TearHerAus

It’s been two days since you made up your mind. It was enough time to sort some things out as well as get comfortable with Jimin, at least by text. Even though you still felt unprepared to “face” him, you figured texting him would be a good practice before seeing him again. It looked like Jimin had the same timing as you since he asked you out today. It was Saturday, so you had the whole day available. You had agreed with him on the time to meet as you wanted to seem as devoted as him. Some part of you knew that devotion wasn’t 100% fake as you still could feel the butterflies flying in your stomach. However, you told yourself it was the nervousness of what you were about to start. No positive feelings could be directed to Jimin, he didn’t deserve them. Chugging a glass of water, you tried to erase all second thoughts out of your system. This would happen no matter what. There’s no going back, you told yourself. You decided to focus your attention on picking an outfit. Analyzing your previous choices for dates, you picked out an outfit like those you used before. To look presentable enough, you did some curls on your hair and applied some make-up as well. You are ready. That’s the mantra you played over and over in your head. It was time you faced your destiny.

Jimin had told you he would pick you up at your apartment, so you waited until he called you. It was incredible, really, how punctual he could be. Once you descended the stairs and exited the building, you could see his car parked just across the street. What got you confused was the unoccupied car. Taking a step outside, you looked left and then right, and there it was, a bouquet of roses in front of your eyes. You blinked several times and it descended to show a handsome young man. For a second, everything stilled around you. It was like the perfect romantic movie, you had to admit it. Everything was so classic, so cliché. From the way his expensive car was parked, to the way the roses smelled, to how his face seemed to be just another beautiful flower standing out above the others; everything was perfect. You had forgotten how perfect Jimin was, and now you worried his charms might seduce you. God, the way his smile made way to his face was irresistible. You gulped as he gave you the flowers while he said “Hi.” Managing to smile as well, you gave him a shy “hi,” as you accepted the flowers. Still fazed by the bouquet in your hands, you asked him, “why the flowers?” At that, he looked down with a shy smile on his face, and when he looked back at you, you could have sworn his eyes looking at you almost killed you. “Today is a special day,” he said. Special? Why would it be special? Just like that, you remembered why it was special, not for Jimin but for you. You couldn’t lose focus like this anymore. Have some grasp in yourself, you scolded internally. Still being confused by Jimin’s statement, you asked, “Why is it a special day?”

“You’ll see,” was all he said. He then guided you to his car, opening the passenger’s door for you before going to the other side of the car and seating in the driver’s seat himself. You didn’t have time to appreciate Jimin’s outfit back at your building's entrance, but now you could see the similarity yet the contrast of his outfit to the one he used on your first date. While on your first date he wore a simple black outfit with a beige cardigan, he now was wearing a plain white shirt and a blue cardigan with a white and red stripe by the collar. Back then, he looked mostly hot with a pinch of cuteness, but right now he went overload with cuteness. He looked so simple yet so pure; so sincere. You realized you were starring but not before Jimin realized as well. “I’m glad you still enjoy what you see,” he said with a small smile not taking his eyes off the road. You knew the reference he was using, so you applied the same technique as well, “I do, and I’m not a little sorry about it,” you smiled with confidence. At that he spared you a glance and laughed shortly, “Believe me, I’m the one who feels sorry for not being able to look at you,” he shook his head still focusing on the road. Looking out of the window, you scoffed internally. Back then he would have regretted sparing you a glance instead. The ride seemed rather long as you both remained silent, each one consumed in their own thoughts. Jimin stopped the car and you were drawn to reality again. You both got out of the car, and you absorbed everything around you. It was beautiful. A few steps away from you was a lake which reflection portrayed a clear blue sky. Looking around you, different trees and colorful flowers surrounded the clean lake. It took you some time to take everything in as you breathed the fresh cool air. Looking at Jimin, you tried to express your adoration for the choice of place. “Jimin, this is…”

“Beautiful,” he finished for you. Though, from the way he was looking at you, you knew he wasn’t referring to the place. He couldn’t take his eyes from you and you were struggling as well but having mixed feelings within you made you break the eye contact as you focused once again on the lake.

You heard him move away from you, so you looked over to see him walking towards his car. He opened the trunk of the car and took something out of it. As he moved towards you once again, you could see him carrying a big basket. You couldn’t stop your curious (or was it your teasing) side, so you asked, “What’s the basket for? Are we collecting flowers today, flower boy?” It came out rather flirty, and you noticed Jimin was out of words. He wasn’t expecting that nickname, you guessed. After a moment of silence, he placed the basket on the floor and once he straightened again, he questioned with a smirk, “Flower boy?” You decided this was the perfect opportunity to express your fake intentions to him, so you went with the flow. Faking shyness, you looked at him with a small smile and shrugged before turning around and running through the floor covered in flowers. Looking over your shoulder, you saw it worked. He was chasing you probably wanting an answer back once he caught you. You screamed, too immersed in the game as you tried to escape his open arms. You managed to escape him several times and kept running in different directions. The game didn’t last long once Jimin got hold of one of your wrists, causing your feet to lose balance from the sudden stop. Screaming once again, you already anticipated the fall as you closed your eyes shut. With your eyes closed, your other senses intensified as you could smell the most delicious essence. You wondered for a second if it was the fragrance of the different flowers surrounding you, but as you opened your eyes, you realized it was, in fact, the delicious fragrance of one unique flower. Jimin’s eyes were on you, searching worriedly for any signs of discomfort or pain. He was on top of you as he probably lost balance as well and fell along with you. He seemed to be holding his weight with both his arms. You smiled unconsciously at how cliché this situation was. Your smile seemed to ease Jimin as he smiled as well. “So, flower boy, huh?” he questioned once again. You groaned as you had to explain it to him as cringy as it would be. “Yeah…I thought it when you were giving me the roses and your face matched them perfectly,” you said looking at anything but him. At his silence, you looked once again to see him smiling tenderly at you, “So, you’re saying I’m as beautiful as a flower?” he asked. Thrown back at his forwardness, you went shy mode again, “I… I didn’t say that.”

“But you implied it,” he continued teasing you. Not wanting to admit to his statement, you thought of a way of escaping him. Using all the force you had, you grasped his right wrist with your left hand and pushed his left side of the body with your right hand. His smiley face changed into a confused expression when you managed to swap you both; now you were on top of him.

Being on top gave you the confidence to end the discussion. “This suits you better, flower boy,” you said gesturing to the bed of flowers surrounding his body. He seemed in awe for a few seconds but, not much after, he started laughing. His eyes formed slits as he kept laughing cutely at the situation. Not sure as to what to do next, you rolled off him and sat beside his lying form, laughing as well. He managed himself to a sitting position as you both simply enjoyed the view.

* - * - * - * - *

Jimin liked Y/N. He couldn’t deny it any longer. That’s why he had planned the perfect date to confess his feelings. He had told her he was nervous, and he truly was. Not once in the past had he been the one confessing, it usually was the other way around. So why was he so eager to say it out loud? And why was he so nervous to let her know? Was he afraid of rejection? It couldn’t possibly be that. No one has ever rejected Park Jimin and no one would, right? He tried to calm himself as he got those thoughts out of his mind. Calming down, he stood up and offered his hand for Y/N to do the same. Breaking from his reverie, she held his hand and let him pull her up. Jimin intertwined his finger with hers as he guided them back to where he had placed the basket. He let her go to spread the tablecloth that used to be on the basket. Then, he placed the basket on top of the cloth before he sat down and motioned for Y/N to do the same. She sat down beside him with a puzzled look on her face. “Is this what I think it is?” she asked. He was about to take the food he prepared for the occasion, but he stopped as he directed his attention back to her. “Well, I don’t know what’s going on in that beautiful head of yours, but if it’s the same assumption you made before, then no, flower boy is not collecting flowers today.”

She seemed lost at first but then she grasped what he meant as she seemed to recall the previous events of the date. “Well, I was thinking about something else,” she pouted.

“Enlighten me,” he probed, waiting for her reply.

She seemed reluctant at first since she had been somehow mocked, but her curiosity got the best of her. “Are we having a picnic?”

As a way of answer, he turned around to take out several containers form the basket. “Yes, in fact, we are,” he said as he opened the first container, revealing bibimbap perfectly organized in rows. He didn’t know if it was a change in light, but he could see her eyes shining brighter than before. Jimin knew right then and there that all the effort was worth it.

“I always wanted to have a picnic,” she admitted as she admired the bibimbap. The glint in her eyes only increased when he opened the other containers, offering from a wide variety of fruit to a wide range of strong dishes.

“You’ve never had a picnic?” he asked quite surprised once he opened the last container. She shook her head as he looked back at him again. She was intrigued, he could see.

“I always wanted to, but I never found the chance to do it,” she explained. Jimin congratulated himself for making the right choice for a date. He wished it would make it more memorable for her since she hadn’t had similar experiences.

He gave her a pair of chopsticks and invited her to taste the food. “Well, now’s your chance,” he smiled. Or perhaps had he been smiling all along? He couldn’t tell the difference now. It seemed like his smiley face had become his standard face now.

Nodding, she took a piece of bibimbap and guided it to her mouth. She nodded contently, and once she finished eating it, she said, “It’s delicious, Jimin.”

He couldn’t help feeling shy. He rarely cooked at home since he had a lady who did all the housework, so he was worried it wouldn’t taste good. He had tried some and decided it was good enough but never thought of getting such praise. “I’m glad you liked it,” he scratched the back of his head.

She seemed to be waiting for something and he was lost as to what it could be. After a few seconds, she took another roll of bibimbap and offered it to him. He got caught off guard, but without thinking too much, he opened his mouth. He wondered how to swallow the roll with how hard it was to munch it with the smile threatening to become bigger on his face. Sitting side by side, they both ate until their hunger was ceased.

 Laying on his back, Jimin pointed to a cloud that looked like a rabbit. “That one’s a rabbit,” he announced. Y/N followed his finger until she saw it too. “Oh, I see it!” she exclaimed. Then she pointed at another one and he followed her finger. He couldn’t see the shape of that one, so he waited for her to explain what she saw in it. “That one looks like a cloud,”     she said.

He looked over at her with an expression reading ‘really?’ She shrugged and then laughed. Oh…that laugh. He wished he could stop looking at the clouds and figure out her smiles instead. Laughing as well, he looked at the sky once again to continue his search.

The sun was setting, and Y/N was picking some flowers while he remained seated on the cloth. He wasn’t the flower boy at the end, he thought, but there was a beautiful flower girl taking his place. He just looked at her, who was smiling contently to herself as she made her own bouquet of colorful flowers. From the way the sun reflected on her eyes, making them a shade lighter than what they usually look like, to the way her dress and hair moved as waves of wind traveled through her body to the way her smile remained on her face as she picked yet another flower, he wanted to memorize it all. Closing his eyes, Jimin saved the memory as something precious he didn’t want to forget. When he opened them again, he saw her making her way towards him with a whole bouquet on her arms. She knelt and smiled, giving him the flowers. She took him by surprise, so he asked, “for me?” She nodded, pushing the flowers forward.

“Yes, flower boy.” He had to admit he was growing fonder of the pet name. Each time she said the words, he felt his heart flutter faster. He accepted the flowers and took a sniff of them, appreciating the different odors they emanated. “You gave me a bouquet, so I figured I could do the same for you… seeing how well it suits you an all,” she explained.

He had never received flowers before. This was new for him. But, if he was being honest Y/N was new for him in many aspects, and he was thrilled to find all the new facets she would show him in the future. “Thank you,” he said truthfully, feeling flattered.

She sat beside him, and both of them silently watched the sunset. Jimin saw Y/N shiver from his peripheral vision, so he took his cardigan and placed it over her shoulders, mirroring his actions of the first date. This time, though, she didn’t deny it and just looked at him before mouthing a “thank you.” She didn’t look away, and he didn’t either. They were already close together, but Jimin moved to close the nonexistent gap between them. His lips connected with hers softly, taking a taste of her blueberry chapstick. Wanting to taste further, he placed his hand at the back of her head to push her forward to him. He felt her hands making their way to his shoulder and then to the back of his head, mimicking his actions. She leaned her head back, deepening the kiss. He then asked for entrance and she complied, allowing his tongue to explore the marvels of her mouth. For what felt like the first time, he tasted her just as she tasted him. Their hands traveled through their bodies just as their lips transported them to different places, finding a perfect rhythm to devour each other. The kiss that started as delicate as a flower petal soon ignited into a competition for dominance. Jimin took over at first, but just as their chase hours before, Y/N found her way to rule over him. He let her take over his tongue, body, soul, and heart. Just as he thought she would break the kiss, he felt her body move towards him. First, he felt her leg go over him and settle down beside him, leaving her in a position where she was straddling him. He hadn’t thought it would escalate that much but he didn’t care, he simply took everything thrown his way. Being on top of him, she had total control over him. He started to worry that if she moved on top of him, he would lose control over his body as well. The kiss lasted for what felt like hours until she broke it and looked into his eyes. He looked back in adoration waiting for her orders; he would do as she pleased. She didn’t say a word, she just looked at him. Jimin couldn’t read her expression, but he now felt confident enough to say the words he had wanted to say all day. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

Y/N kept looking at him, but he could see a small smile crossing her now swollen lips. He waited for her reply, and she just looked more into his eyes as if she was searching for something. She then leaned forward and whispered into his ear, “Yes, flower boy.”

