Edgeworth investigates Phoenix and Maya's disappearance. Hope you enjoy these. If you want more of maya's polaroids you can go here.

A prequel of sorts inspired by Room Service by @oodlyenough

Bonus:

“For those unaware, let me show you how fucking retardedly universe-breakingly strong Donald is.

Flare is a spell type from final fantasy that is reserved for only the strongest individuals. Top level party members, top level enemies, main bosses, and secret bosses are the main users of this spell type. It’s so powerful that it’s been simply referred to as the “Nuke” spell before.

There are multiple tiers of Flare:

Megaflare: used by summons and top level enemies. Mostly known to be used by Bahamut, the strongest summon in the entire Final Fantasy franchise. Although this is it’s basic form

Above that you have Gigaflare: A stronger version of Mega flare. Mostly used by stronger versions of Bahamut, and inter-dimensional demons and secret bosses.

Above that you have Teraflare: this move is exclusive to the abso-fucking-lute most powerful versions of Bahamut. Like, you need to be the strongest motherfucker in the final fantasy multiverse to use this. This is universe erasing shit here

I should mention that Donald gets knocked out/dies after this, either from the strain of using the spell or from the heartless that swarm right after, but even if it’s cast from hitpoints, Donald literally just busted out the most powerful magic move in Square history.

The only other character in Square enix games who used Zettaflare was the third form of Airy in Bravely Default, who at that point had a world eating eldritch abomination powering her. Donald didn’t have any of that backing him up, he literally cast Zettaflare on his own.

Donald fucking duck is canonically the most powerful red mage in square enix history PERIOD.

It was best he died before knowing what became of Franziska's perfect record.

I knew this was going to happen when I published that anon who wanted to know about love potion doses. I did it anyway, because they were an anon and what would you rather, that anon not know how to safely give their crush enough cinnamon formulation to work but not so much that he sleeps for a week? I got a lot of crap about it, including from people who I know for a fact spout harm-reduction platitudes about everything from heroin to black-arts witchcraft but can’t bear that I admit to knowing anything about titrating cinnamon formulation. It’s not even technically fucking illegal to brew, possess, share, or consume! (But be extra careful with potions if you’re black or Latinx, obviously, like I told anon, because for some reason some cops like to arrest people for things that aren’t illegal.)

So, since that’s already exploded, let’s go the whole nine yards: I’m in a love-potion sustained relationship and I want the stigma to stop.

Because it’s not the way you’re thinking, because you’re all hardline anti-potioners who hear “love” and think “lobotomy”. I’m the one drinking them, not my girlfriend. (It’s not cinnamon, if you’re curious. We use a slight variation on the infamous Grenadine Kisses, with a few ingredients swapped for my allergies. My girlfriend was so scared for me when I got hives after the first dose, but it’s easy to substitute the witch wort.)

Do I sound like I don’t know what’s going on, to you? Like I’m not lucid? Because seriously, screaming follower contingent, if this is rape pour me another glass of rape, that’s the stuff. I know she dosed me. (Longer ago than the statute of limitations for magically tampering with people’s food or drink without their knowledge, nyah.) I know I wouldn’t stay, at least not happily, if I was off the potion. I do most of the brewing myself now! The last time my girlfriend had to lift a finger to keep me in love with her was when I asked her to pick up eggs, bread, strawberries, my favorite tea, and speckled false-daisy! I’m with her because I want to be.

Here’s what happens if I miss a dose - I’ve never done this on purpose, and you’ll see why in a minute, but I’ve spilled tea into a batch a couple times without noticing and it wrecks it. The overlap period goes by and I get anxious and depressed and lonely because I’m one of those people who isn’t happy when I’m not in love. I start thinking about going to crash with my parents to think things over without worrying about accidentally upsetting my girlfriend by acting “off”. Then I remember that my dad hits me if I hang around him for more than a couple hours, so I can’t do that.

I think about just straight-up leaving, maybe going to one of those patronizing potion victim shelters. Let me tell you, that doesn’t sound any more appealing sober. Think about how much fun you would have as a guest at one of those fucking institutions and that’s how I feel - off my potion. It’s less appealing when everything’s normal.

