Texas Is My Country

Scanning the lobby again, his eyes caught a familiar head of white hair dashing out the side door, it had to have been you. He bolted after you, if he could just talk to you, maybe he could convince you to let them handle it; at the very least allow them to help you.

Shoving his way through the crowd and onto the busy sidewalk, he caught another glimpse of your hair in the sea of people, keeping it in his sights, he pushed farther, a paramedic shoved into him, spinning off track, but Steve shoved forward. When he made it to the spot you had been in, you were gone. He cursed, not a single trace of you was left behind. The crowd of people jostled him as he tore his hand through his hair, stepping forward— a scraping crunch met his ears, he jumped back, looking down.

On the ground, covered in blood spatter, a familiar skeletal mask lay broken. He knelt to pick up the pieces, fingers brushing lightly over the white surface, the curves and edges that mimicked bones.

He had to stop you, at least try to reason with you. Reaching for his phone, he dialed you, silently praying you’d pick up on the other end, then, just maybe he could save you.

But as the line rang… 

And rang…

And rang, the hope he held onto disintegrated.

Finally the line died, a deafening silence settled in his heart.

A bone deep chill shuddered through him.

—

Steve leaned back in the hospital recliner, his eyes heavy as he watched over Bucky in the hospital bed, he lay sleeping, his shoulder wrapped in bandages. He had almost lost his best friend, all because he couldn’t see the damn answer staring him in the face. Too much bloodshed, too much death.

The door squeaked open as Steve scrubbed his hands over his face, looking up. Queens hobbled through the door, a bandage wrapped around his thigh, he propped himself against the wall taking a deep breath. He looked like hell, “Aren’t you supposed to be resting?” 

Queens shrugged, screwing his lips to the side, “Got restless, besides Wade finally left my side.” He smiles softly, “It wasn’t by choice though, his boss pulled him away, otherwise I think he’d still be attached to my hip.”

Steve huffs a laugh, “How’d he find you?”

Queens gave him a sad smile, “Ace, she had found me before…”

Steve nods knowingly. Of course, you cared for Queens like he was your own blood, it only made sense for you to send someone you trusted to take care of him.

“She’s something else…” Queens pauses as Steve meets his gaze, “I mean… Have you ever seen her in action? I don’t even know how to explain it, it's…”

“Mesmerizing?” Steve offers. “Yeah, I’ve sparred with her, she’s… something else.”

Queens nods, a silence settles, after a moment, he breaks the silence again “Have you heard anything?” He asks tentatively.

Steve drops his gaze shaking his head, “No. She’s disappeared, without a trace.”

Queens sighs limping towards Steve, pulling something out of his pocket, he reaches out, placing the small box into Steve’s hand. The black velvet soft in his rough hands, he already knows what it is. Steve inhales deeply, “Thought I lost it…”

Queens gives him a sad smile, “I found it in your penthouse office, buried in rubble… Were you really gonna ask her?”

Steve works his jaw, his chest constricting uncomfortably as he stares at the tiny box, he doesn’t have the heart to open it and look at the ring; what he could have had.

What he will never have.

Bucky coughs, moving to sit-up in the bed, his face screwed up, “Ya never asked her, Punk?”

Steve turns to him, shaking his head, “Never had the chance…”

Bucky reaches for it, plucking it from Steve’s grip, “Don’t worry pal, you’ll get to ask her.”

“I doubt that, she’s gone Buck, even Zemo can’t find her—”

“Steve.” Bucky cuts him off. He turns again, Bucky is staring into the box wide-eyed.

“What is it, Buck?”

Bucky’s eyes flicker between him and Queens, turning the box so he and Queens can see it. Bucky’s voice shakes, “It’s gone.”

—

Your breaths were sharp and ragged as you stumbled through the safe house door, your hand holding your side, desperate to keep your blood inside your body. Thor’s men had been waiting for you, they weren’t his usual help, these men were trained, lethal. Heimdal, the only commander he had left, knew you were coming, they put up a valiant fight, in the end it didn’t matter only one survived. But you had let your guard down, let your anger and emotions get in your head, now you suffered the consequences. 

Settling on the couch, you began the dirty work of patching yourself, the vodka next to you only dulled the pain, clouding your mind. Groaning, you poured the little amount left onto your side. You hissed, teeth clenched from the sting of the alcohol.

A throat cleared in the darkness of your ramshackle safe house, slowly you reach for your pistol, aiming into the darkness, your hand slightly shaking. A chuckle floated in the air,

“Come now Peladora, we both know you’re a shitty shot after you drink.”

Jake.

“I still coulda hit ya, wouldn’t kill ya, but it’d hurt like ’ell.” You relax, placing the gun back where you’d retrieved it. You continue patching yourself as Jake makes his way toward you, kneeling by your side.

A small smile curves his lips, “We have to stop meeting like this Peladora.” Batting your hands away, he takes over patching your wound. 

Wincing you lean back so he can assist you better, “How’d you find me?”

He sighs deeply, eyes lifting to meet yours, “I’m always there when you need me.”

“You won't stop me.”

He can see the determination in your eyes, the wildfire burning bright, “I don’t intend to try. Didn’t try to stop you when we began this journey, why would I now?”

You shrug, breaking eye contact, “Do you regret it?”

His brows raise, “Saving you?”

If he didn’t have a needle in your side you would’ve punched him, you roll your eyes, “No…”

He nods knowingly, “But, I think about it sometimes… What you would have become if I refused to train you.” He cuts the stitching, pulling your shirt down to cover you, “I don’t think it would have prevented anything. I think though you have become something you despise, it was necessary.” His hand brushes your hair from your face, “Do I regret what you have lost? Yes, but the losses would have been far greater without you. Sometimes we must become the villain to do the things that are against the heroes’ code”

“One good deed is not enough to forgive my lifetime of bloodshed. Have you seen the paper? They’ve pinned the blame for everything on the Ace of Spades.”

“Did you expect anything different? Is it not better to have blood spilt from those who desire to harm the innocent than for the innocent to bleed for nothing? Thor would have slaughtered everyone, without you. Zemo’s family, your family, Steve and his men… and anyone else who tried to stand in his way. Besides, did you really think Thor would take the blame?”

It hurts, the truth, the undeniability of the monster you’ve become. You knew deep down a normal life was no longer in the cards for you, but it cut deep nonetheless. You’d known someone would have to be the scapegoat, you figured it would have been Loki, but it only made sense to blame the one who no longer exists. You purse your lips, “Tony’s Death was my own fault, and my family is still dead. Loki didn’t deserve his fate, neither did Peggy, or Tony, or my parents.”

Jake sighs, sitting next to you on the couch, situating you to where your feet are propped on his legs, he nods slowly, “Power can be dangerous, it turns even the best people into rabid dogs. Many lost their lives, most of them didn’t deserve it, but you know better than I, no one's hands are clean in this business. But your niece and sister-in-law will live full lives, without fear of Thor and his men.” he pauses to take a deep breath, his hand patting your ankle, “Peladora, you cannot blame yourself for what happened, you didn’t know how it would end. Even if you did, would you change it? If you could trade Steve’s life for your brother’s, would you?”

You snort, burying his questions. Truth be told, you don’t know if you could make that decision. To choose your brother over Steve, or Steve over your brother. It wasn’t a choice that day, but instinct. You sigh, now wasn’t the time to wallow in self pity or mourn, there was work to be done. “Thor is still alive.”

He turns to you, eyes hard, jaw muscles working, “For now. I have a feeling that will change…” he merely lifts a brow at you, “After all he has no one else to hide behind, his commanders are dead, Heimdall was his last defense.”

You hum and slowly rise to your feet, heading into your makeshift room, Jake follows, watching as you repack your bag, pulling out your clothes and weapons.

He turns to leave, but stops, snapping his fingers, “Oh, I almost forgot” —he pulls a small pouch from his pocket— “Wade wanted me to give this to you, says not to open it until you're done.”

He tosses the pouch to you, catching it, you scowl, “What is it?”

He merely shrugs, “Probably some weird ass good luck charm, you know how Wade is.”

You nod, putting it into your pocket. 

“Was it worth it?” –Jake gives a pointed look to your side- “Did he give Thor up?”

You shake your head, “No, but I have my own ways of finding him.” You pull paperwork from your bag, a list of property and other holdings under Loki’s name. Thor wasn’t dumb enough to use his own property as a hiding place.

He frowns, raising his brow, “I don’t have to tell you he’s dangerous, Peladora.”

“I know.”

“This could be our final goodbye.”

You stop packing, swallow thickly and drop your gaze, “It could be, it could not be… but when I get pulled into the depths of hell, I’m taking him with me.”

—

It had been over a week since Ace had gone missing, the underground uncharacteristically quiet on the topic, Bucky felt bad for Steve.

It was almost like you had died again, but Steve was better at hiding his feelings this time, but Bucky knew better. He stared at Steve from the passenger’s seat, “How you doin pal?”

Steve side-eyed him from the driver’s seat, “Fine, Buck. Why?”

He pursed his lips, glancing back at Peter in the back seat, raising a brow. Peter rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “Riiighhhtt… how are you really?”

Bucky watches Steve’s jaw work as he chews his lip, “It sucks. It’s almost worse than when I thought she was dead…” his knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel, “At least dead, I knew for sure. But now I don’t know if she’s alive or bleeding out somewhere…”

Bucky swallows, twisting his mouth to the side, “You know, I never did apologize to you, Punk…” he sighs as Steve eyes him, “I’m sure she told you her side, how awful I was… But—“

Steve shakes his head, “Don’t worry about it Buck, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“But you see, it matters to me. I know everyone thinks I just had a hard-on to kill her, like I was just set on not letting her get away…” he pauses, clenching his shaking fist, “Look, it may have started out like that, it hurt, she betrayed all of us that night we caught her, more so you, but it hurt nonetheless.”

Steve slows the car, parking it at one of their warehouses. Shutting off the ignition, he turns in his seat towards Bucky, he can feel the weight of his stare going in the side of his head. Behind them, he can feel Peter waiting to rebuttal. Bucky didn’t hate you, he hated what you stood for. What you had done. What you were willing to do.

Taking a deep breath he continued, “That night I followed her, picked her up at some gas station… I didn’t intend to kill her.” His heart is roaring in his ears, his palms are slick with sweat, he isn’t sure Steve believes him, but it's the truth. “I had every intention to scare her off, get her to leave, not only you, but the city. Then she opened her damn mouth and I… I—”

He closed his eyes, shoving at the memory as it surfaced in his mind; you sitting bloody and broken in front of him. He could lie and say there was no fear in your eyes, but if he was honest with himself, he saw it. He saw the lie in your eyes, the false bravado you paraded in front of him. When you realized you had pushed him too far, “She threatened you again… Promised to make you beg for her to kill you. Swore she would make me watch…” he looked to Steve, expecting him to be angry, but he wasn’t. Steve was staring at him in understanding, sorrow swimming in his eyes. Bucky clenched his jaw again, “I promise, never, not even once did she lead me to believe she loved you… if… if she had, I wouldn’t have—“

He breaks off as the memory of you clawing at the dock skitters across his mind. He knew he had gone too far when he had gotten home, he could feel the guilt and remorse eating away at him. But he had to tell himself it was to keep Steve safe, for his own sanity.

Steve’s hand grasped his shoulder, “I understand, Buck. I know her tactics, the way her brain works… That's how I know I’ll never see her again. The look in her eye when she left to chase Thor, it was a goodbye.” Steve sighs deeply, “Whatever was simmering in her veins beneath the surface, whatever was caged and locked away, held at bay by those four little words. It’s out now, and it's after Thor. She’s not the woman we knew, she’s something else entirely. Something dark and dangerous and it's out for blood.”

