WHY DO OLD/MIDDLE-AGED GAY MEN MAKE ME HAPPY ?!

In Japanese, Ocelot addresses V and John differently; he's more "reverent" towards John and treats V more as an equal.

I think this is more indicative of the extent and intensity of Ocelot's feelings for John rather than of a formal relationship between the two, mainly because it's impossible to ignore HOW THEY TALK TO EACH OTHER IN THE TAPES GOD, the way John teases him for his particular hatred of the French, the half-scolding about the cigars, JOHN GOING "aren't you forgetting something ;)" AND ADAM JUST KNOWING WHAT HE HAD TO DO.

^ One of Ocelot's few 100% genuine expressions in the whole series btw, among other smiles at John. I genuinely can't look at it he's so fucking sad and happy to see him at the same time. Literally heart eyes.

Ahem. What I mean is that however you view their relationship, imo you can't deny those two genuinely had deep deep affection for each other.

This affection is not as intense with V, not absent, but absolutely no "this is actually the most important person in my life, completely changed its trajectory and captured me from the first moment I saw him (Kojima's words) and with whom I spent the turning points of my life and now I have him back after almost losing him a decade ago" vibes.

It just feels like further proof that Ocelot's detachment is intentional.

Then, of course, there's the scene, "She's in love with the legend, I was the same way *once*".

Ocelot himself confirming that what he feels now could pale in comparison to what was there before, but we know what Ocelot will do for the rest of his life, how, however unserious it may feel, under hypnosis he still couldn't stop himself from kissing a man who IS NOT EVEN JOHN, but has his face and god Adam hasn't seen him in at least 15 years (nor will he ever again).

After all I feel confident in attributing the change in his feelings declared in this line to hypnosis too.

"I have to forget you know" doesn't simply refer to forgetting that the phantom is not John and erasing John's actual whereabouts and situation from his mind, but forgetting about what was between the two of them and what John ever meant to him.

In conclusion, the way Ocelot behaves in V seems pretty intentional.

Now, as to WHY this was done...

In my opinion it's his own choice:

Perhaps feelings for someone could complicate things, and weakening the bond between "Big Boss" and himself could be seen as something done out of convenience and not out of his own volition. But honestly, if V was supposed to be EXACTLY like Big Boss, it makes no sense. Shouldn't Ocelot support him exactly the way he would have John?

One could argue that Ocelot was raised by philosophers; perhaps he's aware that, regardless of his feelings, he will fulfill his duty—a sort of loyalty that's been engraved in his mind (and, after all, runs in his blood).

However, the point is still that V should have taken Big Boss's place entirely, to make the illusion more real, as they say in the game; All things considered, pushing V away seems like a pointless move that could have thrown things into further disarray in an already complicated and delicate affair.

Forgetting John was Adam's choice.

Controlled all his life, he'd already chosen himself to follow him before, and he won't be forced to do otherwise, at least not in the same way and with a twisted imitation of his feelings. He'd rather remove them than bastardize them

He's thrown himself into an eternal torture though. Imagine the most important person to you, the person you're giving your life for, everything that John was to Adam, almost leaving you... indifferent? Okay, normal?