Jimin’s heart felt like it would explode, either from her answer or from the way she whispered it into his ear. She then kissed his cheek and leaned back, matching the smile of the flower boy.

* - * - * - * - *

It’s Sunday. The most boring day of the week, yet the most important one for the first time in Jungkook’s life. He felt as if his life depended on this day. One word could change the course of his life forever. He never felt like the type of boy that would let love change his lifestyle, but as they say, ‘you’ll never understand until it happens to you.’  He, however, didn’t understand a thing. Being faced with the opportunity of his life, he was faltering of whether to accept it or not. He knew that studying abroad would offer him a better lifestyle in the future, but the mere thought of being with Y/N made him question if staying would offer him the same thing but in the present. It would be stupid, he knew, to let this amazing opportunity fall out of his hands just because of his heart. If he had a chance to choose, he would choose her in heartbeat, but it wasn’t his choice anymore. Everything was influenced by his family’s expectations, Jimin’s interference, and Y/N’s own choice. This, however, didn’t stop him from wanting to confess his feelings for her before leaving. He had to make something out of his feelings, or he wouldn’t be able to leave peacefully. Leaving without seeing her one last time, and much worse without telling her, would probably cause him the most excruciating trail of what if’s. Once he got an answer, he could be freed from her spell, whichever the answer might be. If he got rejected, he could find closure by being enough time away from her. On the other hand, if he was accepted, he wouldn’t have to go, right? After all his university was good enough as any other in Spain, he decided. It was a scary thing, he thought, to let someone have so much control over your life. But that is love, isn’t it? A scary feeling that made you act with your heart instead of your mind.

 The previous night, Jungkook had asked Y/N to meet him to have farewell “party,” or reunion, at most. She had agreed to his invitation, and today he would be able to meet her for the last time. Being a trainer, he didn’t have many clothes apart from his sports clothes, so he found it difficult to choose a good outfit for this important day. Looking in the depths of his closet, he managed to find a pair of skinny jeans and a plain black shirt. His shirt seemed to be way too long, so he tucked it in and added a black belt to complete his look. Thinking on what shoes to wear, he thought back of the pair of black boots he usually wore in winter (for he didn’t like his sinkers getting wet) and decided to add them to his outfit as well. He was a fitness instructor but that didn’t mean he knew nothing about fashion. When he was in school, his mom usually bought him clothes and from her, he learned to know how to dress properly. When he entered college, however, he didn’t see any use in buying expensive clothes as he would only need sportswear from now on. He hadn’t considered back then that he would meet the girl of his dreams. Now, he was beyond relieved to be able to find something appropriate to wear; nothing too casual yet not too formal. He thanked the new trends in fashion as they weren’t that pompous and extravagant as to make him stand out among the others. To finish up, he applied some cologne as he made way to leave.

Jungkook received a text from Y/N stating she would be there soon, so he waited by the entrance of one building he knew all too well. It took about 5 minutes for her to meet him, and the moment he saw her, he knew it was all worth it. Just as she was used to seeing him in sportswear, he was used to the same thing from her, so seeing her wearing normal clothes was astonishing for him. “Wow if this isn’t Jeon Jungkook wearing jeans?” she stated surprised.

He didn’t let it pass as he thought the exact same thing about her, “I could say the same thing for you.” He let his eyes wander through her perfectly shaped legs. She smiled at his remark yet shook her head. “I always wear jeans, but I bet you have never,” she said confidently.

“Well, you are wrong. I used to wear jeans all the time before college, but once I entered my major, I found them unfitting,” he explained his backstory regarding jeans, or normal clothes if he got into specifics.

“Then why not buying a bigger size? Off course your teens’ jeans wouldn’t fit you anymore,” she said with a poker face. Was she teasing him or was she misunderstanding what he said?

“No, I mean… because I had many practical classes, I found sweat pants, for instance, more fitting than skinny jeans,” he explained further even if he suspected she was teasing him.

She let a laugh escape her lips. “Yeah, I know. I was messing with you,” she finally confessed. He let himself laugh with her, for her laugh was contagious. Once the laughter died down, she asked, “So, where are we going to bid farewell to the young Kookie?” she asked looking at her surroundings as if she could decipher it herself. Wait…Young kookie? What? What was with that nickname, he couldn’t let it pass.

“Hey! I’m older than you, you know?” He stated, baffled at her disrespect. She tried to laugh it off but seeing his serious expression, she couldn’t.

“Yeah, you’re right,” she admitted, “But I never got to ask you how you wanted me to call you.” He let that thought sink in. He had never thought of it either, so thinking back on their previous encounters, he thought out loud, “Kook.”

“Kook?” she looked his way. He simply nodded his head like a puppy; and like a puppy he felt, waiting for the next time her lips would pronounce that syllable again.

“Very well,” she nodded her head in understanding, “so, where are we going, young kook?” she smiled his way expectantly. It took him a few seconds to realize she made a pun with his name. She was still teasing him by calling him Young-kook instead of his real name, Jung-kook. He couldn’t contain his laughter. “I can’t believe you,” he said shaking his head in denial.

“I can’t believe myself either,” she said while making fists with her hands as if cringing, “Jin has corrupted me.”

“Jin?” he questioned despite himself. He had heard that name before, but he wasn’t sure in what context.

“Oh, Jin is my best friend. He makes puns whenever he can,” she started, “It seems I’ve been infected despite my best efforts.” She shook her head as if in denial or perhaps disappointment.

Jungkook now remembered a few conversations where that name had popped out, yet he focused once again in the main topic of their conversation. “Well, to answer your question. We are going to do one of my favorite things in the world,” he said.

Looking at him questioningly, she asked “And what is that exactly?”

He let a few seconds pass to create suspense before answering. “Bowling,” he said while rubbing his hands.

“Really?! I haven’t gone bowling in ages! This should be fun!” He couldn’t contain his smile at seeing how excited she was.

“I hope you use all that energy in the game. I like having a good competition,” he stated truthfully. When it came to bowling or any sport at all, he was the best player. At college, being the youngest in his generation and one of the most competitive students, earned him the nickname of ‘golden maknae’.  He wasn’t given that name for nothing.

“Well, you aren’t the only one,” she smirked. With that final remark, he opened the door as both made their way to the building. It was a building that offered many options for entertainment including karaoke rooms, an arcade center, and a bowling alley.

They took their time putting on the special shoes before starting the game. He offered her to start, but she rejected it by stating it was “his party,” so it was fair he made the first move. Without fear, he threw the ball and managed to knock 9 pins. It was a good start, yet he realized he was a bit rusty. In his second shot, he knocked the remaining pin. Clapping his hands in excitement, he went to sit on the available couch to appreciate his new points. Y/N stood up as soon as he sat down and without sparing him a glance went for her target. Once she made her shot, he moved forward trying to see how many pins she would strike. A strike. That was what it was. He stood up to see if his eyes saw clearly. She turned around with a triumphant smile as she made her way towards him.

“How?” his mouth whispered in disbelief.

“I told you, I’m a strong competitor,” she answered matter of factly. She was still smiling triumphantly as the points appeared on the screen. If he were against anyone else, he would make his mission to brush that smile off their faces, but he didn’t want to brush that smile off her face. His competitive self, however, wouldn’t spare her life. He didn’t mind her smile, but he wouldn’t let her clean the floor with his dignity.

The game went by with several bad shots from his part and really good shots from her side. At the second part of the game, however, he managed to turn the tables around. It took about 2 hours full of screams to end the game in a tie. Jungkook had to admit Y/N was a strong player. He had never seen her more focused, not even when he had seen her training. Being a competitive person, Jungkook felt somehow turned on by her competitive side. It intrigued him and made him want to be a better match for her passion.

The competition only increased with the result of their match, ending in both of them competing in every game at the arcade. For another 2 hours, they competed with no avail as both ended with another tie when they added their victories. It was reduced to one final option: karaoke competition. Jungkook couldn’t deny his nervousness at the task. He liked singing but not in front of people, even less if it was in front of the girl he liked. Entering the karaoke floor, they asked for a private room and waited to be guided in. The karaoke room seemed clean enough and ready to be used the moment they decided to start. Before starting the final battle, they decided to set rules in order to have clear results of who wins at the end. The karaoke app had a scoring system where every note they made was classified as Good, Perfect or Super perfect, and the song as a whole had a final score regarding its difficulty. In general, depending on which song they decided to sing and how well their performance of each note was, the winner would be decided. The most difficult part, though, seemed to be choosing who would go first. Both, he and Y/N, were stubborn enough to go first, knowing that the last competitor had some sort of leverage. Rock, paper, scissors defined the way to go. Jungkook kissed his fist once he won over Y/N’s choice of scissors. She had to go first. All the energy she had before seemed to vanish from her the moment she stood in front of the screen. She surveyed through the song choices until she found one she liked. He didn’t know what she had picked until her sweet voice sang the first line of the song. It was a slow song with a sweet piano as background. He tried to recognize the song, knowing he had heard it before but failing in his attempt as all his attention seemed to be absorbed by her presence. He could only focus on the stable notes leaving her mouth as she sang the song. She, on the other hand, was totally focused on the screen, not sparing him a glance out of embarrassment. When the song got a stronger beat, she seemed to relax a little, for she swayed her body to the rhythm. She turned around to face him, confident enough to do so. And then, he was blown away. “You’re my only one way…” she sang with force. He couldn’t take his eyes from her as she sang too enraptured in the song to actually see him. From the way she sang, he could tell the song had a special meaning to her as if the song itself represented a memory deep secured in her heart. He listened as he had never listened before, trying to figure out what this song meant for her. The song talked about love, a pure type of love. When the song reached the chorus, she closed her eyes and repeated the same word several times. Heaven. He now recognized the song as well as the feeling it evoked. He knew how a person could make you feel like you’re in heaven. Right now, he felt in heaven by just listening to her. He wanted to close his eyes and let his ears enjoy the music by themselves, but his eyes wouldn’t close. No, they were selfish. They wanted to see her as well as his ears could listen to her. Mesmerized, he watched her go over every note perfectly until the song came to an end. It’s just when the score appears on the screen that he manages to go back to reality. She blinks at him several times, waiting for his reaction, so he rushes to say something. “That- That was,” he tried to say. His mind wasn’t working thanks to his heart. “Awful?” she asked, already lowering her eyes to the ground. “No!” he said immediately. He tried once again. “That was amazing.” Amazing, though, wasn’t the word he was looking for. She went shy mode all over again as she smiled and made way for him to step in front of the screen. He was caught off guard by her performance, so he got nervous the moment he stood up. As soon as he saw the title of the song, he knew it was the chosen one. He picked the song to tell her how he felt for her, even if she didn’t get it. An acoustic version of 2U started playing and he started singing truthfully to the lyrics. He didn’t need to read the lyrics, so with the screen behind him, he sang to her, expressing all the feelings he had been hiding all along. He too closed his eyes at some point, getting too emotional to even look at her. When the song ended, he opened his eyes once again to see her looking at him in awe. He walked towards her and crouched down in front of her. Before she got the chance to say anything, he said with all the courage he could muster, “I meant every word I sang to you.” Her awe soon transformed into confusion, but the yearning in his eyes made her understand what he meant by that. She was speechless, he could tell. But as she searched his eyes, she opened her mouth to answer to his feelings. “Kook, I-” she paused. Without words, he knew what her answer would be. “You don’t have to say anything, it’s okay,” he said even if he didn’t mean it. He had been waiting for her answer even before he managed to ask her. She, however, did answer him. “I’m sorry, Kook,” she looked at her hands on her lap. He knew all too painfully what that meant. It was the most decent way to say she didn’t reciprocate his feelings, but that didn’t help to lessen the pain rejection created. He now felt speechless as well, so he was thankful, or perhaps more nervous when she continued. “I’m actually seeing someone else,” she fired the last bullet. It hurt, but he appreciated the honesty. He knew he had to say something, or at least that’s what he believed must be done. “Oh, I see…” he said, looking down at his feet, but looking once up to ask for something he already knew the answer for. “It’s Jimin, isn’t it?” He tried smiling to show her he didn’t mind, even if he did. He wasn’t going to be an asshole about her feelings just because they didn’t reciprocate his. She didn’t smile, though, when she nodded while looking down at her hands. She seemed ashamed, and he didn’t understand why. If she liked Jimin, she shouldn’t be ashamed to show her feelings for him in front of him. But perhaps, she wasn’t ashamed for Jimin but for him. He couldn’t stand her hiding from him, so he lifted her chin with two of his fingers to make her look at him. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m okay,” he lied, “We can still be friends.” Damn, how it hurt to say those words, but he had to. At last, she smiled faintly, nodding her head. He smiled too, a true smile from seeing her smiling before he almost lost his balance when she threw herself at him to hug him. “I don’t want to lose you, Kook,” she whispered, holding him tightly.

“You won’t,” he stroked her hair. A second passed by before he added, “but you definitely lost to me today,” he joked. She laughed at that, peeking over his shoulder to see his final score. “Damn!” she said, still laughing. He laughed with her still in his arms. He did win against her, but he didn’t win her at last.

