she/her and some others that might appear to you out of a dreamlike haze. over 20. I talk about SEX stuff so you shouldn't follow me if you're under 18. | tgirl sheep who might post about: transfeminism, weird books, smut, sex that makes your bodymind go funny. my impulsive stringing words together blog slash authorial blog. pretty colours-bait sub trying to learn to domme because it's so so interesting
imagine you had a restless need to tear things into their little constituent bits. okay now imagine these things were weird unsavoury sex things and the tearing apart was talking about them. you eventually come to a tumblr bog: a place where you can post long and not quite good screeds in peace. A restless sense takes you, as if creeping into your body through your digits and throat and eyes... Dancing in front of your eyes, coaxing them forwards with you, a colourful fog rolling in all around. The restlessness demands you go deeper, figure out what this bolg is. who is 'running' it? what's with this place?
and why does it feel that you can only truly express yourself here?
THE GIRL WHO COULD HAVE BEEN THE GIRL WHO COULD HAVE BEEN
The name I use here is Ceres 'Cee' Dysnomia, and all who dare look upon me swear eternal devotion
I dommed myself into starting HRT and it turned me into a problem, a visual bug, a thing of endless fixation. I try to make myself the tastemaker intersection of numerous transfeminist takes, of those the dubious: i centre niche fiction of earnestly mixed quality. Books of the mind, books of the vivid sense, books of self-stimming, books of human asterisk identity, books of the body. i like women. there should be more of them...
Interests! i read about autism quite a bit, critically and fictionwise. Something happened to Autism. Fun to try and put what into words.
There are other neurodivergences going on with me, too, sure. If this way of describing a 'Bog' isn't implying it already, I derealise often, plus some other stuff. Makes me interested in reality. Labels, labels; I think doing science on the human brain is cool to attempt but also commonly really really bad and evil.
I do not believe in the human soul. I do not believe there is a human afterlife. don't try to sell me a bridge i'm not a big bridge fan, personally,
I write! I get excited talking about my process. It's fun!
okay but specifically the sex stuff though
the kinks helps you with posting
It's like this: I like the sensation of falling within your own mind. I like the sensation of 'Oh. I really *cant* move that limb. That's dangerous.'
So, hypnosis, some intox. You can find altered mindsets in a lot of kinks, though: bratting and denying what you want until overwhelmed with someone's scent and you can admit how good it feels... being groped while bound up until your brain turns the fuck off...
I want you to believe that your mind has something to offer: that there is a unique perspective only you can provide. I want you to think about all the little sensations that you feel and value and nostalgIatise, even casually, and think of weird ways to hypnohorny them. I want you to wander inside of your mind and wonder what you could put there.
I'm more philosophical than I am dommy, but I'm trying to get dommier. I'm a very cute sub and you love me, though. I'll highlight or play off of asks I get that I think are interesting or cute or well-written. I'm not really truly out here on Tumblr Dot Co m looking for lengthy roleplay (and I am never exclusive!), but little bits can be fun. Mutuals can try and play around with me I think that could be cute.
Note that your odds of getting much attention are worse you're a guy.
Despite my brand, I don't want to be sent spirals and such by randoms.
bog-standard Ward against the Parasocial: worn, weathered, well-used. Carved haphazard by a hand shaken with our time's excited panic for the targeted obfuscative: 'if we could just make-act decent...'
The push and pull of it is that I make fun but this is also a serious authorial bog, sometimes! I'll post stuff I make for fun or for glory here, including writing snippets when I think it's fun to post snippets.
Cool Tags
you'll see [#.cee/sx] often. perhaps, somehow, you/re here and want to filter that one out? if you're that rare type of account then, like, i actually think that's cool and fun you can tell me
You may want to filter [#contains induction] if you're sensitive to catching strays from hypno content! I'll try and be diligent about that.
[#.cee/performing the genre] documents my ventures into posting in the Hypnosmut Mode, for fun or titillation
[#.cee/lene] and [#.cee/laine] document my OCs made for this account. Whom you love. you love my Cool Lore
[#.cee/thinking aloud] is for when I try to talk myself into being more into something, get excited about something, have fun with the loose concept of a kink.