And then, just when I’m starting to think “maybe I can afford a place on my own”, it occurs to me that my girlfriend loves me - like, this is why she dosed me! She loves me! She’s not a fucking psychopath, she isn’t keeping me to perform sinister medical experiments, she’s in love! - and I could just stay, this is not a stupid goddamn Disney movie where as soon as I’m no longer ensorcelled I need to go fall into the arms of some schlub whose principal virtue is not wanting me quite that much. I could stay with her even if speckled false-daisy went extinct (I saw a protest sign outside an apothecary the other day, “down with fake daisy up with real daisy”, like it has no other uses, I hope he loses his hair and needs fucking false-daisy).

I might like her plenty even without ever drinking so much as a tablespoon (I don’t actually know, she was too shy to talk to me before she slipped me my first batch). Problem is, off my potion I’m not attracted to girls. (Hence first batch. She’s told me a dozen times she would have worked up the nerve to say something if she didn’t know for sure I’d only have to let her down.)

So if I stay and I don’t have my Grenadine Kisses I’m not going to have any fun with the regular kisses. The potion’s there so I can have a great, sexy relationship with somebody who loves me to bits and treats me well. So that I can do this without being tempted to use her for material security without bringing anything to the relationship. So that I don’t have to fling myself out into the world, caught between a rat race I’ve never been equipped for and a joke of a social support system that thinks the last three years of my phenomenal relationship have been “Rape: A Rape Story”, by Rapey McRape.

So I drink my potion, once a week, clockwork. It’s yummy. It makes my girlfriend the most fantastic, delectable, adorable, sweet, endearing, and hot-as-fuck human being to ever walk the Earth. You’d fucking kill to shack up with somebody who seemed like that to you if you’d ever met one. The potion makes my life awesome. If your ethics are against people having awesome lives then your ethics can go die alone in a hole. Stop fucking harassing people for wanting love in their lives and needing to get it out of a bottle, we can’t all be flawless social butterfly paragons like you (screaming at somebody who you identify as a victim by your own lights: total flawless social butterfly paragon behavior, you will never go home to a cold bed with that attitude.)

You asked for furries and I got flash banged remembering mine, dragon with no wings because her egg got dropped from a cliff

If you're gonna flash bang me, im gonna flash bang you.

do you remember that one fic?

Like yes, they are your strength, dexterity, constitution, intelligence, wisdom and charisma, but they are so so much more.

Just like in Disco Elysium these are, next to your partner Snell, your companions while playing the game and carry opinions on really anything.

Strength is not just about being strong. Strength is conservative. Strength is being what is expected of you. Strength is following Urth, is being THE Cleric, is being a MAN. Yes, strength is violent at times, but really its strength is defined by being the carrying foundation of how it has always been. And of course that politically affiliates it with the Party of Norvik.

Dexterity is also a fascinating case. It is about being fast but also about having fast fingers. It is about making the next big bucks. Dexterity is opportunistic. It keeps you out of trouble, not by staying out of it, but by being away again fast enough. It is hardcore Freestrider. It is liberal in that it wants the freedom to posess.

Constitution is by far one of my favourite voices in the game. It is simple, the voice of the body. Short sentences. It consumes. It feels pain. It is also stubborn. Yet it has its eloquent moments. It is the beast inside you, that wants to survive.

Intelligence is great at exposition yet it is also great at Ego. It is very much fitting, that in isolation intelligence, who is about information and ambition, has the mission to make you think you are better than anyone else. You could be mage king. You could rule them all, because you are smarter than them.

Wisdom at its core is a voice about the people. It is understanding the systems you are a part of. It is empathy for everyone. It is nonviolence. It is hope for a better future. Of course it is Azgalist. And most if not all times it is your voice of reason. Right next to Snell of course.

And lastly Charisma. Charisma talks a lot and yet has nothing to say. It markets you to the people around you, but it cannot let you be honest about it. You have to manipulate. You have to make them like you. Charisma has no ideas, has no values. It talks like it is more about social survival than it is about social integrity. And that is what makes it apolitical.

I have yet to finish a second playthrough, but my first was a high wisdom Azgalist run and it was really a story for the heart. At its core Esoteric Ebb is not about a murder. Esoteric Ebb is despite its marketing also not about being the worlds worst cleric. It is about what you believe. It is what you believe about people.