The sun started to set, and you noticed Jin instructing everyone to arrange their things to leave. You, on the other hand, started “swimming” to pretend you didn’t hear Hobi’s calls for you to come out already. You needed for everyone to be ready before you left the sea to save all the time you could for the one-hour trip back. After hearing all seven of them calling your name, you decided it was time to leave. Walking towards your bag, you started looking down self-consciously at your legs. Yoongi and Jin seemed annoyed at your delay as they complained about you to taking so long. That was the first straw. You felt anger and sadness build at the pit of your stomach, right over your already painful cramps. Luckily, you brought a short to put over your bikini bottom and a towel to avoid dripping over Namjoon’s car seat. Namjoon didn’t seem to mind you being wet on his car, yet Jungkook demonstrated his annoyance at your wet leg making contact with his by sighing heavily and crossing it over his other one.  You didn’t notice at first, but his remark became the second straw to your bad mood increase, “Would you stop?” he said at last. Confused, you directed your attention at him, “Stop what?” At that, he rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed at what he considered was you playing dumb. “Stop dripping all over me,” he declared. You thought that was it, but it seemed he was really annoyed by it, “It’s not my problem you didn’t get time to dry. You should’ve thought about it before staying all day in the water.” Your eyes widen at his words. Jungkook and you usually bickered around, but this time you felt like he meant his words. He seemed really annoyed at you and your sensitivity was starting to kick in as you felt tears starting to form in your eyes. After his rant, he looked the other way, saving you from his next comment about you being overdramatizing. You muttered a sorry before looking out of the window, trying to avoid the other boys from curiously looking at your watering eyes.  At last, you closed your eyes, trying to fake being asleep.

That was until you heard Jin saying they should stop at the supermarket to buy ingredients for the dinner he was planning for the night.  You were already over your 30 minutes limit and you knew how long the boys took when shopping. You needed to stop them before the car reached the market. “Can’t we go after showering or something?” you tried. Jin looked over his shoulder from the front seat and smirked. “Why? Are you afraid a cute boy might see your disheveled appearance?” He was teasing you, but for you, it was yet another straw. Not everything is about boys! Goddamnit! This is a girl’s issue, PERIOD. Still, you tried to remain cool. “No, Jinnie. It’s just I feel uncomfortable and sticky from the saltwater,” you said as controlled as you could, but you couldn’t deny frustration was starting to take the best of you. Before Jin could say anything, Namjoon stated that they wouldn’t take long. Shit! How could you make them understand without actually saying the real cause of your hurry? Just as you were wondering what to say next, Namjoon turned left to enter the supermarket that coincidentally just appeared. Yet another straw. “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! I NEED TO GO HOME NOW!” you finally raised your voice. Namjoon hit the brakes at your shouting and after the sudden stop, everyone was looking at you, surprised at your outburst. “Please?” you added without realizing your eyes started watering once again.

No one said anything for a while, until Jimin broke up the silence, “Jagi, are you okay?” he asked, concern laced in his tone. You shook your head and simply repeated your pleading to please go home. No one said anything else as Namjoon excited the Market parking lot and actually increased his velocity towards his house. Once there, you didn’t wait to exit the car and shut yourself in the bathroom of your room. No one followed you, or at least you didn’t let them have the time to do so. You locked both your room’s and bathroom’s door to have all the privacy you now needed.  Stripping out of your bikini, you sighed at seeing it was stained. Before bathing, you let it sink a little bit in the lavatory. A shower was the fastest way to clean yourself, but you decided to have a bath instead to try calming your cramps. Bless Namjoon and his luxurious bathrooms with showers and baths. Not caring about the consequences, you decided to let yourself sink into the hot water and try to forget about your friends being annoyed at you.  You simply relaxed into the water until it cooled, and your fingers were all wrinkled. Exiting the bathtub, you started worrying again as if it was a safe space and once out, your problems would start pilling in front of you. You didn’t have tampons here either, but being prepared as you were, you always carried at least one pad in your bag for emergency. You looked for it and then dressed in comfy clothes to perhaps cuddle by yourself until the cramps would stop. You tried that for half an hour until your craving too started kicking in. You needed chocolate, and you need it now.

Even though you were trying to avoid confrontations with the boys, due to your bad mood, you decided your cravings needed to be satiated. Unlocking your bedroom door, you walked lazily towards the kitchen, having remembered there was chocolate ice cream in the freezer. You ignored the curious and anxious looks the boys were giving you from the living room as you reached the refrigerator. Yet as you were about to open the freezer door, Jimin intercepted you. “Y/N, we need to talk,” he said seriously. You didn’t care to register his tone, you just needed your fucking chocolate ice cream. “Not now, Jimin,” you warned him, pushing him enough to open the freezer door. He continued talking, though, while you registered there was no ice cream in sight. “I think we must talk this throu-”

“Where’s the ice cream?” you asked anxiously, totally ignoring Jimin’s words.

“Y/N could you please focus?” he tried once again. But you weren’t listening. In fact, you turned around to try to search where was the ice cream. Once your eyes landed on Taehyung, the last straw fell. He had the ice cream pint between his legs, totally discarded. Something took hold of you as you ran with heavy steps towards him. He flinched at your unexpected movements but straightened once he saw your focus was on the now empty ice cream pint. Your eyes started watering again at this cruel reality while Taehyung just blinked, taken off guard at your reaction. You were in shock. Too many emotions crashing at the same time. Frustration, pain, anger, sadness, and now disappointment. “You ate all the ice cream?” you muttered helplessly as your body started shaking and more tears started rolling down your cheeks. Taehyung snapped from his surprise at seeing you shaking so hard. “Hey Y-” he tried reaching out to comfort you, but you flinched away, making him stop midway. “You-ate-the-ice cream,” you repeated between sobs as you felt an increasing wave of cramps.

You were total chaos and you didn’t even register the boys’ reactions to your dramatic scene, for you had too many emotions and tears clouding your judgment and sight. Yet when a hand landed on your shoulder, you came back to earth a little. It was Jimin’s hand, and then, body that tried to comfort you from behind. You, however, felt frustrated and didn’t want human comfort. You wanted chocolate ice cream! So, springing from your feet, you tried regaining your eyesight again. Everyone was watching you anxiously, probably thinking you were crazy and dramatic and stupid.

Namjoon, who was reading a book moments before was now standing a few paces apart from you, trying to reach you cautiously. “Y/N it’s okay,” he started, yet you shook your head. “There’s no more chocolate ice cream,” more tears clouded your vision once again, so you couldn’t see the boys once again.

“We can buy some more,” Jin added, trying to help Namjoon at calming you. But you were having none of it. That wasn’t it. It wasn’t about the ice cream. That was just the final straw. But you knew it had to deal with you feeling misunderstood.  They clearly didn’t understand how it felt to have cramps kicking at your abdomen or having different emotions within you crashing at the same time. They didn’t understand how it felt to be a girl and having to deal with the period. They didn’t understand how exhausting it was for you to try to cover something so natural for fear of seeming disgusting.

Finally, you snapped. “IT’S NOT ABOUT THE ICE CREAM, OKAY?! YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND!” you screamed.

Taehyung didn’t seem to register your frustration as he overlooked it as a tantrum, “If it’s not about the ice cream then why were you bugging me about eating it?”

“BECAUSE I NEEDED THAT ICE CREAM! JUST AS MUCH AS I NEEDED TO COME HOME! AND JUST AS MUCH I NEEDED TO STAY IN THE SEA UNTIL WE HAD TO LEAVE!”  you were hysterical now, too worked up to control your volume.

“Stop screaming, will you?!” Yoongi raised his voice as he stood up from the sofa he was napping at. “This is way too dramatic for some ice cream,” he shook his head, exasperated at the whole situation.

Before you could say anything else, though, Jungkook looked like he got the courage to speak up after his hyung’s words. “Yes, Y/N. Why are you acting like such a bitch today? You didn’t even let Jimin speak to you.”

“Jungkook!” Jin and Jimin said in unison at the harsh term used by the maknae.

Wow, that hurt. All your emotions suddenly stopped their chaotic flow and you felt static for once today like a splash of water-cooled everything within you. You didn’t care anymore what they thought about you, so blinking twice and nodding once you uttered the last words of the conversation. “Why, you ask? Because I’m on my period, okay?” you exhaled, tired of everything. “So, sorry for feeling like shit and acting like such a bitch. But like I said before you wouldn’t understand, would you?”

You only managed to see Jungkook’s eyes widening at the realization of your behavior before turning on your heels towards your room. You closed and locked the door before lying on the bed in a fetal position.

Not 5 minutes passed by when you heard a small knock on your door. “Y/N, its Jimin,” he said in a timid voice. You didn’t answer, though, you needed some space right now. After some silence, he tried again, “Are you asleep?” You didn’t answer again. You needed to cool down before facing them again. Too many emotions and pain for one day. You heard Jimin’s feet retreating from the door and you kind of felt bad for shutting him away. He was always so kind and understanding, but right now you didn’t want to talk nor think. Just sleep and try to lessen the pain.

              You woke up two hours later, 8 pm, time for dinner. Your stomach growled, but you felt too awkward to face the boys yet. You weren’t angry anymore, just drained, so you decided on staying a little longer in your room. At some point, you stood up to unlock the door when another knock echoed through the walls of your room. Thinking it was Jimin again, you opened the door slightly before retreating once again to the bed. However, it wasn’t Jimin the one entering your room with hooded eyes. It was Jungkook who advanced just enough to be inside your room but stopped at a safe distance from you.

“Jungkook,” you exhaled. You still felt hurt about him calling you a bitch. It isn’t as if he hadn’t called you like that before, but in the past, he had said it playfully, such as when you beat him in Mario Kart. Yet today, he sounded like he meant it. And you wondered if he was that annoyed by you to actually believe you were a bitch.

“Y/N, I am so sorry,” he was looking at his feet, probably avoiding your eyes for fear of rejection to his apology. “I shouldn’t have been that mean to you today, and I shouldn’t have called you like that. You didn’t deserve it,” he paused, “You don’t deserve it,” he corrected himself.

You nodded to yourself, hearing the sincerity in his words. “It’s okay, Jungkook. I was really dramatic today, and I shouldn’t have acted like that either. I’m sorry too.”

Jungkook raised his eyes to look at you before shaking his head continuously, “No, you shouldn’t be sorry. Sometimes we- I forget that you’re a girl and that-” he seemed lost as to what to say next, so you interrupted him.

“Wow thanks,” you joked, “I guess I have to improve my girly behavior then,” you laughed naturally. You didn’t mind his comment, but he didn’t seem to understand your joking.

“No, I mean, you do look like a girl, and act like one, and smell like one,” he rambled nervously, “but we sometimes forget that our bodies are different and the such,” he looked utterly embarrassed which you found rather endearing.

Teasing him wouldn’t hurt anyone, right. “Ohhh, so I guess that’s why you were repelling me today in the car at all costs,” you muttered loud enough for him to hear.

“I- I wasn’t. That was just- just the hot-” he stopped mid rambling as a blush started to creep over his face.

“What? Was I too hot for you?” you continued your teasing. At last, his face snapped to look at you directly in the eyes.

He tried to read you before justifying himself, “I didn’t mean-” When you laughed though, his embarrassment was soon replaced by challenging eyes. “Well, yeah, I found you too hot and I couldn’t stand it anymore.”

The embarrassed one now was you, not Jungkook. You were surprised at the confidence with which he said it. Some part of you even believed he meant it. You stayed there, blinking and processing until he started walking towards you and ducked his body to be on eye level with you.

“Now who’s the surprised one, huh?” a smirk found a place in his lips as well, but with Jungkook you couldn’t lose. So, you closed the space between you two until your lips crashed in his. It was a short kiss and after you disconnected, you were the one smirking and Jungkook the one shocked.

Before he could say anything though, Taehyung came barging into the room with the biggest pit of chocolate ice cream you have ever seen. “Y/N, you are awake!” he screamed loud enough to alert the whole house of your consciousness. He threw himself in the bed beside you before offering you the ice cream and a spoon. “We bought you some ice cream!” he stated the obvious. You took it with a smile before patting his head at how cute he looked.

“Thanks, I could really do with some chocolate ice cream,” you commented while opening the pit to start digging in. While you were scooping the first spoonful of ice cream, you looked over to Jungkook to see him as his normal self again. Taehyung caught your attention once again though.

“I’m really sorry I ate all the ice cream, Y/N … But let me compensate you,” he started jumping on the mattress while on his knees. At that, you raised your eyebrow questioningly, not able to speak with your mouth full, so Taehyung continued. “We were researching, and we read some ways in which we could help you feel better!”

You swallowed the ice cream and wondered out loud, “researched?” A laugh escaped you at how serious that term sounded with regards to menstruation.

Taehyung dismissed your laugh as he nodded seriously. “Yeah, you told us we didn’t understand, so after you left, Namjoon incited us to try to understand and help you,” he smiled warmly at you. And you returned the smile.

“So, what did you find out?” you asked, actually curious of ways to lessen your throbbing abdomen.

As if on cue, Jimin, followed by Namjoon, Jin, Hoseok, and Yoongi came to the room with all types of treats in hand. From chocolates to Doritos, they brought everything that could cause pimples.

You couldn’t help the excitement you felt at all the things you would be able to eat. “OMGGGGGG!!!! You didn’t buy me all this!” You looked at them, truly grateful at their concern for you.

Jimin approached the bed next. “We are really sorry, Jagi. We should’ve known,” he said, regretfully. He then offered you a bag, and after you peaked in, you noticed all the different brands and sizes of tampons and pads. They even bough you Dorival. You laughed out of embarrassment and wondered how awkward it must have been for them to buy all these.