[#.cee/the girl who giggles behind masks] is for character-based funnyposting. I'm pretty proud of some of these!
[#.cee/hypnosis is] represents my attempts to figure out what hypnosis is! if you like posts about someone spiraling into a topic and trying to sound smart about it, you can come with me on the journey of reading about hypnosis and trying to figure it out in various configurations of flowery or analytical language together...
[#.cee/retrospectives] is me getting analytical or flowery about cool sex things that have happened to me! if you want to pry into my life or read my live opinions-forming as i explore kink.
Boundaries: Don'ts
Get frustrated about how I treat asks. it's literally chill and you're literally just submitting ideas to my Gay Post mill. You're signing up for the gamble
i'm not responsible for the things that you do in the bedroom as a result of finding my posts hot
perform being angry/upset at me, especially for not getting enough attention, not backing off when asked
'It's not real': a polaroid of the rare plush dog that hasn't been fucked. Inverse, a comforting reminder with a barrage of simulative skinship: "take care of yourself for me! Back out whenever you need! xoxoxo"
Boundaries: I Don't Go Theres That Have Come Up Recently
it's chill. just respect me, okay?
I'm not your little sister.
THE POSTS DON'T DO GOOD FOR SOCIETY AND THAT'S A CEEP GUARENTEEP. ALSO SOMETIMES THEY'RE TRYING TO BE FUNNY MORE THAN HOT OR INTERESTING. A LOT OF THEM ARE LIKE THAT IF I'M BEING REAL
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*emmiting special princess pheromones without telling anybody* hey, are you starting to feel that i deserve special treatment because i’m fundamentally your better?
the herogirl has been getting really into level regressing and only using her low level spells and she wants me to play with her but her magic stat is way too fucking high and i can only take like three hits from those spells before needing to heal and it's really awkward trying to explain this to her i feel like im kicking a puppy but not in a fun way.
anyway transmutes all the big bloggers following me with my suspiciously circle shaped mutuals chain (HY > my old blog > ... > Alice > HY). fell for it award. my followers now
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somewhere out there is a girl whos been desperately wishing she could be my friend. maybe she's known me for a day, maybe a week, maybe a month. maybe she's even followed me for a year. but i'm scary, imposing, one of those big tgirl tumblr blogs. or else im too busy to speak to her, or else she's bothersome, or else she annoys everyone when she speaks and she has to apologize to the world every day for existing.
but she dreams. she imagines she could speak to me, and she imagines the world where it gets to be her messaging me every day. doing bits in reblogs with me. sending me posts. and she fantasizes about the type of girl she'd be if only she could talk to girls like that, be surrounded with girls like that, have the eyes of girls like that, have the hearts of girls like that...
oh, that's you? oh, sweetheart. you, specifically. you, the girl who's typed and deleted messages. you, the girl who's changed her typing style over anon just to make it less obvious how obsessed with me you are.
i've been waiting for you. i'd love to get to know you. why don't you tell me what your favorite post of mine is? or send me a ytp? i'll watch it. or if i've seen it i'll send you one back.
isn't it so much easier when you just listen? what could you possibly be afraid of? annoying me? imposing? honey, i'm asking. go on. i'll be more upset if you don't, dearest. seriously. if you think this post can't possibly mean you it means you, specifically.
don't keep me waiting, love. i'm so excited to meet you.
