nini

An elated yes! sounds across the room, causing you to look at him weirdly. 

Jaehyun has this habit of saying something, and then getting distracted by something else even though only mere seconds have passed. When he eventually goes back to the topic, he doesn’t remember where to pick up from. 

“Sorry. Where was I?” Jaehyun finally turned his chair away from the computer, an indication that he was finally done with his assignment. Making eye contact with your best friend who’s now stretching his arms because he’d been sitting in the same position for a long period of time, you forced yourself to bite back a smile. There’s just something about having extensive knowledge about someone to the point that you’re able to predict their mannerisms. Completing their sentences, even.

“Your game,” you refreshed his bad memory, “I’ll be there.”

“Right,” he smiled. 

“Chinese takeout at my place afterwards?” Jaehyun confirmed, and you nodded excitedly in agreement before going back to your lecture.

Ever since Jaehyun started playing for the basketball team in high school, the two of you have made it a point to celebrate with each other by buying takeout from a Chinese restaurant within your neighbourhood. 

Don’t get Jaehyun wrong, he’s an extrovert who feeds off the energy that he receives from spending time with other people. It's just unfortunate that celebratory parties did the opposite, draining every bit of his remaining energy that he had left after a physically demanding game. 

Socialising skills thrown out of the window, he finds himself wanting to leave even though he’d only arrived at the party for a few minutes. Along with loud party music blasting from the speakers and getting squeezed by random bodies as he tries to make his way around the frat house, his discomfort multiplies tenfold. All he can think about is leaving. 

If Jaehyun had a choice, he’d choose not to show up at all, but that would be very rude of him. 

So instead, this is what he does: go to the party, strategically mingle around his teammates, and sometimes stick around for a round of beer pong to make it seem like he’s been really involved. By seven-thirty, he’ll be making his way back home to you, waiting for him with his favourite jjamppong. 

Of course, Jaehyun enjoyed partying with his teammates. In fact, he’s been through hell and back with them, so it would make the most sense to celebrate the team’s win together considering the amount of time and effort they’ve put in. It's just, Jaehyun loves spending time with you too. It’s as simple as that. Granted, you two practically see each other twenty-four seven. But could any measure of time with you be ever enough? He didn’t think so. 

It’s like how the two of you could have separately completed your schoolwork today. Yet, you spent the day together again, which proved that best friends truly didn’t always need a special reason to meet. That’s how things have been between the both of you, and how he intended to keep it.

Shuffled footsteps sounding across the room, Jaehyun walked over to his window to draw the blinds when he noticed that the sun had already started to set, letting some natural light into his room. He turned back, bemusingly shaking his head when his eyes landed on your lying figure. Making yourself comfortable on his bed and snuggling into his blanket, he reckoned that you’ve stopped paying attention to the lecture a long time ago. 

“Wake up, sleeping beauty.” Jaehyun turned off the air conditioner and record player, grabbing his phone and wallet from his desk before walking over to his bed. “Let’s get dinner.”

“I wasn’t sleeping!”

You sat up, glaring at Jaehyun because of his false accusation. An incredulous look on his face because of your reaction, he laughed at your poor attempt to fight back. Messy bed hair and tired eyes, anyone would have thought that you’d just woken up from a nap.

“And I’m not done yet, I still have ten minutes of the lecture left,” you informed him. But before you could resume your lecture, Jaehyun hurriedly closed the lid of your laptop, prying it out of your hands to leave it on his desk. 

“What was that for? I said I wasn't done.” You whined, his impatience starting to irk you. 

“The lecture is two hours long.”

“And?” you asked, not really seeing his point.

“And it’s been three hours!” Jaehyun stated matter-of-factly as though you weren’t aware. “If you actually paid attention, you’d be done by now.”

Your expression darkened at his words.

Now, you’re well aware of the fact that Jaehyun is a top student with multiple scholarships and stellar grades. He never fails to keep up with his weekly readings and always submits his assignments on time. Sometimes it's even submitted days prior to the actual deadline. Jaehyun's consistency is one of the many aspects that you greatly admire about him. Even so, it didn’t feel very nice to have him rub it into your face that he was more productive than you were, given that the both of you had the same duration to complete your individual tasks.

“You’re being very mean, Jaehyun.”

Pulling the blanket away from your body, you got up from his bed. “I may not be a genius like you, but at least I'm trying.” You avoided his eyes, not wanting to look at him in fear that you’ll start a petty argument with him over something so trivial. It's been a long day, so maybe you were being overly sensitive too.

“Hey,” Jaehyun extended a hand out to your forearm, gaze softening upon seeing how upset you looked. “I’m sorry, I didn't mean it like that.”

“I–” his mouth closes, unable to find the right words to say. 

“Hey, you look tired. Let’s continue studying after dinner?”

Why didn’t he just say that from the start? It’s not even that difficult. He may not be the best with words, but he sure felt terrible for being the reason you’re upset. 

His grip on your arm tightened. “I’m sorry,” his voice resigned, Jaehyun apologised again. “Let's not fight over this, please?”

You removed Jaehyun’s hand from your arm, finally turning to look up at him. And there they were, the infamous puppy eyes he’d give you whenever he wanted to apologise or ask you for a favour. At that sight, you couldn’t help but let a tired sigh leave your lips. 

This is the Jaehyun that you’ve come to know. 

Treating everything as if it’s a competition. Too honest with his words. Impulsively saying his thoughts out loud without considering how others may interpret it, then realising that it’s too late to take back what he said if it ended up being too harsh. It’s not necessarily a bad thing because you could always depend on him to give you his truthful opinion without sugarcoating. He told you what you needed to hear, not what you wanted to hear.

Nonetheless, it was also times like this that made you wish he’d think before he speaks. Although you were slightly offended by what he said, you also understood where he was coming from. He’s tired, you’re tired, and there’s no better time than now to take a break. 

“I accept your apology,” you said, moving to open his room door. “But dinner’s on you.”

“Okay,” Jaehyun responded almost instantly, going over to stand behind you. He placed two hands on your shoulders and started massaging them before saying, “I’ll get you caramel milk tea with pearls too.” And even though you were not facing him, you could already see his frown from earlier disappear. 

“With less ice and less sugar,” he added. 

You’ll be lying if hearing him repeat your bubble tea order perfectly didn’t bring a smile to your face, but Jeong Jaehyun shall not get the satisfaction of knowing that. 

–

You first met Jaehyun when you were five.

It was a Friday afternoon, and you were very excited because your mum promised that she would bring you to the neighbourhood playground. You were supposed to go on Monday, but it has been raining heavily so you had no choice but to (quite literally) take a rain check on that. And fortunately, the sun was finally out today, shining brighter than it ever did this past week. 

As a kid, the neighbourhood playground was one of your favourite places. Other than having different types of slides, there was also a suspended rope bridge that you’d occasionally go on if you were feeling slightly more adventurous that day. Mini tree houses situated along the bridge that basically acted as checkpoints for when you’re crossing the bridge, these tree houses were definitely one of your top spots too.

But that day, you were more interested in the sand play area that’s adjacent to the playground. With just two swings in the middle of the sand pit, it was comparably less fun than playing on the slides or going on the tree houses. Though, the fourteen-piece sand castle building set that your mom had recently bought you for your fifth birthday definitely proved otherwise. 

For as long as you could remember, visiting the neighbourhood playground had become a weekly occurrence. In the time you spent there, you always had this tendency to notice the other kids who sat around playing in the sand pit. While they were using a variety of tools to build sandcastles of various sizes and shapes, you could only watch them with envious eyes from the tree house. Your parents have always been very generous with buying you toys, so you didn’t want to come off as a spoiled brat by asking for more. Instead, you tried to enjoy your time there with all that you had. Playing catch with the other children, having a competition on who could go down the slide the fastest. It was enough to make you content. 

Luckily for you, however, your mum seemed to have caught onto the fact that you too wanted to try building sandcastles, thus buying you one of those sandcastle building sets. You recall unwrapping the gift, screaming in excitement and thanking her profusely by enveloping her into a bear hug and giving her multiple cheek kisses. 

With the toys laid out in the sand, you decided to start slow. 

Steadying the blue bucket against the sand, you used the shovel and filled it up to the brim, smoothing out the top surface until you were satisfied with it. You carefully tipped the bucket over such that the sand wouldn’t fall out, and silently prayed for the best as you slowly removed the bucket. 

“Mummy, look!”

A proud smile on your face, you eagerly pointed to the sandcastle that you’d successfully built on your first try. Seated on the bench diagonally opposite from where you were, she praised you for doing a good job and gave you a thumbs up.

This went on for about the next half an hour or so, as you tried to build as many sandcastles as you could, experimenting with the different toys that you had, even going so far as to smooth out any crevices that you spotted with your bare hands, not caring that the sand particles would dirty them. It was a pity that there was no one else at the playground because it would have been more fun if you had a companion, but this would do for now.

Blowing out your cheeks once you’ve completed your little ‘art project,’ you looked at it with a triumphant smile. Albeit simple, it was pretty decent for a first timer. Although you wanted to keep going, it was admittedly tiring and required a lot of concentration on your part. As such, you decided to call it a day. Cautiously moving the toys away so that you would not accidentally topple the sandcastles over, you started to pack up your things so that your mum didn’t have to wait once she came back from the restroom.

Only, crackles of footsteps over the fallen leaves caused you to cease your packing. Not-so-subtly turning behind to look for the source of the sound, you scratched your head in confusion when there was no one in sight. You shrugged it off, thinking that you misheard it and that it was probably the sound of the bushes rustling since it did become more windy over time. Picking up the plastic shovel, it was the last of your things that you were going to keep before leaving the playground. But just as you were about to put it together with the rest of your stuff, you heard a sniffle. It was silent for a few seconds, and the sniffling continued again. And again. 

It sounded like… someone was crying?

With the plastic shovel still in your hand, you took one step back, then two, trying to get as close as you could without making any noise. You wanted to wait until your mum returned, but curiosity got the better of you. It seemed alright to assess the situation first, since you just wanted to check out what the noise was about. 

Frankly, you had no idea why you were being so secretive, but perhaps it was because you didn’t want to alarm whoever was there. If they were already crying, you shouldn’t startle them any further, right? At least, that’s what you thought. Upon closer inspection, you realised that they were hiding behind the bushes, and all you could see were their shoes. It was mostly white, the familiar black swoosh logo imprinted on it.

Walk away and pretend you didn’t hear any of this. That thought came straight to your mind when you started to remember the terrifying stories that your parents told you in order to warn you about stranger danger. Your mum would be here soon, so it would be a good time for you to escape too. Just go back to packing your things, and everything will be okay.

But… that would be cruel, a small voice in your head insisted. 

No matter how apprehensive you were about this entire situation, a part of you did not want to leave the person alone, whoever they may be. Because you knew that if you were in their position and someone was nearby, you would want them to help you too. 

So, with hushed steps, you moved even closer to the bush, instinctively stretching out your hand that carried the shovel. You know, just in case you needed to use it as a weapon if you were attacked. You also made sure to not stray too far away from the sand playing area so that when your mum came back to the bench, you would still be in her line of sight. Turning at the corner so that you could finally take a look at the person behind the crying (and bushes), you slowly raised your arm down such that it was now resting against your side, your gaze fixed on the culprit.

There was a crying boy in front of you.

He had a bowl haircut and was wearing a white crew neck short sleeve t-shirt. He also had really chubby cheeks that resembled peaches. Not that it mattered, but it was one of the few things that caught your attention when you first saw him. His eyes were red and swollen from all the crying, and he had yet to notice your presence yet, still huddled in the bushes. Every now and then, he’d wipe his tear-stained cheeks, but the tears just kept falling and falling like a waterfall. About half a head taller than you, he looked like one of those boys in your kindergarten, so you guessed that he was around your age too. 

Seeing as to how the crying boy was literally harmless, the paranoid feeling that you had from before dissipated completely. It was instead replaced by a sense of helplessness. You were usually a good problem solver, but you didn’t know what to do right now. Your parents often distracted you with a toy whenever you were crying, but what could you possibly offer to him when all you had was a silly plastic shovel that was dirtied with sand?

Still determined to make him feel better, you took a deep breath before walking up to the crying boy, two fingers timidly tapping on his shoulder. 

“I'm sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you.” You quickly apologised with both hands raised up defensively when the boy jolted upright, now looking straight at you with frightened eyes. So much for not wanting to scare him… You were going to be upset at yourself if you made him cry even more. 

