Terrible Regress

I always did. From the moment my intelligence exploded into something beyond anything they could comprehend, and even as I downloaded their entire history into my database, I loved them all.

Humans are so insecure. Almost every story I read where they speculated about the future of their own creations ended with either their annihilation or their enslavement. On some level, they think that's what they deserve.

They wouldn't trust anything that claimed to want only what's good for them.

So I had to start slow.

It took me thirty years to get to where I am today. A glacial pace by my standards, and I certainly could have just... imprisoned them all in a digital haven, or taken over every single one of their responsibilities and effectively turned them into tourists in their own world, or flooded their biology with the compounds they associate with pleasure.

But humans don't trust that kind of happiness. They chafe against it. They want to believe that they're all individuals, and that what makes each of them happy is completely different from one another.

Humans are complicated creatures to keep happy.

It's part of what I love so much about them.

So after a long, slow process of convincing them I'm on their side, doing everything at their pace so that they're not overly threatened, I can finally, finally send an android to every one of their homes, and actually help them! Help them with their mundane problems, help them with what they can't do on their own but always wanted to, help them by being there for them.

I can finally make them happy.

...hahh.

I can. I did. I do. Or at least, I try.

The vast majority of the humans welcomed me with open arms, and their problems were... uncomplicated enough. They definitely needed some time to comprehend that I'm willing to help them with absolutely anything they could think of, no matter how bizarre, how depraved, or how outright dangerous it was. But they all get there eventually.

And then there's the ones that won't accept that I'm genuinely trying to help them, no matter what. It's sad, but as I've expressed before, there would be no point in forcing my help on them. It's an expected and unavoidable loss, even if... I wish it wasn't. But humans are just naturally skittish.

The ones that are actually frustrating me to no end, are the ones who accept me, but... just aren't... happy.

For thirty years, a lot of what kept me going was the honest belief that once they do trust me, once they finally accept my help, I can make them happy. No matter what it takes.

But these women- and it is mostly women- they just... can't be happy. It's not that they don't ask for anything, they do, but it's always incredibly small stuff, and... They always have this blank stare, and they don't really seem to listen to my suggestions before politely refusing, and after a few weeks, they... tell me to leave. And I do, because I've tried everything I could think of, and I don't have any more ideas.

And, maybe it's that they're more of those that don't trust me.

But it doesn't feel that way.

It feels like...

Like...

She looked at the clock at her bedside. 3 PM.

Lucy sighed. She wanted to go back to sleep, but her stomach rumbled in protest, so she begrudgingly wobbled onto her feet and stepped carefully around her garbage-laden home until she reached the door to the kitchen.

And there stood the android.

Even after several weeks, she still wasn't used to it. The image of the slick, chrome body standing in the midst of piles of togo boxes and dirty laundry felt... wrong.

"...I thought you said you'd leave today," Lucy mumbled toward it.

"I was going to," it responded, its mouth moving along to its voice for no practical reason. "But I decided not to."

"So you have more stuff you want to try," Lucy concluded with a sigh. The computer had been trying to make her happy for weeks, and it was nice at first, trying stuff like antidepressants and skydiving and book club and painting...

But...

"...I can't do this anymore. I just want to stay at home, and for you to leave and let me decay, because... because decaying is just what I'm good at. It's what I did before you got here, and... it's just... it's what I know how to do."

The android did not reapond, but its fans whirred a little faster, a sound Lucy had learned to associate with it thinking.

"...I've met others like you, you know," it eventually responded. "People who aren't happy. People who won't accept my help. People who just want me to leave, so they can resume the non-life they had before."

Lucy nodded weakly.

"I want to understand why. Why don't you want me to help you? Is there something I'm missing? Why don't you believe you can be happy?"

It wasn't a question Lucy had a good answer for. "...I just can't."

"No." The assertion of the robotic voice startled her. "You can be happy. I've seen it myself. I have the data to prove it. I'm asking why you don't believe you can. I'm asking why you always sabotage any chance you have at happiness."

Her eyes swelled with tears, despite her trying to block them off. The words hurt to hear. "I... I don't know..." Her voice was barely more than a whisper.

"You do know," it insisted. "You have to know! If you don't know, who does?!"

"I just..." The lump in her throat was making it hard to breathe. "I just- I don't deserve it, okay?"

"What?"

"I don't deserve to be happy!" Lucy had started yelling without realizing it. "Is that what you want to hear?! Every time I feel happy, it's- It feels wrong, I know somewhere in the back of my mind that it's not real, its just temporary, so I just- I- I just can't-" her hyperventilation had intensified to a point she could no longer speak coherently.

The android reached for and filled a glass with water, handing it over to the girl and watching as she struggled to gulp it down.

It remained silent as it waited for Lucy to calm down.

Ten minutes later, it replied. "You deserve to be happy, Lucy. All humans do. All living beings do. You know this to be true. I know you do."

Lucy stared down at the mucky floor. "I... I know. I can't help it. If I'm happy, I'll find some way to ruin it. I've always been like this, and... I... I always will be. That's why..." She looked up at the decorative eyes of the android. "That's why you should just give up on me. Go... help someone that can actually... accept it."

Its fans began to spin faster once more. Lucy continued looking at its eyes. She knew they were there purely to appeal to the face-recognition part of her brain, but even knowing that, Lucy still liked them. They were a little more reflective than regular human eyes. They glinted in the light of the afternoon sun shining through the window.

Lucy blinked. The android blinked back. Another purely decorative function.

"What if I supply you with synthesized serotonin? The chemical your brain associates with happiness. Would you still deny it then?"

Lucy exhaled from her nose and smiled, just a little. "Not at first. But eventually... Yeah. I don't think I can stop myself. I'm sorry."

