The sideblog ever

Falling in love with Cassie was the easiest thing you’d ever done. She swept you off your feet without you even realizing it. 

You met her on your first day on the floor, working side by side with her well. Almost too well. 

She always asked for you to be by her side, you were her favorite med student, then intern, and now R2. 

Even before you started dating, she adored you. You always offered to help with Harrison, even when you were just friends, even when it was because she had a date with another woman. 

But you never let it get to you. Because she’d come back from the date, annoyance on her face, and she’d tell you how awful it was. She would look at you with her soft but tired expression, her half smile, you’d let her touch your knee. 

After one late night, a day she worked and you didn’t, and she had Harrison, you offered to watch him. 

A while after you put him to bed, you sat on Cassie’s bed, scrolled through your phone, you can’t remember what you were doing exactly, you fell asleep. When Cassie got home, she smiled softly to herself, tucked you into the bed, got in beside you. 

You apologized the next morning, promised it wouldn’t happen again. 

“I wanted you to stay.” Her eyes were soft, hair a mess. “If I didn’t want you here, you wouldn’t be.” 

And that was that. She let you sleep over more often, sometimes straying over the line, and invited you over when Harrison wasn’t even home. Just to keep her company, she told you, it was too lonely. 

She’d kiss your head softly, brush the strands of hair out of your face, and you were gone. 

The first time you kissed, you weren’t even dating yet. She invited you over after shift, one that was too long and dug into your bones, cooked you dinner, let you shower. 

She kissed you against the counter, on the table, against the wall, all the way to her bed. 

And, well, you can picture the rest. 

Anyways, you loved her through and through. Even on days that were particularly rough. Like this one. 

You couldn’t catch a break today. You lost two patients early in the morning, setting your day off just fantastic, if anyone would ask. Then you somehow had a caseload of three attendings, even though you were only an R2. Time got away from you, you couldn’t keep track of anything, were so behind on charting. 

Then to top it all off, someone ate your lunch out of the fridge, so you were currently surviving off the bag of chips out of the vending machine and a three day old cookie that’s been in your locker. 

Just as you bite into the cookie, you hear your name being called by Robby, telling you to come jump in on the incoming trauma. 

You have to suppress an eye roll, toss the hardened cookie in the trash by the desk. You put gloves on, let the nursing assistant put a gown over you. 

“BP 80/50.” Perlah announces. “Heart rate 120, respirations are shallow.” 

“There’s blood in the mouth.” Cassie shakes her head, eyebrows furrowing in concentration. “I can’t see to intubate. Can someone suction?” 

That’s your cue, you step in, start the suction, but it didn’t do much. Cassie shakes her head in frustration. 

“Can you suction a little better?” Her voice doesn’t mean to come out rough or snappy, but it does. And she doesn’t seem to notice. 

“Here, let me try.” Mel holds her hand out expectantly, and you hand the tube over. You curl into yourself, but not physically. You still stand tall, still hold a stoic expression. 

“Much better.” She praises Mel, gives her a smile from the side. “Thank you, Mel. I’m in.” 

You clear your throat softly, not to catch anyone’s attention, but to keep yourself from crying in trauma one. 

Garcia bursts through the door, right past you like you aren’t even there. 

Cassie explains what’s happening, not checking a second glance at you even once. They use the ultrasound, confirm there’s blood in her abdomen. 

“Okay, I’ll take her up once she’s ready.” Garcia nods, leaves the room just as quickly as she came in. 

“Sounds good.” Robby nods, arms crossed over his chest. “l/n, why don’t you go check on your patients.” 

You take a deep breath, don’t look at him, and walk out the double doors, headed for central 13. 

“Hey, you seen y/n?” Cassie jerks her chin forward, catching Dana as she rounds the desk. 

Dana stops quickly, “No.” 

Dana grabs one of the tablets, checking for any updates on charts or lab results. 

“Can’t seem to find her.” She taps her hand on the top of the desk. “She left the trauma quickly. I just wanted to make sure she was doing okay. See if she needs anything.” 

“As much as I adore you, y’all can keep that at home.” Dana lifts her brows. 

Cassie blushes, “Not like that, Dana. I promise.” 

“Alright.” Dana shakes her head. “I’ll keep a lookout for her.” 

“Thank you.” Cassie breathes out, walking around the left side of the hub, walking into one of her patients rooms. 

Then, you come around the right side, grab another one of the tablets. You see an x-ray is back on one of your patients, you inspect it and look up to see Dana looking at you. 

“What?” You ask awkwardly. 