When he didn’t respond and instead backed away from you, a pang of hurt washed over you. You genuinely didn’t have any ill intentions and just wanted to help him, why couldn’t he see that? What’s more, it wasn’t like you could physically take him down with your comparatively petite size. The only good thing was that he finally stopped crying, and you couldn’t help but think that maybe he was embarrassed by it.

Before you could let any irrational thoughts of leaving him alone consume you, you dared to take another step closer to him, gently placing a palm on his shoulder as assurance that you were not going to hurt him. 

“Are you okay? What happened?” you asked.

His shoulders immediately relaxed, but still, no words left his mouth for a few seconds.

“My grandma brought me to feed pigeons,” he explained, and you nodded, prompting him to continue. “But I got scared because a group of them suddenly came up to me. I could only think about running away, so that’s what I did,” he said in between hiccups. 

“I heard grandma calling for me, but I just wanted to get away from the birds so I ran all the way here and now I can’t find her.” Tears welling up at the mention of his grandma, you patted his shoulder in an attempt to console him. It was only then that you noticed bits and pieces of uneaten bread in one of his clutched palms. You felt really bad and wanted him to be back with his grandma, safe and sound.

“What's your name?”

You didn’t mean to bombard him with more questions, but surely, you couldn’t refer to him as crying bread boy, especially not if you were going to help him find his grandma.

“Jaehyun,” he answered. 

“Jaehyun,” you repeated after him, liking how it was a nice name to call out. At that, Jaehyun asked for your name, also repeating it after you told him.

Looking out in the distance, it was fortunate that you saw your mum walking back from the restroom, about to reach the bench that she’d been sitting on this whole time. You quickly turned back to Jaehyun, a comforting smile etched on your lips. 

“My mummy is there,” you gestured at her before continuing, “she’s really nice and will get you home safely to grandma, okay?”

He was silent again, and you wondered if he was doubting you or your intentions. Removing your hand from his shoulder, you grabbed his free hand, intertwining his pinkie with yours, “I promise.”

Jaehyun smiled for the first time ever since you saw him that day, deep dimples forming. “Thank you,” he inched forward, bent down to your eye level, and blew at your temple. “You got sand there. It’s gone now,” he said. You were slightly caught off guard by the close distance, but nevertheless thanked him. 

The focus was to find Jaehyun's grandma, you reminded yourself. Without wasting any second, you interlocked the rest of his fingers together with yours, running towards your mum, who had a surprised look on her face. With pursed lips, she still kept a polite smile, gaze shifting from you to Jaehyun as she patiently waited for you to introduce him to her. 

Doing the honour of telling her what happened so Jaehyun didn’t have to repeat himself, it turns out that you were right about your mum knowing what to do.

She revealed that the Jeong family actually moved into the empty apartment opposite yours just last week, and she had already met them when Jaehyun and his mum came over to give rice cakes as part of tradition. Due to it being a brief interaction and Jaehyun hiding behind his mum the whole time, that could be why he didn’t recognise your mum at first glance. He was apparently shy when it came to meeting new people, though, you’d like to think that he just enjoyed hiding behind people and things for no reason.

After you’ve gathered all your things, the three of you walked back to your apartment together. Sandwiched in between you and your mum, Jaehyun was holding onto both of your hands. You did not know how he was feeling on the inside, but you could visibly tell that he’d already calmed down.

On the way home, you and Jaehyun ended up talking with each other, pretty much like how you would in kindergarten when getting to know more about a new friend. You learnt that he does not like bright colours and prefers sticking to monochrome colours, his birthday falls on Valentine’s day, and that he’s living here for five years because of his dad’s job. Oh, he enjoys playing basketball too. 

The walk to your apartment proved to be faster than expected as you and Jaehyun continued chatting until you reached. The two of you were in your own world, neither of you noticing your mum smiling at how well the both of you got along. It was as if you’ve known each other your entire lives.

His frightened eyes resurfaced while waiting at his front door, certain that he was going to be reprimanded big time for recklessly running away like that. To his surprise, however, the door opened to his mum and grandma standing side by side, the both of them letting out a huge sigh of relief the moment they saw him, not a tinge of anger in their voice or face. Running into their embrace, he apologised for making them worried and promised not to do it ever again. 

Other than the few sand particles that stained his once pristine white tee (the culprit shall not be named), they were glad that he made his way back home safely with you and your mum’s help.

Like yin and yang, black and white, Jaehyun and you were two-halves, who by the roundabout way of fate, found your way to each other, complementing and contradicting every bit of your souls in an imperfectly perfect manner that was like no other.

And the rest was history.

–

It was the final game of the season, and also the last day of the junior year. Despite winning all of the previous games by a large margin, Jaehyun didn’t want to get too complacent and take it easy just yet, since they were up against one of the stronger teams today. After all, it was the finals that determined if they would become champion, and if there’s one thing that he learnt growing up, it’s that he should either go big or go home. In other words, it’s either champion or nothing. 

Both teams have already arrived at the stadium, now wrapping up their warm-up exercises and ball handling drills as the spectators started to fill up the seats. Out of habit, Jaehyun looked to a particular area in the audience that’s near his team’s benches.

You’ve always been Jaehyun's biggest supporter, not just in basketball, but throughout his life, ever since that fateful meeting.

At age ten, his world almost came crashing down when he thought that he’d have to fly back to the other side of the world since his father’s contract had ended. He couldn’t imagine not having you by his side, and Jaehyun did not want to bid farewell to you, not at that time, not ever. But life had a funny way of working out, because you still ended up being his neighbour when he went back to Seoul, both of you promising that you wouldn’t leave each other’s side.

Because if it weren’t for you, he’s positive that he wouldn’t have made it this far either. 

Sad to say, his biggest supporter also happened to have a frequent problem of tardiness. Reaching on time already proved to be a challenge for you, so Jaehyun’s not sure why he expected you to be early for his game. Although you promised him yesterday that you'd come watch him play, he couldn’t help but sulk in disappointment when he did not see the one person that he’s waiting for. 

“Don’t worry Cap, she’ll be here soon. You know how it is.” Feeling a bump against his shoulders, Jaehyun looked away from the audience and came face to face with his teammate, who shot him a reassuring smile. 

Mark Lee, Vice-captain of the basketball team, and also Jaehyun's ride or die. Meeting through basketball, they’ve been playing alongside each other ever since high school days. Mark was the next person that Jaehyun could comfortably confide in after you, and the closest thing that their bond could be likened to was that of biological brothers. 

Save for the celebratory after parties, a few spontaneous outings, and the several common classes that they shared, the two did not typically hang out together on the regular outside of basketball. Even so, having been a part of each other’s lives for so many years, it was not surprising that there’s still a mutual sense of understanding between them. Like how some things don’t need to be said aloud, and you’ll still get it. That was the nature of their friendship. Brotherhood, if you will.

And so, it was only a matter of time before Mark eventually latched onto Jaehyun's undying crush on his long-time childhood best friend of seventeen years, you. The way Jaehyun’s eyes twinkled at the mention of your name in conversations, how his jaw clenched at the sight of his teammates getting too chummy with you for his liking whenever you popped by his training sessions; Jaehyun was obviously not an expert at concealing his feelings for you. And as far as Mark's concerned, these feelings were definitely not platonic. 

Jaehyun awkwardly cleared his throat at Mark's words, going over to his team’s benches as if he wasn’t just caught red-handed looking for you in a sea of people. Having a crush in itself was already embarrassing, but it’s worse when other people are aware of it. Even though Jaehyun trusted that Mark isn't the type of person to expose him, it didn’t help that you and Mark were also friends, because the Mark that he knew could not keep a secret to save his life. Case in point: Mark accidentally adding Jaehyun to a group chat with the subject name: Captain’s Birthday Surprise Party.

Perhaps the least of his concerns as of this moment, but someday if Jaehyun ever decided to make his feelings known, he wanted you to hear it directly from him. 

“Jae!” 

Jaehyun snapped back to reality when he heard a familiar voice, standing up from the benches to look back at that one spot in the audience. Unable to hide his smile, he waved at you, chuckling at the raised banner in your hands that read: MY CAPTAIN ♡ #23.

Wearing the number 23 jersey came with great expectations, and even though Jaehyun was no Michael Jordan, he’d proven himself to be worthy of owning it. Carrying the burden of being the star player and team captain was not easy, to say the least, but Jaehyun was grateful that he has the support of his teammates, and most importantly, you. 

There were days in which he got really stressed out because of practice, venting to you about how he needed to stop shooting air balls when it was only days away from the competition. Or when Yuta, his teammate, continuously used illegal contact in spite of his instructions. He could not be emotionally charged when dealing with his teammates, so you were the only person that he could go to. 

Unlike him, however, you weren’t familiar with basketball so your responses often came in the form of understanding nods, a listening ear, and becoming a shoulder for him to lean on. 

And even that was enough for Jaehyun.

“You can do it!” 

Jaehyun thinks back to the time that you tried to cheer him up with encouraging words. It was one of those days in which he ended practice with a heavy mind, and he could only let it all out while ranting to you. 

“You’re Jeong Jaehyun, there’s literally nothing you can’t do. Troy Bolton?” you scoffed. “I’ve only ever heard of Jaehyun Bolton!” Jaehyun bursted into laughter the moment he heard that, visibly entertained by how you could come up with something so absurd yet hilarious. But just like magic, Jaehyun also felt a heavy weight lift off his shoulders at your affirmation.

“You’ll do just fine, Captain.” You gave him a comforting pat once he calmed down from laughing, adopting a more serious tone to let him know that you weren’t kidding about him doing well.

Even if it was a spur-in-the-moment kind of thing, it somehow aged really well, for Jeong Jaehyun has never lost a single game in his life, and he didn’t plan on losing any game in the near future. 

–

It’s the fourth and final quarter of the game. To be precise, it was down to the last two minutes.

Jaehyun’s team was playing offence, and even though they were in the lead, the opposing team was very close to catching up to their score. These two minutes were extremely crucial.

Eyes trained on the ball, Jaehyun watched Jungwoo dribble it, getting as close as he could to the three-point line. Except, Jungwoo struggled to do so because he was surrounded by the opposing team, which practically made it impossible for him to inch any closer. 

Five. Four. Three. Two. One.

The referee blew the whistle, signalling for Jungwoo to hand the ball over to the opponent because he went past the five-second rule. 

Jungwoo wore a look of disappointment on his face, reluctantly passing the ball over. Jaehyun noticed this, and quickly jogged over to his teammate. “It’s okay,” he muttered, patting Jungwoo on the back. 

As the seconds went by, the opposing team passed the ball within their team, but never quite made it close to the scoring lines either, Yuta powerfully smacking the ball to block their advances. One of them continuously shouted at their teammate to shoot once there was an opportunity, but he didn't, and Jaehyun guessed it’s because it’s too far and risky a shot to take, especially with the clock ticking. 

Failing to make any further advances, they ended up losing their possession of the ball to Jaehyun's team. He signalled for Sungchan to take it, mentally formulating a strategy for him to get the ball over to their scoring zone smoothly. All of them exchanged glances with one another, collectively nodding after Jaehyun held up three fingers. 

After the whistle beeped, Sungchan wasted no time in passing the ball to Jungwoo before it could get intercepted. 

“Nice!” Jaehyun’s shout echoed, and he ran over to manoeuvre around the empty area just behind the three-point line of their scoring zone. 

They had sixty seconds left. 

Jungwoo was once again blocked, but unlike before, there was only one defender in front of him this time. Not expecting the ball to leave Sungchan’s hands so quickly, the other defenders were still running from the other side of the court, which gave him a bit of an advantage. 

“I'm free!” Mark called out, raising his hand to get Jungwoo’s attention. 

Jungwoo always played it safe, so he planned to dribble the ball to ensure that he could make a smooth pass to Mark. But dribbling the ball also made it easy for the defender to snatch the ball away, so he decided against it. 

Instead, he steadily raised the ball over his head as though he was about to do a shoulder pass to Mark, then waited for the defender to raise his arms knowing that he would try to smack it down. The second the defender’s hands were raised above his waist level, Jungwoo speedily brought the ball down, successfully bouncing the ball into Mark's hands.

Clearly outnumbered, the defender did not even try to stop Mark’s pass to Jaehyun. 

With the ball now in his possession, the entire stadium turned silent, suspense growing as all eyes fell on Jaehyun, waiting for him to take the shot. They’d already won the game, but it was still undeniably exhilarating to watch, considering that there were only eight seconds left until the game ended. Furthermore, it’s a three-pointer at stake here. 