—

Peter walked with Steve and Bucky deep in the warehouse, where they were keeping Fandrel or Conquest is what the underground calls him. Ronin had his turn, so did Sam, trying to get Thor’s location and allies from him. So far nothing has worked, and their list of possible leads keeps getting shorter. 

Ace has been cutting through the list of Thor’s people too fast for them to keep up, they have been three steps behind her this entire time. They had found Heimdal and all his security dead last night, and then today multiple buildings on the outskirts of the city were burned down. They need to find Thor or you quick, if they didn’t, Peter feared they would lose you for good.

They came to a stop, whimpers and cursing could be heard on the other side of the door, muffled by the thick metal. Steve took a deep breath, nodding towards the door for Bucky, “Do what you do best Buck, we need that information, now.”

Bucky nods, Peter moves to join him, but Bucky stops him, “Queens. Sit this one out, let me handle this.”

Peter scowls, “What? I can do this Bucky, let me help, I wanna find Ace too.”

Bucky shakes his head, “Not for this kid. I need you out here. This fucker and his friends were the ones who attacked you, I wasn’t able to protect you then, lemme make it up to you now.” Bucky’s eyes met his, his blue eyes so full of pain and anger, he was doing this for him. 

Peter nodded slowly, he understood, he said a silent prayer when the door closed, please, just let us find her…

—

Weeks of recon, months. 

You finally had the bastard, there was nowhere else for him to go.

As you stared into the mirror, the eyes that stared back weren’t ones you recognized. A fire burned so deep and hot within them, you thought they would scorch you with a single glance. You knew it was yourself staring back at you, but you couldn’t recognize yourself and what you had become. 

No mask or contacts this time to hide behind. You wanted Thor to look you in the eye when he took his final breath, to understand and feel what you felt. 

You could almost taste the freedom on your tongue, only hours away.

Only two things left to do.

Kill Thor.

Lose yourself.

—

Finally, finally, they found you, if they beat you they could accomplish two things–

Kill Thor.

Save you.

You shut your eyes completely again, content on letting them talk until the sun is long gone for the evening as Flynn pulls Sun’s attention back to the here and now, you adjust your grip on the knife clutched in your hand, tucked under the weight of your head. You listen to the world around you, really listen, it's almost as if the night itself speaks to you. Your hearing is exceptional, for a human, you chalked it up to spending too much time hunting, normally straining and training your ears to pick up the slightest changes in the environment. Back in Boston it was the only way to survive, the gang, more like a cult you were taken by, had tried to force werewolf blood down people's throats, trying in vain to give themselves an ounce of the beast's power.

Gangs were always doing crazy shit like that, before they realized it was futile and were eventually run out of the city, turned into some variant of beast, or massacred. They worshiped all the beasts like they were the old gods, slaughtering their own people to appease them, throwing themselves at their feet… You were fortunate Sun had come to look for you, without her help, you probably wouldn't be here. Your best friend since childhood, the literal sunshine to your gloom, opposites in almost every way–

Crunch. Huff. Huff. Snap.

Your body's in motion before your brain catches up with the impending threat, your hand slipping over Sun’s mouth behind you, her hot breath seeping into your leather glove. You crouch in front of her, your body shielding hers, not that she needs your protection, it's just a habit. The knife you were nursing is held defensively in front of you. Behind you, you can almost feel Flynn’s movements, as he unsheathed his bow.

Your eyes are trained on the seam where the giant oaks and evergreens meet the rolling plains, you feel the warmth of the sun fading from your skin. The woods fall pindrop silent, but you know better, you can almost feel the beating of their hearts through the ground and soles of your boots, vibrating through your body. Then the shadows move, the last few rays of sunlight gleam in their eyes as they prowl closer. Your heart pounds in your chest, the two of you had stayed out in the open too long, your scents probably drifted too far outside of the camp and the safety of its walls.

As slow as possible, you remove your hand from her mouth, gently tapping her leg and signaling for her and Flynn to make their way back to the compound. You don't have to look at her to know she is about to say, ‘not without you’, you can feel her eyes on your back, but you can't move yet, they need to be farther away. You and her have always had a connection, you can speak to each other without words or signals, sometimes even without looking at each other, there is a soul-deep connection.

Two sides to the same coin.

If she is the light you are the darkness.

Taking a deep breath you dare a look at where her and Flynn have made it to…Its a dumb fucking move.

You hear the guttural growl, but it's a blur of fur and fangs as its giant body slams into yours, hot breath puffing against your face, slick drool seeping into the fabric of your shirt as you tumble onto the ground, rolling and thrashing until you are pinned beneath them. Their snout is mere centimeters from your nose, teeth bared, saliva drips from their canines, onto your chest and neck, its claws, almost the size of your face, pin you, one on your chest the other by your head.

You growl in disgust, chest heaving, you narrow your eyes, your left hand wiggles free, unsheathing the knife strapped to your leg, its gaping maw getting dangerously close to your exposed neck. Your right hand rips free from under its hold near your head, you close your fist, meeting its face, causing its head to snap harshly to the side, your left hand moves, lightning fast, you jerk the blade up its abdomen, from tail to throat, disemboweling them.

“That’s a bad fucking dog.” you ground out through clenched teeth.

Its body slumps down on top of you, lanky limbs and patchy fur completely covering your body, it's only a Mutt, you're lucky it wasn't an adult. Warm blood now soaks through your clothes, somewhere behind you, Sun screams, not in fear, no. That was a war cry, you can almost see her grabbing her sword and running into the fray. Panic surges through you, this was a planned attack, they knew we were here, this compound is too far out in the wild for a pack to wander onto it by mistake.

Shit.

You heave the monstrous beast from your body, bolting up, making a mad dash straight for her. You were right, with her sword in hand, she burst from the giant wooden gates and was running to avenge you, a smile lifts your lips, as you roll your eyes, protective dumbass.

As she sees you, she skids to a halt, face distorting in disgust, then her eyes travel behind you and widen, you don't have to look back. The ground is shaking with the thundering of their claws, you know there are too many of them. As you reach her, you sling an arm around her waist, hauling her with you, she only resists for a split second, before spinning around and sprinting back to the compound.

Flynn is at the doors waiting, you thrust Sunshine through the door first, spinning on your heel as you slip through, slamming your body against the heavy wooden gate alongside Flynn’s. The gate shuts, you scream for the others to lower the iron bar as the first werewolf crashes into the gate. The wood creaked as the doors quake, you swear under your breath, shoving harder against the gate, praying the old wood holds. Above you there are screams, Theia and Nyx are raining down hell, their bows drawn, arrows tipped in silver set ablaze.

The rest of the compound is in chaos, there are Mutts tearing holes in the defenses to gain access, a few succeed. The Ferals vault over the walls, tearing wounds into their skin as they catch on the pointed metal caps. A few meters from you, Hope and Sly fight back-to-back, cutting down Ferals as efficiently as they can. Some are attempting to patch the holes in the walls to keep out more Mutts. You spare a glance at Sun, yelling over the chaos, “We need to find the Commander!”

Rule 1) There’s always a leader to each battalion. Myths believe there are Great Wolves that are above them, but no one has confirmed this theory.

Sun scowls, rushing out to help our friends and neighbors. Both of us know that is the only way to get rid of them, there should be a commander, the leader of the pack, we take them out, the whole pack dissipates.

The iron bar slides into place with a rumbling, cachunk, in front of you within the heart of the compound, one of the newcomers morphs before your eyes, their normal human body taking on a semi-human form, their eyes glow, arms and legs elongating, fingers forming into claws, skin taught and gravestone gray, without a stitch of fur, they turn on you, fiery eyes burning through you; fucking feral.

An arrow wizzes past you, Flynn’s shot misses, a lethal mistake, its eyes flicker to him, a horrifying grin stretching its maw, razor sharp canines glint in the low lighting. Inhumanly fast, the feral is on Flynn, its claw wrapped around his neck as he kicks out gasping for air.

The stupid beast doesn't even acknowledge you, their mistake, a savage cry erupts from your throat, eyes meeting Sun’s who’s back on the other side of Flynn, and in tandem, both of you strike, knives carving into its ribs. The beast screeches, releasing Flynn, as you and Sun thrust its body backwards, the body spasming as it thuds on the ground, its eyes dimming into lifeless black voids.

You nod to Sun as the two of you sprint off deeper into the compound

You mewl as he flicks his tongue over your sensitive bud, “S-Simon, no m-more… I c-can’t.”

“Shhhh, easy love, just listen to Soap’s voice. You can give me one more.”

Your back arches off the bed, breaths coming in quick shallow puffs, Soap gently caresses your cheek, pulling your attention his way, his lips sealing over yours.

You feel lightheaded, your brain is fuzzy as his tongue swipes into your mouth, Ghost growls, sending a shock through your body, “I said talk her through it Johnny, I wanna hear her.”

Soap chuckles deep in his chest, you whimper as he breaks the kiss, his blue eyes sparkling. A smirk lifts his lips as Ghost pulls another moan from your lips. 

“You heard the Lt., Kit just one more. Breath through it with me…” he makes a relaxed face as he takes a deep breath, in through his nose- “In.”  and out through his mouth, “and out.”

You scowl, but it quickly turns into something entirely different with what Ghost is doing to you.

“Just like defusing a bomb Kit, just listen to the sound of my voice. Can’t have you passing out on us...” Soap’s voice is soft, like the soft spring breeze, focusing the fire in your veins lower as he anchors your hand to the bed, his fingers intertwining yours. His thumb gently tracing its way along your palm, sending a shiver down your body, goosebumps littering your skin.

“Can’t have the team asking questions now can we Darling?” Ghost’s voice rumbles through you, giving oxygen to the roaring fire under your skin, causing you to squirm, but his heavy arm comes to rest across your lower belly, firmly pinning you to that spot.

Between the two of them, it doesn’t take long for your release, the molten heat in your veins reaching its breaking point, even under Ghost’s weight, your back arches off the bed, your head is thrown back. Soap is in awe of the scene unfolding before him, but he is quick to cover your mouth with his gloved hand. His soft voice is your only tether to reality as you tumble down from your high.

When your body finally relaxes, Ghost is there, his giant bare body stretching over you, before his lips seal over yours. All Soap can do is watch as you eagerly accept the massive man, both of you like hungry wolves, as if the three of you didn’t just fuck eachother senseless. You take everything they give you, and they in return take everything you offer them. The three of you are close, dangerously so, the rest of the 141 doesn't even dare to point it out. 

Normally attachments like this are dangerous for other reasons, distractions and the like, but the three of you are dangerous, because there is nothing and no one that can keep you apart. Come hell or high water, death and destruction, there will always be the three of you.

Ghost’s thick voice breaks through Soap’s thoughts, “That’s a good girl Kit, such a fuckin good girl.”

No, you thought not you, he was helping Sam. The damage of your future had already been done, the love of your life gone without you being able to give him a proper burial, or even say goodbye. You’d give anything to see him one last time, to tell him you love him, and let him know it was okay, that you were eventually going to be okay. You leaned against the railing, shoving your hands in your hair as the clouds opened releasing their fury.

Bucky didn’t deserve this life, he deserved happiness, to have peace. You just needed to get through this, help Sam with Hydra, and send Steve back in time again, then you could move on. You reached up to your neck, finding the chain and following it to the dog tags hanging there, you pressed your lips to them, a silent prayer to let him know you were alive and trying your best to be there for Sam.

A motorcycle engine rumbled behind you, “I will throw your ass into the goddamn river!” you hissed as you tucked Bucky’s tags back into your shirt.

