Mr. Roboto

Well, we had to come back eventually. Just be thankful it’s not all seven of us. I take it you’re not a fan of the Carter family? Even though you probably only know Bailey, which would definitely be a legitimate enough reason to dislike us before knowing us.

...maybe you’re not so bad after all. But, yeah, Bailey’s the only one I really know. But I’m dead to her right now. 

They’re everywhere??? Excuse me??? 

Carters. You’re multiplying. Well, I guess you already did that. But you’re all showing up now. 

I wish I could say that it feels good to be back in Coolsville, but I’d be 110% bullshitting. It doesn’t feel good to be back among the weirdos and creeps of the world in the slightest. But at least you all have some quality Carter eye candy to look at now, because God knows Bailey James reveals less skin than a nun. For those of you who don’t know, I’m Bridget, and I’m one of the many Carter sisters my mother produced by not keeping her legs shut. I’m also the hottest one.

AHHH THEY’RE EVERYWHERE

Seeing as the few times I’ve been in this town have been rando nights being black out and crashing on couches, it’s fucking weird to have an apartment for a while. Can’t say I’d prefer to be here than home, but life’s a bitch and I can’t even fuck her to make her like me. At least I can see one old friends while I’m stuck. For those who don’t know me, I’m Tatiana, but you can call me Tiana, T or whatever the hell.

Hello, whatever the hell. Welcome to Coolsville... otherwise known as the end of the earth. 

Finally back in Coolsville and everything is exactly how I left it. Besides half of my family moving to Florida and just leaving us with the smallest Carter child here. I’m definitely going to miss the beaches in Australia, but there’s something so heartwarming about being back stateside. Now, I just have to figure out what I’m going to do career wise and my life plan will be right back on track! 

...more of you. 

Fascinating, I’m learning so much. Does this mean we’ll be fucking again in the future?

I sure hope so. If you’re down. Or... up, as the case may be.

Seriously. I guess it is. Ofelia broke my heart, but I can still recognize she’s my second best lay after Kenzi. It matters because you’ve probably just made her really competitive with my cousin about sex, which is super weird.

Listen, of course, she’s the best, okay? But if I keep reminding myself of that all the time, I’m just going to want her more. And I can’t have her. I’m never gonna get over her this way.

I’m not well versed in bro culture, but can bros be bros if they’re also hos?

If they’re also hos with each other, yeah. 

First of all, it’s really ew, because my cousin is a dirty ho who fucked a guy I fucked two days after I did it. Second of all, Ofelia should have been your answer without question. I don’t even know who you are right now.

Seriously? Good thing we broke up then. Well, they both broke my heart pretty damn good, so why does it matter anyway?