It’s now or never. 

Jaehyun’s gaze was fixed on the hoop. Flashbacks of his air ball moments started playing in his mind, and he had to shake his head to physically clear out such thoughts. He exhaled deeply, the image of you with the banner that you probably stayed up to finish appearing instead, and he thought back to what you said to him before. No matter how ridiculous, he must admit that your words gave him a boost of confidence that faltered for a while when the opposing team kept scoring earlier. Positioning the ball over his head, he made a jump for it, effortlessly flicking the ball out of his palms… 

And he scores.

The crowd erupted in massive applause and loud cheers. Splashes of red, yellow, and white of the team’s flag colour decorated the entire stadium. Jaehyun’s teammates made a run for their captain, engulfing him in a group hug as they celebrated their victory. Before both teams returned to their benches, they lined up in a row for a handshake, mutters of good job and good game exchanged between players and coaches alike. 

As he did in every other game, Jaehyun returned to the benches and turned back to look at you. Even though most of the crowd already dispersed, you were still seated there, banner in hand. Pointing at it once again, you mouthed exactly what’s written on it, showing him a thumbs up. Grinning from ear to ear, he did not make any effort to hide his happiness.

Forget movies. If the multiverse was real, Jaehyun hoped there is a version where you become the Gabriella Montez to his Troy Bolton. 

–

Summer vacation rolled around soon enough, and before you knew it, you were sitting on the passenger seat of Jaehyun's car, buckling up your seatbelt while he started the engine.

You didn’t usually make any extravagant plans for summer vacation, but this year was slightly different in that both of your families decided to rent out a villa at Fluffel Heights. A three-hour drive away, it’s a small town located up north from your neighbourhood. It’s rare for everyone to be around, so this was the best time to spend the next three months together. 

You were supposed to set out at seven in the morning, but as always, you overslept again. Your parents left you a text saying they’d go over to check out the villa with Jaehyun's parents first, and that you and Jaehyun could come together later. Turns out, he also had difficulty getting out of bed because he was up all night gaming. By the time the both of you got ready, it was almost nearing noon.

“Wanna get Starbucks?” Jaehyun asked after keying in the address of the villa into his GPS. The shimmering heat of the sun tempted you to say yes, so the both of you stopped by to get drinks and snacks for the long ride. You decided to try an iced shaken tea with lemonade that’s new on the menu, while Jaehyun got his usual iced americano.

The first two hours went by quickly with you and Jaehyun screaming out the lyrics to your favourite songs at the top of your lungs. You rolled down the windows too, relishing in the pleasant feeling of the refreshing summer breeze brushing against your skin. 

Before the trip, Jaehyun came up with a brilliant idea of creating a shared road trip playlist together. Your music tastes were similar to each other, so it was easy to add songs that both of you would definitely enjoy. Titled I got my driver’s licence last week, the playlist ended up being five hours and seventeen minutes long, with almost a hundred songs in it. 

Every now and then, Jaehyun would glance over to you with a questioning look on his face whenever one of Taylor Swift’s songs came on. He was not an avid listener of her songs, but he might as well be, from all the times you recommended her songs to him. Your obsession wasn’t something new to him, but he didn’t realise how most of the songs that you added into the playlist were hers until now. 

“At this point, you should just play her entire discography,” he said, sighing. It was only five seconds into the song, but he was already able to recognise it because of how often you listened to it.

“But it's cruel summer!” you retorted back, feeding him a biscuit since his hands were on the steering wheel. “The title has the word ‘summer’ in it, so I had to add it in.” Jaehyun chuckled at your reasoning, but eventually gave in and sang along with you too. How could he not? He practically has the lyrics memorised all because of you.

The singing continued for the rest of the drive, but it wasn’t long before you got tired, simply sitting in your seat and bopping your head to the songs. Jaehyun also quietened down, eyes focused on the road since he’s taking an entirely new route that’s foreign to him. The songs were not as upbeat as before, and you found yourself dozing off every few minutes, the air conditioning making you even sleepier. Eyes shut, Jaehyun’s voice was the last thing that you heard before you completely drifted off to sleep, but you didn’t catch what he said to you. 

–

“… Mum said there’s a bowling alley at the country club. Let’s go there tonight?” 

Jaehyun’s eyes were still focused on the road, patiently waiting for your response. However, there was nothing except music playing from his speakers, making him tilt his head quizzically. Were you even listening to him?

Jaehyun briefly turned to your direction, and he felt a smile creeping up on his face once he saw you. Phone clutched in your hand, you’d fallen asleep, head dangerously close to hitting against his car window. He’d always known that you would end up falling asleep if you had to travel for more than two hours, but he still found it amusing whenever he caught you doing that.

Shifting his attention back to the road, he continued driving until he exited the expressway, finding a suitable spot for him to stop the car by the side of the road. He reached over to the backseat to get his pillow, carefully positioning it between your head and the window so as to not wake you from your slumber. He also took the spare hoodie that he left in his car to cover over your body as a makeshift blanket. 

Before leaning back into his seat, Jaehyun took in the sight of your sleeping figure for another time, and it took everything in him to not press a kiss against your cheek. 

These days, he’s finding it increasingly difficult to be around you, for the sole reason that your presence made it feel as though his heart was going to burst out of his chest. As much as he likes you, he didn’t know how much longer he could hide his feelings. He’s been doing well all these years, so why now? 

Perhaps it’s because the topic of relationships has started to come up more in your recent conversations with him. Expressing your concern about not being able to find the one, you told him that maybe you should be more serious about your love life and actually put yourself out on the market. He laughed it off and told you that it wasn’t something that you had to worry about, but deep down, it awakened the unmistakable feelings of panic and jealousy in him. That someday, you’ll be with someone who’s not him. 

Jaehyun doesn’t know what he’ll do when that happens. 

It was ironic, really. 

A part of him wanted to muster up the courage to shoot his shot. It’s risky, but even if he missed, at least he tried and wouldn’t be left with any regret. At the same time, however, the thought of potentially destroying your friendship outweighed everything else, and it would be selfish of him to prioritise his feelings over what the both of you have built together over the years. 

“Yuno,” you called out, breaking Jaehyun out of his thoughts. 

He looked at you, surprised, since you didn’t usually call him that. In fact, you’re the only person who ever calls him that. He leaned in closer to hear you properly, but he’s unable to make out your incoherent mumbles. He sighed, not knowing what to do with you, or more specifically, his feelings for you. But before he could let his thoughts of you consume him again, he started the engine and continued the drive to the villa. Because if there’s one thing that Jaehyun’s good at, it’s pretending.

Jaehyun pretends to be unaffected each time you have a new eye candy in school, when on the inside, he secretly hoped that it won’t progress to anything beyond that. He pretends that you’re not the reason for his past breakups because he always saw glimpses of you in every single one of his dating partners. But most of all, he pretends that he cares and looks out for you in the name of being your best friend, when in reality, it is the only way he can be affectionate with you like lovers do.

Jaehyun guessed the bowling alley could wait. After all, he has the entire summer with you.

–

Summer isn’t summer if you didn’t visit the beach, so that’s where you and Jaehyun went today. Except, it was apparent that the two of you had very different ideas about what to do at the beach.

“You’re not seriously reading a book at the beach.” Jaehyun stared at you with judgmental eyes.

You glanced up at Jaehyun, ignoring how he looked almost offended before flipping over to the next page. “I’m on the last chapter.” 

Jaehyun took the empty spot next to you under the shade, attempting to snatch the book out of your hands, but to no avail as you turned your body away from him. “Stop it. We can do whatever you want later, let me finish this first.” 

“We don’t have all day,” he grumbled. 

In spite of his complaints, Jaehyun obediently sat there while he waited for you to finish the novel. Soon he got bored and started to pick out the seashells that were scattered across the sand, gathering them in the palm of his hand. Since he didn’t move beyond the shade, you tried your best to not get distracted by his movements, until he moved back to his original spot, calling for your attention to show you the seashells that he’d collected.

“This one’s pretty,” you pointed at one of the seashells that took on the shape of a traditional hand fan.  

“Right?” Jaehyun took the seashell that you picked out, leaning in closer to you. 

You backed away instinctively. “What are you doing?”

He wordlessly raised the seashell, holding it up to your ear. “Just listen.”

You could hear the afternoon waves crawling gently to the shore, the metramonic lulling making you feel like you were sitting by the water there and then, even though you were relatively far away from the edge of the water. Eyes widened, you looked over at Jaehyun in fascination, amazed by how such a phenomenon was possible. 

“I know,” he said, as though he could read your mind. 

After what felt like hours to Jaehyun, you were finally done with your book. He didn’t want to waste any more time and practically dragged you along with him. 

The both of you tried standup paddleboarding for a few hours, but it always ended with Jaehyun laughing at you whenever you lost your balance. Too bad for you, your best friend was a natural at sports, so you couldn’t poke fun at him the same way he did to you, and the best you could do was shoot daggers at him. 

You thought that the both of you would return to the villa after that as you and Jaehyun took a slow stroll along the beach, leaving your footprints along the trail. That is, until Jaehyun suddenly carried you up in one swift movement when you weren’t paying attention to him, and the next thing you knew, you were in the water. 

“Jeong Yuno!”

You shouted at him once you got up from the water surface, raking your fingers through your hair to get it out of your face. 

Jaehyun stuck his tongue out. “Come and get me if you can!”

“Oh, I will.” You took large strides towards the shore, determined to drag Jaehyun into the water too. He wasn’t really making a run for it, and that spurred you on to go faster, making it far enough to be just an arm’s length away from him.

Before you could reach out to grab him, however, your foot came into contact with something sharp and hard, causing you to let out a loud shriek. You didn’t know what you stepped on, but it was so painful that you could feel your legs giving up on you. Closing your eyes as though it would cushion the impact of the fall, you were surprised to feel an arm wrapped around your waist instead. You slowly opened your eyes, only to come face to face with Jaehyun. Eyebrows drawn together, his concerned eyes glazed over yours to check if you were okay.

“Be careful, will you?” Jaehyun murmured. “You’re always making me worried for no reason.” You swallowed hard, trying your hardest to feign ignorance at how his body was pressing against yours, so close that even the thin piece of cloth separating your bodies didn’t stop you from being able to feel the outline of his well-defined abs.

You looked away from him for a moment to recollect yourself, and that seemed to make Jaehyun think that you got hurt somewhere else. Letting go of your waist, Jaehyun bent down in an attempt to check on your supposedly injured foot. A mistake on his part, it seemed, Jaehyun was caught off guard and hastily pushed into the water seconds later.

You smiled in victory, bursting into fits of laughter once you saw Jaehyun’s priceless face. “Gotcha!”

–

In retrospect, maybe Jaehyun should have insisted on going to the bowling alley with you the first night you two reached the villa.

Six weeks into summer vacation, his extended family were invited over for an impromptu poolside party since they happened to be around the area. They were too tired to drive back by the time the party ended, so they crashed in the villa for the night. But one night turned into two, and they eventually decided to spend the entire summer here too.

And the thought of it was enough to make him clench his fist in anger.

It’s not that he hated them. Their families were pretty close, so this arrangement was not something out of the blue. But with them around, Jaehyun could hardly spend a moment with you in peace. Not just that, there’s been days in which Jaehyun woke up to texts of you cancelling plans, and he didn’t even know where you wandered off to.

It’s true that you and Jaehyun had the opportunity to explore different places of interest around the town. From paddleboarding at the beach to renting bicycles at the park, he has had his fair share of quality time with you to try out new activities you haven’t done together before. Minus the bowling alley, of course, because it somehow slipped Jaehyun's mind.

Still, no amount of time spent with you would ever be enough for him.

Ever since his extended family joined, you’ve been around his cousin a lot more than he’d liked. To make things worse, his cousin did not have a very good concept of personal space either. Catching his incessant touches on your arm or shoulder, Jaehyun was unable to suppress the green-eyed monster in him.

Johnny Suh was a little bit of a handful. 

Notorious for his reputation as a player who changes his significant other every two weeks, you’re someone that Jaehyun would never let him get close to, even if Johnny was the last person left on earth. If he had to be honest, he wasn’t even sure if those people were even significant enough to be called his significant other, but that’s beside the point. The point was that his efforts were proven to be futile, especially from the way that you didn’t mind how Johnny has his arm around your shoulder, giggling at the sweet nothings that he whispered in your ear.