You felt regretful as well as how you treated them due to your personal situation. “No, boys. I’m the one that should be sorry. I screamed at you and it wasn’t called for. My bad mood got the best of me and it shouldn’t have,” you looked at each of them, truly sorry at your past behavior.

Jin was the next in line to talk, “It’s no one’s fault okay? If any one’s blame it on hormones,” he smiled kindly at you and you smiled as well, nodding.

Hoseok clapped his hands together to call the attention of the room to himself, “Well now that it’s settled…what about we spend all these delicious treats while watching some chick flicks?”

You heard Yoongi and Namjoon groan internally but you simply clapped your hands in excitement, “YAY! CHICK FLICKS!”

Since there was a TV in your room, you decided to stay there and watch movies until one by one, each called it a night and went to their rooms. All… except for Jungkook. He was lying beside you in bed and you concluded he must have fallen asleep, so you turned off the TV and went to sleep as well. This had happened before, so you didn’t think much about it until you were on your side in bed and felt a pair of hands attempting to hold you from behind. You would expect Taehyung to cuddle with you, but Jungkook has never been so intimate before.

The room remained silent until Jungkook broke the silence, “This is another method,” he mumbled.

You didn’t understand what he meant by that, so you asked for a further explanation, “Method?”

He moved further into your back until you felt his whole body pressed behind you. “For the cramps,” he said lower than before. You stifled a laugh at how fake it sounded but decided not to fight with him about it.

“Ohhh…I see,” you cuddled more into him, trying to get more comfortable. “I’m feeling better already,” you added.

He laughed lightly at that and said, “Me too,” a pause and then, “You are warm.” You felt his nose nuzzling into your hair, sending a shiver down your spine at the unknown sensation.

“You said I was hot though,” you said, “Why sugar coating it?” You tried looking at him over your shoulder but when you couldn’t face him, you returned to your previous position.

He sighed near your ear, sending more shivers down your body. “You were hot back then, but now you are warm…and cute,” he admitted with a shy laugh.

You felt your cheeks getting hotter and wondered if he was still teasing you. “You are cute too, Jungkook,” you said, not finding the right words to say.

Silently, he started moving his hands over your abdomen in circles, probably trying to ease your pain.  After a few minutes in which you almost fell asleep, he added in a serious tone, “Do you mean it?”

You pondered the question and knew what it meant to him…and to you.  He was asking beyond the literal meaning of your words, and you knew this was the right time to finally admit your feelings for him. You two had shared a strange relationship all along, and after 2 years of bugging each other, you discovered why it felt different from others. You liked him. Not as a friend but as a man. That’s why it had hurt you so much hearing him call you a bitch… and that’s why you had kissed him. Not only to dare him but to let him know how you really felt about him without using actual words.

With Jungkook’s soothing hands and body heat, you started feeling sleep take over you, so you let a simple statement leave your lips, “Yes, Jungkook,” you said slowly, “You are both hot and cute in my eyes as well.”

“Good morning, love,” the boy whispered so low that it was hard for you to listen, considering how his voice was muffled- probably by your hair. The pet name caught you off guard since it sounded sweet yet way too personal coming from a stranger. You had no words to answer that; he left you speechless with one word. Still like a stone, you hugged yourself as you tried to get some sense of this awkward situation. “Babe?” the boy tried calling your attention once again, “are you faking being asleep?” You don’t know how, but you could sense the smirk that accompanied that question. Apprehensively, you remained silent to see what his next move would be. After shutting your eyes, you felt his hands withdraw from you slowly- perhaps this was your chance to escape? As you considered this, he had you flipped over so that your back was against the mattress. You let out a screech from the surprise of his sudden move. So now both of you were well aware of your consciousness. “Come on, baby!” the boy whined- you had to admit it was sort of cute- “I wanna see your beautiful eyes, pleaseeeee.”

You could feel the corner of your lip moving upwards despite yourself, but you tried to suppress it as fast as you could. “I saw that,” the boy pointed out as a child, “stop pretending to be asleep or else…” he threatened but didn’t finish the sentence. You were nervous at this inquiry, but you were more scared to open your eyes to this distorted reality. The bed shifted and the bed sheets were pulled as the boy seemed to be moving towards the foot of the bed. You relaxed, thinking he would leave, yet when you felt the boy’s respiration near your thighs, you panicked. Sitting up in one go, you tried to stop him from the possible outcome of his intentions, but it was too late. Wet lips pressed one, two, uncountable times as they made their way up through your thighs. You were speechless as the feeling of his lips in your body revived a familiar memory you couldn’t quite place. A memory you couldn’t decipher yet. You couldn’t think straight, and the boy was moving way deeper into your core, making it even harder to think at all. You wanted him to stop, but your lips were sealed by desire. When his fingers found way to your shorts, however, you were allowed a gap of time to let rationality take over.

“Please,” was the first word you could muster out. As you thought of what to say further, the boy stripped you out of your shorts in one go. It seemed he misunderstood your pleading. “STOP!” you screamed. The panic took over your wants.

The boy’s head shut up at your scream, yet you still couldn’t see his face due to the sheets covering him completely. He moved sideways to get out from under the covers and away from your body. When the sheets revealed what was under them, your eyes widened at the beauty of the boy sitting in front of you. If a word could describe him, it would be ethereal. Yet the frown now prominent on this boy’s face was a contrast to his beauty.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he searched for an answer in your eyes, “did I hurt you?” Now, he seemed concerned for your wellbeing. You shook your head at that, wanting nothing more that for his frown to disappear. Thankfully, his expression changed, but it was not better than the last one since he was looking at you expectantly. Yet, you didn’t have an answer- if anything you had a lot of questions.

“Wh- Who are you?” you asked the first thing that came into your mind. Being that impulsive proved to be the wrong thing to do, for it seemed the question hurt the boy.

He blinked several times in confusion before a big smile took over his expression. “Stop joking around, love. You almost scared me,” he laughed once as if to wait for you to tell him everything was a simple act and you knew who he was.

As you looked at him in silence, you could see his smile reducing slowly until it became a stoic thin line. “I- I don’t remember,” you started, yet nothing else came out of you for a few minutes.

The boy considered this a few seconds before expressing his thoughts. “I don’t understand,” he shook his head as he looked at his hands. “It’s not like this was a one-night stand or something… We- You have been my girlfriend for five years now,” he looked up at you as if that would make you remember- or above all, understand. At your loss of words, he tried to convince you further of this reality. “We have lived together for two years,” he threw this fact as if piece by piece he could complete the puzzle of your life-or of what it used to be. He looked at you quizzically, probably waiting for a reaction. The optimism laced in his eyes made it even harder for you to be honest.

Inhaling deeply, you tried to express what was going on in your head. “I don’t know what’s happening… I just woke up and I can’t even remember my name,” you said at last. The frustration from not knowing anything made you want to cry, to scream, to disappear. The boy was clearly taken aback. He probably didn’t believe you ‘cause who would believe something so crazy, right?

You searched for his eyes, waiting for any response. He seemed to sense your frustration and changed his expression from confused to calm, probably trying to be comprehensive. “I don’t want to overwhelm you, so what about we try to figure this out slowly?” he asked in a soft voice as he extended his hand for you to take. Looking up at his eyes and then down at his hand, you realized that even though you didn’t know him, you trusted him. So, you took his hand.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

It’s been two months since the day you woke up next to a stranger, and it finally started to feel like he wasn’t a stranger anymore. He was kind, comprehensive and loving, and you were starting to fear never been as loving as him- or even worse, never deserving his love. He was human too, so he was probably starting to get frustrated at your inability to remember. Afterall, it seemed there was no scientific cause for your amnesia. The doctors that have been seeing you for these past weeks found themselves with an unexplainable case. Last week, Taehyung got sick of it and told you it was better not to go anymore, for it was clear everyone treated you like a gynae pig with their thirst for answers. Yet, the one who wanted answers the most was you.

It was exhausting, really, living as the memory of someone who doesn’t exist anymore. You wanted to correspond Taehyung, but you were empty. Not only of memories but of feelings as well. The past weeks, you have seen the way Taehyung lost part of his light whenever he attempted a new way for you to remember something -anything- and was faced with disappointment after disappointment. No one likes to feel like a disappointment.

That’s the reason that you decided to leave. Your decision was made after having your first “fight” with Taehyung last night.

“Kim Taehyung!” you had exclaimed that night after you finally grasped his full name.

Taehyung stopped cleaning the table at that, and even though his back was facing you, you could see the tension growing in his shoulders. It took him a moment to face you. Yet, you didn’t expect his reaction. He seemed to be scared at first but then, all of a sudden, he was putting a puppy face façade. It was odd really, it was like he wanted mercy for his wrongdoings.

“What did I do this time?” he asked with a small voice and a sheepish grin. You were confused at his behavior, yet you answered him. “No- nothing. I just got your name.” you explained casually.

You swear that the way his face fell made your heart break- but perhaps it was his heart the one breaking right there. His hurt soon transformed into frustration which has been constantly fueled by nostalgia for weeks. His expression, though, didn’t prepare you for his outburst.

“I’m Kim Taehyung when you’re mad at me!” he almost screamed, “‘Taehyung’ is when you want me to do something for you,” his tone lowered. “You used to call me Tae tae when you wanted me to cuddle with you,” he paused for a second as if the last part was unbearable to say, “…and I was Tae when you wanted to tell me you loved me.” His voice broke at last just as his bottled feelings were finally free.

A knot constricted your throat, making it impossible for you to speak without crying- not for you, but for him, for his pain…for your fault. Tears streamed down his cheeks and in that moment, you decided you never wanted to see this boy cry for you again. “I’m sorry” was the only thing that you managed to say before you ran towards the door.

You heard him screaming your name while he followed you, but you managed to lose him after a few blocks. Now, in your loneliness, you walked with no direction. You walked away from the memories of your past and from the boy who loves you.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

You woke up to coldness.  A lingering memory clouded your thoughts. A memory of two arms holding you close, providing warmth and protection… and love. It’s been a week of cold nights and empty days. Just wandering around life with no past, no purpose, and no love. The coldness you feel only increases when tears escape your eyes. Tears for a boy you thought you didn’t know but who now you missed. Even if you wanted to go back, you couldn’t remember his address and that simple thought killed you each day that passed. You didn’t care to be selfish now, you grew to understand that sometimes you needed to be selfish, even more if you need that person as much as that person needs you. That’s why you stared wandering through the streets, all in a desperate attempt to find Taehyung. You seemed like a crazy girl, asking every pedestrian if they knew a certain Taehyung. No one knew or cared, and you started to wonder if you would ever see him again.

You stared at the sunset while you contemplated a plan of action to find Taehyung. As you did, you let his name slip out of your lips as if saying it out loud would work as a spell to bring the boy back to you.

“Taehyung, where are you?”

 “I’m here,” someone said behind you. You recognized that voice right away, so you turned to confirm your suspicion. He was breathing hard as if he had run a marathon.

Mouth agape, you tried to form some words. “How?” was the only thing that came to your mind.

He seemed to understand what you were asking. “You- you asked me to,” he answered simply as he regained his breath.

“W-what?” You didn’t understand his answer. You hadn’t told him about your location- or anything for that matter- in days.

“You wanted me to find you, didn’t you?” he asked, clearly sure of his statement. He now regained his posture and started walking slowly towards you.  

You looked into his eyes for answers to his puzzle of words, but as you didn’t find them, Taehyung explained further after he noticed your confusion. “You called me Taehyung, so you wanted me to do something for you, didn’t you?” He seemed to be implying something and after a minute of consideration, you got it.  He was alluding at your last conversation. He was telling you he came because you had called him the way you used to do when you needed him.

You couldn’t deny that it warmed your heart how he remembered every single detail even if you didn’t remember anything -not even him- at all. You have made amends with what you got and decided it was worth trying. “Taehyung,” you started, causing him to look at you expectantly, “I can’t promise you I will remember everything we’ve lived through, or the little things we used to share, or even the different ways I used to call you,” you pause to read his expression. He’s searching your eyes for a chance, he’s looking for hope. “But, I can promise you to try to recover what we had. And even if most of it is in the past, I can picture a future…with you,” you finished without realizing what you just said. Emotion got control over your words. Before you got time to process everything, Taehyung’s body crashed with yours.

There it was. The warmth you have growth so desperate to get. Everything felt so right now. He felt right, and even though you couldn’t explain it, your body reacted to his instinctively. You parted from him after what it felt like hours. Your heart was full of things to say, but one was prominent amongst all. “I want to get to call you ‘Tae’ once again,” you said sincerely as you looked into his tear- filled eyes.

The sun’s light was disappearing, but a new light started to shine when the biggest smile you’ve ever seen appeared on Taehyung’s face. A smile that soon was eclipsed when his lips crashed with yours in a tender but warm kiss.

 That kiss was foreshadowing how I felt every day of my life waking up to you, Tae.

