all of our flaws

Ofelia: The only people to ask would be Jace and Cam. And fuck knows where Cam is or if he's even alive to ask. And what if they both have different answers? It being 50/50 is like not having an answer at all. DON'T WORRY. HE'S ACTUALLY PRETTY FAIR WHEN IT COMES TO THAT KIND OF STUFF. Because you are better than that. It looks like her definitely. And I guess it looks like Milo too, but I don't really remember what he looks like.

Caleb: But doesn't Bailey J know where Cam is? Still, you're probably better off without that tool so I wouldn't bother looking him up. I doubt they'd have different answers, though. Wasn't Cam even still into you when he was getting Cobie pregnant and stuff?

Ofelia, she’s the best person I know so it makes sense she’d be the best at this. Plus she’s the only one I had sex with more than once, and she was like basically my trainer so she was obviously really good at it if she was like teaching it. 

Bailey J, because at least she didn’t leave right after it was done and tell me I better not think it meant we were going back together.

Ofelia: Maybe, but it's not like I've ever taken a poll to find out. I KNEW ABOUT HIS SIDE HOES BEFORE WE EVEN GOT ENGAGED! MAYBE I HAVE A SIDE HOE, YOU NEVER KNOW! Hate her in peace without calling her a bad mom! Caleb, I have seen her with my own two eyes. You're seriously starting to slip into crazy town, babe.

You’re not meeting her at family gatherings or at anything ever.

Pretty sure “good mom’s” don’t forbid their babies from going to family gatherings with their dads and meeting all their relatives.

BECAUSE YOU ARE STUPID! I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU DON’T KNOW YOU’RE STUPID, BUT YOU’RE LIKE ONE PUFF OF WEED OR SLIGHT BRAIN INJURY AWAY FROM BEING AS SMART AS KENZI. We’re not sort of related, you dipshit. That’s not how being related even works. It’s not withholding information when it’s not your business!

YOUR MEANNESS ISN’T GONNA BRING ME DOWN TODAY, 23 YEAR OLD MOM WHO GOT STUCK LIVING IN FLORIDA! If it’s not my business then why did Milo bother hiding it? OH WAIT, CUZ IT’S RELEVANT AF.

Ofelia: Yeah, but I think he also likes being romantic with people so that was probably more important to him than mourning me. I'll definitely have a lawyer by the time it comes to sign, but I'm sure it'll be fine. He's not exactly a diabolical mastermind. SHE REALLY LOVES HER KID, CALEB. SHE DOES THE BEST SHE CAN TO BE A GOOD MOM. I KNOW YOU'RE MAD AT BAILEY J FOR SLEEPING WITH YOUR COUSIN AND FOR BEING MAD AT YOU, BUT IT'S NOT HER KID'S FAULT.

lol nah

That doesn’t even make sense! I didn’t say anything that deserved a ‘nah’ in response!