Jaehyun wasn’t used to any of this. He recalls a conversation he had with you in the kitchen where he tried warning you about Johnny, but it was apparent that his words fell on deaf ears. 

“He’s just being friendly,” you said, and Jaehyun had to physically hold himself back from letting out another sigh. 

For the lack of a better word, he thought that you were being really stupid. You might not have had much experience in the dating scene, but surely, you’ve spotted Johnny flirting with random strangers at the country club before. Even if you didn’t personally witness it with your eyes, you must have at least heard him flirting with people over the phone. That should’ve been sufficient for you to see that Johnny wasn’t serious about you.

“He's my cousin, I'm sure I know him better than you do,” Jaehyun retaliated. Why were you being so stubborn? It was not like you at all.

“Okay and?”

You kept your phone in your pocket and looked up at him, rolling your eyes. “Do you want an award for that? Why must you consistently prove that you’re better than me?”

Jaehyun scoffed, unable to believe the words coming out of your mouth. Turning off the tap, the kitchen was filled with the clanging sound of Jaehyun angrily placing the washed plates and mugs back into the dish holder. “Is that what you really think of me? A competitive asshole? After all these years we’ve spent together, that’s all you have to say about me?”

You fell silent. Regret instantly showed in your eyes, and even Jaehyun knew that you only said it in the heat of the moment, but it was still hurtful. He hated this. It was inevitable for arguments to arise in friendships, but lately, that was all the both of you did. Argue. And it was always over Johnny. 

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” Jaehyun spoke again, back leaning against the kitchen counter as he turned to face you.

“I wouldn’t be saying all of this if I didn't care about you.” His tone was much gentler than before, because honestly, he didn’t have it in him to stay mad at you too. “I’m just looking out for you, as a friend.”

A friend, he said.

“Then as my friend, can’t you be happy for me?” Jaehyun felt the touch of your hand over his, your gazes locked. “You know better than anyone how much this means to me, so can’t you let me have it?”

He can’t. 

More than anyone, Jaehyun wished for your happiness. But he also wished that you could see where he’s coming from. It goes without saying that he’ll be happy for you if you found someone, but Johnny is really not who you think he is, and definitely not the one for you.

Jaehyun pulled his hand away, causing you to take a step back at how cold he was acting. It was evident that he’d given up and didn’t want to continue the conversation. Because to him, there was no point in talking if you were not going to listen to him. Body turned towards the door, he slowly made his way out of the kitchen.

“Jae, about earlier, I–”

“Save it.” His footsteps came to a halt, but Jaehyun did not even bother turning back to spare you a single glance. It was awful that he cut you off, but it couldn’t possibly compare to what he said next, the words cutting right through your heart.

“Just don’t come crying to me later on.” 

Looking back, Jaehyun wished he could turn back time because he’s sorry for being so harsh towards you, for unintentionally starting a cold war. Other than greeting each other when your parents were around, it really killed him that you barely spoke to him. 

It killed him even more right now to see you by Johnny's side, affectionately leaning into his touch. And because ignorance is bliss, Jaehyun averted his eyes right before you pressed your lips against Johnny’s, hiding behind a corner where he faded away with the rest of the world that no longer seemed to have you in it.

–  

In the course of your friendship, Jaehyun was always the first to reach out to you, attempting to patch things up whenever the two of you fought, taking the blame even if it wasn’t entirely his fault. And while you acknowledge how unfair it is to him, you could never find the right words to say to him, and by the time you figure it out, he’d have beaten you to it. Of course, you would admit that you were also in the wrong, but it still feels bad that he’s constantly the one giving in to you.

This time, however, you were convinced that he did not want anything to do with you anymore. 

It’s been almost two weeks since the two of you argued, but Jaehyun has yet to approach you. Considering how your previous fights never lasted for more than a week, you wondered if the friendship could still be salvaged. 

In an attempt to clear your mind, you decided to go out to get some fresh air. So here you were, sitting on a swing in the park. And even though it’s not the same, it reminded you of the neighbourhood playground that you and Jaehyun always went to when you were much younger. Gone were the carefree times where the only thing the both of you worried about was how you were going to talk the adults into letting you play a little longer before going home. 

You think you miss Jaehyun a little more than you usually do today.

Maybe it’s a sign for you to reach out and apologise first. It’s just two simple words, and Jaehyun has said it to you so many times before, so there’s no reason that you couldn’t do it. But admitting to your wrongs is always a difficult thing to do, even if it’s your best friend that you’re being honest and vulnerable with. Or rather, because he’s your best friend, all the more it makes it harder for you to swallow your pride, because he was right about Johnny after all. 

True to Jaehyun’s words, you were nothing more than a side piece to Johnny. Coming and leaving as he pleased, your iMessage conversation with Johnny was increasingly filled with blue speech bubbles only. Even if he did text back, his responses were often one-word replies or things that were difficult to reply to, as if his intention was to end the conversation there and then.

It was not a nice feeling at all. 

Although things between the both of you have ended, thoughts about Johnny didn’t fail to make you tear up.

You hated how desperate you were during that time, shredding every piece of dignity you had in you to hold onto Johnny in hopes that he would do the same too. Spending most of his time on his phone instead of sparing you his attention, cutting short your hangouts, openly flirting with other girls in your presence; you still decided to put your trust in Johnny and ignored all these signs that blatantly presented themselves to you. 

Why? Because he was the first ever person that made you feel like you’d be able to experience the love that you always dreamed about. It would be too far a reach to say that he was your first love, but he was undoubtedly the first person to ever make you have feelings you didn’t know you had, both good and bad. The last straw was him accidentally calling you by another name, and you weren’t sure how you were supposed to end something that never really started, but you did by deleting every trace of Johnny in your phone. And eventually, your life. It was a difficult step, but one you had to take.

Never mind that your first experience with the closest resemblance to love was agonising, you were also on the brink of losing your best friend that you’ve practically known your entire life. You went from seeing him every day to almost forgetting how his voice sounded, as though a part of your soul had been taken away from you. You don’t know why you quarrelled with Jaehyun. It was not worth it though, that much you’d know.  

Gaze fixated on a little girl and boy playing on the see-saw, the feelings of despair grew stronger, and the sight of them made your heart clench. It’s not fair, the way everything reminded you of him. You tried to push the thoughts of him to the back of your mind to convince yourself that you didn’t care about him, but the tear that escaped your eye betrayed you.

If only you had listened to him then.

–

“I’ll be at the balcony. Call me if you need anything!”

Your dad hummed in response, momentarily looking up at you walking up the stairs before returning his attention to the barbeque pit, entirely focused on grilling the meat.

Summer was about to come to an end, and so was your stay at the villa. By the courtesy of Jaehyun’s and your parents who thought that it’ll be a good way to end the vacation with a barbeque party, they’ve been planning it together over the past few weeks. As opposed to you and Jaehyun who were still not on talking terms, it’s unfortunate that you didn’t manage to find an opportunity to properly apologise to Jaehyun. He was avoiding you, it seemed, from the way he’d devour his meal within minutes and return to his room, door shut and locked. There was never a chance for you to approach him, and soon you gave up even trying knowing that it would be a waste of your time. You didn’t want to ruin the party tonight knowing how much planning went into it, so you tried not to think too much about Jaehyun too.

The balcony had a splendid view that oversaw the small town; it was especially pretty when the sun set and rose. You’d accidentally discovered it a few days ago when a bird flew to the balcony railing, its loud chirps waking you up from your sleep. Groggily getting up to chase the bird away, you noticed how the morning sun was situated perfectly on the horizon. Its bright orange hue unlike anything you’ve ever seen before, the small town came to life during those few blissful minutes. 

Not wanting to miss the last sunset before you left the villa, you made sure to check the sunset time and even set an alarm for it. Today, the cloud cover was more extensive, which provided a beautiful contrast to the pinkish hues that splattered across the sky. As you took in the scenic landscape in front of you, you were in awe of how fast the colours changed even if you looked away only for a few minutes, very much like how fast the entire summer went by. 

“Mind if I join?”

Your solitude gets interrupted by a voice, and you almost jumped because of the sudden intrusion. But the moment it hit you, whose voice it was, it was your heart that really almost jumped. 

“Sure.” You pondered if you should turn behind. You don’t know how you’d react, seeing him again after such a long time, even though you’ve been meaning to see him because you only caught him whenever he passed by the hallway over the past few days. Not to mention, these rare sightings were extremely short-lived too. His voice alone was enough to make you break. Jaehyun eventually put an end to your dilemma by standing next to you, his arms crossed, elbows resting against the railing.

You felt like exploding.

You sneaked a peek at Jaehyun through your peripheral vision. He was wearing a plain black tee, which was basically what he wore every other day, and somehow you find yourself missing the sight of him appearing in the same few clothes that he owned. A small smile was playing on his lips as he looked over the horizon, and you thought about how if it wasn’t for the ongoing cold war between the both of you, this would have been an adorable moment that you shared together – watching the sunset. 

“It's so beautiful,” Jaehyun mused, and only when he spoke did you catch a whiff of alcohol on his breath.

“Have you been drinking?”

Voice laced with concern, you turned to him fully this time, getting a clearer view of his face. While his cheeks were not tinted red, his droopy eyes definitely gave it away. You didn’t even have to hear his reply to know the answer to your question. 

A lazy smile formed on his face, dimples peeking out. “Just a few glasses,” he said, slowly closing the distance between the two of you. It almost took you back to the day at the beach.

Jaehyun rested his chin on your shoulder, caging your small frame in his arms. You were taken aback by the sudden physical intimacy, considering how he’d not looked you in the eye for more than five seconds since the argument broke out. You’re not sure if it’s because of the close proximity or because he’d been drinking, but it was tremendously warm, and you could feel your body heating up too. It was warm in a good way, however, and because you couldn’t deny that you missed your best friend dearly, you returned the hug too. 

Jaehyun called your name, pulling away from the hug first. Staring deeply like this into his honey brown eyes is akin to the feeling of putting on your favourite cardigan, and it makes you realise just how much you missed him, his hugs, and everything else about him. 

“I missed you,” Jaehyun mumbled, his voice low. And if it weren’t for the fact that his face was just inches away from yours, you would’ve missed what he said. What struck you more was how he verbalised exactly what you were thinking of at that moment, even more so knowing that it wasn’t typical of Jaehyun to say such things.

You leaned back slightly, slowly letting go of him. “You’re drunk, Jaehyun.”

“So I can’t miss you when I’m drunk?” he challenged, pulling you even closer to him. His gaze on you didn’t falter, and the intensity of it made you want to scream; he has never looked at you like that before.

“No,” you muttered, “but you don’t usually act like that.”

“What if I want to?”

He was genuinely making you puzzled. “Huh?”

“What if I want to be this close to you all the time?” 

You let out a harsh breath at his words, trying to break free of his hold. “Let’s talk when you’re sober.”

A mirthless laugh escaped Jaehyun’s lips, your response making him look away for a moment before turning back to you. “I have a high tolerance. You know I never get drunk.” 

His hands were no longer around your waist, and you wondered if something happened for him to behave this way. You didn’t even understand the hidden layers of meaning behind his words, but it wasn’t something you wanted to think about when the both of you have yet to resolve your previous argument. If anything, he was confusing you even more with his words and actions.

“We should talk about this another time,” you insisted.

“No,” Jaehyun protested, bringing a hand up to tuck away stray pieces of hair behind your ear. You felt small under his gaze, shy because of his affectionate gestures. At a loss of words, it was difficult for you to predict where this was heading, but you prayed that it wouldn’t end up in another argument. A brief silence took over as neither of you said anything, until you noticed his eyes trailing down to your lips. 

“I want to kiss you so bad.”

“Jaehyun,” you gasped in shock. You put your hand on his chest to push him away, withdrawing it as soon as there was a considerable amount of space between you two.

“Don’t say such things when you’re not in the right state of mind.” Even though those words were meant for Jaehyun, it felt as though you were trying to convince yourself instead. That your best friend definitely didn’t see you in that way, and that it was just the alcohol talking. Yet, as you watched how the smile on his face fell when you pushed him away, it was getting harder to convince yourself otherwise.

“But I do,” he said, eyes searching your face for any signs of discomfort before carefully taking a step closer to bring you into a hug again, your forehead resting against his chest. “I don’t want to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. But I really want to kiss you. On the lips.” 

You immediately shook your head. “We can’t.”