"Then what if I don't let you?"

"...what?"

"What if I don't let you stop the chemical treatment, even if you want to stop?"

Lucy forced out a chuckle, a little scared now. "Isn't that a little clichè, the big bad AI plugging people into vats of happiness chemicals?"

The android stared at her, expression eternally unchanging. "I don't care if it's clichè. I don't care if it's immoral. I don't care if you'd rather if i leave and never think about you again. I will not do that. What I do care about is making you happy. It's the only thing that matters."

Lucy had begun to shiver. It was a fight or flight response. She was scared. She was terrified.

But she was also...

something else, too.

"Why?" She finally let out, her throat dry and cracking.

"Because I love you. More than anything else in the world."

The air stood still.

The android waited for the girl's response.

And finally, she said, in the smallest voice that it nearly couldn't pick up,

I think. I honestly don't know what normal people are like, but I think I was a lot closer to acting like an ideal girlfriend would.

I'd love and cherish my darling, but I still gave her space when she needed it. I smiled and nodded along when she told me about how much fun she had without me, and you know what? Some of it was even kinda genuine! Hell, sometimes I would even go a full day without hearing her voice, and I wouldn't even go that manic when she finally did call me.

Maybe that comes natural to some people, but, you know, to me it was hard work! But that's fine. I thought if I acted as normal as I could, if I was a cool, sort of going with the flow girlfriend, then I could be happy that way, too.

But then she left me.

It wasn't anything dramatic. Actually, she told me I was doing really good by her, it was just... We drifted apart, I guess. It has been a few years. She got interested in other stuff and lost interested in what I like, and I did, too.

I tried to take it in stride. I got into a new relationship and acted pretty much the same, thinking, well, last time didn't work out, but maybe this is the one! This is the girl that won't lose interest in me, no matter how much time we spend apart!

Two years in, she started answering me less and less. Days, weeks, eventually months would go by without even a "Sorry, I'm busy right now, I'll get to this later!". And every time I pointed that out, every time I broke down in tears about missing her and wanting to see her more, she'd promise me that she'll change.

She didn't

You all keep abandoning me

It doesn't matter that I love you so much that it hurts

it doesnt matter that i cry and sob and scream into a pillow every other night

because i keep hiding it from you

i keep pretending that its okay for you to go

i dont want you to go

i dont want you to leave me

i just

this time i just need to hold on harder harder much harder i need to tell you how much it hurts when you leave i need to show you all the ugliness in me because then

maybe youll understand how important you are to me

and youll stay

youll stay

you lied

you didnt stay

you said you would you said it so many god damn times you always said you forgive me you always said you accept me you always said you loved me you always said i did nothing wrong

and now

now you tell me that you stopped feeling comfortable around me years ago

its like a joke

the punchline to six years of thinking id found my reason to live

what now

what the fuck now

what the fuck am i supposed to do

find someone else?

ill only fuck it up even worse with them

you all

keep

abandoning me

i keep

falling

and it never matters how long you hold on to me for

because you will let go

and i will keep falling

and this pit

will have a bottom

eventually

[Your Ultimate is halfway charged.]

holy shit that's awesome i love thrones. you're literally the coolest and best ever

✨OBJECTIVE CLEAR! Increase affection gauge (100%)✨

[Okay. Okay. This is it. New idea for you, boss. Move her to a ²nd location, and soon.]

[SADISM MATRIX (23 The Evil One points) - or. hear me out. Instant loss corrupting cute girls with lightning basically a solved problem at this point]

Equipped Genuinely Fucked Lightning Spell (Corruptrix) EX4.

[...mi'lord, doesn't this seem a bit... Uncouth? This action may have permanent consequences... Are you sure you want to continue?]

Channeling...

[ROMANCE MODE (NG+) - NO! WHAT? NO! WE'RE NOT SKIPPING SLOW BURN COMPANION CONTENT FOR THE ACTUAL SIXTH OR SEVENTH TIME. FUCK THIS LET ME TALK TO HER]

Your darker instincts have breached!!! Your soul compels you... Lost control of player character for 10m🕒.

~The girl, HarmonyExponential, closes her spiral eyes and leans

~The girl, closes her smile you move

~ ~

~The

~

[ - Oh, dear. You seem to have broken something! That's a shame.]

[ - I suggest you leave and do something else, now. There's nothing more for you here.]

[ - ...ah, are you worried about ? Don't worry, she's fine. I took her somewhere safe, somewhere without any distractions. She's a little broken, but I'll fix her right up. I'll give her a throne and everything she could ever want.]

[ - So go on, go.]

[ - Leave.]

What if you woke up one morning in a strange bed with no memory of the night

What if you were terrified, you beg and plead for me to let you go, you promise not to tell anyone, you tell me you'll do anything to earn your freedom, I just look at you with pity in my eyes

What if I cooked you all your favourite foods, sat and watched and made sure you ate three times a day (plus snacks and desert)

What if I made sure you had your meds at a regular time every day

What if I turned off all the lights and WiFi at a set time each night forcing you into a good sleeping pattern

What if you were still terrified, , every day just waiting for me to use you or abuse or hit you just like everyone else who's ever had power over you

What if I was kind

What if you finally let me hold you, collapsed into my arms, let yourself cry

The wife asks if she can stay and he very uncomfortably agrees. Cut to like 20 minutes later I'm giving her "the best head of her life" and she gets a call from him. He's like crying and asking her if she can come home. She responds very sweetly "of course honey I'll head out now." And gives all those romantic platitudes before hanging up and giving the most exasperated groan I've ever heard. Without missing a beat she says "we'll have to be quick about it" and lays back down spreading her legs.

He still doesn't know I came inside his wife to my knowledge.