“Where you been?” Dana asks incredulously. 

“Around.” You shrug, trying not to fold into yourself again. 

“Cass was lookin’ for ya.” Dana says it nonchalantly, shrugs like it’s nothing. “Said she was worried about you.” 

“I’m sure.” You roll your eyes, signing off on something Perlah sticks in your face. “She can keep worrying.” 

“What’s going on? Trouble in paradise?” She lifts her brows, takes her glasses off. 

“Sure.” You shrug exhaustedly. 

“Wanna talk about it?” Dana looks at you in the way she does. Eyes soft, lips tilted down, eyebrows pulled together, like she’s hanging onto every word. 

“No, no.” You shake your head and look down. You look sad, like a lost puppy. 

“Okay. Take it easy, alright?” Dana nods. 

You nod, promising her without saying it. “I’m going to check on my other fifty patients. Let me know when Mrs. Hamilton’s tests are back. I’ve been waiting for over an hour.” 

Dana laughs, “What’s new?” 

“True story.” You push off the desk, rounding the other side of the hub, opposite where Cassie just went to. 

When you round the corner, you run right into Mel, almost making her glasses tumble to the ground, but thankfully you catch them in time. 

“I am so sorry.” Your eyebrows pull together in worry she’s going to be upset with you. Another person for today. 

“No, no, it’s okay.” 

But she’s not. Because it’s Mel. Even if someone smacked her across the face, she would say sorry. 

She pushes her glasses back onto her face, gives you her own worried look. 

“Are you okay?” One of her lips turned down, and her eyes were sad, like they always looked. “Dr. McKay stepped out of line in there. I know you guys are dating, but..” 

“It’s fine.” You rush out too quickly to be convincing. “We’re all just.. having a bad day.” 

You shake your head. Move around her to get far away from this conversation. You clear your throat, wave your hand nervously, and then you walk away. 

“O..kay.” She shakes her head to rid the thought from her mind, and walks away as well. 

You scrub your hands together with sanitizer, and enter the room. 

“Hi, Mrs. Hamilton. How are you feeling?” You smile down softly at her. 

“Good.” She groans in pain, but still smiles back at you. 

“Are you still in pain?” You frown, press down on her stomach again, and she winces in pain. “I’ll get you some more pain meds. I’m gonna put an order in for a CT too, just to be safe.” 

“Okay.” She winces again. “Thank you.” 

“Of course. Let the nurse know if you need anything at all. I’ll be around to check back in on you.” 

She nods, and then you leave again. 

Only twelve more patients to go and then you would be done with afternoon rounds. 

As you scrub your hands together again, tablet tucked under your arm, you sigh, look around. Your eyes find Cassie from across the room, but she’s sucked into a conversation with someone. Her eyes are focused, but she looks happy. 

Your chest hurts, because you were upset. So why wasn’t she? She should be apologizing, but she’s not. She doesn’t seem to even know what’s going on. 

Cassie lifts her eyes just a split second to you, and she smiles at you, her eyes twinkling the way it does when she sees you. You roll your eyes, walk along the hallway until you’re out of her sight, and into another patient's room. 

Cassie catches you on your way out the door, stunning you. You gasp, almost drop your tablet, but keep a tight grip. 

“Jesus.” You huff out, a hand over your chest. “You scared me.” 

“Are you okay?” She frowns, placing a calming hand on your elbow. 

“I’m fine.” You shake your head, sidestepping her. 

You didn’t say her name, didn’t look her in the eyes. That wasn’t normal for you. Usually you call her Cass or Cassie every five seconds, and you wouldn’t let go of eye contact until she walked away. 

But she just shrugs it off, guesses you’re tired. You were up late last night, still trying to get everything settled into your now shared apartment. 

She walks back to the nurses station, to still see Dana standing there. 

“Do you know what’s going on with y/n?” She frowns and looks in the direction she just came, like you’re gonna come over here. 

“No.” Dana sighs. “I already have to keep track of the board, incoming calls, what rooms are available, tests.. do you really think I have time to ask anyone what’s goin’ on?” 

“I mean, you’re Dana.” Cassie smirks at her. 

“I only saw her once. Right after you. Seemed to be a little upset.” She shrugged and held the tablet against her abdomen, busy scrolling through something. 

“I don’t know why though.” Cassie frowns to herself, pinches her lip between her fingers. “I mean, normally she would tell me this sort of thing. But she wouldn’t look at me.” 

“Don’t hit me when I say this..” She looks at Cassie, away from the tablet. “But maybe it has something to do with you.” 