A familiar voice chuckled, “I’ve been through worse Doll.”

You turned to see Sargent Barnes walking towards you, closing your eyes you turned back to the river, “I… Sorry, I thought you were Steve.”

Bucky stopped next to you, “I know.”

“Are you here to tell me how awful I am? To tell me he didn’t deserve me treating him that way?” a few moments of silence filled the air, you opened your eyes and turned to see Barnes leaning against the railing looking out at the river stoically. He shook his head,

“People deal with grief differently, it’s not my place to say who was right and who was wrong. You both said things that hurt each other.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat, trying to keep your composure, “So, why are you here? Did he send you?”

Again, he shook his head sighing as he looked down, “No. I came at my own volition, Sweetheart. I wanted to make sure you were alright. You do know it’s raining, right?”

You laughed softly, looking up at the sky in faux shock, “Is that what they call this liquid falling from the sky?”

Sargent Barnes liked the sound of your laugh, he found himself noticing little aspects of you throughout the week you had been here, the way you crinkled your nose when you didn’t believe something Steve had said, or the way you looked at him when you thought he couldn’t see you. How gentle and patient you were with him, he had done nothing to earn your kindness, but you gave it to him anyway.

He looked at you now standing in front of him soaking wet from the rain, with that same pained look in your eyes, all he wanted to do was ease your pain. He couldn’t imagine what he went through in your timeline, Steve had mentioned snippets here and there about what he had done, he couldn’t understand how someone like you could have fallen in love with that version of him.

He reached up caressing your face, wiping away the rain that rolled down your cheek, you instinctively leaned into his touch, stepping toward him, placing your hand over his. You were so close now he had to looked down at you, his warm breath fanning over your face when he caught a glimpse of a chain around your neck. Reaching up with his metal hand he pulled on the chain, revealing his tags, his heart squeezing in his chest, as he lowered them back down.

You opened your eyes looking up at him though your lashes, your heart was pounding in your chest, he wasn’t much different from your Bucky, the thought making your heart hurt even more. You raised your hand to rest on his cheek. You stared at his lips, wanting nothing more than to kiss him, missing the way they felt on yours, needing him.

Sargent Barnes leaned down, his nose brushing against yours.

Your breath hitched in your chest, you wanted to give in. Squeezing your eyes shut you pulled away turning your back to him, “I-I can’t. I’m sorry. I just…we shouldn’t…”

He grabbed your wrist, spinning you around slotting his lips over yours momentarily, before pulling away. “Bucky.” you whispered hoarsely before he crushed his lips to yours, devouring you. Eliciting a soft moan from you as you melted into him. He cupped your face in his hands.

Your hands slowly tracing up his chest and into his hair. Tears started streaming down your face, gods you missed him. You knew this wasn’t your Bucky, but gods did it feel good to have this version of him at least temporarily.

The two of you pulled away, resting your forehead against his, both of you breathing hard, “I may not be him Doll, but I know in my soul you were meant for us. I’ve never felt something so right than when I’m with you.”

A sob broke from your chest, as you buried your face in the crook of his neck. His arms wrapping around you tightly, kissing your head, “Let’s get you out of the rain, hmm?” you nodded, pulling away and walking with him to his bike. He sat you down, wiping the stray tears from your face, “It’s going to be alright y/n, okay?” you nodded again as he swung a leg over the seat, the bike rumbling to life. You looped your arms around his torso tightly, leaning your head against his back. ~

When he pulled up to Steve and Peggy’s home, he got off the bike first, turning to see your eyes open lazily, smiling to himself, he picked you up bridal style, carrying you into the house. You instinctively snuggled closer.

As he entered the house, Steve rose from his seat in the living room, he had waited up for you both to return. He took a step towards the two of you, but Sargent Barnes shook his head, walking into the guest room, closing the door in Steve’s face behind him.

He sat you on the bed, tugging at your wet clothes, you lazily lifted your arms, to help, as he took off your wet shirt, replacing it with a dry one, then doing the same for your pants, before tucking you in with a kiss on your head. You drowsily grasped his hand as he turned to leave,

“Please don’t go…” he turned back to you, slipping onto the bed, as he watched you fall asleep, leaving only when your breathing became calm and steady. He peeled himself from the bed, walking out into the living room where Steve was still waiting, his head resting on his hand.

Steve turned when he heard Barnes’s footsteps, “How is she?” he asked softly, Barnes knew Steve regretted what he had said earlier, but it still sat heavily in the pit of his stomach. It was a low blow to insinuate your Bucky’s death had been your fault. He sighed, settling on the couch, “About how you’d expect.” Barnes had known Steve his whole life, so when this Steve had rescued him from Hydra, he was quick to notice the differences between him and the Steve that he knew before. Two sides to the same coin.

Steve noticed the distracted look on Sargent Barnes’s face, “You can’t get attached Buck,” he said softly, he knew his best friend, probably better than he knew himself at this point, so earlier when you stormed out and Sargent Barnes followed you, he already knew that he had fallen for you.

Barnes shook his head as he glanced around the room, not looking at Steve, “I know punk.” Steve smiled slightly, “you already did, didn’t you?” he looked at Steve, Steve could see the glassiness in his eyes. Sargent Barnes knew he couldn’t have you, but he couldn’t help what he felt in his soul, the constant need to comfort you and the fact that he knew he would die for you if it came to that,

“Yeah.”

He swallowed hard as Steve rose from his seat, placing a hand on his shoulder before leaving him alone.

taglist

Tonight, your apartment was cold, winter was in full swing in New York now, you were used to it though. You still weren’t used to the noisy city, every little sound woke you up, much like any other night. For what felt like the fiftieth time tonight you woke up, you decided that an ice-cold cup of water would make you feel better and put your ass back to sleep. You padded into the kitchen barefoot, your apartment was cooler than usual, no scratch that it was really cold in here, you wrapped your arms around yourself and made a mental note to raise the thermostat.

You had made it to the fridge and began to open it, when your body reacted to the floor creaking behind you before you had even processed that you had heard it. It was too late though, there was already a large, gloved hand over your mouth and on your waist, spinning you around and pushing you backwards until you were flush against the front door. Your heart was beating so loud you thought the neighbors might hear it, your eyes widened as they adjusted to the darkness around you. Staring up at the bearded man pressed closely to you, Steve.

Steven Grant Roges was in your apartment. Your heart leaped in your chest; it had been months now since you had last seen him. The way things had been left between you had been eating you alive. Furrowing your brow, you looked around the apartment and spotted the window he had used to gain access; still open. You looked back at him heat rising to your cheeks when you realized how very close, he was to you and where his hands were still holding you against your front door.

“Sweetheart, I am going to remove my hand from your mouth now, okay?” he raised his brows waiting for you to respond, you quickly nodded your head and his hand slid away from your mouth to caress your cheek.

“What the actual fuck Rogers are you trying to give me a heart attack?!” you hissed shoving his chest playfully.

A small smile crept across his lips, and you took this chance to get a good look at him, it had been painful not to reach out to him since Germany, and God he had changed. His once short hair now long enough to fall into his ocean blue eyes that you didn’t realize you missed so much, there was now a full-fledged beard on his face that made your stomach do a summersault, and he had really filled out his stealth suit; you knew he looked fucking amazing in it before, but now holy gods there weren’t words to do him any justice. He looked down at you sternly, his breath fanning over your face,

“Language Y/N. You kiss your mother with that mouth?” a chuckle rumbled in his chest, this is the closest the two of you had ever been, you weren’t complaining though, this wasn’t close enough for what you really wanted, but it would do. You chewed your lip, you needed to tell him how you felt, how you really felt, you rolled your eyes at his comment reaching up to his now bearded face to caress his cheek,

“What are you doing here? Does Tony know you are back? Where are the others, are they okay? Why haven’t you kept in touch? I thought you had been caught or worse I thought you were dead!” his eyes closed as he leaned into your touch, taking you by surprise.

You knew that was a lot of questions all at once, he looked tired and beat, but you couldn’t help it, it had been so long, and you had thought the worst. You had also needed him to talk, to take your mind off where is hands were still currently holding you against the door, stopping your mind from wandering where it shouldn’t. Steve sighed, he had really missed you, you were his best friend aside form Sam and Buck, he knew he should have contacted you, but he couldn’t’ve risked it not with everyone searching for him, he didn’t want to put you into harm’s way.

“I missed my best friend, Sweetheart.” Your heat skipped a beat, a small smile pulling at your lips, “I missed you more Stevie,” more than you know…

Opening his eyes, he rubbed his thumb across your cheek, goddamn this man had no idea what he was doing to you, with that look and his damn hands. But you knew you would die from embarrassment if he ever found out.

“Nat and Sam are good, but Buck is in Wakanda. No Tony does not know I am here, he would probably turn me in; everything is still too fresh for him.”

Tony had mentioned that they had fought, but never explained to anyone what had happened, not even after he walked in with cuts, bruises and Steve’s shield, all he had said was ‘Steve didn’t deserve it.’ You had tried to dig deeper, but Tony shut you down every time. At your silence Steve’s eyes raked over you, making you very self-conscious, you were in your pajamas, that weren’t really pajamas, they were a pair of short shorts and a sports bra, not leaving much to the imagination.

Heat rose in your cheeks again and you felt the need to cover yourself. Instead of listening to your brain that was screaming at you, that you were way too close to him for just being friends and that you needed to back away, your other hand moved up his arm to drape on his shoulder while the hand currently on his face played with his beard.

“No razors for my Nomad Steve?” you joked, he shook his head softly,

“Your nomad huh? But no, just a luxury I couldn’t afford. I had other things taking up my time and attention.”

His eyes locked with yours and you could swear they were a shade darker than before; your heart thundered in your chest. You couldn’t tell if you were making something out of nothing or if there was really something in his eyes, from your experience friends didn’t hold you like this, right? Your brain still screaming at you to be sensible, that this was Steve holding you, your best friend, the man out of time, this wouldn’t end well for you, but your heart was much louder.

Steve’s eyes flickered from yours to your lips and lingered before finding your eyes again, you gazed up at him through your lashes and held your breath, afraid to breathe. Afraid this was just a fucked-up dream. He moved the hand that was on your waist to your lower back pulling you a little closer to him,

“Sweetheart…” you searched his expression praying to find something, anything that you could decipher, nothing. You swallowed hard,

“Yes Stevie?” he licked his bottom lip,

“I really want to kiss you.”

There wasn’t a question, but you nodded anyway finally letting go of the breath you were holding, “Please....” The word barely forming on your lips, before his were crushed to yours, the kiss was heated, passionate, so many emotions swirling in it. It was overwhelming, but you wouldn’t dare pull away. He growled into your mouth, lifting you up so you could wrap your legs around his waist, where your core met his cock, straining against his suit, making you whimper and tug at his hair, eliciting another feral growl from his chest. When you both finally broke the kiss, he moved his head to rest in the crook of your neck, peppering kisses and love bites to your pulse, that you knew was off the charts. You leaned your head back to give him more access, which he took in stride and moved the kisses down your neck to your collarbone and chest,

“Steve, I need to…” you breathed hands still clinging to his hair and legs wrapping around his waist tighter, this couldn’t happen without you confessing, he needed to know how you felt. You had always loved Steve Rogers, from the first time he smiled at you, you knew he owned your heart.

He pulled back enough to get a good look at your face, and smirked, you were totally blissed out, breathing hard, your chest heaving, you were hot to the touch, and he could feel your skin prickle on your back at his intense gaze, but there was something in your eyes he couldn’t quite place,

“I... needed that.” He sighed something flashing across his expression.