  - With love, Y/N

You wouldn’t know, for your thoughts were interrupted by the starting of the egg hunt. You would have thought running with Namjoon would be difficult, but you two managed it pretty well. It was an excellent team work, you two had. In the end, you managed to get more eggs than the other teams, and both of you couldn’t be happier. Everyone was pissed at you for earning almost all the chocolate, especially Taehyung, who only got one to share with his partner, Jungkook. With Namjoon’s approval, you gave Tae an egg to stop his whining, but he even had the audacity to ask you to unwrap it.  Without much thinking, you did. But as you were giving it to him, Taehyung ate it slowly out from your hand with a seductive stare thrown your way. You had to admit that took you off guard, so you simply remained looking at him while you figured out what happened. Tae winked your way before leaving to help the others in the kitchen, as was part of penalty for the losing teams. But after that, you didn’t have the courage to look at Namjoon, so you simply acted as if nothing had happened and sat on the couch to “count” the collected eggs. Namjoon seemed to have followed you to sit beside you, but he didn’t simply do that. He sat across the couch, placing his head on your lap.

“You aren’t thinking of taking all the eggs, are you?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. Frozen by his sudden move, you remained with your arms securely up in the air.

“N-no. I would never,” you tried to even your voice. He was looking up at you, and you had to admit you couldn’t stand it. You were so used to you being the one looking up at him that this was an unfamiliar sensation.

“Then what about,” he looked towards the chocolate eggs sprawled in the tea table before looking up at you again “you give me one.” He smiled as he said the last part. The fucker! If he only knew what that smile could do to you.

Not trusting your voice, you nodded before leaning forward to take one egg from the table. You were stupid, and you knew it the moment you felt your boobs making contact with what you assumed was Namjoon’s face. Immediately, you retreated and with a full blushed face, you apologized to Namjoon. He seemed speechless, but soon coughed to try to get some words out.

“Umm. Don’t worry… it was nothing,” at that you gained courage to look him in the eye, and he seemed embarrassed as he rambled further “Not that you have nothing…. you do. I- I just meant that it’s- it’s okay,” he closed his eyes out of embarrassment at what he just said, and you couldn’t help but laugh. At the awkwardness of the situation and at how adorable this boy looked right now. He reopened his eyes and laughed as well, and there it was once again. Your downfall. His crinkled eyes and his dimple smile. Your left hand, that was frozen moments ago descended slowly on its own. Your index finger poked his right dimple until it suddenly disappeared. That’s when you came back to reality and realized that Namjoon was looking at you questioningly. Zooned out as you were, it took you a moment to realize how weird you must have looked, so you tried to explain.

“I’m sorry… It’s just that I really really like… your dimples,” you went with half of the truth.

“Ohh really?” he asked, letting out an embarrassed laugh at your compliment. You nodded once in shyness at your sudden confession. It was silent for a few seconds as he seemed to be considering something. This time it was his hand that moved on its own, and his thumb that rubbed your lower lip. You blinked, feeling utterly paralyzed. Why is he touching your lips? Was there chocolate on them? How humiliating!  When he didn’t take his thumb off your lips, you decided to ask, even if it killed you.

“I have chocolate, don’t I?” you said as you raised your hand to your lips just as he removed his.

He shook his head, never breaking the eye contact. Confused, you raised your eyebrows as if to ask him silently what was it. Searching your eyes and taking a shaky breath, he answered. “Sorry… It’s just I really- really like your lips,” he let out at last.

“Suspicious atmosphere?” Jin questioned with a laugh as he turned to look at you.

“Yeah,” you nodded, looking between both of them.

“There’s nothing as a ‘suspicious atmosphere’, come sit here,” Jin brushed it off by patting the space beside him on the couch. Rolling your eyes and pouting, you sat beside him defeated.

“Don’t pout, Y/N. It’ll only form wrinkles,” Jin added with a mocking expression.

Sighing, you let the matter go and asked them how you were going to spend the night. It seemed that playing board games would be the main entertainment of the night. Netflix and chill was overrated, besides, you all had different tastes for tv shows, so it seemed playing was the answer to your boredom. Unanimously, you decided on playing Risk which was one of your favorite games. Each one of you had their countries assigned and soon enough the blood shed began. Namjoon, being the diplomatic he was, made strategic and well-planned moves while Jin and you found yourselves fighting each other with a thirst for blood. Each turn, you attacked Jin and Jin attacked you as well in return, getting to the point where Namjoon had already conquered a whole continent while you were at it. While Namjoon had Europe in his power, you were two countries away from getting Asia. On the other hand, Jin seemed to have the plan of getting Namjoon’s troops out of North America. At one point of the game you got a text message. With delicacy, you checked it to see it was Jin asking for a secret alliance against Namjoon. He stated how you two didn’t have a chance against him on your own, so it was better to unify forces. A devilish grin tried to make way on your face, but you hid it while taking a sip of your water. You agreed to Jin’s terms yet with another plan of your own in mind. At some point in the game, Jin asked you to make a final blow on Namjoon by attacking his territory in Central America in order for him to open his way upwards and finally get to North America. With expectant eyes and a devilish grin, Jin said, “Now, Y/N!”

Namjoon looked between the both of you, seemingly unaware of your treacherous plan, yet you knew it was all acting. Before you got Jin’s text, Namjoon and you had already stablished an alliance, so he was well informed of Jin’s intentions. With a grin on your face, you attacked Jin and won over his only territory in America. “What are you doing?!” Jin screamed, panicked. Both Joon and you started laughing to the point where you had to hold your stomachs in pain. Jin seemed bewildered and looked at you with a look of betrayal on his face. If you two were in a different situation you would feel bad, but games are games, and you were a competitive player. You merely shrugged and stated that Namjoon was your secret ally all along to which Jin’s expression changed from hurt to angry. You knew what was coming. He would try to destroy you with all he had. One hour and several battles later, Jin managed to conquer Oceania, yet having lost most of his territories elsewhere, he was trapped in that continent. His only country besides those of Oceania was Madagascar, but soon enough Namjoon and you managed to destroy his army there. You had to admit you felt bad for Jin. He looked as if he was going to cry, being all by himself in Oceania completely trapped by you, or in this case by Siam (Thailand). You weren’t strong enough to bring the final blow on your friend, so you stated that you were bored and that you should all do something else. Namjoon seemed disappointed since he was leading on the game, but he agreed at last when you looked over at Jin, who had a pitiful expression.

 It was already 11 pm so not wanting to engage in yet another long game and being famished from the constant hours without food, you decided to cook something. Jin still seemed to be “mad” by your previous treacherous actions as he cooked in silence. You communicated in silence with Namjoon to see what you could do to make him forgive you. Namjoon simply shrugged, leaving you with no other options. Jin knew well you weren’t a hug person, and that most skinship seemed hard for you to initiate, so you approached him from behind and hugged him. You felt him stiffen and the vibrations of his voice as he said, “Namjoon, don’t hug me while I’m cooking.” At that, you buried your face in his back to stifle a laugh that was making its way from your throat. Namjoon replied from his place in the living room “Why would I hug you?” Jin seemed to register it was your body pressed against his and not Namjoon’s as he looked over his shoulder to see you there. You looked at him with puppy eyes, and silently asked “Are you mad at me?” He looked like he wanted to say ‘yes’ but the smile that formed in his face said otherwise. “How can I be mad at you when you’re looking at me with those eyes?” he asked rhetorically. Comically, you fluttered you lashes to which he scoffed. “You know you love me,” you said confidently. “Yeah, I surely do because how else could I forgive your betrayal?” he shook his head. “With a hug?” you asked shrugging. He nodded yet added “ANDDDD helping me cook.”

“Sure, besides, you are my guests,” you disconnected from Jin and waited beside him for instructions.

* - * - * - * - *

You knew you were avoiding your problems or in other words, Jimin. Jin had told you to stay away from him, but a part of you knew that it wouldn’t solve anything. It could only make it worse. You thought of the possible outcomes, and the worst one would be if Jimin recognized you, which could happen if you stopped all contact with him without any reasonable explanation. That’s why before your friends woke up, you took out your phone and wrote a reply to the most dreaded contact on your phone. Yeah, you wrote even though you knew it was a lie. The best part of you was screaming not to do this, but since the day you learned the truth about Jimin, that part was shut down by your worst part. With emotionless eyes, you added, Just a minor incident. It was rather early, so you didn’t wait for a reply, and blocked your phone again. You knew you wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore, so you sat by yourself on the couch and looked at your friends. Knowing they wouldn’t wake up in a long time, you made your way to the kitchen to have something to eat. The day before you all ate most of the things that Namjoon and Jin brought, so you looked for left overs. You served yourself a piece of cake and started munching on it. Since you didn’t have your phone at hand, you found yourself thinking. Or was it planning? You had to figure out what to do with the knowledge you now had.

If you were being honest, you had already thought of many things to do, but one thing seemed to be more attractive than the others. While eating cake, you contemplated this plan and the consequences it might bring, yet you seemed to be focusing your attention on the positive ones rather than the negative ones. Just like the day before, you wanted to play a game but one that you were going to win no matter what. The night before you learned from Namjoon that strategy was a safe path to take in order to win. So, step by step, you started designing your strategy. You had your target in mind, yet you didn’t seem to figure out your plan of attack. Once again, the events of the previous night inspired you. Betrayal. That seemed to be the perfect weapon to weaken your opponent, yet it was a weapon that could only work if used on previous allies. Just as the saying “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” you had to design your plan. You now had figured out your opponent, weapon, and first blow to make. Now you had to figure out your biggest objective. As you considered several options to do this, your eyes caught at the decoration of the cake frosting. Beautiful colorful small hearts covered the cake’s impeccable frosting, and it seemed that as you took a spoonful of cake, one heart broke in half. It seemed you found your main objective. You didn’t know if it was the cake or your plan, but it tasted rather sweet. In concordance to the game, you had all figured out, yet this time you didn’t have any ally or didn’t want to involve any at least. This had to be your own wrongdoing that would eventually be your closure. Taking into consideration everything you learned the previous night, you now would start playing. However, this time the person doomed to lose would not forgive you.

* - * - * - * - *

The day went by rather smoothly as all of you arrived at your respective classes. Jin and Namjoon basically had to go to the other end of the university to take their classes, so you three separated ways after you arrived on campus. Just as you thought they had left, you turned around and started walking. However, a hand stopped you from walking further. You looked up surprised and found Jin staring at you with a totally different expression from before. “What is it? Did you forget something?” you asked, wondering if Jin left something at your house. “Yeah, to ask you if you are okay?” he said searching your eyes for something. You knew you weren’t okay. The wound in your heart you thought was healed was now re-opened. It was a waste of time trying to lie to Jin, so you said your truth “No…but I figured I’m going to be.” Jin looked quizzically at you, and just when he was about to ask what you meant by that, you looked at your watch and told him you had to go. He wasn’t satisfied by your evasion but seemed to understand, so he let you go. Waving at him, you made your way to your boring class.

You managed to make it on time, yet there weren’t enough spaces, so you had to seat at the back instead of sitting on your regular spot at the front. Considering all the things you had in mind plus being on the back, you knew today wouldn’t be a productive day. To prepare for the lecture, you took out your notes and pen, and just as you were doing so, a boy asked you if the seat beside you was taken. You were so focused on getting your supplies that you didn’t even look up as you answered him no. He seemed to have heard it as he sat down and did the same as you. Only when you sat up and looked straight to the board did he see you.

“Y/N, is it?” You looked beside you to find no other than Kim Taehyung. Immediately your heart constricted, but you knew that the show must go on. So, faking the most shinning smile, you greeted him, “Taehyung, right?”

He nodded while a simple yeah left his lips. “I didn’t know you were in my class,” you said truthfully. What were the odds, right? Not only did you had to meet them at the gym but at school too? Life was probably laughing at you and at your bad luck. But, perhaps you were looking it at the wrong angle, perhaps it was karma helping you out to give back what you received. Perhaps it was karma giving you your chance to finally find closure.

“Oh, me neither,” he said with a smile from the surprise of being classmates all this time without knowing it.

“How come we hadn’t seen each other?” you asked really curious.

“I don’t know,” he pondered the question, “I usually sit in this spot, so I guess it has to do with you sitting in the back?” he shrugged.

It made sense to you. You usually sat at the front and didn’t take your time to analyze your surroundings, so you probably never noticed his presence. “Yeah, makes sense, I usually sit at the front,” you pointed towards the first row.  

An O formed his lips as he nodded in understanding. He was about to tell you something else but stopped when your phone screen lit up. You followed his stare and saw a new text notification from no other than Jimin. Trying to maintain a neutral expression, you looked at Taehyung once again to find him focused on his own phone with a smirk on his face. If he wanted to be discrete at all, it wasn’t working. He was probably talking to the same person that sent your text. Knowing really well that you had to answer Jimin in order not to arise suspicion with his best friend, you opened the message.

I’m glad to hear that. I was really worried something bad might have happened to you. With a poker face you thought that something bad did happen; you were reencountered once again with the devils of your own personal hell. Instead of writing your thoughts, you wrote:

Oh no. I’m okay, really. How are you, tho? I didn’t get to explain anything to you.

He seemed to be online, for he answered right away. If I’m being honest, I’m a little nervous. Nervous? If only he knew how you were feeling right now. Your nervousness only grew with his text.

Why? You typed, apprehensively.

A few seconds and his reply made way to your phone. Cause I wanted to ask you on a date, the text read. Even though you knew his real identity, you couldn’t help the butterflies that fluttered in your stomach. You felt stupid for feeling this way, really. You had to learn to set your mind on your objective and don’t falter along the way. Games are games, right? And as you proved the previous night, you were a competitive player.

And why would you be nervous because of that? You asked with a flirty tone in mind.

