World’s First Astral FBI Agent

Doll that makes sure to say “it really winds me up” whenever they’re describing something that annoys them.

I feel like not enough people realize that people under enormous strain act really really fucking Weird

GMORNIN IT'S MOTHERFUCKIN YURI DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

spiders are like libertarian bees. you understand

Soooo… I met Jackie Chan at the Dallas airport and the experience was, shall we say, extremely disappointing? He wouldn’t kiss my BARELY INFECTED pet toad and when I asked if he would buy me a beer I did NOT mean some watered down American pilsner!!!

forever thinking about that girl at my uni orientation who, after being told to pour out her water bottle before entering an event, looked at me and said "they tell us to stay hydrated and then make us pour out our water, this is like totally kafkaesque" and then poured out what was very obviously an entire water bottle full of whiskey. hope she's doing well.

every time i try to check whats inside eggs stupid goop comes out

Can you not joke about puppets my nephew was killed by a haunted puppet and it honestly hurt me more than his mother