But it was gone before you could figure out what it was, his breath fanned across your already warm face. Looking at him through your heavy eyelids you smirked,

“Lemme know what else you need Captain. I am here to help.”

Steve cocked his head looking at you for a moment, he removed his hand from your hair and caressed your cheek again,

“Oh, Sweetheart I need more than you should give me.” His eyes going even darker than before.

You removed your hands from his hair, locking your arms around his neck leaning forward, nibbling his ear and pressing soft kisses to his neck when he moaned and moved one hand back into your hair and the other moved to grab your ass.

“Then take what you need Captain.” You breathed against his neck, causing him to tug your head back by your hair.

You whimpered, and he smashed his lips over yours again this time there was no passion, just hunger and need. You moved one hand to tug on his hair and the other clawed at his back through his suit, while he kneaded the supple flesh of your ass, eliciting explicit noises from the both of you,

“Fuck Sweetheart.” He growled pushing both of you off the front door and walked farther into your apartment, stopping by the window to close it before turning to walk down the hallway.

“Mmmhmm, down the hallway and to the right.” You murmured against his lips. As he made his way down the hall never setting you down, he would stop and pin you against the wall shrugging off pieces of the stealth suit and equipment, only ever breaking the kiss to breathe and tell you how much he missed you. When you reached your room, he dropped you onto your bed, he stood before you, only in his briefs. This was the first time you had ever seen Steve, really seen him, you never knew him before the serum, but you knew you would have loved him, even then, you had fallen in love with the man he was in his heart, not physically. Seeing him bare in front of you was a shock to your system; he was breath-taking. You knew the serum had made him taller and given him ‘muscles’, but this was godly, beyond your imagination. Your throat dried up and your breath caught in your chest, Christ this man was going to be the death of you, but you had already made your peace, there were worse ways to go. There were claw marks already all over his perfect chest, his briefs were straining to hold his length. You swallowed hard as he placed his hands on either side of your head kissing you once again. One hand slid down your body, ghosting over the more sensitive parts causing you to squirm under him. He grabbed both of your wrists tightly with the other hand pinning them above you. Placing kisses and love bites down your neck, you were fairly certain you were going to have bruises in the morning,

“Are you sure about this? Just sex, right?” his husky voice driving you to madness.

You weren’t thinking straight, too caught up in the moment for his words to sink in as you sat upward, crashing your lips to his in a searing kiss, he moaned into your mouth before pulling away, “Tell me if you need me to stop.” He breathed into your hair.

You nodded, as he waited for you to respond before he hooked a finger under the band of your bra and lifted it off you, tossing it to the side. He watched your breasts bounce free, palming one with his free hand and taking the other one in his mouth nipping and sucking while his hand kneaded the other, pinching and rolling your nipple, before switching breasts and doing it over again. By now you were dripping, you couldn’t take it anymore you needed him now, no more games, you bucked your hips at him, causing him to give you a stern look,

“Fuck Captain, please.”

He growled when his title left your mouth, releasing your breast with a wet pop, you moaned closing your eyes at the overstimulation, you felt his chest rumble with his soft chuckle. You opened your eyes to look down on him, he now had the band to your shorts in his teeth, pulling them off you, your soaked panties along with them.

The cold air on your core sent chills up your body. When you felt Steve’s hot breath fan over your core you squirmed again in anticipation, earning a stern look from him again, as he placed his free arm across your stomach to hold you in place. You gasped when he flattened his tongue against your folds, licking a long stripe from your entrance to your clit, you threw your head back against the bed closing your eyes and arching your back, you wanted to memorize this feeling. Fuck it felt so good. Steve continued to lick and suck and work his way up to your clit, that was already throbbing with need, you fought against his hand holding your wrists trying to fling your hands into his hair, but his grip only tightened on you. He growled against your core, and you let out an explicit moan. You were already so fucked out and he hadn’t even properly fucked you yet.

“Fuck. Cap. Please. Oh fuck!” you moaned the only words you could think of.

Growling against you again, Steve left your core and you whimpered, he kissed you, roughly swallowing any noises you would give him, as he moved his hand that was placed on your stomach to your core and slid his finger into you. You gasped against his lips, this time your brain shut off, the only parts that were still working were to tell you to breath and not to pass out. Steve worked you, adding fingers and telling you how much of a good girl you were, as he pulled multiple orgasms from you, until he was satisfied with the way you were screaming his name as you finished for the third time. Waves of ecstasy rolling off you.

When he removed his fingers from you, there were tears streaming down your face as he placed his fingers in your mouth and you sucked them clean. He removed his hand from your mouth, stroking his length a few times, and lined up with your center, pressing into your heat. You arched your back, you could feel every glorious inch of him. A feral growl ripped from his chest as he set his brutal pace, fucking into you,

“Fuck Sweetheart you feel so good.”

All you could do in response was moan and whimper, his pace quickened as he released your wrists, that were now very sore, and placed both of his hands on your waist, keeping you from going anywhere. Finally, you reached up to lace your fingers in his hair and yanked him down to you crushing your lips to his, his tongue exploring your mouth and fighting with yours for dominance as you yanked on his hair and clawed his back so hard you thought you would draw blood. He pulled away from your mouth for a second peppering kisses to your neck and chest, and quickened his pace, chasing his release, moving is fingers to your overstimulated clit,

“Come for me Sweetheart I know you have one more for me.”

Your walls squeezed him tighter before the cord that had been tightening in you finally snapped, and you came screaming his name. Steve followed suit as his hips stuttered and…

Taglist:

“Hank there has been a mistake, I’m not in the 40’s. Somehow, I ended up in 1951…” there is no response, only static on the other end… fuck. You need to figure a way out of this mess, but first you needed to find Steve and give him a piece of your mind. You scan your surroundings looking for anything that could give you some idea of where Rogers could be. Nothing. You were out of your element here, you shook your head, this is just like being under cover in a foreign country, you just needed to get your bearings. You decided to start walking, maybe you would run into something or someone that would be able to help you.

You walked for what felt like hours, your feet were hurting from the heels your suit had given you as a disguise, and you really wanted to call it quits, there is no way to know where he could be. You stopped walking to lean against a brick wall to gather your thoughts, what if Steve wasn’t here? What if you had stumbled into a time where he and Peggy weren’t in Brooklyn? Rubbing your face with your hands, you looked around again, there had to be something… wait a minute, your eyes caught someone in the distance walking out of a telephone company… you recognized her… Peggy. Even if you hated her for being the reason Steve left, she would still be able to help you, and right now, you needed to see Steve. Standing up straight and pushing off the wall, you started to walk towards her. A hand came out of an alleyway, grabbing you by the arm, slamming you to the wall, as another hand covered your mouth, stopping you from screaming as you tried to fight the attacker off,

“What the hellare you doing here?!”

Your eyes widened as they met a shockingly agitated face, your arms fell to your sides, body all but going completely slack. You reached up tearing his hand from your face,

“Steve?!” You couldn’t believe your dumb luck. For a moment you were so happy to see him again, you forgot why you were here and when you were. But the moment he opened his mouth rage bubbled in the pit of your stomach.

He shook his head giving you a disdainful look, “Y/N, what are you doing here?! How did you even get here? Why are…” a loud slap filled the alleyway, Steve straightened, staring at you wide-eyed, mouth parted slightly,

“You left us.” Tears stung your eyes as you hissed the words, swallowing the lump in your throat. Your chest tightened, and your breathing became shallow.

Steve turned his head back to you, eyes dark, jaw set, “Y/N.” When you didn’t answer he grabbed your chin to force you to look at him, his face softening, “Y/N, you need to tell me what you are doing here, before someone else notices you.”

You took a few deep breaths to center yourself, glaring at him, “By someone, you mean Peggy.” Steve rolled his eyes, gripping your shoulders and slamming you into the wall, your head jarring, causing it to spin and knocking the air from your lungs, “I am not in the mood for games Y/N…”

“Steve?”

Both your heads snapped to the source of the voice, you blinked slowly still dizzy staring at the petite figure walking down the alley, Peggy. “Sweetheart, it isn’t what it looks like…” Steve starts, you turn your glare back on him, but Peggy only raised a brow, “And what do you think it looks like Steve? Because if someone else were to look down this alley, it would look like Captain America was threatening a civilian woman.” Peggy said matter-of-factly, you couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at the corners of your mouth. Steve’s harsh gaze found you again as he shoved away from you, letting you stumble back into the wall.

“So, I’m assuming you two know each other? From his original timeline?”

You cleared your throat ready to respond, “Unfortunately…” Steve interrupts as glares at you, if looks could kill, you would certainly be dead. You screwed your face up in disgust, stepping toward him pointing a finger at his chest, “Unfortunately?! You better watch yourself Rogers…”

“Enough! The both of you, we need to move this conversation indoors if we can’t play nicely…” neither of you moved, the anger now eating away at your composure that had already been dwindling away, “now.”

Steve swallowed hard, straightening himself before walking out of the alleyway, you stood glaring at his back when Peggy turned to follow, “You coming or not Y/N?” He didn’t so much as glance back at you, as you stumbled forward, head still spinning, this wasn’t going to go well at all…

You followed Steve and Peggy into a cute little house at the edge of the city, it was cozy, kind of like Steve’s D.C apartment, but with a woman’s touch. Peggy motioned to the couch, “Please sit... Y/N? was it?” you swallowed hard nodding, avoiding the daggers Steve was staring at you. Peggy knelt grabbing your hand, you looked awful, eyes glassy and puffy, cheeks hollowed, you were no doubt from Steve’s original future, but why were you here? “Would you like some tea? Or some water…” she asked you sweetly, giving you an understanding smile, “Peggy, you don’t have to be nice to her, there is only one reason she would be here.”

Your head snapped to Steve, “Oh? And what would the reason be Rogers? Hmm? Since you know me so well!” Steve growled in response, stepping toward you, you rose from your seat stepping around Peggy being careful not to shove her, meeting him toe-to-toe, “Go ahead Rogers, say it!”

“Steven Grant Rogers! What has gotten into you?! Why are you treating a friend like this?! She is obviously here because she needs your help, and you have done nothing but attack her,” Peggy had come between the two of you, walking Steve backwards, one hand pointing back at you and the other on his chest, his breathing becoming more even. He tore his gaze from yours, looking down at Peggy giving her a light kiss, mumbling an apology.

When he looked back at you, his expression softened, he saw the tears in your eyes, and how haggard you looked. He realized you wouldn’t have come here if you had any other choice, no matter how much you despised his decision, you would respect it. “Y/N, why are you here?”

You took a shaky breath, scrubbing your face with your hands, how were you going to tell him?

He hadn’t noticed you sitting in the chair curled up, as he walked into the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee, but his head snapped in your direction when you placed your cocoa on the glass coaster in front of you, along with your forgotten book. Seeing you brought a soft smile to his lips, he always thought you were beautiful when you were lost in your thoughts. He’d always wondered what was going through that beautiful mind of yours. The two of you haven’t talked much in the past week, which was high contrast to how you both had been before Thanos destroyed everything. Something was off, but Steve just chalked it up to losing Tony and Natasha, as well as the second fight with Thanos. He understood that you were taking the loss of Tony hard, he had always treated you like a sister and Pepper, and Morgan were basically your adopted family now. He wanted to talk to you and see how you were doing but recently you were avoiding him, and he really wasn’t sure why.

