Tennis players on the Titanic
Roger Federer: Everyone in the 1st class knows him and respects him. Always dressed impeccably, best manners by far, can hold conversation with anyone and not appear snobbish. When the disaster strikes, he’s offered a place in the lifeboat but it’s out of question he’d take it while they are still women and children on board.
Rafael Nadal: While everyone’s having brandy, stuffing themselves in the restaurant and boasting about their wealth, he’s in the gym. Joins everyone only after dinner, out of politeness (and to be with Roger). When the ship starts sinking, he’s out trying to help everybody. He’s last seen giving his warm coat to a lady.
Sascha Zverev: Half of the 1st class call him “son” despite him not being related to anybody. When the ship strikes the iceberg, he’s already asleep, so he appears on board half-dressed and really confused. An officer spots him and figures he’s tall and strong and they need men to row, so they put him in a lifeboat. Worst decision ever, because Sascha can’t row at all.
Jack Sock: The one merry passenger of the 3rd class who is really nice and polite and wouldn’t hurt a fly, but once the ship starts sinking, he will break as many doors and rules as he has to because he will not let the people die.
Andy Murray: Comes from a totally matriarchal family, so doesn’t get half of the gentlemen’s sexist jokes. Approves of the ship’s construction, but constantly complains about the quality of tea. When the disaster strikes, he blames himself for it, just because he’s British.
Nick Kyrgios: That one problematic passenger that constantly gets into fights with the crew over trespassing and destroying things. Survives, because it’s Nick, and then sues the hell out of the company.
Novak Djokovic: Everyone in the 1st class hates him because he constantly makes inappropriate jokes and impersonates fellow passengers. Tries to appear brave first, but finally bribes an officer to get a place in the lifeboat.
Jeremy Chardy: Doesn’t know how he got on the Titanic, probably won the tickets in poker or something. Doesn’t know how he got in the lifeboat, probably just wandered there when nobody was looking. Utterly confused all the time.
Diego Schwartzman: The one 2nd class passenger you don’t even notice, because he minds his own business. Survives, because in the dark and chaos he gets mistaken for a child.
Denis Shapovalov: The ray of sunshine, having the time of his life on the Titanic. Asks for seconds during dinners and everyone thinks it’s cute. Tells everyone there has to be a happy ending, because it’s his birthday (April 15th). Literally the last person on board to lose hope.
Dominic Thiem: Too nice and shy for the 1st class smoking room. Spends afternoons drinking tea with elderly ladies, who all want him to marry their granddaughters. When the ship starts sinking, he cries, because he can’t save everyone. Survives, but suffers from major survivor guilt.
Grigor Dimitrov: Only there to seduce the ladies, major gold digger, has the largest wardrobe. Is on the Titanic because everyone who means something is on the Titanic, but actually fights with being seasick.
David Goffin: Is so inconspicuous and polite he gets mistaken for a steward a couple times. A brilliant student who’s just graduated and is traveling to see the world and have a break (everything covered by his parents, of course). Helps old ladies and children get in the lifeboats.
Stefanos Tsitsipas: Pretends he’s very rich and heir to some estates, an exiled Greek prince or something. In fact he’s completely broke because the life he leads is not compatible with his bank account. The last money he spent… yes, for the tickets. Luckily, will get compensation after the sinking.
Marin Čilić: Had a premonition that the ship will sink, very pessimistic, doesn’t even leave his cabin and sleeps with the lifejacket on. Feels the urge to tell everyone “I told you this would happen!” while the ship is sinking.
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