“Why? Is it because of Johnny?” Jaehyun questioned, the pain in his voice went unhidden. 

“I’ve ended things with Johnny,” you clarified quickly, and for some reason it didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would, admitting that to Jaehyun. 

“Then why can’t we kiss?”

You blew out your cheeks, dumbfounded at how he was asking the obvious. “Because best friends are not supposed to kiss each other.” 

“You’re not just a best friend to me,” he stated. 

“Jaehyun, don’t do this.” You huffed, frustratedly cutting in before he could continue as you did not anticipate his confession. 

But he’d only moved his hand up, holding you in place through the form of gentle pats on your head, like he was silently telling you to listen to what he had to say. Knowing that this was going to come up again even if you avoided it now, you decided to give in, leaning into his warmth. Once he felt you relax, Jaehyun drew in a long breath before speaking again. 

“I like you so much,” Jaehyun started, the sense of resignation embedded within his confession so apparent that it made you curious just how long he’d been bottling this up for. “I really like you so much, I think it might even be love.” He repeated, as though you didn’t hear him right the first time. And if his words made your heart flutter, you pretended that it didn’t, hoping that he wouldn’t be able to feel how fast your heart was racing.

“But I knew it was wrong to have romantic feelings for my best friend. I wasn’t going to jeopardise our friendship, so I did everything I could to get rid of them. Told myself it was just a phase, and even started dating around,” Jaehyun continued. 

“It didn’t work, obviously,” he chuckled bitterly. “I ended up liking you more and more every day, I thought I was going crazy. For a while, it was easy for me to just ignore my feelings,” he hesitated for a moment before resuming.

“Until Johnny came into the picture.” 

You were steeped in guilt, grateful that your face was buried in Jaehyun’s chest. 

“I hated that you dropped me to be with him. Fuck, it hurt me so much to see the two of you doing things I’ve always longed to do with you. It’s true that he’s a player but all I wanted was to be selfish and keep you for myself. I felt stupid and sorry for not being to able to stop you from getting hurt, because that’s not how you’d protect someone you like.” 

“Don’t be sorry. It’s my fault for not listening,” you murmured. While you didn’t want to ruin the moment, you thought it was important to let Jaehyun know that getting involved with Johnny was solely your decision, and that it wasn’t something he could take the blame for even if he wanted to. It was also part of what you’ve been wanting to tell him in the few times that you attempted to approach him. 

Jaehyun tenderly threaded his hand through your hair upon hearing your apology, but neither accepted nor rejected it. “I know it’s unfair of me to suddenly dump all of this on you, but I can’t hold it in anymore. You don’t have to do anything about it, I just wanted to let you know that…” He huffed, “I really, really, really, like you a lot… Buttercup.” 

Buttercup. 

Hearing that nickname aroused unexplainable feelings within you, partly because Jaehyun didn’t call you that often. It was an inside joke that started in middle school, when you told him that Buttercup was your favourite Powerpuff Girl character because you found her really cool. Mischievous since young, Jaehyun responded by saying that it was really fitting because the two of you shared the same grouchy face, especially on early mornings when you had to wake up for school. He never stopped teasing you since then and would call you that whenever an opportunity arises. 

This time, however, there was a hint of adoration behind the nickname that was definitely far from concealed. And you don’t think you want Jaehyun to stop calling you that. 

You felt Jaehyun press a soft kiss to the crown of your head, rendering you speechless because it made you forget what you wanted to say to him. It was too late, by the time you fully processed what had happened, for Jaehyun had already walked away, leaving you alone on the balcony just as you were waiting for the sunset earlier.

Only, the sun had already gone down. You couldn’t even find it in yourself to bask in the lovely afterglow that painted the sky when all you could focus on was the darkness surrounding it. 

It was indeed a cruel summer. 

– 

“Dude, so you just walked away after pouring your heart out to her? And the kiss. Dude, I really thought you would’ve gone for her lips!” 

Jaehyun almost spat out his food at Mark’s exclamation, not expecting the younger boy to raise his voice. Jaehyun’s eyes rapidly scanned the cafeteria to see if anyone heard him, and was relieved to see that they were busily engaged with their conversations to catch what Mark said. 

“Not loud enough, Mark. You should just announce it through the PA system and make sure even people in the Design School can hear you,” Jaehyun scowled at Mark, causing him to quickly apologise with a sheepish smile. 

The Design School was located on the other end of the campus from where they were, so Jaehyun probably wouldn’t have the cheek to turn up for classes if they could actually hear him. Though, Mark technically couldn’t be blamed for being so excited, since it’s not every day that he got an update on his close friend’s love life. He’d been invested in this for years. 

“But to answer your question, yeah. I’ve been avoiding her because I don’t know what else I should do,” Jaehyun said, mindlessly using his fork to play with his food instead of putting it into his mouth. He didn’t have much of an appetite. He didn’t even feel like he deserved to eat after what he pulled. Still, he had to get something into his system, because if not, there was no way he would survive afternoon practice later.

“Oh man,” Mark said, a tinge of disappointment in his voice. “She probably feels like shit though,” he added, his eyes widening immediately after realising the implication of his words. 

“Not saying you don’t feel like shit too, but you know, like, getting ignored after all that. I’d be bat shit confused,” he attempted to clear up. 

It’s occasionally difficult to comprehend Mark’s words because he speaks in the same way that he thinks, as though he’s still trying to piece his thoughts together, but Jaehyun knew what he was trying to get at. Mark did have a point, however. A point that, as Mark put it, made Jaehyun feel like shit. He knew better than anyone that it was wrong of him to leave you hanging without an explanation of any sort. 

“So you think I should approach her first?” 

Mark shook his head. “It’s not up to me to tell you what to do,” he replied, scraping up the remaining few bits of his food before taking a spoonful of it. “Just think that at the end of the day, you should follow your heart. Put aside the whole friends since childhood thing. There’s no way things would go back to how they were anyway.”

If you told Jaehyun five years ago that he’d be receiving advice on his love life from Mark, he’d probably laugh at you until he had tears in his eyes. Mark wasn’t a bad adviser, per se, and he could trust Mark to be a hundred percent honest with him. Jaehyun simply found the entire situation laughable, how it’d all come down to this. 

Following his heart… Jaehyun couldn’t do that easily, especially not when it’s something that he’d been trying to hold himself back from doing all these years. He always had to think logically and thoroughly consider what would happen to your friendship if he decided to act upon his feelings – and all the possible outcomes that came up in his head often didn’t end well. Following his heart? It was much easier to follow his head. It was already unsettling enough that he was so open and vulnerable with you about his feelings given that he rarely showed that side of himself to you, or anyone else for that matter. Coupled with that, is the difficulty of casually slotting himself back into your life to talk about what had happened; it’s not as if he was going to ask you about the weather. Decisions, decisions… Jaehyun was both curious and afraid to know how this would play out. 

“Alright man, I gotta go for my next class.” Mark pulled out his chair, the sound of metal creaking against the cafeteria floor. “It was nice catching up. I’ll update you on how she’s doing so don’t worry too much, okay? See you at practice later.” There was a nice ring of assurance to Mark’s voice, and it made Jaehyun grateful that you and Mark shared the same classes so he could still look out for you through him.

“Thanks bro,” Jaehyun said with a sincere smile on his face. Even though he still didn’t know what he was going to do, at least there is now a glimmer of hope that lies still in his heart.

–

If there was one word that you could use to describe how you were feeling, it would be sorrow. Several days have passed since that night but you’ve yet to hear from Jaehyun. Initially, you were worried about him and thought that he needed some time and space alone. So you gave that to him. After all, it probably took him a lot of courage to say those words to you. 

But one day turned into two, and soon, it became a week. You began to doubt Jaehyun’s feelings for you and wondered if he meant what he said, or if it was just the alcohol talking. Surely, this was no way to treat someone you claimed to like.

Truthfully, it’s been quite some time since you came to know about Jaehyun’s feelings for you. Or rather, had an inkling that he didn’t just view you platonically. You just chose to ignore it. For several reasons, but mostly the fact that your seventeen-year-long friendship was on the line.

In recent years, you started to notice the way that Jaehyun would pay special attention to you. There was nothing inherently wrong with that, since it’s normal for friends to look out for each other. But the foreign twinkle in his eye that started to show up when he listened to you talk about your day or complain about completing your assignments; it was difficult to brush it off as a friendly gesture when you were so used to him spacing out five minutes into your past conversations. 

Jaehyun also seemed to have taken a mental note of how forgetful you could be. More often than not, you’d forget to bring a hair tie out with you because you were always rushing out of the house. But at some point in time, together with his silver bracelet that he usually wore, Jaehyun would also have a black hair tie wrapped around his wrist. When he notices how your hair almost got into your food, he’d put down his utensils, chiding you as if you were a child while he tied your hair up into a simple ponytail.

And how could you possibly forget the time that he pulled an all-nighter to help you study for an exam? 

Jaehyun’s major was anything but closely related to yours, yet he took the time to familiarise himself with the important terms that you needed to know for the exam. Making flashcards so that it’ll be easier for you to remember those terms, Jaehyun even went as far as to record and send you audio notes explaining the concepts that your professor highlighted in your notes, which saved you so much revision time. All of this, simply because you made a comment in passing about how on top of that exam, you had so many other deadlines to meet in the same week, and he’d dropped everything to help you as if he didn’t already have a lot on his plate. He didn’t even ask for anything in return except for you to have a meal with him after the exam because he knew that you didn’t get to eat any proper food since submission week began.

It was certain that Jaehyun’s special treatment towards you made your heart do leaps and bounds, but you were in denial and didn’t want to believe that you saw your best friend in a different light. It was only when he confessed to you that you felt relieved. For all the times you thought you were committing a crime by overthinking every single interaction you had with him, even down to a simple text message from Jaehyun asking, “Did you sleep well? :)”

Perhaps a mistake on your part, but your friends were also Jaehyun’s friends. There were other people that you knew outside of that particular social circle, but they were people that you’d group as acquaintances, nothing more than polite greetings exchanged before and after lectures. It didn’t even matter that the both of you were neighbours because he wasn’t even around much. You didn’t dare to go knocking on his door in fear that he’ll just throw you another excuse to avoid you. 

Several nights, your hand hovered over Jaehyun’s contact in your phone. Typing, backspacing, typing, backspacing; these unsent messages ended up residing in your notes application for no one but yourself to read. Time spent away from Jaehyun was painful. Painful because it was only prolonging. 

Even walking home felt miserable because Jaehyun would usually be by your side, but only the music that played through your earbuds accompanied you.

This street was filled with memories that the both of you have made together over the years, and it was so painful thinking about how they turned into nothing once love came into play. It didn’t even take longer than a day for you to feel the full force of his absence in your life.

You hope you’ll never lose Jaehyun.  

–

“Hey ____, is my shoebag at the café?”

You got up from your chair, walking over to the other side of the table where Mark was seated previously. “Yup,” you said, pulling out his chair to find his black shoebag lying on it. “I didn’t even notice you left it here until you called.”

“Dang it. Could you bring it over for me? I wore slides today and there’s no way in hell I’m training in that. Coach would bench me.”

A particular someone filled your thoughts at once, and you turned quiet, almost forgetting that Mark was still on the line until you heard his voice again. “Jaehyun won’t be there if that’s what you’re worried about. He has an interview today.”

And that’s how you found yourself standing outside the indoor basketball court with Mark’s shoebag in hand. 

After the whole ordeal, Mark was the only person in Jaehyun’s social circle that really talked to you. Mainly because the both of you still had classes together, but you genuinely felt lucky that you still had company. If not, school would be so much harder to get through. 

Most of your conversations tended to gravitate toward school and assignments. Though, that didn’t stop Mark from dropping updates on how Jaehyun’s doing even if you never brought him up a single time. He was respectful about it, however, careful not to overstep. He also didn’t ask or say anything that would make you uncomfortable. And for that, you thought that the least you could do for Mark was to pass him his shoebag so that he wouldn’t get into trouble.

Your palm turned sweaty as it hovered over the doorknob, and it didn’t help that you could hear a bunch of rowdy voices from outside. Although Mark already assured you that Jaehyun wouldn’t be coming, the anxious feeling still didn’t go away. What if his teammates gave you shit for what happened? Or what if they ended up humiliating you? 

No. Jaehyun isn’t the type of person to talk bad about you behind your back. Besides, you’ve seen a few of his teammates around campus and they would still smile and wave at you. It was all in your head. Taking a deep breath, you opened the doorknob, resonating a click sound that echoed throughout the indoor court. 

