My main struggle is that I don't feel like I can use any label or gender identity, because there simply isn't any gender to identify. what I experience goes beyond a simple lack of gender, but is rather a lack of identity within gender- the whole thing just doesn't exist to begin with.

I feel his to a point were even voidgender or nullgender don't feel comfortable to me, since in my mind, they are still gender identities of sorts- something which I simply do not have at all.

so, all in all, I do not identify with any gender whatsoever- including agender, genderqueer, voidgender and gendernull.

That being said, I still want a term to describe my experience - keyword here is experience, not identity or gender identity, I want to be able to find pride in my experience.

I've decided waiting around for someone else to put my experiences into words is not going to help