Because it feels like the first time… Oh, if only he knew that it would indeed be like a first time. Everything again but with a different version of you. Everything with a plan in which he was another player yet being unaware of it.

I feel the same way. And you did. It would be a first to you, playing the game of karma. Giving people what they deserved. Making them feel the pain they once created.

You blocked your phone once the professor entered the classroom as you didn’t want to seem rude and focused on the rest of the class. You did that as you tried not to think on the boy next to you and especially not on the one texting you.  

* - * - * - * 

Class finished rather boringly, and the sleeping boy next to you was the proof.  As silently as possible, you exited the class in a hurry, wanting to avoid any other contact with Taehyung. If you were honest with yourself, you didn’t know how to act in front of him yet. Everything was still so fresh that being in contact with the two boys in one day seemed emotionally exhausting. That’s why you managed to convince Jimin to have a date in a few days by giving him excuses of nearby projects you had to deliver. You had to buy some time to plan everything out and to let your mind take control over your heart. That’s why you refused your friends’ invitations as well by using the same excuse, even though it had some truth to it; you had tons of work to do. Once you were back home, you threw your stuff on the couch and went straight to grab something to eat. Being a multitasker, you used your eating time to think how to approach the situation in the best way possible. First, you thought of the enemy, Jimin. No matter what, he couldn’t have any suspicion of you, so you had to act as normal as possible. You couldn’t keep avoiding him anymore, so these days were fundamental for you to figure out how to keep your shit together. Being able to answer to his texts indicated you were able to fake it, but to what degree? To convince him, you had to be as real as your past self, but how could you act as before knowing what you knew? You would have to figure out your new character before you started to contact him again. Just as you managed to trick Jin into believing he was your ally, you could manage to trick Jimin into believing you liked him, right? Everything is a game after all. For Jimin, your whole life was a game in which he had omniscient control, and now it was time for the roles to change. Now, you would play his part just as well as he did in the past, but you would play it with in a different way. You wouldn’t be as coward as him, who used an entire army to hurt you; you would be a single kamikaze in this mission. Knowing really well the risks of this path, it would be stupid not to know that in the end you would lose something as well. However, no risk would stop you from playing this game. Since the moment you heart faced the truth and you brain twitched with ideas, you knew there was no one who would stop you.

Changing your trail of thought, you tried recognizing alliances. Thinking in your opponent, you recognized one ally for Jimin, Kim Taehyung. Just as you had to approach Jimin, you had to approach his allies. You didn’t want to harm more people than necessary, but if they represented a means to an end, you would seize any opportunity you had at hand.  Now you saw an advantage in having Taehyung as a classmate. The friends of my friends are my friends, right? It could earn you some credibility if ever needed. You made a mental note at this. Later on, you would figure out how to approach Taehyung in the best way possible.

On the other hand, you had already told yourself you wouldn’t have allies, as this was your own suicidal mission, but it bothered you that Jin already knew too much. It would be hard to hide Jimin from him, and it could ruin the whole plan if Jin intervened in some way. There was no way to get him out of it now; he was already involved. You knew you had to tell him something before you made another move with Jimin.  Would you have to lie to Jin as well? You never thought of that possibility in your whole friendship, but your despair was taking the best of you, and it now seemed like a possible solution. It hurt you to consider what Jin would think of you if he ever found out you lied to him, but it also hurt to think how he would judge you once he knew what you were capable of. You pondered both possibilities and wondered if this represented your loss. If being a kamikaze in this war meant losing your best friend instead of your life. It sacred you, you couldn’t deny it. You couldn’t lose Jin, not him.  Your leg started shaking as you considered this. Was this whole thing worth it? Would it make you a bad person in other people’s eyes? Would it change you? Remembering your conversation with Jin when he saw you crying after you found out Jimin’s identity, you thought back of his words. “I won’t leave you,” he had said back then. You believed him then since you hadn’t done anything questionable, but would he stay beside you after this? Even though you knew it was avoiding an important decision, you decided to figure it out along the way. Just thinking about it made you lose your appetite, so putting you unfinished food back in the refrigerator, you made you way to your couch as you decided it was time to do some homework.

Waiting silently in the shower, you tried to listen if the boy had left the room. No sound, perfect! Cautiously, you tried stepping out of the shower when the bathroom door opened. The shock made you retreat, causing you to slip. After the commotion, you opened your eyes, surprised that you didn’t feel the fall. Someone was holding you, hugging you, to prevent you from falling. Again, a pair of concerned eyes were searching yours. It was odd, really, how it all felt like a déjà vu. As if you had actually fallen, some memories from last night crashed your head. Hoseok was so close to you as he had been last night, you noticed. However, you weren’t the same bold girl he had met before. Looking down to avoid his stare, you noticed your towel was in the floor. But if it’s in the floor, then… SHIT! In instinct, you pressed further into Hoseok as if to try covering your body with his. You noticed he stiffed at the sudden pressure. Before he could look down at you, or in specifics at your behind, you decided to make him aware of the situation. “Um, could you close your eyes, please. My towel may have fallen,” you said in the tiniest voice ever.  

“Oh…” a second of silence, “yeah off course,” was all he said. You didn’t know if you could trust him, but you didn’t have another option, so you crouched down and wrapped the towel around your body once again. Standing up again, you saw he was truthful to his word, yet closing his eyes didn’t stop the blush creeping on his face. Now, feeling less exposed, you tried getting him out of the room in the politest way. “Um thank you for saving me from the fall,” he opened his eyes, “but could you…umm give me a moment?”

His eyes widen, probably at the realization of his intrusion. He avoided your gaze as he retreated to the door. “Yeah, um I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to, um, intrude,” he rambled.

“Okay,” you said, feeling as awkward as ever as he closed the door behind him. You sighed at how ridiculous this whole situation was. What is this? A fan fiction?  As fast as possible, you put your clothes on while trying to think of way to face the boy outside. Taking a deep breath, you opened the door to face the consequences of your acts.

He wasn’t in the room, so that meant he was somewhere else in the apartment. Busting all the courage you had left, you rummaged out of the main room to find him in the kitchen. His back faced you as he was cooking. Sitting on a stool, you waited for him to notice your presence. He moved on to serving the contents of his cooking on two identical bowls. Once he turned around, he smiled at seeing you sitting on his stool, the reason you didn’t know. Placing a bowl in front of you and sitting across from you, he instructed for you to eat. “It’s hangover soup,” he clarified as he waited for you to start eating. “Thanks,” you nodded before you tried the hot dish. You decided to focus on eating since you were to shy to look his way. You now remembered why you stayed at his apartment and decided to kill your friend as soon you find her. How could she leave you alone at a guy’s-you-barely-knew house? Yet, even though you were in a difficult position, you couldn’t deny you liked this boy’s attention. He had been kind yesterday, and now you realized he was definitely boyfriend material. Unconsciously, you smiled at the thought, but when you felt his eyes on you, you couldn’t help but look up to meet his eyes. He was smiling too. Damn! How could a boy be so dreamy?

“I hope that smile means you liked the soup,” he tried to start conversation.

“Yeah, it’s amazing,” you honestly stated as you took another spoonful of the liquid content to demonstrate your point. He nodded, and a strand of hair fell over one of his eyes, complementing his smile. You realized your awkwardness was starting to slide off the more you spoke to him, so you tried keeping the conversation going. “I mean, you could literally open a restaurant. This is by far the best hangover soup I’ve ever had.” Compliments were always the safest way to start a conversation on the right track.

He let out an embarrassed laugh. “Thanks, but I don’t think I’m such a great cook,” he said while scratching the back of his head.

“I mean it, though,” you said with a smile. A moment of silence followed, yet it was broken when your phone started buzzing. Checking it, you realized it was your friend. Fuck her, honestly. She let you in this situation, and now she had the guts to call you? Even if you were pissed at her, you decided to pick up. Hoseok gestured for you to take it comfortably, so you did.

“Hey! How did you sleep?” she asked way too excited for your taste. You could tell she was hinting at something, but you were too annoyed to figure out her deal.

“Fine,” you answered sharply.

“I’m not sure if I like your tone,” you could practically hear her pout over the tone.

“Oh, believe me, you won’t like it when we talk face to face,” you whispered, earning a curious look from Hoseok. You smiled to cover the threat you just made.

“Oh… Um then should I pick you up in an attempt to earn some mercy?” she knew very well she was screwed, you could tell from the way she was trying to calm you.

“Yes, you should,” you finished. Before hanging up, she told you she would pick you up in 20, so you felt finally at ease. It wasn’t that Hoseok was bad company, but from all the past interactions between you two it was sort of awkward spending more time together.

Hoseok and you shared some casual conversation while enjoying breakfast when soon enough your friend arrived. He seemed surprised to have such an early visit, but since you knew who it was, you followed him to the door.

“Hey!” greeted your friend, earning a similar greeting from Hoseok and a fake one from you. “I came to pick up Y/N,” she said, throwing a look over Hoseok’s shoulder.

Looking over his shoulder as well, Hoseok looked at you somewhat disappointed. “Oh, is that so?” he nodded to himself as he made way for you to pass through. “It was nice meeting you,” he added with a heartwarming smile.

“It was nice meeting you too. Thanks for everything,” you shared a similar smile to his as you stepped beside your friend. Before he could say anything else, your friend bid farewell to her friend and guided you out of the apartment complex.

“You are SO dead,” was the first thing you told your friend. Cowering to herself, she nodded her head in acknowledgement of her wrongdoings. She didn’t counteract when you kept scolding her. “What were you thinking? I was drunk, and you decided it was a good idea to leave me alone with a stranger?”

“Well, you didn’t treat him like a stranger last night,” she muttered under her breath.

You felt your cheeks heating up at her comment but kept with your scolding. “What was that?” She remained quiet, but you could see something was bothering her. “What is it?”

She couldn’t keep it to herself any longer. “You seemed to actually like him, and he-” she paused, considering her words. “So, I thought I should give you two some time alone to actually get to know each other, you know?”

“Time alone? I was literally unconscious moments before you left me, and I definitely wasn’t sober, what could ‘some time alone’ have brought us?” you truly asked her. In your head, her excuse didn’t make sense.

“Well, I didn’t think it through, I admit it. But, we were all intoxicated, and you were hurt, so we though it would be best to leave you resting. Besides, Hobi is a gentleman, I can assure you that. I wouldn’t have left you with someone I didn’t trust.” You could see the sincerity in her eyes, and knowing her, you knew she would never leave you in a dangerous situation. She was your best friend after all. Maybe she was looking for the best for you, and you two simply disagreed with the meaning of what was “best.”

“Okay, I trust you with that, but I’m still mad,” you told her, reluctant to let her out so easily. She threw a glance your way to read your expression before saying anything else.

“But was it that bad?” she asked after a few minutes of walking in silence. You knew that was not an innocent question. She was trying to get something from you. Throwing an annoyed look her way, you crossed your arms to indicate closeness.

“I’m not telling you anything, you don’t deserve it,” you looked away from her. She tried cuing you to tell her something, but you didn’t give in. At last, she let it go which made you fear she would ask Hoseok. Well in either case it wasn’t that bad, nothing had really happened between you two. She was probably making up stories about what happened that night, and you couldn’t deny, you wished the outcome would have been different. However, after some days, you decided it was drunk behavior from both of you, so it didn’t mean anything at all, even if you did feel something back then.

**Two weeks later**

“Come on, Y/N, you won’t regret it,” your friend kept insisting. You shook your head for the hundredth time as you cooked some soup.

“You won’t convince me this time, I’m not going,” you said with a final tone.  Deep down, you really wanted to go, but you were too embarrassed to do so. Last time, you got yourself between two friends, and facing them again was just unbearable. “I have a lot of stuff to do.” You tried using an excuse to stop her from insisting.

She pouted as she freed her hands from your arm. “We both know that’s a lie. We are in vacations for fuck sake!” Stomping her feet on the floor, she looked at you with pleading eyes. “Pleaseeeeee.”

Looking into her eyes, you knew what she was doing. But that didn’t stop you from falling for it. “Ugh, all right! But if I don’t like the atmosphere, I’m leaving,” you warned her. She nodded her head in excitement at her victory. While she celebrated, you were thinking on what to wear. The weather seemed to be okay to use a dress, so you decided on wearing the black one you bought a few days ago. It would be the perfect occasion to wear it for the first time, you thought.

After several hours of preparation, you and your friend were ready to go. You were feeling rather nervous in comparison to hours before but having your friend beside you brought you some sort of peace. You just hoped she would stick to your side the whole night as you didn’t want to make more mistakes this time. She guided you to an empty table, and you both sat down to wait for the others. She offered to go buy some drinks, but you told her you didn’t want to drink yet. It was a lie though, you needed to drink in order to gain some courage, but you promised yourself to keep your drinking to the minimum this time. Even if you needed a pinch of boldness, you realized alcohol could also bring out some bad parts of you, so you decided against it (at least for now). Soon enough, your friend came back with a cocktail. She asked you if you wanted to try it to which you answered you would. You were drinking from it when several people approached your table. Great, good timing! They probably thought you were an alcoholic by now. They all greeted you, and you did the same thing once you finished drinking the contents of your mouth. They seemed to have forgotten the incident from last time as they greeted you kindly, yet Jungkook seemed to be avoiding your stare. You didn’t blame him, you deserved what you got. As each one of them found a seat in the booth, your eyes locked with the last person to approach you. Damn, he was handsome. He smiled at you, and you reciprocated it, shyly. Your friend and you moved over the edge of the booth for them to find enough space to sit. However, when your friend stood up, you panicked. “Hoseok, why don’t we switch places. I have something to talk with Jin,” she said. Fuck her, really. Why would she do this to you? AGAIN! He seemed nervous at her request but nodded at last before finding his place beside you.