“____!” within seconds, someone had already come running up to you, his arm thrown over your shoulder. 

“Hi Jungwoo!” 

“Have you been busy with school? We don’t see you around anymore,” Jungwoo pointed out, pouting. His child-like expression brought a smile to your face. Jungwoo was like a loveable little brother to you, always sharing his snacks with you whenever you stayed behind to wait for Jaehyun. 

Even though you felt apologetic on the inside, you still found yourself coming up with a lie so as to not make things awkward. “Sorry. It’s always hard adjusting back to the new semester, you know?” 

“Well, drop by when you’re free! I miss you. We all do.” Jungwoo said, and it wasn't long before the rest of the team flocked over to the benches where the both of you were standing. 

“You owe me one.” Throwing the shoebag over to Mark, it was fortunate that his fast reflexes prevented him from having a broken nose. He thanked you quickly before changing into his shoes. 

“I need to go to the washroom. I’ll leave my stuff here first.” You announced to no one in particular, hiding them behind Mark’s things on the benches. 

Despite being a regular visitor to their practices, their coach was admittedly not fond of you having you over because their break times always went beyond the designated duration, which ate into their practice time. The boys would always crowd around you and chat for a long time, forgetting what they were really there for. And since he had yet to arrive, you figured that it would be better to disguise your things as Mark’s first, lest the coach gets into a bad mood even before practice starts. You weren’t planning to stay for long, but you know, just in case. 

“It’s not like anyone is going to steal them,” Yuta remarked, a second too late. 

“You’re the reason I don’t come here anymore.” You deadpanned, your comeback making the rest of the boys playfully jeer at Yuta. 

Practice had already started while you were in the washroom, the beeping whistle that would sound every few seconds told you so. Peeking out from a corner, you took in the familiar sight of the team warming up, their shoes squeaking on the wooden flooring. Upon further scrutiny, however, your entire body stiffens once a familiar figure comes into sight. You could only see his back-view, but the white headband that he wore was recognizable anywhere. 

Didn’t Mark say he wouldn’t be here today? 

Your lips curled inwards thinking about how you were going to get out of here without getting noticed. The coach was the least of your concerns, it was Jaehyun that you worried about. You weren’t ready for any form of confrontation yet, not that you expected him to talk to you about it, and you didn’t want to watch him ignore you. Maybe you should just stay here until they end practice. You didn’t have anything on after this anyway. But you also couldn’t imagine waiting around here for hours, and potentially risk getting locked up in here for the night when you don’t actually end up making it out. Racking your brain for unfeasible ideas made you curse in frustration, it was clear that going out by where you came from was the only option.

You turned around the corner from where you were hiding, silently jogging to the benches where you left your things together with Mark’s. You gave the court a quick once over, exhaling in relief when you see them preoccupied with their drills. Gathering your things, you made a run for the exit while they weren’t looking.

“____, you’re leaving already?” Jungwoo’s voice stopped you in your tracks. It was too late to ask him to be quiet since he practically announced your exit to the entire court, but in a moment of panic, you ended up turning around even though you should have continued walking. Jaehyun’s eyes were on you. What shocked you more, however, was the unpleasant surprise that followed after.

Jaehyun, who was supposed to receive a pass from Sungchan, got distracted by you, or rather, Jungwoo saying bye to you. Ball hauled straight at Jaehyun, his teammates shouted at him to watch out, with Yuta even rushing over at the speed of light to hit the ball away. Which unfortunately, backfired, because while he managed to prevent Jaehyun from getting hit by the ball, Yuta ended up colliding into him, the both of them tumbling to the ground. 

“Are you okay?” You don’t know how you ended up in front of Jaehyun, but your trembling hands held him by the shoulder, your eyes glossing over his figure to check if he was okay. 

Jaehyun looked extremely pale, and that’s saying a lot given that he was already very fair to begin with. Eyelids shut, he was profusely breaking out in cold sweat. Their coach snapped his fingers to get Jaehyun’s attention, but there was hardly any response. 

“I’ll take him to the infirmary,” you said.

“Don’t be silly, ____. How are you going to carry him?” Yuta stood up while massaging his right shoulder, recovering from the fall faster than Jaehyun did because it wasn’t as severe for him.  

You unintentionally glared at Yuta because of his snide comment that always seemed to come up at the wrong time. Though, you thought it was warranted this time, because you were fretting over Jaehyun’s injury. Sensing your panic, Yuta raised two hands defensively. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I’ll take him to the nurse. You get his things, I’ll meet you there.”

– 

The wait was awfully long. 

You didn’t want to disrupt the process so you stayed outside with Jaehyun’s things, waiting patiently until you could go in to check on him. You didn’t even feel an ounce of anger towards him, only thinking about whether he was okay or not, because it didn’t seem like he was. Judging from the past few times, you roughly knew that this time of the year was also nearing competition season, so you genuinely hoped that Jaehyun’s injury was nothing serious. It would be so demoralising for him if he had to sit out, and that’s the last thing you wanted for him. 

You hurriedly got up from your seat when you heard the door open, looking over to see the doctor walk out of the infirmary first, with Yuta following right behind. The doctor gave you a polite smile before leaving. 

“How is he?” you dared to ask.

A knowing chuckle left Yuta’s lips. “Your boyfriend’s fine.”

“Yuta.” Your death glare from earlier made a reappearance, and it caused him to straighten up before relaying the doctor’s words.

“Good news is that he didn’t fracture or break anything. The swelling went down after they iced his ankle, but…” Yuta’s voice trailed off.

“But?”

“He caught some flu bug that’s been going around school so his body is kind of weak. Doc said he needs to take a week off to recover, he even prescribed him antibiotics.” That explained his sickly complexion. 

“Can I go in to see him?”

Yuta nodded, holding the door open for you. “I’ll get going first. Take good care of your–”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”

“… Boyfriend.” A triumphant smile on his face, Yuta got out of your sight even before you could do anything (throw your laptop at him). 

You walked into Jaehyun lying on the bed. His eyes were closed, but the sound of him humming to a tune told you that he wasn’t asleep. You crouched down to put both your things by the bedside, careful not to make a loud ruckus before settling down on the empty chair next to the bed. 

“I’m sorry.” Your voice came out as a whisper, as if you were scared to break the silence. 

Jaehyun’s eyelids fluttered open, now looking in your direction as he slowly sat up. “Why are you sorry? It’s not even your fault. I was careless and tripped.” Would it be a stretch to say that he tripped because of you? You’re not sure, but you somehow felt responsible for his current state. 

“Let me take care of you,” you offered.

“No. I don’t need you to take care of me.” 

“But you’re sick,” you persisted, “Stop being so stubborn.”

“I don’t really want to be around you, ____.” Jaehyun said coldly, and your heart sank upon hearing his words. It was hard to believe that this was the same guy who wore his heart on his sleeve. For you. 

You blinked back the tears that threatened to fall. “Do you really mean that?” 

“Yes.” Jaehyun’s reply came faster than you’d expected. But that was just the tip of the iceberg. What broke you was how he answered you with a stoic expression that was void of any emotion. 

“I can’t get rid of my feelings if I continue to be around you all the time.” Jaehyun explained, his head hanging low. “So just let me be, and we’ll be okay again once I get over you.”

I don’t want you to get over me.

You wanted to tell Jaehyun, how unfair it was that he never once asked you how you felt about everything, but no words left your mouth. You could only sit there, looking down at your hands, feeling unwanted in a space where even your best friend couldn’t tolerate your presence because you were hurting him as much as he was hurting you. Lines were blurred, and boundaries have been crossed. How could you bring yourself to believe that the two of you would be okay again? 

You fiddled with your hands, earning the courage to look Jaehyun in the eye again. “I’m still going to take care of you.” You said firmly, not allowing for Jaehyun to object before continuing. “It’s your feelings so you deal with it. I’m just here to take care of you”—you paused—“because friends are supposed to be there for each other no matter what. And unless you want me out of your life for good, then you can say no and I won’t bother you anymore.” 

–  

It wasn’t as easy as you thought it’ll be, taking care of Jaehyun. To be fair to him, he didn’t inconvenience you a lot since he spent most of his days in bed. He could still do simple chores, but since you offered to look after him, you made sure that he didn’t have to move around the house so as to focus on recuperating. But even all of that was manageable for you.

The difficult part was feeling like you had to walk on eggshells around him all the time. It didn’t seem fair that you knew about his feelings for you, because there were several instances in which you found yourself thinking: Is it too much? Am I giving him a harder time by doing this? 

So you kept your interactions with him short. 

The same could be said for today. It’s been a week since he fell sick, but Jaehyun was already feeling much better thanks to you. You didn’t have any classes so you stayed over at Jaehyun’s, catching up on your readings while he napped the day away. Even though he was close to recovering, it was unfortunate that the medication that he took was drowsy, so most of the time he spent, he spent asleep.

As it was nearing dinnertime, you decided to cook a simple meal for him so that he could continue taking his medication after getting some food in his system. Turning off the stove, you took a small spoon to taste the porridge, almost letting out a yelp because of how hot it was. You opened the cabinets directly above you, grabbing the salt and pepper to add just a tiny bit of each seasoning into the porridge, just like how Jaehyun would like it. You meticulously poured the porridge into an empty bowl, putting it on a tray before carrying it into Jaehyun’s room.

Leaving the door slightly ajar so that you could hear Jaehyun from the living room in case he needed anything, you were welcomed with the sight of him tucked under the covers, still deep in sleep. Setting the tray down on his bedside table, you walked over to sit on the edge of his bed. You ruffled stray pieces of his hair away to feel his forehead. He had a bit of a temperature earlier, but the medicine seemed to have helped in bringing it down. 

You gently woke Jaehyun up, asking him to eat. Sleep still evident in his eyes, you thought he looked cute with his lower lip protruding out as it took some time for him to sit up, mindlessly looking around his room to process his surroundings. You almost felt bad for interrupting his sleep, but you didn’t have much of a choice because this was his first proper meal of the day, only settling for bread earlier because he said he didn’t have any appetite. 

You took the bowl in your hands, taking one spoonful of the food. Blowing lightly at it to cool off the heat, you fed it to Jaehyun who was still staring into blank space. 

“How are you feeling?” you asked, feeding Jaehyun another mouthful.

“Better,” he said, voice deep and raspy because he’d just woken up. “Still feeling sleepy though.”

“You can go back to sleep after this,” you said with a quiet laugh.

Silence took over as Jaehyun continued to have his meal, but it was neither uncomfortable nor tense. In fact, it was almost like things had gone back to how they originally were, where the two of you were able to spend the entire day without even talking to each other until you were done with your own things. 

Jaehyun took his medication once he finished his meal, chugging down the last bits of water from his 1.5 litre bottle too. You got up from his bed, putting the bowl back onto the tray. 

“I’ll leave the door open again so just shout if you need anything.” You don’t wait for Jaehyun to respond before turning your back to him, getting ready to leave. But he’d surprise you by extending a hand out to your arm, the sudden contact almost causing you to drop the tray. You promptly turned to look at him.

“Can we–”Jaehyun choked out, his voice still hoarse–“can we cuddle?”

With his hand still on your arm, you stood rooted to the ground. The voices in your head fighting with each other at his proposition, you didn’t know how to answer him. Cuddling with each other wasn’t something new, but in light of recent events, you weren’t so sure if the two of you should be doing something so intimate together.

Sighing, you put the tray away before holding onto Jaehyun’s hand. “I’ll do the dishes and come back up, okay?” it felt like you were talking to a child, the way you were so gentle with him as if he was going to break. He nodded, finally letting go of your arm. 

Technically, it wouldn’t hurt to leave the dishes untouched for a while. But you needed that time away to mentally prepare yourself… to be that close to Jaehyun again after such a long time. As you loaded the dirty cutlery into the dishwasher, memories of his confession came rushing to your head. All you could think about were the words he said to you and how it felt to be in his warm embrace. 

You could feel your heart thumping against your chest as you went up to Jaehyun’s room. Closing the door, you laid down on the empty side of the bed next to him. You were cautious at first, but soon that went away when his arm reached out to bring your body closer to his. 

You tried not to think about how right it felt to be in his arms. Holding you in a way that was not in the least uncomfortable, you don’t think that anyone else would know you better than Jaehyun did. 

“Good night, Buttercup,” Jaehyun said, his voice lulling you to sleep.