She thinks for a second, “I don’t think so.” 

“Well, have you seen her today?” Dana pulls her eyebrows together, lips in a tight line. “She looks like she’s been kicked.” 

“I only saw her once other than right now.” She shrugs and thinks back to the trauma earlier, but can’t recall anything that would make you upset with her. “I mean.. she left quickly during the trauma, but I don’t know why she would be upset.” 

Dana shrugs again, “Then I can’t help ya there.” 

“Thanks anyway.” Cassie sighs and walks away. 

You spend the rest of your day in a superfluous amount of emotions. One second you’re smiling, the next you’re birching a nurse out, and then you’re upset with yourself about it. 

You know you shouldn’t let your personal life affect you, but you can’t help it. Cassie snapped at you, and now it was ruining your whole day. And on top of that, she didn’t even know what she did, which made it worse. 

She couldn’t track you down to save her life, and the shift was nearing an end. She asked Trinity and Dennis at one point what was going on, and they just shrugged, said they had no idea. 

You hadn’t talked to them today, or anyone really, unless it was case related. 

She cornered you an hour before shift change. 

“Okay, what’s going on.” She had both hands beside your head, caging you in. “I know something’s going on, so tell me.” 

“Nothing, McKay.” You give her a fake smile, bat your eyelashes. “Can I go now? I have a bunch of patients to check on before we leave.” 

“Will you talk to me on the way home?” She lifts her eyebrows. 

You suck your teeth, “I don’t know. We’ll see.” 

“y/n.” She sighs, tips her head in forward, “Come on.”

“Let me out.” You look at her seriously, and she moves both of her hands away in surrender, letting you get out of her hold. 

“Just tell me what’s going on. Did someone upset you?” 

You laugh, “You could say that.” 

“Well who was it? I’ll talk to them.” 

“McKay, let it go.” Your voice is stern, but she can see a trace of sadness in your tone. She also notes that you call her McKay, which is normal at work, but you were alone. 

You never called her by her last name when you were alone. In hushed conversations along the wall, you always called her by her first name. 

“Okay.” She steps away from you, lets you slide away from her. 

Right when shift was changing, she met you outside the hospital in her car. You didn’t say a word as you slid into the car. 

You let her place a hand on your thigh as she drove, but you didn’t say anything. You angled your body towards the window, arms crossed over your chest. 

She squeezes your thigh, and you look at her finally. 

“You okay?” She frowns, but already knows the answer. 

“I already told you. I’m fine.” 

“I understand that.” She nods and looks back to the road. “But I can tell you’re upset. And it makes me upset.” 

“You should be.” You scoff under your breath. 

“What was that?” Her head snaps back to you. “Was it something I did?” 

You don’t answer her, turn back away. 

“Did I do something?” Her heart is racing, like the second she stops this car you’re gonna jump out and pack all your things back up. “Baby?”

“You know what you did.” You still don’t turn back towards her. 

It sends a shock right through her chest, and she feels like crying. 

“No. I don’t.” She shakes her head quickly. 

“You snapped at me earlier.” You turn towards her now. “You really don’t remember? Wow.” 

“Baby. I didn't mean to.” She slides her hand up and down your thigh, trying to remember when this was. Then she realizes it. She did snap at you in the trauma room. But she didn’t mean to. She would never do that on purpose. “Come on, please forgive me.” 

“I must be really shallow if you think I’m just gonna forget that quickly.” You say it sadly. 

She pulls into the parking spot outside of your apartment, turns towards you, her nerves calming now. 

“I wouldn’t do that on purpose.” She reaches a hand out, and you smack it away. She chuckles at that. “We both had a rough day, sweetheart. Why don’t you let me make it up to you?” 

You just give her a look, push the car door open, and slide out. She grabs both of the bags, and follows you though the door when you open it. 

“I’m going to go shower.” You throw the keys in the bowl by the door, shrug your jacket off and kick your shoes. 

Cassie doesn’t say anything, just smiles to herself and watches you go. You don’t look back at her. You aren’t sure why she thinks this is amusing or how she’s going to fix things. But you would talk after your shower. 

You close the bathroom door, take your clothes off and hop in once the water is at the temperature you like. You wash your body and your hair, let the stress of the day go down the drain with the soap. 

When you get out, you wrap one of the towels around your body, dry your hair off a bit, and walk into your room. 

You see Cassie is already sitting on the bed, hands together in her lap. Her eyes find yours when you step into the bedroom, a cool contrast to the steam in the bathroom. 

