spit on me and i was exiled from society but then i used clean and clear and now i am a healed and whole person with jesus in my heart

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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sordidwhore-deactivated20190724

the Feds reading my blog: why doesn’t she just do her homework on time

microsoftsaint

what happened to old zealand

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