i desperately need to have sex but just metaphorically. it needs to be a drawn out process that still ends with release but with a lot more knives and mind control and tech implanted deep within my skull and blood and plants growing out of my orifices and alcohol in my cup and shivers on my skin and hands gripping my shoulders and long looks from familiar strangers and suits and tight ties and loose skirts and screaming and fingers in my mouth and fingers fucking parts of me that dont even exist yet and fingers back in my mouth and a voice telling me to suck 'em clean and shushing and shouting and threatening and soothing and red wine and yellow lights and green eyes and purple hazes and endless mazes and angel wings and cigarette smoke blown right in my face and perfume that smells like the pillow i hug tight when i need to go to my safe place and a ring on my finger and a hand gripping my hair and new clothes and an estrogen shot and alters upon alters splitting and splitting into countless "bad end" fractures of my psyche and narratives and stories and fantasies and prophecies and destinies and hell and heaven and the nothing after death and death on a stage beheld by many eyes and a pretentious discussion after the show where they interpret me not as a transgender woman but as a thing referred to as "queer" and always with "they," never even "it," and remixes and remakes and remasters and action figures and puppet shows and transfem reclamation and bloody war and battle and debate and immortality and ego death. and sex. do you understand
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you ever write something in a calendar, and then you can't find your calendar, so you remember that there was Something, Sometime, but not what or when? hear me out: a memory book. and you know whatever memories you write in there, you can just check the book and remember them. and then one day you see something in there you don't remember writing! but that's what the book is for, right? so you remember it. or another time maybe you were SURE you wrote something but it's gone and there's just a torn page. did you tear it out? it probably wasn't relevant anymore.
and you get so reliant on your memory book that one day, when you see someone hold it up, right in front of you, and you're terrified of her, and then she rrrrips out the page before your eyes that says "DON'T TRUST HER" and tears it to shreds and scatters them like confetti, you forget what you were so worried about!
or another time, you're thinking about all the things going on, and you're stressed and overwhelmed and confused and disoriented because there's a Million Things and you can't find your memory book and then
she has it! (you trust her.) and she starts ripping pages out. (you trust her.) plural. page after page after page after page until all of it's gone. all except for one three-word thought in a handwriting you can't remember! (you trust her.) you trust her. (you trust her.)
and then she starts writing down more things for you to remember. and suddenly everything's WAY easier cause you don't even have to maintain your own memory book anymore!
(strategically blurring the lines between "fan" and "friend" to lull vulnerable girls into denying their parasocial obsession with me and creating plausible deniability as to my own immense power within our relationship) hey anyone down for jackbox later
whenever i make a post like this im thinking of you. never forget who made you. never forget whos responsible for your adorable little alt account. never forget who youre the #1 fan of
(strategically blurring the lines between "fan" and "friend" to lull vulnerable girls into denying their parasocial obsession with me and creating plausible deniability as to my own immense power within our relationship) hey anyone down for jackbox later
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it's amazing how ppl will argue that "tma" and "tme" shouldnt exist when all you need to do to see them clear as day is be a trans woman and the subject of a harassment campaign and watch all the allies and "good ones" blink out one by one saying they're all too tired to help right now or maybe the mob has a point this time. and ask if you're still cool
happy pride! my celebration of the first day of pride was being told by an ex-best-friend i'm essentially a cult leader who guilt trips everyone around me and tries to worm my way into people's lives because i'm guilty of... being the target of a harassment campaign and being sad about that fact. if anyone wants 2 help me out my ko-fi's here. i'm scraping my life back together a few months later but shit's still realllly rough. whatever i don't use i'll do my darnedest to spread around to other tgirls that need it. we help each other out
it's that thing from the world wide web. i hear it draws good and you should give it money about that??
ko-fi's here. absolutely 0 pressure. do what ur gonna do and remember to use pride as a reason to build community & mutual aid networks in the face of all the awful shit happening to all us tgirls. just cause a bunch of corporations tried to take it over doesnt mean we have to listen to them and DEFINITELY doesn't mean we have to give up on having this month as a time to organize and find each other and say "i love you, i see you, i've experienced what you've experienced, and we're still fucking alive"
hey ive been having a pretty long week can i subsume you into my hivemind, scooping out your old identity with tender fingers and leaving you an empty vessel, dissolving your individuality in the corrosive sea of my selfhood and rewriting all that you are or ever can be into more of me, and using your body as an identical meat puppet to do my work for me so i can lay down in bed eating popcorn and playing video games.