“It’s all yours.” You only give her a side glance. You open the dresser drawer, and her hand stops you. 

You didn’t even notice her stand up, or walk over to you. You tilt your head to the side, and her eyes are darker than they were before. 

“What are you doing?” You ask tiredly, already thinking about climbing into bed, talking about this in the morning. 

“Don’t bother.” She shakes her head. “Sit on the bed.” 

“Cass, I’m upset—“ 

“I said sit.” Her eyebrows raise, her voice leaves no room for protest. You roll your shoulders back, sit down on the bed anyways. 

“You made me upset, Cass.” Your anger from earlier has disappeared, now you were just sad that she yelled at you. “You normally don’t talk to me like that.” 

“Shh, baby.” She pushes you back on the bed, climbs on top of you. “We’ll talk about that later, okay? Let me make it up to you.” 

She doesn’t let you answer before her lips are on yours, her hands on the bed, beside your head. She pulls back only slightly, and you moan into her mouth, lifting your head with her. She chuckles into your mouth, one hand coming up to cup your jaw. 

Her hand on your face slides down to the damp towel, unwraps it from around your front. She lets her finger ghost over your right nipple, barely touching you. 

“Please Cass.” You breathe out, arching your back so you can feel the pad of her thumb on you. “This isn’t making it up to me, you know. This is mean. Please just—“ 

You’re cut off by a moan when her other hand reaches your cunt, fingers circling your hole and gathering your wetness between her fingers. She slides up to your clit and rubs in tight circles. 

“You were saying?” She smiles at you. 

Your eyes are half-lidded, mouth open in pleasure. Her lips kiss down your jaw, down to your neck. She sucks a mark into the skin where your jaw meets the top of your neck. A mark that will be a bitch to cover up tomorrow morning. But she’d help you cover it. 

“Please Cass.” Your hand grips onto her bicep. “I want more. Please.” 

“Oh yeah?” She looks at you, forces your chin up. “What do you want, hm? This is about you.” 

“Your fingers—“ You gasp out, and she slides her two fingers down, sinking them inside of you. “Fuck.” 

“That’s a good girl.” She kisses down your neck until she reaches your chest. She nibbles and sucks on one of your nipples, and you arch you back into her mouth. 

You clench around her fingers embarrassingly quick, your first orgasm about to hit you. Truth was, it’s been a few weeks since you guys have done anything. Between moving, work, and having Harrison, it’s been a struggle to find time. So sue you for coming so quickly. 

“You’re so close, baby.” She leans her head up and looks you in the eyes. “Come for me.” 

With one look in her eyes, and a curl of her fingers, you’re done for. You moan and your legs clench around her hand, but she holds them open. She continues to curl them and fuck her fingers into you, not stopping any time soon. 

“Give me another one, baby, I know you can do it.” Her other hand holds your leg open, spread wide for her so she can see everything. 

“Cass.. want your mouth too. Please.” Your eyebrows furrow together, and you grip the sheets when she scissors her fingers inside of you. 

“So greedy.” She shakes her head, but leans down in front of you anyways. 

Her mouth attaches to your clit, and she keeps her fingers inside of you, occasionally curling them inside of you. Her tongue moves quickly over your clit, and your legs shake slightly from the overstimulation. 

“Aw, so sensitive.” She leans up an inch. “Such a good girl.” 

Her chain swings against the front of your mound, adding to the contrast of her mouth and fingers inside of you. 

“‘M gonna come.” You push her head in further, lock your legs around her head so hard you think she might suffocate. But Cassie couldn’t think of a better place to die. 

“Come f’me.” Her words are muffled between your legs, and you can feel her smirk when the coil breaks again, leaving you gasping. You grind against her face as you ride out the high, arching your back. 

She leans up after you're done, sucks the juices off her fingers. Her mouth attaches to yours, and you moan at the taste of yourself, hands sinking into the soft red hair. 

“I think you have one more in you.” She whispers into your ear when she pulls away. 

You shake your head at her, but she nods anyway. 

“You can do it baby.” She assures you, and she’s already reaching for the drawer where she keeps the strap. “Hands and knees, you know the drill.” 

You get on your hands and knees shakily, sticking your ass in the air for her. You hear her make noise and she slides the harness on, gets it to the position on her body that she likes. 

She places the pillow underneath you so when you fall down you have some stability. She slides into you easily, already wet from your other orgasms. 

“Fuck, y/n.” She leans over you, her chain dangling on the back of your neck. “You’re so wet, aren’t you?” 