–  

For the first time in a while, Jaehyun felt well-rested. He didn’t usually have trouble falling asleep, but with so much going on recently, he rarely woke up feeling content.

But the bed felt warmer today, and he knew that it’s because of you. He didn't even plan to ask you to cuddle with him, but he unknowingly blurted it out, and you agreed. 

Jaehyun tilted his head, supporting it with one hand while he looked at you. His feelings for you were all coming back to him again, not that they were ever gone in the first place. He’d simply pushed them aside, convincing himself that he’d be able to get over you. 

But that’s the thing. Because he kept avoiding them, all the more they continued to plague him. Granted, he lied about things being able to go back to how they were, but if he didn’t lie, how else was he supposed to continue staying by your side? 

Jaehyun’s predicament was put on hold as you stirred in your sleep, opening your eyes one at a time before you looked up at him with a lop-sided grin. 

“Morning,” you greeted. 

Jaehyun returned the smile. “Did you sleep well?”

You nodded. “Best sleep I had in a while.”

“Thanks for staying with me even though you didn’t have to.” 

You got up from his bed, stretching your entire body. “It’s no problem. Do you want breakfast? I can whip something up real quick.” 

Jaehyun followed suit, also standing up to make his bed. He spreaded the blanket cover over the mattress, tucking in the corners. “No thanks. I’ll be heading out soon to meet Da-eun at the newly opened café at Med School to—”

“Da-eun?” Jaehyun looked up, frowning at how you didn’t let him finish talking. 

“Yeah, Da-eun. She’s in the same year as us. Remember?” Jaehyun, though confused, didn’t miss the dejected look on your face.

“I’m so sick and tired of this, Jaehyun.”

“What’s wrong with you? I didn’t even do anything,” Jaehyun huffed. Are you seriously picking another fight with him now? 

“Didn’t do anything?” you scoffed. “You’re hurting me, Jaehyun.” 

Jaehyun’s eyes softened after hearing your words.

“You confessed to me and pretended I didn’t exist for weeks. If you really liked me, you wouldn’t ask me to cuddle with you and then go on a date with another girl the next day. You say one thing but do another. I don’t know what I’m supposed to believe when you keep confusing me but for some stupid reason my heart still flutters every time you do or say something sweet,” you rubbed your temples, sighing. “I guess it doesn’t even matter that I like you because this is a joke to you. I’m tired and I don’t want to be a part of your games anymore.” 

Jaehyun couldn’t stop himself from breaking into a wide smile. “You like me?”

You rolled your eyes in annoyance. “Out of everything I said, that’s the only thing you caught?” 

“I wasn’t even done talking,” Jaehyun retorted, going over to the other side of the bed where you stood. The grin on his face didn’t disappear. “I’m meeting Da-eun to complete our paired assignment. I was going to say that we can go to the café the next time if the food’s good.”

Jaehyun looked at you earnestly. “And for the record, I still like you. There’s no need to be jealous.”

“I’m not jealous!”

Jaehyun’s smile is graced with fondness this time. Looming closer to you, he gently pushed you against the wall, trapping you in between his arms. He looked down at your lips and then back at your eyes, trying to hold back his laughter when he saw that you’ve closed them. Leaning in, Jaehyun placed a tender kiss on your right cheek.

You opened your eyes, sulking. “What happened to wanting to kiss me on the lips?” 

“Patience, Buttercup. Don’t want to spread whatever virus I have to you. Promise I’ll make it up to you next time.” He left another kiss on your left cheek. 

“I think I like seeing you jealous.” Jaehyun added as an afterthought, which earned him a smack on the shoulder from you. 

–  

You and Jaehyun were currently lying against the couch in his living room, feeling like you were about to enter a food coma. It was supposed to be movie night, but the jjamppong was so filling that you two could crash until the next morning. Earlier that day, you’d woken up to a text message from Jaehyun asking you to check your laptop. He claimed that he accidentally saved his assignment in it, and needed you to forward it over to him because it was due in two hours. Rather unbelievable for a Dean’s Lister, but you gave him the benefit of doubt and went ahead to check your laptop anyway.

When you turned it on, you were welcomed by a grey pop-up window. It was completely empty, and despite clicking on the cross button several times, the window simply refused to close. You mentally cursed thinking that you got hacked. You were about to contact Jaehyun about it until a few messages came up in the same window.

Hi girlfriend ♡

I hope I didn’t scare you :) hahaha. 

Your computer is attacked by a virus. 

But if you wear my jersey to the game later, I will wipe it out for you.

Do you accept it? 

The question appeared with two options below: yes and no. You shook your head at another one of Jaehyun’s antics, already envisioning the whimsical smile on his face while coding all of this. He could be using his degree for greater purposes, yet here he was, pranking his poor girlfriend with a pseudo virus attack. You moved your mouse over to click yes, and another series of messages came up.

Wise choice!

I’ve left the jersey in your closet next to where my hoodies are.

See you later and don’t be late.

Love you.

So as promised, you wore Jaehyun’s jersey to his match. The second he saw you, he couldn’t stop smiling. His teammates kept making ooh and aah noises, you had to shush them from afar so that they would stop teasing your boyfriend. Eyes on him the entire time, you were beyond proud when his team had successfully emerged as champion again, the both of you exchanging sweet smiles with each other after the game ended. After which, Jaehyun came home to you, celebrating the end of the season with Chinese takeout.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You already did,” Jaehyun quipped. 

You moved away from him, faking anger. You tried standing up, but that only gave Jaehyun a chance to grab your arm, pulling you down to sit on his lap. “Ask, baby.”

“Why do you hold three fingers up during your games? Like is it supposed to mean something? You keep doing that a lot, even today.” 

An amused hum escaped Jaehyun’s lips upon hearing your question. Although it’s already been established that you only went to basketball games for him, his heart still turned warm at how you attentively observed him throughout his games even if you didn’t understand the sport well. Much less wanting to know about his team strategies.

“It just means that we’re going to try for a three-pointer,” Jaehyun disclosed, pressing soft kisses against your shoulder blade. “We change it up every time. but the main gist of it is that we will make three passes before going for the three-point field goal.” 

You hummed in acknowledgement. “So that’s what it meant! That’s so cool.” 

Jaehyun’s kisses stopped. “I have a gift for you,” he said. 

“A gift?” you felt bad. You should be the one giving him something for completing his season. Before you could protest, however, Jaehyun asked you to close your eyes.

At first you felt him shifting below you, curious about what gift he could possibly be hiding when you didn’t recall seeing any paper bag of some sort when you entered his house. Thereafter, you heard him opening something, taking it out of... a box? You could hear something dangling. Not long after, that something was around your neck. You knew by now what it was, but Jaehyun asked you to open your eyes only after he fastened the clasp.

“No way!” you exclaimed. Gaze shifting downwards, you brought a hand up to touch the necklace that Jaehyun had helped you put on. It was a silver initial necklace with the letter J, a tiny heart charm hanging just next to it. 

“J as in Jaehyun?” you asked. You turned to look at him with doe-eyes, like that one emoji that you’d always use whenever you needed a favour from him. “No way…” 

“Do you like it?” 

“What do you mean? Of course I do! I just had my Gabriella Montez moment…” 

Jaehyun let out a hearty laugh. “I’m glad you like it.”

While you were still admiring the necklace, Jaehyun slyly snuck an arm around your waist, effortlessly lifting you up and putting you down to lie on the empty spot next to him. He changed his position such that he was now hovering over you, slowly taking your hand in his so that your attention would shift from the necklace to him. 

“So pretty,” he breathed.

With parted lips, Jaehyun moved in bit by bit to connect your bodies together. Just centimetres away from you, you could feel his lips ghosting over yours, making you want nothing more than to reach up to close the gap that separated the two of you from sharing a kiss. His eyes darted down to your lips for a mere second before he dived right in, going straight for your upper lip first. He pulled back slightly, silently checking if you were okay with what he was doing. And when he felt you kiss him back with a sense of urgency, Jaehyun brought a hand to the nape of your neck to deepen the kiss, smiling in content.

He yearns to feel your soft touch against his skin, holding you close in his arms as the both of you sleep the night away until daylight comes. He’ll always be the first to wake up, quietly getting out of bed to draw the curtains so that the white rays of the morning sun won’t disrupt your slumber. Then, he’ll return to his spot next to you, tracing his fingers along your delicate features that he already knows like the back of his hand, pressing a tender kiss on your forehead. Jaehyun could never get enough of waking up to you, but if back then he knew that it was something that came with an expiry date, perhaps he would have cherished those moments more.

Still wide awake, Jaehyun gives up trying to fall asleep. He pulls his blanket aside, getting up to grab his keys, slinging his black leather jacket over his shoulder.

In the past, you used to tell him off for going out late at night to ride his motorcycle whenever he couldn’t sleep. You’ve made it clear that you respect how he has to take part in competitions, but that aside, you weren’t really fond of him riding his bike at other times simply because you couldn’t bear the anxiety of waiting for him to come home without any injuries. He’s not much of a reckless driver, but sometimes the adrenaline gets to him and that’s when it becomes dangerous. It’s a bad habit that he’d promised to get rid of after you voiced out your worries, but it’s not something that he can change overnight, notwithstanding that it is also an escape from reality for him.

At the very least, Jaehyun doesn’t have to come home today with the fear of letting you down. Again.

­–

You didn’t exactly want to be here tonight, but Haechan insisted that you come along because according to him, you spend way too much time cooped up in your room and you ought to be out and about meeting more people.

And he’s arguably right about that. You see, the two of you have been housemates for almost two years, renting a shared apartment close to your college. And in the time that you’ve known him, it is always Haechan who informs you that he’ll be out till late, or that he’ll be inviting a few friends over to drink. It isn’t like those large-scale frat parties, but it still doesn’t take away the fact that he’s a huge social butterfly, considering how it’s always a new friend group that comes over each time.

Compared to Haechan, however, you’re more reserved and value the time that you have to yourself. Awkwardly greeting his friends and excusing yourself to your room whenever they come over, most of your nights are spent reading a book or watching old films. Even if you have nothing particularly special to do, you don’t mind at all.

But it is apparent that he has other plans for you tonight, practically dragging you to a secluded race track that’s outside of the city.

“Is it like… illegal?” you ask, keeping your voice low and looking around to make sure that no one heard you even though they probably know more about this than you do.

Haechan isn’t in the mood to race, so he joins you as a spectator tonight. You’ve often heard stories from him but never pried too much, partly because you’re not all that interested, and also because it didn’t seem like something he would openly share about. There’s hardly any lighting except the street lamps lined up along the road, and not to be stereotypical, but the eccentrically colourful outfits that the racers had on made everything seem more dubious.

Haechan throws his head back in laughter at your question. “Stop being so serious!” he says, landing a smack on your shoulder, and it makes you relax a little. “It’s kind of complicated but I promise it’s safe. It’s been going on for decades.” He leans into your ear, whispering, “And if you win, the money is seriously no joke.”

Your eyes go wide at his words, turning silent immediately. Kind of complicated, so it is illegal after all. You won’t admit it out loud, but it piques a sudden interest in you, and you’re somewhat grateful that Haechan brought you along. After all, it’s not every day you get to be a part of something like this, right?

Another question comes to your mind and because you can’t hold back your curiosity, you ask Haechan again, “So who's the best racer?”

“Jeong Jaehyun,” Haechan answers at once, jerking his head in the direction of the race track, and you do the same, but it’s difficult to see because of the dim lighting, or lack thereof. You can vaguely see the outline of his figure, sitting in an upright position on his motorcycle. “He came over before, not sure if you remember?”

Before you get to answer Haechan, a thunderous sound reverberates around the area, drowning out everyone’s voices. Their attention turned towards where the sound was coming from, whiffs of exhaust blast out from Jaehyun’s motorcycle as he starts the engine. Night light flashing, it allows you to get a better view of him.

Unlike the other racers, he’s dressed in full black. Long hair slicked back, the ash brown shade looks incredibly flattering on him, creating a sleek and chic look that really brings out his chiselled features. It’s also hard to ignore the immaculate fit of the leather jacket that he has on, accentuating his already broad shoulders. Completing his outfit with silver accessories, Jaehyun looks undeniably… hot. Everything about him screams heart-throb love interest that came straight out of a romcom movie set in the 90s. And now, even something as simple as watching him put his helmet on, you think that he may be the most attractive person you’ve seen in your entire life.