There were more people in the booth than what it could hold, causing everyone to sit way too close to each other. Once he sat beside you, you were engulfed by his cologne. That only increased his handsomeness. Even though your arms were brushing each other’s, you tried to look the other way to avoid being so close to him. You felt his stare on your neck, but you figured he was trying to follow the table’s conversation just as you were. Knowing the reason, though, didn’t stop from making it uncomfortable. At some point, you decided on an escape plan. Looking his way, your breath was taken away. He was far closer than what you expected. He seemed caught off guard as well as he looked at you intently. “Um, I need to go to the bathroom. Could you-”

“Yeah, off course,” he understood without you having to finish your sentence. He moved out of the booth, giving you space to get out as well. “Thanks,” you said before you walked to find the restroom. Once there, you checked yourself in the mirror to see if your makeup was okay. Out of habit, you washed your hands as well. This won’t do, you though. You need at least a little alcohol or else you won’t survive the night. With this in mind, you exited the bathroom to move to the bar. You ordered the same thing your friend had been drinking. It was to your taste after all. Without thinking of the consequences, you drank it as fast as you could. You needed at least this much to face him.

Making your way to the booth, you realized Hoseok was too immersed in conversation to notice your presence. You didn’t want to interrupt him, so your stupid mind told you to try getting in by going over him. As you attempted this, though, his attention was immediately redirected to you. You were almost there when you accidentally stood on his foot. “Ow,” you heard him groan silently.

“Omg I’m sor-” you were trying to apologize but when you tried to look behind you, you lost your balance. Blinking, you tried to figure out what had happened to get to the conclusion that you were now sitting in Hoseok’s lap. You felt his two hands on your abdomen, probably to stabilize you. He was looking at you in shock, and you had to look away from how embarrassed you felt. You tried standing up, but the table was so close to the seat that you ended up grinding on Hoseok. A low groan escaped his lips, low enough for only you to hear it. You felt a chill go over your spine at the sound, but you let it aside as you finally managed to sit on your spot. Giving him a look, you apologized again. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it- I mean, I didn’t want to interrupt you, so I-”, you rabbled as you felt your cheeks burning red.

His shock was transformed into understanding as he interrupted you. “It’s okay, really. But next time, try warning me before hand,” he winked at you. WHAT THE HELL? You were speechless, but you didn’t know if it was from embarrassment or arousal. Mechanically, you nodded before resuming to your past position, looking elsewhere but at the boy beside you. That’s when your eyes landed on your friend’s mischievous ones. ‘What?’ you mouthed. To which you simply earned a smirk from her. You shook your head in disapproval to let her know you were done with her. She, however, seemed to have gotten a different idea from it. “Let’s go dance,” she announced to the table. Some seemed excited while others were reluctant to go. Analyzing your options, you decided dancing was the best one since if you stayed without your friend, you wouldn’t bear how awkward you could get.

“Yeah, I want to go too,” you said to indicate you needed space to get out. Hoseok gave you space, and you mouthed a ‘thank you’ before following your friend to the dance floor. You didn’t look back to see if anyone else was coming.

It was you type of music, so it was easy to get in the mood to dance. You let your body take control over you as each beat got control over your body. Everything felt lighter like the feeling alcohol could give you, but this time this wasn’t the case. You didn’t drink enough to feel light headed, this was all due to dancing. You had known what dancing could do to you, but it felt new every time you let it overtake you. You felt the music as you closed your eyes to get a better feeling from it. When you opened them again, you saw several people had approached the circle. Yet, the one across from you was the most intriguing of them all. He was looking at you as well, but this time you didn’t look away. Music was pumping your heart to an incredible pace, but perhaps music wasn’t the one at fault at all. A stare contest began, and you weren’t the one giving up this time. Your eyes were connected as you danced too far apart. The connection grew stronger as your bodies moved closer. A sense of attraction reduced the distance until mere centimeters created resistance. The music slowed down to create a new intimacy to dance. As soon as his hand encircled your waist, your bodies collided in one.

You let him guide you, show you what he could do. And what marvels he had to teach you. He guided your body with simple yet sharp movements of his. Once again, you recalled what it felt to be his. Oh, what a bliss. Eyes slightly open, you focused on the one thing that has been calling you for days. Those beautiful lips. You whished to have a taste, to be able to feel them against yours at least one more time. His hand moved up your arm, creating goosebumps in a trailing path. Wanting some teasing of you own, you created a path at his back, landing on the nape of his neck. He shivered at the contact, but his eyes never left yours as he ate you up with his lusty stare. You wanted to know who would give in first, so you waited for him to lose control. Yet, he didn’t. You were too eager to wait any further, so you crashed your lips against his at last. None of you gave space for innocence. Lust and want took control over your bodies. Now, not only were your bodies moving in sync, but your lips were as well. He could guide you in the dance floor, but not in passion. You were the owner of this kiss, so you let him know it. You bit his lower lip seductively as you retreated from him a little bit. “Let’s get out of here,” you whispered against his lips. Without giving any explanation to the others, he took your hand and guided you out of the club.

As soon as the door closed, the coldness of your lips was appeased by his warm ones once again. His body crashed yours against the door, and the loud thud it created made you want more. His lips devoured yours with such harshness, you wondered if it would hurt later. Decided on taking control, you started pushing him backwards until he crashed on his couch. Wanting a moment to breathe, you looked down at him to make him know you wouldn’t yield that easily. He was looking up at you, and you were shocked to see his eyes were not only full of lust but with adoration as well. Moving closer, you straddled his lap until there was no space between you. You didn’t give him your lips yet, though, since you wanted to test his patience. He tried to kiss you, but you stopped him by stroking his hair backwards, pulling his head backwards as well. His neck was exposed for you to leave lingering kisses all the way up to his jaw. His patience seemed to shorten as you felt his member harden beneath you. This only made you more eager to tease him. As you continued to kiss his neck, you moved your hips upwards to create some friction. Again, you heard a delicious groan coming from him. Yet, when his hands grabbed your hips strongly, you yelped from the surprise. “Stop teasing,” he said in a dark tone that matched his dark eyes. Arousal made you want to follow his command, but you didn’t want to get at it yet. To avoid more complaints, you crashed your lips with his again. You demanded for him to grant you entrance, and you were happy when he willingly yielded. As he did so, you moved your hips again, but this time continuously. He tried to break the kiss as several moans escaped from his throat, but you didn’t let him. You shut up his moans as you created more friction between your bodies. You were growing eager as well, but you wanted to create some anticipation first.

He was able to contain it for some minutes but at some point, he lost control. With one swift movement, he stood up from the couch with you glued to his body. A shriek threatened to leave your mouth, but his lips prevented the sound from coming out. He walked easily to his room while he kept devouring you. The way he carried you reminded you of the last time you were here, yet the parallelism differed in the approach it was given. Moving towards his bed, he descended your body slowly until you disconnected from him to land safely on his mattress. He crawled over you to reconnect his lips with yours again. As he kissed you, you grabbed the hem of his shirt and tugged at it lightly, giving him the hint to take it off. In one go, he took it off and tossed aside before giving you his full attention again. He tried taking your dress off, but the zipper was on you back, making it a hard task for him to accomplish. As he grew impatient with your dress, you flipped him over, so now his back was against the mattress. Getting over him, you looked at him as you unzipped your dress slowly. You sat up a little to be able to take it off completely.

“Now, this is unfair, isn’t it?” you asked as you tugged at his black jeans. He nodded as he unbuttoned them eagerly. Before he could try to take them off, though, you tugged at them hard until you managed to take them off completely. Without waiting any further, you bent down to kiss him fervently. His hands made way to your back to press you closer to him and then to unclasp your bra. His hands snaked over your front to massage your boobs. You moaned at the sensation and decided to show how thankful you were as your hand made way to his covered bulk. He was groaning as you moved your hand up and down his length.

He subdued over your ministrations for a while, yet he regained control as he flipped you over so now he hovered over you. Starting from your jaw, he left a trail of kisses to your clavicle. Then, he moved to suck one of your nipples while he massaged the other one with his fingers. You curved your back at the pleasure you felt, and a smile surfaced in his face at the reaction he got from you. Returning to his original trail, he made his way down until he landed on your panties. Raising your hips, he took off the remaining piece of clothes you had, leaving you completely bare to his eyes. He took his moment appreciating your body, and you couldn’t handle the adoration you saw in them. He was looking at you with so much love that you felt confused at some point. Yet you couldn’t question him since he started eating you a moment later, making you mind go blanc from anything else than pleasure. Several moans left your lips at the expertise of his. You grabbed his hair to feel grounded since the way his tongue moved inside your folds was lifting you towards heaven. After some minutes, you felt yourself unfolding in his mouth, which he gladly took in.

When you were recovering, you saw him go over his nightstand to put a condom on. You moved further into the bed to prepare for what was coming next. He got into the bed and looked at you for permission. With half lidded eyes, you repeated the words you had said to him the first day you met him. “So show me,” you said lowly before flashing a smirk. A small laugh left his lips as he seemed to remember your first encounter. “Oh, I’ll show you,” he said seriously now as aligned himself with you. Slowly, he moved into you, creating a painful pressure at first. Giving you a peck, he waited for you to adjust, and when you nodded, he started moving. Soon the pain vanished as pleasure made way to your insides. His eyes were focused on you as he kept his rhythm, but you wanted nothing else than to kiss him. So, grabbing the nape of his neck, you pulled at him to crash his lips with yours. His lips grew its pace as well as his body, and as they did, you moaned at each thrust. At some point, your lips forgot how to speak properly, and you only managed to scream two syllables repeatedly. “Hobi,” you moaned. The first time you said it, you noticed he stopped moving to look at you with a look you couldn’t quite place. You couldn’t stand the lack of friction, so you begged. “Please Hobi,” you whined. He seemed to regain his senses as he started moving once again, increasing his pace little by little. After a while, he was thrusting into you so hard, you could already feel yourself coming. From the way he was slacking, you could tell he was coming soon as well. With one final deep thrust, you unraveled under him, and soon after, he did too. You were too tired to see what happened next, but before you dozed off, you felt a pair of lips kiss your forehead.

*-*-*-*-*-*

Waking up, you felt a body pressed against yours. Smiling, you moved further into the warmness of the arms holding you dearly. You were about to sleep some more when you heard his voice. “Are you awake?” You tuned around to face him, and you wished you hadn’t. Again, he was looking at you with adoration, so intently that you felt bashful. Burying your face in his chest, you asked shyly, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” he laughed lovingly at your antics.

Still muffled by his chest, you said, “I don’t know, adoringly?” You made it sound like a question rather than a statement since you couldn’t place a word to the look in his eyes.

You were surprised when you felt his hand stroking your head lightly. “Hum,” he seemed to be considering this. “Perhaps because I like you…like a lot?” he laughed embarrassed at his own confession. He used your same tactic, you noticed.

At this, you looked up at him. He had said this before, you remember, yet you were confused since you two hadn’t know each other that much to actually develop feeling for one another. Yet, if you were being honest, you had to admit you sort of liked this boy too. There was connection between both of you that you couldn’t quite explain. You wondered if it had to do with the way your bodies felt when they were connected with each other, a feeling you got to experience the first time you danced with him.

His smile started to vanish when you didn’t add anything, so you decided to be honest with your thoughts. “But how? I mean why? We hadn’t known each other for long,” you said.

He searched for your eyes as he considered his next words. “I may have had a crush on you for some time now,” he confessed at last before breaking the eye contact.

You found endearing the way his face started blushing after his confession. Yet, you couldn’t deny the same thing was happening to you. “What? Since when?” You were utterly curious despite your bashfulness.

He buried his face in his pillow, utterly embarrassed. Wanting for him to feel at ease, you started brushing his hair with your fingers until his face finally reappeared. He blinked at you, and you gave him a closed lip smile to assure him it was okay. “Since last year,” he said barely audible.

You considered this, and everything started to make sense now. From the way he didn’t smile at you the first time you met to the way he acted towards Jungkook. Even the way your friend had acted made sense now. “Huh,” you said unconsciously.

Hoseok started justifying himself soon after. “I know I should have told you before, but I was so nervous. I started having a crush on you when we took one course together, but I wouldn’t have though I would get to be face to face with you, so I was freakin-”

“Hey,” you stopped his rambling. “It’s okay,” you laughed at how cute he was. He looked at you somehow fearful at your next words, so you decided to clear this boy from any fear he had with regards to you. “I think I sort of have a crush on you too,” you admitted.

The moment you saw his eyes sparkling, you knew you were doomed. This boy could easily make you fall in love with him, of that you were sure. Before he could say anything else, you moved closer to him and kissed his lips. You felt the corners of his lips move upwards as he let you kiss him. After you broke the kiss, you looked into his eyes and made a proposal. “So, what about we make this into something more than a simply dirty dancing?” At that his smile only grew bigger before he crashed his lips against yours as an answer.