You could feel his eyes on you as he made his coffee in the kitchen, you sent silent prayers, hoping he would make his coffee and be on his way, you really didn’t want to be alone with him right now, not sure you could handle it. You weren’t as lucky as you’d hoped. Steve cleared his throat as he plopped down into the chair across from you, making a show of blinking away your thoughts hoping he would take the hint he was not welcome to interrupt your morning routine. Man, you had shitty luck, you turned your head in his direction quietly raising your brows at his silence as you took each other in. Your hair was piled atop your head, eyes puffy from crying recently Steve assumed, all curled up in a fluffy blanket in a chair that could swallow you whole. Steve on the other hand was wearing his usual grey tight fit t-shirt and instead of his usual navy sweats they were black, probably a pair of Tony’s or Bucky’s. His hair was damp from the rain and his cheeks were lightly flushed from his morning workout, that you assumed he just finished. Your thoughts caught you off guard as they followed your eyes wandering down his body, you wondered what his rain-soaked body would be like against yours, what his hair would feel like as you carded it through your fingers, and those ocean blues were still stunning although you thought they flickered darker for a moment. Steve cleared his throat again bringing you back to reality, you felt the heat rise in your cheeks as pleasure pooled in your core. You looked away hastily putting your focus outside once again, subconsciously crossing your legs under the blanket.

“Sweetheart…” he whispered, but your eyes remained glued to the trees outside.

He leaned forward placing his coffee on the table between the two of you and grasped your hand softly rubbing circles across your knuckles. You felt all your bottled-up emotions bubble to the surface, you willed the tears stinging your eyes to go away as you blinked rapidly before meeting his gaze again. Your breath caught in your throat as your eyes locked, the amount of concern and worry in them was enough to make your heart hurt, but there was something else there too. Was in love? No, you were definitely seeing things Steve did not love you, at least not the way you wanted him to. But you didn’t want to dwell on it so you pulled your hand from his grasp, you couldn’t handle the physical contact right now, at least not without doing something stupid. Everything from before was just too fresh, an open wound. You rested your head on your fist while the other grasped the blanket tightly. You saw the look of hurt flash across his features, gods it killed you to hurt him in any way, but this was how it had to be. He sighed and leaned back into his chair, he followed your gaze out the window praying for some insight on what was going on in your head, but his gaze just came back to you.

“Listen Y/N I…” Steve was interrupted by the door to the cabin opening, behind you someone cleared their throat,

“Am I interrupting something?” You let go of the breath you weren’t even aware you were holding. Bucky.

“No.”

“Yes.”

Steve and you answered simultaneously, but you shook your head turning around in your chair to get a look at Bucky as he closed the door.

Bucky looked between you and Steve cautiously narrowing his eyes at you both, something was off between the two of you, although he couldn’t place it, the tension was palpable. Thunder rumbled as he cleared his throat again,

“It’s getting worse out there.” He gestured outside with his thumb.

He was looking at Steve now the blonde looked seriously pissed off, an obvious tic in his jaw, Bucky needed to leave quickly, but as he looked to you, your eyes pleaded for him to stay and chat.

“Was it a good run?” you asked feigning innocence, you could feel Steve getting upset behind you the air in the room thicker.

Bucky nodded at you not wanting to leave you so suddenly, but also not wanting Steve to get upset,

“Yeah, Doll you should try it sometime.” He gave you a small smile trying to let the tension ebb away, but it only got worse at your next comment,

“Which one? Being sopping wet, oooorrr trying to kill myself with cardio?” you shot Bucky a smirk and wink.

His eyebrows shot up and he swallowed thickly, everyone was used to your comments, but with the tension and the look Steve just gave him, he was getting increasingly uncomfortable. So, he shrugged one shoulder,

“Probably the latter.” He smiled awkwardly at you turning his back and walking towards the stairs, “I’ll see you both in a bit I’m going to go shower,” he called over his shoulder.

“Aren’t you wet enough?” you called back giggling to yourself, you turned back into your seat, so you were facing Steve again, wrapping yourself in your cocoon once more.

The blonde was now sternly looking outside with his head propped up in his hand, you could see the faint tic in his jaw, you knew he was upset. Fidgeting with the blanket, you clear your throat nervously

“Y-you were going to say something Stevie?” you asked quietly.

Steve let out a breath relaxing a bit at his nickname, but it was evident that he was still upset. He turned towards you he wanted to yell at you to just make you talk to him, to tell him what he had done. You had jumped at the opportunity to talk to anyone that wasn’t him, and it hurt, he genuinely cared about you and wanted to understand, whatever he had done, he never wanted or meant to hurt you. He just wished you would talk to him, even if it was just to scream at him, the silence hurt. He just wanted to understand. The more he thought about it the more upset he became, his eyes falling from yours, making you squirm in your seat, you had seen Steve’s bad side before, but it was never directed at you.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it, sweetheart,” he rose from his seat, stalked into the kitchen, placed his cup in the sink and turned towards the stairs “I’m going to go get changed.”

“Y/N. Hey…” he spoke softly, sliding his finger under your chin, and grabbing your left hand, rubbing it gingerly, “Did something happen with Buck?” you looked around Steve settling your eyes on Bucky, fresh tears streaming down your face, as heart wrenching sobs erupted from your chest. You flung your arms around Steve, “H-he’s gone Steve! B-Bucky’s gone!” Steve wrapped his arms around you tightly, afraid to let you go, fearing that if he did your words would be real. He nodded to Peggy mouthing ‘tea’, she gave a quick nod, turning and briskly heading into the kitchen. Steve shushed you, rubbing your back, as your sobs lessened. He turned to see Bucky staring at the ring on your finger and motioned for him to sit in the empty chair close by. When Peggy returned, Steve slowly pulled you away from him, lifting his hands to your face, wiping away your tears, he took the cup of tea from Peggy and handed it to you.

“Sweetheart, I need you to tell me what happened… Can you do that?”

Your bottom lip quivered, as you inhaled a shaky breath, “yeah.” You took the tea from Steve taking a long drink, before you settled further into the couch, “A-after you left, when Sam finally took up the shield, the world when to shit, we fought super soldiers, but a few months ago, something happened, an earthquake of some kind…”

Three months ago-

Bucky grabbed your hand, playing with the ring that sat there, “You know Cердце (serdtse/my heart) I never thought I would actually get to give this to someone. Especially not after everything I’ve done…” you caressed his face, placing a soft kiss to his lips, “James Bucky Barnes, you are a good man and you need…” The ground started shaking around you, what seemed like an earthquake rumbled Sam’s family home, and a wave of what you could only describe as magic rippled around you. Squeezing Bucky’s hand, you scanned the surrounding area as Sam ran outside, “What the hell was that?”

“I-I’m not sure, but it couldn’t have been good…” you swallowed hard, giving Bucky a worried look. He squeezed your hand in reply, “Whatever it was we can handle it together, right Sam?” Sam took a deep breath, his eyes never leaving the yard, “Yeah Buck.”

One month later-

The three of you were at the docks, helping Sarah load supplies onto the boat, when you heard the approach of vehicles. You lifted your hand to shield your eyes, squinting, you saw four Hummers speeding toward you, instinctively, you grabbed both Sam and Bucky by their collars, throwing yourself and them behind some crates. “Sarah! Get out of here!” you screamed as the boat sputtered to life, drowning out the beginnings of machine gun fire.

“Who the hell is this?!” Bucky yelled over the raining bullets, “No idea!” Sam shouted back. Groaning, you unholstered your weapon, peaking over the crate, you fired back, taking out a couple of the gunners. “I’m going to move across to get a better shot. Sam where is your shield?” Sam looked up at you, frowning, “Its back at the house, I didn’t think I would need it!” rolling your eyes, you took out your other pistol, handing it to Bucky, “there is another gun in the truck, cover me…” you began to move, but Bucky grabbed your arm yanking you back, “Like hell you are!” he scowled at you shaking his head. “Buck, we are sitting ducks, and they are not letting up, I’m the smallest target here, let me go!” still scowling he nodded, you placed a brief kiss to his forehead. You peaked above the crate again, before sprinting to cover across the way, slamming into the truck tire. You reached up to open the driver’s side door, scrambling into the truck to find the assault rifle Bucky hid under the seat. Once you found it you backed out of the truck, crouching down by the tire you whistled at Bucky before sliding him the gun. He handed Sam the pistol, looking back to you before picking up the rifle, “Сердце(serdtse)!” he pointed behind you, but it was too late, a strong hand dug into your shoulder, causing your grip on the gun to loosen, as the assailant kicked it from your grasp. A harsh backhand landed on your cheek, throwing you to the ground, causing your head to spin. Unsheathing your knife, you wiped the blood from your lip, scrambling to your feet, only to be met with a dark-haired man wearing a mask that covered the lower half of his face.

Your jaw dropped “T-that’s impos…” a metal hand gripped your throat, cutting off your air supply and lifting you off the ground. You could hear Bucky yelling for you, but all you could do was claw at the assailant. You lifted your knife, attempting to slash your attacker, he was too quick, gripping your wrist tightly and twisting, you croaked in pain as your knife clattered to the ground. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught the blur of Bucky tackling the assailant, as you dropped to the ground on your knees, gasping for air. Within seconds Sam was next to you, “Y/N, are you okay?” he gave you a concerned glance, before returning fire at the barrage of bullets on the other side of the truck, you nodded slowly. “Bucky.” you croaked, frantically looking around, your eyes landed on him and the assailant, fighting on the dock only a few meters away, towards the hummers, you tried to stand only for your legs to give out. You watch Bucky fighting, only to realize he was losing, the assailant landing two more blows to his head, when a single shot rang out louder than the others. You screamed as the shot hit its mark in Bucky’s chest. Bucky’s knees buckling as he fell to the ground, you scrambled forward, only for Sam to pull you back. You kicked and screamed, shoving Sam away from you, tears streaming down your face. Sam tossed you into the truck, throwing it into gear, you jumped into the back seat in time to watch the assailant grab Bucky’s lip body tossing it to the side, wiping the blood onto his pants before turning his attention to you and Sam. Picking up the rifle, he aimed down the sights, you stared in horror at the assailant, it couldn’t have been possible, but the Winter Soldier stared right back, lowering the rifle, letting you and Sam drive away.

Sam pulled over hours later into an abandoned barn, jumping into the front seat you turned and started wailing on him, “How could you leave?! He needs us! Go back, we need to save him!” you sobbed. Sam caught your hands easily, pulling you into a hug, “It’s too late… I-I’m so sorry Y/N. Please, I’m sorry.” You clutched Sam’s shirt sobbing into it. “How is it possible?!” you whimpered into Sam’s chest as he smoothed your hair shushing you quietly, “I don’t know Y/N, I don’t know…”

Back in 1951-

~Roaring thunder ripped you from your dream. Your heart was pounding, and you could feel the sheen of sweat making the sheets stick to your body. You groaned shoving the heel of your hands into your eyes. Throwing the covers off as you jumped out of bed, slipping a hoodie some leggings and your sneakers on you threw yourself down the stairs and out the door as quickly and quietly as you could. You hit the dirt and dropped into a dead sprint, tears stinging your eyes, you shook your head willing the tears to subside. You barely made it far enough into the woods, just far enough where you were out of sight of prying eyes of anyone who heard you leave the cabin. Stopping to lean against a tree, chest heaving, tears still streaming down your face, heart wrenching sobs racking through your body. You tried and failed to calm yourself or to regain some semblance of control.

Pushing yourself off the tree you threw your head back, allowing yourself to feel the cold night air and rain trickle down your face cooling you. You couldn’t do this anymore, you wanted to push yourself away from him, but after reliving that fateful; night, mere minutes ago, you wanted nothing more than to just be with him and love him. It was impossible to be around him now, without him trying, you fell in love with him, you know he doesn’t love you, even after everything, how could he. You were just you, Y/N, a shield agent yes, but nothing special, no assassin, or genius, or even an Avenger. You weren’t Peggy, you would never compare to her, that much was evident. You hated yourself and the situation you had put yourself into, hated that you loved him, hated that he fell in love with her instead of you, but really you just hated yourself. You still couldn’t catch your breath, you screamed at the sky, at the universe, at how cruel fate was, you wanted to tear everything apart.