“Mhm.” You bite your lip and strangle a moan as she gets more comfortable on the bed, shifting inside of you. 

She starts out slow, one hand reaching around you to play with a nipple. She twists and rolls it between her fingers, breath hot on the back of your neck. She places a soft kiss on your back. 

You push down onto her harder, meeting her thrusts. You moan out and lean your head back a bit. She lifts you back with her, hand over your chest. She’s leaning back on her heels for stability, and bounces you up and down on the silicone. 

“That’s it baby. I thought you didn’t have another one in you.” She smirks against the back of your neck. 

“Fuck you.” You whine, lean your head back on her shoulder. 

“I am, sweetheart. What do you call this?” She jerks her hips quickly, pushing deeper into you. 

You moan and close your eyes shut, all of it just too much. Her fingers come down to rub at your clit while her thrusts become more powerful. 

“Cass. Too much.” You cry. 

“Oh, honey, you’re okay. You’re doing so good for me. You know that?” She praises into your ear. “So good.” 

“Okay.” You gasp. 

“You close?” She lets you fall back down to your hands, but keeps her pace on your clit. 

“Yes.” Your legs shake from holding yourself up, and you fall onto the bed. “Don’t stop.” 

“Oh, I won’t.” She kisses the middle of your back, and places her free hand on your hip. She keeps a relentless pace, thrusting into you. “Come for me.” 

You clench around the silicone, and her thrusts slow after you’ve ridden out the high. 

“Such a good girl.” She kisses your head after she pulls out of you. She cleans the strap off and throws it back into the dresser. 

You lay limp on the bed, still face down, but legs extended down now. 

When she comes back, she cleans you up. The towel is warm and she is careful not to put too much pressure on your sex as she cleans you. 

She places another kiss on your knee before she gets up and throws the towel in the hamper. 

She grabs you a set of clothes, some of hers, because most of yours are still in the boxes along the wall. But also, she just wants you to wear her clothes. She picks out a pair of her tighter boxers and an old t-shirt of hers. 

She slides the boxers up your legs carefully, and then does the same with the shirt. She brushes your hair for you, and then slides back into the bed with you. 

She doesn’t turn the light off yet, just looks over at you. She pulls you a little closer, and you let her. 

“Still mad at me?” She lifts her eyebrows. 

“Jury’s out for debate.” You joke. “Ask me again tomorrow when everyone’s asking me why I’m walking funny and about the bruise on my neck.” 

She chuckles, “Sure, baby. Sure.” She kisses your lips, and it’s soft. Her tongue slides against your lips, begging to enter your mouth. Her hand slides under your shirt. 

“No more.” You shake your head and push her back. “I’m already going to hurt as it is.” 

“Can’t I make out with you?” She teases. “All I’m asking for.”

You roll your eyes, “Fine.” 

She keeps her hand under your shirt, resting over your ribs. Her tongue enters your mouth when your lips touch, licking the sides of your mouth before her tongue slides against yours. 

You pull back and give her a dazed expression. 

“You’re so pretty.” She looks at you with love. And she’s so glad you chose her to spend the rest of your time with. 

“So are you.” You rest one of your hands under your head, the other coming up to move a piece of her bangs out of her eyes. “And don’t think about telling me no.” 

“Alright.” It’s her turn to roll her eyes now. 

The two of you lay there like that for a few minutes, admiring each other. 

“I’m sorry I snapped at you. I didn’t mean to.” Her thumb moves back and forth on your ribs. “I should’ve apologized right after.” 

“It’s okay.” Your eyelashes flutter. “I was more mad that you didn’t realize it then I was that you did it. Besides, you made it up to me.” 

She laughs and kisses all over your face. You laugh yourself, smacking her arm. 

“Cass!” You throw your head back. “Okay, okay. I already said I forgive you.” 

She leans back and looks down at you. 

“I know.” She kisses your head one more time. “Are you ready for bed? Or do you wanna keep talking?” 

“No. No. You need sleep.” You move over so you’re all but on top of her. Your head rests on her chest, hand on her hip, hugging you closer to her. 

“I would lose sleep if it meant I could talk to you.” Her hand is still underneath your shirt on your side, and she hugs you in closer, too. 

Your chest flutters at her words, but you know you both need to sleep after that shift. And after what the two of you just did. 

“We can talk tomorrow.” You promise. “I expect breakfast.” 

“Yes, ma'am." She nods and moves to turn the light off. 

You lean your head back so she can kiss you one more time. She pulls the covers up over the two of you to keep you warm, and soon enough the both of you are passed out.