Without thinking in the consequences, you took your belongings and ran as fast as you could. There were probably a lot of curious glances directed your way as you ran through the front door of the gym, but you didn’t care. It was only when you were stopped in a halt by a hand grabbing your wrist that you were drown back to reality. Slowly, you turned your head in the direction of the hand wishing it wasn’t Jimin. To your luck, it was Jungkook, who had a curious but worried look on his face. You knew that if you let him talk, you would burst into tears in front of him, so you decided on saying a simple sentence that would let him go off you. “It’s urgent,” you managed to say weakly. You didn’t know if it was the look in your face or the connotation the sentence evoked, but it worked. Immediately, Jungkook freed your hand and without waiting for his reply, you kept running. You just ran, wondering if it would stop you from thinking, from feeling. However, as you kept your pace, the memories started flowing like needles being punctured painfully into your mind.

Gasping for air, you saw it clearly as if it was a movie you’ve watched at least a hundred times: you were sitting on the floor with your color pencils sprayed in the floor while you had one in your hand as you drew a beautiful sky. Some minutes passed, and you had already drawn yourself in the paper, but something was missing making your frown. Just in time, your best friend sat down beside you with his own paper in hand and the most adorable smile on his face. “Are you finished?” He had asked while trying to pry on your drawing which you tried to cover from his view. “Don’t look! I haven’t finished,” you pouted as you wanted your drawing to be a surprise. “Okay, I won’t look, but you have to finish it fast! I want to see what you draw!” his impatience always getting in the way. You nodded your head fast and kept drawing once you saw him already focused on the sunset instead of you. Now that your friend came into view, you were inspired, so with your tongue between your lips, you started drawing someone beside you. It didn’t take you long to finish the last part of the drawing since you had the model right beside you. With a smile on your face, you announced you were done to which your friend’s eyes sparkled either from the reflection of the sun or from his excitement. “Okay! I’m going to count to three and we show each other our masterpieces,” your friend announced. “Masterpieces?” you questioned aloud, not knowing the meaning of the word.  “Yeah! As in works of art!” exclaimed your friend. “Oh okay,” you continued, not wanting to delay more the exposition of your drawing. Your friend continued “One, two, three!” Both of you flipped the paper over to show each other what you had created. From the look on your friend’s face he was very pleased by your drawing, and you could say the same for yourself as you looked at a beautiful sunset which was the background to what looked like a shadow silhouette on the floor. As the art expert he was at his young age, you friend started commenting first: “WOW! It’s so pretty! Who are they?” he asked intrigued. “You and me,” you answered, indicating who was who as if you were an artist explaining her work of art. At that, his boxy smile appeared which made you smile as well, being your favorite smile of his. “Why us?” he continued his interrogation. “Because we are best friends,” you said as a matter of fact. “We are?” he asked. “Young and wild and free,” you sang and both of you laughed, yet you continued, “Off course, Tae! You are my best friend in the whole world!” His smile only grew bigger if that was possible, and you smiled too, meaning every word. But, soon enough that smile was banished from your face as well as the memory once you almost got hit by a car. Being pushed back to reality, you realized you were almost home, so with the little energy you still had, you managed to run some more towards your front door. Opening the door with force, you threw your bag to the floor and sank yourself next to it in disbelief. You still couldn’t believe they were the same people who hurt you back then. Slowly, a tear made its way down your cheek, and soon enough you were whimpering on the floor, all alone.

* - * - * - * - *

Jimin was starting to worry. He had already finished his fourth set of dead lift and Y/N hadn’t come back. He wondered if perhaps she wasn’t feeling well or if she ran into someone she knew at the restroom. Yet, as he was glancing once again at the bathroom door, he saw her running at the speed of light. At first, he was confused, but as soon as he saw her running towards the main door, he started following her from behind. He was just in time to see her saying something to Jungkook, whose hand was on her wrist before letting her go. Jimin was perplexed as to what was going on. He stood there looking at Jungkook, who looked just as confused as he was. Even though Jimin didn’t like Jungkook very much (being a threat to him), he approached the other boy and turned his attention back to him. “What happened?” he asked Jungkook as if that question’s context would be understood by the other boy. Blinking several times, Jungkook only stared with his mouth agape as in trance. Jimin was growing impatient, so he asked differently: “Why did Y/N run like that?” Jungkook seemed to finally grasp reality, and he opened his mouth to answer, “She just said it was urgent.” Jimin felt his eyebrows knitting as he tried to decipher what that meant. Was Y/N in danger? Why would she flee like that? Did something happen to her or to someone close to her? A million questions popped in Jimin’s head as he tried to figure out what that sentence meant and why she hadn’t said anything to him before leaving. Reason made Jimin conclude that if it was an emergency she wouldn’t have time to explain to anyone. Jungkook just was in the perfect place to question her before she left. At last, he nodded to Jungkook in understanding and started walking back until he stood in front of the loaded bar once again. He took his phone and texted Y/N a simple You ok? He thought that if she were in a difficult situation, she wouldn’t want lots of questions directed her way, so he decided on just that. When she is prepared and available, she would answer him, and everything would be fine again. At least that was what he hoped for. He hoped that the question he texted her would be answered with a “we are ok” at the end.

* - * - * - * - *

Alone. That’s how Jin found you. What he didn’t know was that it was the way you were feeling as well. Besides the crashing memories that tormented you before his arrival, you were all alone. You didn’t know how much it took for Jin to come to you, but it surely felt like an eternity. It was enough time for your memories to complete another way around to your head. As you whimpered, you remembered: sitting now across from you, Taehyung was now the one explaining his drawing to you. It was a very artistic drawing for a kid of his age, you had to admit. As you inspected his drawing, he started pointing each element drawn and what it represented. You couldn’t deny your astonishment at hearing him go over the metaphors and symbols in his drawing, but what you anticipated the most was the explanation of the meaning of the silhouette shade. “What’s the shade?” you had asked, curious on the main point of his art piece. At that he had lowered his eyes in what seemed like a shy gesture and just when he was about to answer, he was interrupted by no other than Park Jimin. “It’s obviously me, am I right Tae?” Jimin stood over the two of you with an air of dominance. You looked at Tae waiting for his confirmation. Taehyung looked questioningly at his friend but agreed to his statement by nodding his head slowly. You couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed as you thought you were the silhouette. Your disappointment turned into a sour sadness as you started to wonder if the value of your friendship wasn’t reciprocated, and in fact you were the only one who considered him a best friend. As honest as children can be, you decided on expressing your feelings to Taehyung, so silently you whispered “Tae, am I your best friend?” You wanted the conversation to be kept between the two of you, but Jimin seemed to have heard it. Without giving Taehyung a chance to answer, he again interfered. “Off course not, Taehyung is MY best friend, so you know.” Jimin pulled his friend to his feet and hugged him sideways placing one of his arms on Tae’s shoulder. You couldn’t help the stung you felt at those words, but you still waited for Tae’s answer. It seemed your friend agreed with everything Jimin said, for he remained quiet and looked down at his shoes. Nodding your head slowly, you too stood up and managed a simple “Okay.” You’ve lost to Park Jimin, the least you could do was accept your defeat. Off course Jimin would be Taehyung’s best friend since who wouldn’t want to be considered the best friend of the most popular kid at school. Even though you were young, everyone liked Park Jimin either by his appearance or by what his parents could buy him, being toys a main motivation for kids to befriend someone. You’d thought Taehyung was like you, that neither of you cared for expensive toys but would rather find other ways to have fun, yet now you realized you were alone with that way of thinking.

You were about to leave when Jimin derisively added, “What? Did you think Taehyung was your friend?” Turning around to face Jimin and Taehyung again, you replied truthfully, “He is my friend.” A mocking laugh left Jimin’s lips as he eyed you with arrogance: “Why would he want to be your friend? You are ugly and fat, and you don’t have anything to offer.” Shocked by his remark, you looked at Jimin wondering if he was joking, but there was no humor in his eyes. There was something else going through his eyes which made you scared at some point. You would never know why he would be so cruel to you, but at that moment you assumed it had to do with you crossing the limits since you were “stealing” his friend. Being so focused on Jimin’s words, you hadn’t noticed other kids listening to your conversation, and while you tried to formulate a comeback, they started shouting: “Yeah! You’re ugly” “You’re fat” “Nobody likes you!” You looked at them surprised by their hurtful words, and then you looked at Taehyung, who still had his head down avoiding your stare. Lastly, with watery eyes, you looked up to see Park Jimin once again, and even though his expression had changed, you didn’t want to know the meaning of it. You ran away from the shouts and away from the silhouettes that would become your tormenting shade.

 When you felt two hands on your shoulders, you gasped either from the need of air or from the surprise. Looking over your shoulder, you saw Jin with a concered expression on his face as he looked at you. You tried to manage a smile, but your lips could probably only form a straight line. With caution, Jin helped you to your feet, but having been sat on both your legs, it took you some time to regain force to stand on your own. Jin helped you to your couch and sat beside you, waiting for you to speak. However, only gasps would come from your mouth as you tried to breathe through your crying. Tenderly, Jin guided your head to his shoulder, and you buried yourself in it as you cried harder this time. He stroked your head softly as a way to calm you down, and as it was so soothing, you managed to stop crying a few minutes later. “Are you feeling better?” he asked.

“No…” you sniffled, “all the memories are coming back.” You looked at Jin with pleading eyes, wanting nothing more than for the memories to go away along with the pain in your heart.

“I know it’s hard for you…and it became harder as you met him again, but you need to hold it in Y/N. Don’t lose yourself in the past,” he looked at you with the same pleading eyes as yours, knowing he was asking too much from you. And you had to admit he was.

“What if I’m already lost?” you looked at your folded hands in your lap, “What if I lost myself when that happened?”

Jin placed two fingers under your chin to make you look at him “Hey. You are not lost; do you hear me? I’ve known you for years Y/N, and if I had hang out with a lost person I would have noticed,” he smiled knowingly.

“Yeah, but you didn’t know me back then,” you said as you thought of everything you had to go through and wondered if the outcome of your life would have been different if that incident hadn’t happened.

“But I know you now,” Jin said sternly, “and I know you are an incredible person if not an exceptional friend. I know you don’t see the good in you but believe me when I say that everyone around you does.”

“Then…why does everyone leave me?” you asked brokenly.

You saw Jin’s expression stiffen, yet as he placed strand of your hair behind you ear, his eyes warmed as he said, “I’m here, aren’t I?” He placed his hands on your shoulders again as he looked you deeply in the eyes and said, “I won’t leave you.” Besides the fact that he was your best friend, the confidence in his eyes was so strong that you couldn’t help believing him, so you nodded your head to indicate him you knew. “You know how stubborn I can be, and I won’t accept losing my friend, do you hear me?”

“Yes, I do…Thanks, Jin,” you finally smiled, feeling a strike of hope rising inside of you. Jin hugged you strongly, and you did the same since you knew you weren’t alone. That you haven’t been or wouldn’t be as long as Jin was beside you.

* - * - * - * - *

You had classes at 4 but not feeling in the mood, you decided on staying home. Jin had classes as well, and even though he was reluctant on leaving you, you ushered him to go. You couldn’t be selfish with Jin, he had given you so much and you didn’t want to affect his normal lifestyle. So, you made him go. Now, you couldn’t care less about your academic life; you just wanted to stay, sleep, and forget everything that happened. But as much as you tried, your whirling mind wouldn’t let you sleep. That’s how you ended up staring at the ceiling on your bed, thinking. The pain was still prominent as another round of memories made its appearance on your head. You felt once again the rejection, the unjustified hatred, the loneliness. You wondered if Park Jimin knew what he did, what he had caused. It wasn’t just his comment that affected you, but the power he had over his classmates’ gullible minds. You grew up being laughed at, despised, and humiliated by everyone you met. Being called ugly and fat was part of your daily life. As everyone wanted to be on Jimin’s good side, they believed in his words and made sure you would never forget them. You remember your walk-through hell from kindergarten to 10th grade where Park Jimin’s presence represented your misery. After he left school at the end of 10th grade to study abroad, you were forgotten as no one had to be on his good side anymore. However, that didn’t mean they would accept you since you would forever be the cursed girl.

Being alone through your whole life and having no one to assure you it was all lies, you constructed yourself around what other people said: growing your bangs to cover your face, using bigger clothes to cover your figure, using hoodies to avoid stares, and wearing earphones to avoid the whispering. You stopped eating when you started 9th grade thinking it would make them stop calling you fat, and then by 10th grade you developed anorexia nervosa. It damaged you to a certain level to which your parents had to intervene, and for that you were thankful. What your parents didn’t know was the root to all your self-esteem problems: Park Jimin. Not wanting to worry them, you never told them what happened to you that day (or basically every day at school.) By the end of your 11th grade, you managed to overcome the eating disorder, yet you lied to everyone when you faked loving yourself. Understanding how unhealthy not eating can be, you took another approach which in everyone’s eyes was healthy: exercising. It was permitted, it didn’t break the rules, and it helped you heal. At last, that’s what you made yourself believe, but being confronted by your worst nightmare, you realized all your efforts were in vain. You felt small tears leaving your eyes and making a horizontal trail on your face. Each tear that left your eyes represented an emotion. First, you let sadness make its way out of your body. Then, frustration appeared at knowing you would never escape Jimin’s shadow. Finally, the last emotion in its liquid form came crashing with force on your mattress: anger. This one stayed until no more tears were formed.