Teehee

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You know those weird kinds of friendships? The ones where you love them completely, no questions asked, and somehow, they just know you? Like, really know you. Every crack, every unspoken word. The kind where they can read your silences better than your sentences.

That was him. Not only was that him he was a damn expert at it. An expert at peeling people open without even trying. And I hated it. I hated how easy it was for him to see through me. I guess maybe I was never good at hiding things. He saw through every little twitch of my face, every shift in my voice.

The only thing he didn’t know, well maybe the only thing I’d ever managed to keep from him, was that I loved him. Not in the casual, best-friend way. Not in the bro, you’re my ride or die kind of way. I loved him. Stupidly. And I hated that.

Hated how it sat in my chest, heavy and useless. Because it wasn’t going anywhere. I knew that. I wasn’t dumb. And I sure as hell didnt have the balls to tell him.We were at dinner me, Joost, and a bunch of our friends. It was loud, messy, full of inside jokes and too much wine.

Afterward, we all ended up back at his flat. I hovered near the kitchen counter, half-hiding, just watching. Watching them talk, drink, laugh. Watching them enjoy everything I knew I was lucky to have. And then, of course, Joost had to come over. He slid up next to me to fill his cup, leaning against the counter like it was second nature too casual, too smooth. He smirked. Not a regular smile. No, this was the kind of smirk that said I know something. The kind that made my stomach drop right out of me.

I tilted my head at him, waiting. Waiting for the smart-ass remark. For the teasing jab. Something. Anything. But he just stayed there, silent, smirking like he had a secret. It made my mouth dry. God, I hated when he got like this, when he didn’t have to say a word to completely unravel me. I took a sip from my cup, more to give my hands something to do than anything else. Then I raised my eyebrows at him, like, Please talk, I beg silently.

But he didn’t. He just kept looking at me like he was trying to figure out a puzzle. He furrows his eyebrows, squinting slightly. “There’s something in there” he says, calm as ever, tipping his chin toward me. “What?” I blink, confused. He doesn’t wait even a second. “In your eyes,” he says, like he’s just stating a fact. “There’s something in there… something I don’t know about. I can tell.”

I let out a short laugh and shake my head, turning my gaze back to our friends, anywhere but him. I couldn’t let him keep looking at me like that. “Shut up,” I say, playfully, trying to brush it off.

I nudge him with my elbow, forcing a grin. “Don’t analyze me…”I pause, glancing at him, then add with a half-laugh, “I don’t want to be perceived.”

I say it like a joke, and he laughs like it is one. But I mean it.

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