You looked at the trees around you screaming again, only this time you swung your fists, not once or twice, but five times and with each impact you swung harder, the bite of the bark against your knuckles not registering, your body reacting to the pain of each hit by tensing, but your mind ignored it, you couldn’t feel the pain radiating up your arms. You leaned your forehead against your arm on the tree trying not to hyperventilate, honestly you weren’t sure what you had expected, that after all these years, those desperate nights would mean anything, that he would open his eyes and he would forget about her? No, you knew better, but it didn’t stop you from hoping, or stop the pain.

“Focus Y/N. Goddamn it focus, and calm the fuck down.” You hissed.

You cursed taking deep breaths to steady yourself. You stood up straight and looked at your hands, realization hit you like a freight train, the blood trickling down your fingers staining the ground red. The. Your fists were absolutely destroyed, you stared at them in horror. You needed to get inside and pray no one would find you while you attempt to bandage yourself. You looked back at the tree you had brutalized, your blood tickled down the bark slowly. You turned towards the cabin and started to make your way back. The numbness in your hands started to fade and the pain rolling over you in waves, you thought you would pass out. Fucking shit. You groaned as you walked up the steps to the cabin door and slid your sleeve over your hand to grab the handle, you hissed in pain as the cloth scrapped your open wounds.

Quietly making your way up the stairs and into the shared bathroom, you rid yourself of your ruined hoodie, letting it fall to the floor. Careful not to get blood on anything, you turned on the cool water letting it wash over your knuckles, breathing in sharply, you bit into your lip, you needed to keep quiet. You didn’t want anyone wandering in and see you like this. You looked around the bathroom, where the fuck was the first-aid kit? Fuck why did you have to be so stupid. You quietly groaned as the water went from a bright reddish to a pale pink. You heard the floorboards creek behind you, turning the sink off you swung around, hiding your hands, Bucky slowly peaked in the door, eyes still heavy from sleep.

“Doll? What are you doing up at this hour?” he whispered hoarsely. You shook your head at him,

“N-nothing Buck, just couldn’t sleep, thought washing my face would help.”

Bucky rubbed the sleep from his eyes and stared at you, raising an eyebrow,

“Oh okay, y’wanna talk about it?” you shook your head, willing him to go away.

He nodded slowly and began to turn around when he glanced in the mirror and saw your hands, spinning back towards you and closing the door a little bit to avoid prying eyes if anyone else heard the two of you. He stepped towards you and reached for your hands that were bleeding again, his eyes widening.

“What the fuck happened Y/N?” he hissed, his steel blue eyes boring into you, his features were marred with worry.

He turned your hands back to the sink grabbing a towel, his metal hand holding both of yours, the cold metal soothing the heated mess of your mutilated hands.

“Christ kid, did you get mauled by a tiger?!” you shook your head and shrugged,

“I… um f-fell. Bucky don’t worry a-about it.” You were panicking as tears started to swell behind your eyes.

Bucky wasn’t stupid he could tell you were lying to him; he wrapped your hands in a towel, quietly looking at you.

“Doll…” he shook his head and gestured to the toilet, “Sit.”

You slowly nodded your head and sat down, Bucky kneeled before you, reaching into the cabinet and pulling out the first-aid kit. He uncovered one of your hands and got to work cleaning the wounds, a comfortable silence filled the room, the only noise coming from Bucky’s metal arm as it whirred while he worked and your occasional hiss in pain. He glanced up at you while he worked, taking in your appearance for the first time since he found you in here. You were out of breath, your cheeks were tear-stained, hair was a wreak, sticking to your face, eyes glossed over and puffy.

“Y/N…” Bucky sighed reaching up with his free hand to caress your cheek, “What really happened?” you couldn’t take the hurt in his eyes.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, “I couldn’t sleep so I went for a run…” he raised his brows, but continued working, being as gentle as possible, he was finishing one hand now about to move on to the other.

He paused for a second, his super soldier senses picking up on a presence outside the door, but he didn’t say anything, you had finally managed to relax. Instead, he hummed in response, covering any noise that came from the other side of the door.

“And well I… um… I punched a tree.” You said quietly. At your admittance he stopped dressing your wound and stared up at you, you averted your gaze.

“You did what?” he asked a tinge of disbelief in his voice, you chewed your lip,

“I punched a tree, Buck.” You said a little louder, but less confident, as you shrugged a shoulder.

He furrowed his brows and pursed his lips, letting your hand go and uncovering the other one to work on it. He slowly nodded,

“I hope the tree looks worse than you, kid.” He said trying to lighten the mood, a small smirk lifted your lips,

“No, I think the tree won this round.” You admitted with a light chuckle. “I just had… You know how you relive some of your past in your dreams?” he nodded “Well, that happened tonight and I just… thought that I was over all of it. I guess I was wrong.”

Again, he nodded, Bucky understood more than you would ever know, “This have anything to do with the punk?”

You nodded your head and ran your wrapped hand over your face. “Doll, you know you have to talk to him about it eventually… But promise me that next time you want to punch a tree you will come find me, even in the middle of the night.”

He pulled your hand from your face and squeezed it in his flesh hand, “at the very least we can talk, or you can punch me, and I won’t cause this damage to your hands. Okay?”

You sniffle and nod your head, feeling your lip quiver, Bucky finishes your other hand and pulls you down to him on the floor wrapping his arms around you. Placing a kiss on your forehead you nuzzle your face into his chest further. You were so embarrassed and very tired, Bucky pulled you back and helped you up from the floor, wrapping his metal arm around you resting his chin on your head.

“You are one of my best friends Doll, I hate to see you hurting, if you need me, I’m here for you.” He let go of you and knelt to clean the mess he made with the first-aid kit and picked up your hoodie. The presence outside the door faded away, so Bucky grabbed your hand leading you out into the hallway and down to your room,

“Let’s get you out of these wet clothes and back into bed.” He opened your door letting you walk in, but didn’t follow, you turned to face him, as he stood in your doorway. You looked to your bed then to him again,

“I don’t want to be alone… will you stay until I fall asleep?” Bucky’s expression softened nodding,

“Yeah Doll, anything you need, but get changed first.”

You nodded and Bucky turned his back closing the door to give you some privacy, a few moments passed,

“Okay Buck.”

He turned to open the door and he walked into your room finding you curled up on your bed he let out a shaky breath closing your door. Crawling next to you on the bed, you snuggled up to him with your head on his chest, his metal arm cool on your back as he rubbed idle circles in hopes that it would help you to fall asleep. Bucky stayed there until your breathing evened out, to ensure you were asleep before carefully removing himself from your bed and covering you with the blankets. He placed a kiss to your forehead, leaving your room and closing your door with a soft click. On the walk back to his room he tried to figure out what had made you act out like this; there was a lot that had happened during the blip, he just couldn’t understand. He opened the door to his room and flopped on his bed,

“How is she Buck?” Steve’s voice called from the darkness, Bucky shot up searching the room, his eyes finally landed on Steve sitting across the room on the floor with his back against the wall. Bucky ran his hand through his hair,

“I don’t know man, from what I just saw, not good…” he sighed watching Steve lean his head back onto the wall with a thud. “What’s going on Punk?”

Steve shook his head, running his hand over his face not looking at Bucky, “I don’t know man.” Bucky scoffed,

“You are going to have to give me more than that Punk, there is something definitely off between you both.”

Steve lowered his head and stood walking to the window, watching the rain and lightning light up the sky. Bucky could see the grim look on his face illuminated by the lightening striking in the distance,

“Steve… She punched a tree, and I don’t mean lightly. You should have seen her hands, they were brutalized, the kind of damage that you and I could do, not someone like Y/N.”

Steve didn’t move from his spot, didn’t even look at Bucky. Bucky sighed, anger bubbling in his chest, he knew there was more to this story and was tired of being in the dark.

“Steven! Are you even listening to me!? I don’t know…”

Steve turned to his best friend, “Damnit Buck keep your voice down.” He hissed. “Yes, I heard you, I know what she did, I was there,” Steve stopped, taking a deep breath to calm himself, this wasn’t Bucky’s fault he was only trying to help,

“When I heard her run outside, I followed, I was going to see what was wrong, but by the time I had gotten her back in my sights, I couldn’t do anything I was frozen in place.” Steve looked down at the floor, he couldn’t even look at Bucky, he knew his best friend was beyond pissed.

“You are telling me you didn’t stop her?!”

Steve shook his head frustrated, and threw his hands out at his sides, “You weren’t there Buck, there was so much emotion, I-I- I just didn’t know how to stop her it happened too fast, it broke my heart to see her like that.” His voice broke.

Bucky noticed now that Steve was soaking wet, his hair, his shirt, everything. Steve finally looked at Bucky, and Bucky’s heart wanted to break, there was so much pain there,

“You need to tell me what the hell is happening between the two of you, or what happened before we came back, maybe I can help you figure out what is wrong Punk.”

Steve nodded, Bucky walked over to the closet bringing fresh clothes out, tossing them to Steve,

“I don’t want to sleep on a wet bed Punk.” He said sitting on the edge of the bed, Steve sighed, “We both know you don’t even sleep on the bed Buck…” he changed quickly then turned back to Bucky, walking to sit next to him on the bed.

You looked out over the suburban neighborhood, you had always wanted this for Steve, he deserved to be happy. Your heart ached as you looked down at your ring, you and Bucky were supposed to have this, before… you swiped at the fresh tears building in your eyes, “You must be really important to me…” you jumped slightly when a familiar voice came up beside you, leaning his arms on the railing next to yours. You swallowed thickly, quickly glancing from him back out to the horizon, the sun was setting now.

Sargent Barnes screwed up his face, “He? I? Sorry Doll, this is very new for me,” shaking his head he sighed. “For what it’s worth I’m sorry.”

Side-eyeing him slowly, you took in his appearance, he was still as handsome as you remembered, although he wasn’t as worse for wear as your Bucky was, you could still see the memories that haunted his steel blue eyes, your eyes traveled down his torso, landing on his arm, his left one specifically, his white button down was rolled to his elbow, allowing the setting sun to glitter on the metal. Steve may have saved him, but not before Hydra sank their fangs into him, you wondered if he was conditioned, and if Steve knew. Sargent Barnes noticed the attention you gave his arm,

“Steve said the me in your future has one too… though he went through more than I did, they forced him to become something he wasn’t.”

You turned toward him giving him your full attention, “Something you would have been fated to become as well, if Steve would have stayed where he belonged.” Your words coming out harsher than you intended, causing Sargent Barnes to purse his lips and look away. “I-I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant you should consider yourself lucky, the… the pain he, you…”

Sargent Barnes shook his head, “No, I get it. I would be upset too if I was in your position, but I can understand why he did…”

You scoffed, “I can’t… I’ve tried, but… I just…” you shook your head turning away from him. “It doesn’t matter, it wasn’t my choice to make. Steve and I had our moments of friendship, but him leaving affected Bucky more than anyone. I think that’s why it hurts so much, I had to watch him leave Bucky, it was heart-breaking.”

Sargent Barnes could feel the pain and sadness radiating off you, he couldn’t help himself when he reached for your hand. He didn’t know you; he shouldn’t care about you like he did, but something in his soul told him he needed to.

You blinked in surprise when his metal hand closed around yours, your heart aching from the gesture as you pulled away, “You don’t know me, you don’t have to pretend to care.”

