Sins and Sinners

I think about this a lot

I just be making shit up and y’all just read it, huh?

All you’ve ever wanted was to be feared and rule the world but every villainous act you commit backfires. Steal candy from a baby? Poisoned candy, baby saved. Steal the baby? Abusive parents. Threw a woman off a building? Push she needed to unlock her powers of flight, she’s now your sidekick.

Newly acquired toddler: Mr. Evil man you sure are helping a lot of people. Villain: Finish eating your lunch, Timmy. Daddy’s plotting to overthrow the Big Bank. Sidekick: Oh that’s great, John! They’re so corrupt. I’ll cancel my plans with Linda tonight. She’s gonna love this. Villain: *crumples up evil plans and throws them across the room* DAMMIT!

*the plans land in the recycling bin*

tumblr glitch that causes everyones drafts to be published at the same time

This would be like that episode of Malcolm in the middle where Malcolm reads everyone’s secrets over the intercom and no one makes fun of each other but they also don’t make eye contact with each other for the rest of the year

I fuckinf needed this

… brb making a playlist called Weird Songs From The Nineteen Hundreds

a kid came up to me to enquire about books on queen victoria, so I promptly guided him to the children’s history section, and we had a lovely chat flicking through horrible histories books, when I asked him what does he like about history. he grinned, and with a smooth, brilliant smile he said “My favourite thing about old times is torture.”

One time I had a dad come in with his ~10 year old kid and go “Hi, we’re looking for, um…” at which point he trailed off and looked expectantly at the kid the way parents usually do when they can’t remember which Percy Jackson book comes next, but instead the kid looked up at me and very brightly and firmly announced, “The Federalist Papers!”

THIS IS WHAT LIVE ACTION ADAPTIONS SHOULD BE