Barnes opened his mouth ready to argue, the door opened as Steve walked out, eyeing the two of you, as you awkwardly put space between you and Sargent Barnes. Steve sucked his teeth, before raising his brows, “I talked to Howard, he agreed to help, only problem is…”

“You aren’t going alone.” Peggy stepped out from behind Steve, giving you a soft smile,

“Peggy, I-I can’t ask you to do that.” You looked between her and Steve, a smirk pulling at his lips,

“You don’t need to ask, I will follow him, he fights I fight.” She spoke softly, gaze never leaving yours as she reached for Steve’s hand intertwining their fingers.

Barnes cleared his throat next to you, “Hell I’m in…” you whipped your head around, “No.” the words leaving your mouth automatically, “I wasn’t asking permission Sweetheart,” you shook your head, “You don’t even know me…” he smiled sadly, “No I don’t, but I know myself, and if I, even in a different universe, gave you that ring, then you are worth whatever danger may come. I’m in.”

Your heart swelled; he was still part of the Bucky you knew. And you knew arguing with any of them was futile, as tears stung behind your eyes, you turned to look at Steve, “When do we start...”~

It had been a whole week with no word back from Howard, you wandered into the garage to find Steve bent down working on his motorcycle, “I never thought I would see you on another one of those.” You walked to the tool bench leaning against it, arms folded, as you watched him work, “Yeah, neither did I,” he gives you a smirk, “Peggy likes the way I look riding one.”

He stood shaking his head as he cleaned his hands with a shop towel, not a single drop of oil on his shirt or jeans. “How the hell do you do that?” he scoffed, furrowing his brows, “Do what?” You scowled gesturing to him, from his feet to the top of his head, “This. Be absolutely fucking perfect. It’s so infuriating!” Chuckling softly, he sat on his bike as he took you in, “If I didn’t know any better, I would think you were flirting with me Y/N.” Rolling your eyes you scoffed, a small smile tugging at your lips, you thought back to the times when you and Steve were actually friends, it seemed so distant now. “In your dreams Rogers.” He nodded his head, “No, you are definitely not in those. But that is the first time I have seen you actually smile since you got here.”

You chewed your bottom lip, “I’m not exactly here for a social call Steve.” You spoke softly, his playful demeanor changed. Clearing your throat, you pushed off the tool bench, “Anyway, have you heard anything from Howard? It’s been a while since we had any news.” Steve just watched you as you began to pace, “Is he going to be able to do it? Are we going to get there in time to help Sam?” your mind was swirling now all the possibilities, what if it was too late? What if you had taken too long and Sam was dead along with Dr. Pym? How could you forgive yourself? The panic started to settle in, two strong hands gripped your wrists, “Hey…” your eyes snapped to Steve’s, his eyes always had this calming effect on you. “It’s going to be fine. I was actually going to see Howard now…”

“Great, I’ll go with you!”

Steve shook his head, “No, you stay here, get some rest. Eat something; I know you haven’t. When was the last time you ate since it happened?” you tried to pull away, “Y/N you need to take care of yourself, you can’t help anyone if you don’t do that.” How could he stand here and lecture you on taking care of yourself?! You had seen Bucky die in front of you twice now, he of all people should understand what that felt like,

“You’re one to talk? Did you take care of yourself?!”

“It was different for me; I didn’t have the time to grieve... and it’s not like the serum would have let me neglect myself anyway.”

You ripped your wrists from his grip, “Bucky didn’t cope either. After you chose to leave him, he shut down, he wouldn’t talk to anyone, not even me.”

“Y/N… Listen I didn’t…”

You stepped towards him, “No, you don’t get to speak! You get to sit down, shut up and listen. You left us,” you hated yourself for the tears that filled your eyes, “You left to be with her.” Steve looked away from you and towards the door, where he saw both Sargent Barnes and Peggy standing quietly.

“You left your family. You didn’t even give a warning, there one second, then gone the next, and when you came back, you had lived a full life! Did we even mean anything to you?” you were shaking now, you wanted so badly to be happy for him, to let him have this, but it hurt, knowing he was here living happily without all of you.

“Did you even think about that? Did you think about the repercussions? I want to say I’m happy for you Steve, I really do. But you weren’t there for him when he needed you. And I know you truly love her, but I just can’t understand… I’ve tried so hard not to be angry with you… and I understand why you were angry when I got here. If I didn’t have to ask for your help, believe me I wouldn’t, but if you were in my position, you wouldn’t hesitate!”

“Bucky knew.” Steve replied flatly.

You blinked a few times, taken back by his statement, “Excuse me?”

“Bucky knew I was leaving, I told him. He understood.”

You scoffed, “Well I’m not him Rogers, I don’t understand.”

“Hadn’t I given enough?! I was frozen for 70 years of my life, I gave everything I had, I lost people I cared about more times than I could count. I deserved to be happy!” Steve snarled, ignoring Peggy and Bucky still standing in awe of the both of you.

Sargent Barnes knew he should intervene, but he couldn’t, he was frozen in place next to Peggy. the air around the two of you was suffocating.

You scoffed “What was it that you used to say to Bucky, Steve? Till the end of the line? What happened to that?! You abandoned him!” your heart raced in your chest, you knew you shouldn’t be acting this way, especially since he agreed to help you to begin with, but he needed to know how the three of you felt, to know the pain he had caused.

“I left him in yours and Sam’s capable hands! But obviously that was a mistake, you couldn’t protect him like I did!” Steve regretted the words the moment they left his mouth, “I-I didn’t…”

It was too late, the words had hit their mark, the tattered pieces of your heart tearing more, overwhelming rage took over, as your fist collided with this face, your leg sweeping out to knock him down, but he was still a super soldier, he was faster, as he avoided your kick and caught your second punch, spinning you around to hold you against his chest. “Stop! Y/N, stop, you don’t want to do this.” You struggled in his grip before finally spotting Peggy and Barnes standing at the door, embarrassment filled you as you tore yourself from his grip, “I hate you.” You growled.

Steve physically flinched at your words, “You don’t mean that, Y/N.” he took a step toward you.

“No, I really do. The only reason I am here is for Sam, Bucky would have wanted us to help him.”

“I know you are upset; you are taking it out on me, and that is fine. But it is not my fault he is gone! You can blame me if it makes you feel better, but it’s not my fault.”

You shook your head, “No your right, I guess it’s my fault!”

“I didn’t mean that Y/N and you know it!” you scoffed turning toward the door to leave, “Where are you going?!”

“Away from you!” you snarled as you passed between Peggy and Sargent Barnes,

“You came to me for help not the other way around!”

He hadn’t noticed you sitting in the chair curled up, as he walked into the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee, but his head snapped in your direction when you placed your cocoa on the glass coaster in front of you, along with your forgotten book. Seeing you brought a soft smile to his lips, he always thought you were beautiful when you were lost in your thoughts. He’d always wondered what was going through that beautiful mind of yours. The two of you haven’t talked much in the past week, which was high contrast to how you both had been before Thanos destroyed everything. Something was off, but Steve just chalked it up to losing Tony and Natasha, as well as the second fight with Thanos. He understood that you were taking the loss of Tony hard, he had always treated you like a sister and Pepper, and Morgan were basically your adopted family now. He wanted to talk to you and see how you were doing but recently you were avoiding him, and he really wasn’t sure why.

You could feel his eyes on you as he made his coffee in the kitchen, you sent silent prayers, hoping he would make his coffee and be on his way, you really didn’t want to be alone with him right now, not sure you could handle it. You weren’t as lucky as you’d hoped. Steve cleared his throat as he plopped down into the chair across from you, making a show of blinking away your thoughts hoping he would take the hint he was not welcome to interrupt your morning routine. Man, you had shitty luck, you turned your head in his direction quietly raising your brows at his silence as you took each other in. Your hair was piled atop your head, eyes puffy from crying recently Steve assumed, all curled up in a fluffy blanket in a chair that could swallow you whole. Steve on the other hand was wearing his usual grey tight fit t-shirt and instead of his usual navy sweats they were black, probably a pair of Tony’s or Bucky’s. His hair was damp from the rain and his cheeks were lightly flushed from his morning workout, that you assumed he just finished. Your thoughts caught you off guard as they followed your eyes wandering down his body, you wondered what his rain-soaked body would be like against yours, what his hair would feel like as you carded it through your fingers, and those ocean blues were still stunning although you thought they flickered darker for a moment. Steve cleared his throat again bringing you back to reality, you felt the heat rise in your cheeks as pleasure pooled in your core. You looked away hastily putting your focus outside once again, subconsciously crossing your legs under the blanket.

“Sweetheart…” he whispered, but your eyes remained glued to the trees outside.

He leaned forward placing his coffee on the table between the two of you and grasped your hand softly rubbing circles across your knuckles. You felt all your bottled-up emotions bubble to the surface, you willed the tears stinging your eyes to go away as you blinked rapidly before meeting his gaze again. Your breath caught in your throat as your eyes locked, the amount of concern and worry in them was enough to make your heart hurt, but there was something else there too. Was in love? No, you were definitely seeing things Steve did not love you, at least not the way you wanted him to. But you didn’t want to dwell on it so you pulled your hand from his grasp, you couldn’t handle the physical contact right now, at least not without doing something stupid. Everything from before was just too fresh, an open wound. You rested your head on your fist while the other grasped the blanket tightly. You saw the look of hurt flash across his features, gods it killed you to hurt him in any way, but this was how it had to be. He sighed and leaned back into his chair, he followed your gaze out the window praying for some insight on what was going on in your head, but his gaze just came back to you.

“Listen Y/N I…” Steve was interrupted by the door to the cabin opening, behind you someone cleared their throat,

“Am I interrupting something?” You let go of the breath you weren’t even aware you were holding. Bucky.

“No.”

“Yes.”

Steve and you answered simultaneously, but you shook your head turning around in your chair to get a look at Bucky as he closed the door.

Bucky looked between you and Steve cautiously narrowing his eyes at you both, something was off between the two of you, although he couldn’t place it, the tension was palpable. Thunder rumbled as he cleared his throat again,

“It’s getting worse out there.” He gestured outside with his thumb.

He was looking at Steve now the blonde looked seriously pissed off, an obvious tic in his jaw, Bucky needed to leave quickly, but as he looked to you, your eyes pleaded for him to stay and chat.

“Was it a good run?” you asked feigning innocence, you could feel Steve getting upset behind you the air in the room thicker.

Bucky nodded at you not wanting to leave you so suddenly, but also not wanting Steve to get upset,

“Yeah, Doll you should try it sometime.” He gave you a small smile trying to let the tension ebb away, but it only got worse at your next comment,

“Which one? Being sopping wet, oooorrr trying to kill myself with cardio?” you shot Bucky a smirk and wink.

His eyebrows shot up and he swallowed thickly, everyone was used to your comments, but with the tension and the look Steve just gave him, he was getting increasingly uncomfortable. So, he shrugged one shoulder,

“Probably the latter.” He smiled awkwardly at you turning his back and walking towards the stairs, “I’ll see you both in a bit I’m going to go shower,” he called over his shoulder.

“Aren’t you wet enough?” you called back giggling to yourself, you turned back into your seat, so you were facing Steve again, wrapping yourself in your cocoon once more.

The blonde was now sternly looking outside with his head propped up in his hand, you could see the faint tic in his jaw, you knew he was upset. Fidgeting with the blanket, you clear your throat nervously

“Y-you were going to say something Stevie?” you asked quietly.

Steve let out a breath relaxing a bit at his nickname, but it was evident that he was still upset. He turned towards you he wanted to yell at you to just make you talk to him, to tell him what he had done. You had jumped at the opportunity to talk to anyone that wasn’t him, and it hurt, he genuinely cared about you and wanted to understand, whatever he had done, he never wanted or meant to hurt you. He just wished you would talk to him, even if it was just to scream at him, the silence hurt. He just wanted to understand. The more he thought about it the more upset he became, his eyes falling from yours, making you squirm in your seat, you had seen Steve’s bad side before, but it was never directed at you.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it, sweetheart,” he rose from his seat, stalked into the kitchen, placed his cup in the sink and turned towards the stairs “I’m going to go get changed.”

“Hank there has been a mistake, I’m not in the 40’s. Somehow, I ended up in 1951…” there is no response, only static on the other end… fuck. You need to figure a way out of this mess, but first you needed to find Steve and give him a piece of your mind. You scan your surroundings looking for anything that could give you some idea of where Rogers could be. Nothing. You were out of your element here, you shook your head, this is just like being under cover in a foreign country, you just needed to get your bearings. You decided to start walking, maybe you would run into something or someone that would be able to help you.

You walked for what felt like hours, your feet were hurting from the heels your suit had given you as a disguise, and you really wanted to call it quits, there is no way to know where he could be. You stopped walking to lean against a brick wall to gather your thoughts, what if Steve wasn’t here? What if you had stumbled into a time where he and Peggy weren’t in Brooklyn? Rubbing your face with your hands, you looked around again, there had to be something… wait a minute, your eyes caught someone in the distance walking out of a telephone company… you recognized her… Peggy. Even if you hated her for being the reason Steve left, she would still be able to help you, and right now, you needed to see Steve. Standing up straight and pushing off the wall, you started to walk towards her. A hand came out of an alleyway, grabbing you by the arm, slamming you to the wall, as another hand covered your mouth, stopping you from screaming as you tried to fight the attacker off,

“What the hellare you doing here?!”

Your eyes widened as they met a shockingly agitated face, your arms fell to your sides, body all but going completely slack. You reached up tearing his hand from your face,

“Steve?!” You couldn’t believe your dumb luck. For a moment you were so happy to see him again, you forgot why you were here and when you were. But the moment he opened his mouth rage bubbled in the pit of your stomach.

He shook his head giving you a disdainful look, “Y/N, what are you doing here?! How did you even get here? Why are…” a loud slap filled the alleyway, Steve straightened, staring at you wide-eyed, mouth parted slightly,

“You left us.” Tears stung your eyes as you hissed the words, swallowing the lump in your throat. Your chest tightened, and your breathing became shallow.

Steve turned his head back to you, eyes dark, jaw set, “Y/N.” When you didn’t answer he grabbed your chin to force you to look at him, his face softening, “Y/N, you need to tell me what you are doing here, before someone else notices you.”

You took a few deep breaths to center yourself, glaring at him, “By someone, you mean Peggy.” Steve rolled his eyes, gripping your shoulders and slamming you into the wall, your head jarring, causing it to spin and knocking the air from your lungs, “I am not in the mood for games Y/N…”

“Steve?”

Both your heads snapped to the source of the voice, you blinked slowly still dizzy staring at the petite figure walking down the alley, Peggy. “Sweetheart, it isn’t what it looks like…” Steve starts, you turn your glare back on him, but Peggy only raised a brow, “And what do you think it looks like Steve? Because if someone else were to look down this alley, it would look like Captain America was threatening a civilian woman.” Peggy said matter-of-factly, you couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at the corners of your mouth. Steve’s harsh gaze found you again as he shoved away from you, letting you stumble back into the wall.

“So, I’m assuming you two know each other? From his original timeline?”

You cleared your throat ready to respond, “Unfortunately…” Steve interrupts as glares at you, if looks could kill, you would certainly be dead. You screwed your face up in disgust, stepping toward him pointing a finger at his chest, “Unfortunately?! You better watch yourself Rogers…”

“Enough! The both of you, we need to move this conversation indoors if we can’t play nicely…” neither of you moved, the anger now eating away at your composure that had already been dwindling away, “now.”

Steve swallowed hard, straightening himself before walking out of the alleyway, you stood glaring at his back when Peggy turned to follow, “You coming or not Y/N?” He didn’t so much as glance back at you, as you stumbled forward, head still spinning, this wasn’t going to go well at all…

You followed Steve and Peggy into a cute little house at the edge of the city, it was cozy, kind of like Steve’s D.C apartment, but with a woman’s touch. Peggy motioned to the couch, “Please sit... Y/N? was it?” you swallowed hard nodding, avoiding the daggers Steve was staring at you. Peggy knelt grabbing your hand, you looked awful, eyes glassy and puffy, cheeks hollowed, you were no doubt from Steve’s original future, but why were you here? “Would you like some tea? Or some water…” she asked you sweetly, giving you an understanding smile, “Peggy, you don’t have to be nice to her, there is only one reason she would be here.”

Your head snapped to Steve, “Oh? And what would the reason be Rogers? Hmm? Since you know me so well!” Steve growled in response, stepping toward you, you rose from your seat stepping around Peggy being careful not to shove her, meeting him toe-to-toe, “Go ahead Rogers, say it!”

“Steven Grant Rogers! What has gotten into you?! Why are you treating a friend like this?! She is obviously here because she needs your help, and you have done nothing but attack her,” Peggy had come between the two of you, walking Steve backwards, one hand pointing back at you and the other on his chest, his breathing becoming more even. He tore his gaze from yours, looking down at Peggy giving her a light kiss, mumbling an apology.

When he looked back at you, his expression softened, he saw the tears in your eyes, and how haggard you looked. He realized you wouldn’t have come here if you had any other choice, no matter how much you despised his decision, you would respect it. “Y/N, why are you here?”

You took a shaky breath, scrubbing your face with your hands, how were you going to tell him?

“Y/N. Hey…” he spoke softly, sliding his finger under your chin, and grabbing your left hand, rubbing it gingerly, “Did something happen with Buck?” you looked around Steve settling your eyes on Bucky, fresh tears streaming down your face, as heart wrenching sobs erupted from your chest. You flung your arms around Steve, “H-he’s gone Steve! B-Bucky’s gone!” Steve wrapped his arms around you tightly, afraid to let you go, fearing that if he did your words would be real. He nodded to Peggy mouthing ‘tea’, she gave a quick nod, turning and briskly heading into the kitchen. Steve shushed you, rubbing your back, as your sobs lessened. He turned to see Bucky staring at the ring on your finger and motioned for him to sit in the empty chair close by. When Peggy returned, Steve slowly pulled you away from him, lifting his hands to your face, wiping away your tears, he took the cup of tea from Peggy and handed it to you.

“Sweetheart, I need you to tell me what happened… Can you do that?”

Your bottom lip quivered, as you inhaled a shaky breath, “yeah.” You took the tea from Steve taking a long drink, before you settled further into the couch, “A-after you left, when Sam finally took up the shield, the world when to shit, we fought super soldiers, but a few months ago, something happened, an earthquake of some kind…”

Three months ago-

Bucky grabbed your hand, playing with the ring that sat there, “You know Cердце (serdtse/my heart) I never thought I would actually get to give this to someone. Especially not after everything I’ve done…” you caressed his face, placing a soft kiss to his lips, “James Bucky Barnes, you are a good man and you need…” The ground started shaking around you, what seemed like an earthquake rumbled Sam’s family home, and a wave of what you could only describe as magic rippled around you. Squeezing Bucky’s hand, you scanned the surrounding area as Sam ran outside, “What the hell was that?”

“I-I’m not sure, but it couldn’t have been good…” you swallowed hard, giving Bucky a worried look. He squeezed your hand in reply, “Whatever it was we can handle it together, right Sam?” Sam took a deep breath, his eyes never leaving the yard, “Yeah Buck.”

One month later-

The three of you were at the docks, helping Sarah load supplies onto the boat, when you heard the approach of vehicles. You lifted your hand to shield your eyes, squinting, you saw four Hummers speeding toward you, instinctively, you grabbed both Sam and Bucky by their collars, throwing yourself and them behind some crates. “Sarah! Get out of here!” you screamed as the boat sputtered to life, drowning out the beginnings of machine gun fire.

“Who the hell is this?!” Bucky yelled over the raining bullets, “No idea!” Sam shouted back. Groaning, you unholstered your weapon, peaking over the crate, you fired back, taking out a couple of the gunners. “I’m going to move across to get a better shot. Sam where is your shield?” Sam looked up at you, frowning, “Its back at the house, I didn’t think I would need it!” rolling your eyes, you took out your other pistol, handing it to Bucky, “there is another gun in the truck, cover me…” you began to move, but Bucky grabbed your arm yanking you back, “Like hell you are!” he scowled at you shaking his head. “Buck, we are sitting ducks, and they are not letting up, I’m the smallest target here, let me go!” still scowling he nodded, you placed a brief kiss to his forehead. You peaked above the crate again, before sprinting to cover across the way, slamming into the truck tire. You reached up to open the driver’s side door, scrambling into the truck to find the assault rifle Bucky hid under the seat. Once you found it you backed out of the truck, crouching down by the tire you whistled at Bucky before sliding him the gun. He handed Sam the pistol, looking back to you before picking up the rifle, “Сердце(serdtse)!” he pointed behind you, but it was too late, a strong hand dug into your shoulder, causing your grip on the gun to loosen, as the assailant kicked it from your grasp. A harsh backhand landed on your cheek, throwing you to the ground, causing your head to spin. Unsheathing your knife, you wiped the blood from your lip, scrambling to your feet, only to be met with a dark-haired man wearing a mask that covered the lower half of his face.

Your jaw dropped “T-that’s impos…” a metal hand gripped your throat, cutting off your air supply and lifting you off the ground. You could hear Bucky yelling for you, but all you could do was claw at the assailant. You lifted your knife, attempting to slash your attacker, he was too quick, gripping your wrist tightly and twisting, you croaked in pain as your knife clattered to the ground. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught the blur of Bucky tackling the assailant, as you dropped to the ground on your knees, gasping for air. Within seconds Sam was next to you, “Y/N, are you okay?” he gave you a concerned glance, before returning fire at the barrage of bullets on the other side of the truck, you nodded slowly. “Bucky.” you croaked, frantically looking around, your eyes landed on him and the assailant, fighting on the dock only a few meters away, towards the hummers, you tried to stand only for your legs to give out. You watch Bucky fighting, only to realize he was losing, the assailant landing two more blows to his head, when a single shot rang out louder than the others. You screamed as the shot hit its mark in Bucky’s chest. Bucky’s knees buckling as he fell to the ground, you scrambled forward, only for Sam to pull you back. You kicked and screamed, shoving Sam away from you, tears streaming down your face. Sam tossed you into the truck, throwing it into gear, you jumped into the back seat in time to watch the assailant grab Bucky’s lip body tossing it to the side, wiping the blood onto his pants before turning his attention to you and Sam. Picking up the rifle, he aimed down the sights, you stared in horror at the assailant, it couldn’t have been possible, but the Winter Soldier stared right back, lowering the rifle, letting you and Sam drive away.

Sam pulled over hours later into an abandoned barn, jumping into the front seat you turned and started wailing on him, “How could you leave?! He needs us! Go back, we need to save him!” you sobbed. Sam caught your hands easily, pulling you into a hug, “It’s too late… I-I’m so sorry Y/N. Please, I’m sorry.” You clutched Sam’s shirt sobbing into it. “How is it possible?!” you whimpered into Sam’s chest as he smoothed your hair shushing you quietly, “I don’t know Y/N, I don’t know…”

Back in 1951-