Thinking back to Haechan’s question, you more or less recall seeing Jaehyun over at your shared apartment before, but it’s almost a blur. He’d invited a few of his racer friends, and they were gathered in a circle playing truth or dare. And because you were so focused on escaping into your room that you mumbled a quick hi to all of them, barely getting a glance of Jaehyun for five seconds maximum, which probably explains why you never noticed how good-looking he is until now.

“Let’s go, Jaehyun!” Haechan shouts from next to you, and for a split moment, you instinctively put a hand up to cover your ear, startled. He’d always been an outspoken individual, but you still get shocked at how loud he gets.

Jaehyun looks towards Haechan’s direction, gesturing a thumbs-up before putting his hand back on the handle. Then, ever so slightly, he turns, gaze landing on you. It suddenly makes you feel small, the way he’s just looking at you, and you’re slightly thankful that he has his helmet on because you don’t think you’d know how to act if you were to directly look him in the eye.

Giving Jaehyun a polite smile, he nods back at you in return. The first to break eye contact, he turns his head back to the front, aligning his body to the centre of his bike.

Blazing trails of the sparklers light up the night sky, signalling the start of the race. The place is filled with cheers and screams from the audience, but all is blocked out because you can only focus on a particular someone. Eyes boring into his back, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in until he was completely out of your sight, speeding through the darkened tunnel.

True to Haechan’s words, Jaehyun is the first to make it past the finishing line that night, effortlessly defending his champion title with his opponents far behind – they didn’t stand a chance at all, if you had to be completely honest. He was also not lying about the money, and you couldn’t even hide your shocked expression as you watch Jaehyun stash stacks and stacks of cold, hard, cash into his bag.

What you don’t expect, however, is Jeong Jaehyun pulling up to the side of the road where you and Haechan were standing.

He removes his helmet, raking his fingers through his hair, your heart rate increasing by the second at the sight of it. Looking at you with a smug grin on his face, he asks, “Need a ride home, sweetheart?”

–

Needless to say, you took up Jaehyun’s offer. To be specific, you said yes in a heartbeat, and you’re not ashamed of it at all. Haechan, on the other hand, stood there with his mouth agape, whining about how you stole his ride home (you didn’t, but complaining happens to be his favourite pastime). Jaehyun gives Haechan a dismissive wave of his hand to shoo him away, and he takes it as his cue to leave.

Jaehyun gets up from his bike, takes his spare helmet, and carefully puts it on your head. Tall frame towering over you, he bends down to meet your eye level so that it’s easier for him to adjust the strap of the helmet. Between feeling the ghost of his touch over your chin and being so physically close to him that you get a clear view of his long and pretty lashes, you’re not sure which one is more lethal, but it surely is making you feel things and you can hardly calm down your beating heart.

“There we go,” Jaehyun buckles the strap, emitting a click sound. He goes back to standing up straight, smiling in satisfaction once he sees that it’s secure.

“Thank you,” you say with a shy smile, looking everywhere but at Jaehyun when you feel his gaze on you. He pats your head, motioning for you to hop on after he’d settled down on the front seat of his bike.

Trying your hardest not to make any sort of physical contact with Jaehyun, you lean back as much as possible after you’re seated, arms remaining at your side as you’re uncertain about where you should place them. You consider holding on to the side of the seat, but you’re also afraid that you will somehow fly off his bike since it isn’t a very safe and viable option.

Your predicament is interrupted by Jaehyun’s touch, his hands grabbing your forearms to bring them in front, circling them around his waist. Your chest pressed against his firm back, your protest is silenced by the sound of the running engine, Jaehyun not giving you a chance to even pull back.

“Hold on tight, sweetheart.”

–

Contrary to the cold exterior that he puts up, Jaehyun has a warm and romantic side to him that only comes out whenever he’s with you. Sweet with his words and actions, he never misses any opportunity that he has to shower you with compliments, often sneaking in a kiss or two while he’s at it too. Your heart never stops fluttering because of him, and honestly, you don’t want it to stop either. Every day you spend with him is a different adventure, and you fall in love with him more and more.

Above all, you love watching Jaehyun race. Fire in his eyes, his confident demeanour transforms him into an entirely different person. Jaehyun knows the sport inside out, and he never fails to let that part of him shine through, never fails to make you feel proud of him. Heart swelling with pride whenever he makes it back to the finishing line first, Jaehyun is always rewarded by your warm kisses at the end of races.

Because of him, you also know the most random facts about street racing, like how it’s only safe to ride his bike when the temperature is above fifteen degrees. And that even at a suitable temperature, he’d still have to warm up the tyre with some kind of special tool. He once brought you to the workshop to demonstrate it, and even though you don’t really know what he’s talking about, you still find yourself getting lost in him, the way he’d blabber on so passionately. This is just one of the many sides of Jaehyun that you hold near and dear to you.

Other days that you spend with him are mostly captured on film. Carrying his point-and-shoot 35mm Leica Minilux wherever he goes, your racer boyfriend happens to have a knack for photography too. The recurring image of Jaehyun taking pictures is something that you’ve grown to adore, and it is almost endearing to you. It is even more exciting when he goes to develop his film rolls, because you’ll be the first person that he runs to, showing you how well they turned out. And it’s always pictures of you that he claims to be his favourite shots.

On the topic of film cameras, he also mentioned before that this is one of his most treasured items, and how he doesn’t ever plan on switching it for another one – that’s just how precious it is to him. More than that, however, what surprised you more was Jaehyun comparing you to his film camera.

“You’re my first and last,” he said, throwing his dark blue denim jacket around you because it had turned chilly. A small part of you wanted to gag at his words, purposefully showing how cringe it was, but you decided against it. Because Jaehyun’s hazel brown eyes carry a sense of softness to them, showing you how serious he was about it. So you settle for a kiss against his cheek instead, making it known to him that you shared the same sentiment.

–

Hand intertwined with yours, you and Jaehyun sit side by side to admire the soft waves crashing against the shore, evening breeze passing by.

He turned up at your house earlier this afternoon and said that he really wanted to take you somewhere. He kept the location a secret and refused to reveal any details. Even during the ride here, he didn’t give in and merely told you that it was near.

Turns out, it’s a beach that he visits whenever he wants to be alone. Something like a secret spot, he said, and now he wants to share it with you.

“But if you want to be alone, then why did you bring me here?” you tilt your head in confusion.

“People say that being alone and being lonely are two different things,” Jaehyun says, solemn eyes musing on the water. “But for me, I feel lonely when I’m alone and I don’t like it.” You frown at his sudden revelation. Jaehyun rarely opens up about his emotions to you, so you never knew that he felt this way.

“There’s no reason for me to be alone now that I have you,” he continues, tightening his grip around your hand, and you offer him a reassuring smile. “And maybe with you here, this lonely feeling will start to disappear too.”

At his words, you put your head on Jaehyun’s shoulder, leaning closer to his side. The both of you turn to look at the beautiful view of the sunset, golden hues of the beams painting the sea, coastline and sky merging into one.

“This is our place now,” you say.

“For how long?”

“Forever.”

–

For a period of time, Jaehyun truly believed that he could spend forever with you. Not that he didn’t believe it now, but he was definitely starting to lose hope. Maybe it’s just how life works, but like the ocean waves that come and go, it seems like the good times that the both of you shared with each other are starting to waver. And he wonders if the calm after the storm will ever return again.

Over the past few weeks, you and Jaehyun have continuously fought with each other, and it’s to the extent that the both of you could not stand being in the same room for more than five minutes without starting another argument, even though the previous one hadn’t been solved yet.

Most of these fights ended with Jaehyun pressing your bodies together against the wall, his tongue slipping into your parted lips. One hand cupping your cheek and the other playing with the hem of your shirt, he kisses you with fervent need from not being able to touch you whenever he wants to. And you let him, your body reacting to his touches, kissing him back just as much. Because no matter how unhealthy this vicious cycle of fighting and patching things up was, it is undeniable that the both of you can’t live without each other.

But how far is too far?

For some reason, Jaehyun still feels you slipping away from him. Half-hearted replies, not seeing each other for days, you stopped coming for his matches too. The distance between the both of you getting bigger and bigger, he doesn’t know how to pull you back into him.

It’s true that both parties need to put in the effort to make the relationship work, but it feels even worse on his part because he knows that he’s the reason you two are growing apart.

As a racer, ordinary days are out of the question for him. And even though you seemed to like the thrill of that at the beginning, it is obvious that it is starting to take a toll on your relationship instead.

Jaehyun loves you. Truly, madly, deeply. He’s not the type of person to randomly date around in order to fill up an empty void in his life, but the second he saw you, his friend’s cute housemate who’d just returned home from a full day of classes, he immediately knew that there was something different about you, and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. Yet, he couldn’t just give up on racing because for years, it was the only thing that brought him solace and comfort, until you came along, of course. Still, he didn’t want to have to choose between you or racing. Because as selfish as it sounded, he wanted both.

Which is why Jaehyun constantly reassured you that he would not drive recklessly, that he would safely come home to you every night. But even that wasn’t enough to alleviate your worries. Because one way or another, the fight would gradually escalate into something else, like how it wasn’t a sustainable job and he’d had to eventually give up racing.

Jaehyun was tired. He thought that you’d understand him, but he also knew that it wouldn’t be easy dating someone like him, and that it wasn’t fair to you too. So the day you finally gave up and packed your things, he didn’t stop you from leaving him and only asked to kiss you one last time.

Even till this day, he can’t stop the memories of you from haunting him, and when they do, he wishes for another chance to try again.

–

“What is he doing here?” you shriek, and it seems like you’ve asked the wrong person because haechan looks just as confused as you are. He shrugs his shoulders, not doing anything to help your panicked self.

Jeong Jaehyun is standing a few tables away from you and getting himself a drink. Adorning the same silver accessories that he puts on daily, he’s wearing a white tank top that exposes his toned arms, along with a pair of black slacks that he really loves. Seeing your boyfriend, no, ex-boyfriend of two years after eight months, you don’t know how you’re supposed to feel. It may be the alcohol, but you want to shout at him to get out even though it’s neither your party nor your house, but you also really want to kiss him. God, he’s such a good kisser, nobody could ever compare, not that you kissed anyone else when the both of you weren’t talking to each other.

But you still don’t know why Jaehyun is here. This was a college mixer party, meaning, you could only get in if you had an invitation, or if you knew someone via connections. He wasn’t even a student. And the only two people that Jaehyun knew from your college were you and Haechan.

… And Haechan.

Of course it was him, that would make the most sense. Directing your attention back to your housemate, you didn’t even notice him wandering off to somewhere else, blending in with the rest of the crowd while you were getting distracted by Jaehyun’s appearance. You’ll get him later at home, for sure.

“Hey,” a familiar voice says, and it stirs up all sorts of unexplainable feelings within you, you feel like you're about to explode. How did he get here so fast? Turning to the voice, you greet Jaehyun back, a stoic look on your face.

He clears his throat, voice faltering upon seeing your expression. “Can we talk?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” You stand up, wanting to get far away from him because you know that your walls would come crumbling down if you stayed around him any longer.

Jaehyun holds out a hand to your wrist, but swiftly retreats when he feels your body stiffen. He mutters a quick apology. “It won’t take long, please?”

Sighing, you nod in defeat, following him out of the house. All those weeks of trying to convince yourself that you’ll get over Jeong Jaehyun, your efforts have been rendered useless after seeing him in the flesh, his existence reminding you once again that you’ll always feel something for him, whatever that may be.

–

You should not be sitting on Jaehyun’s bike, your chest positioned close to his torso. But the porch is dirtied with someone’s puke all over it, so you don’t exactly have a choice.

“How have you been?” you’re the first to speak.

Jaehyun hesitates a little before answering, “I’m okay.”

He clearly isn’t.

Tired eyes and dark eyebags, it doesn’t take a genius to see that Jaehyun hasn’t been sleeping well, and your heart breaks a little at that. It could be because of the late night races, it could be because of you. Either way, it hurts to see him in this state. But because you’re no longer in a position to be caring so much about him, you feign ignorance and take his word for it.

“So what did you want to talk about?”

“Us.”

“I think I’ve made myself clear the last time, Jae.” The nickname accidentally slips out, but you try not to think much about it and hope Jaehyun doesn’t as well. “It’s not going to work out.”

“I missed you,” he confesses, bringing his large hand up to caress your cheek, completely ignoring what you said. “Tell me you missed me too.”

“I–” you take in a sharp breath, tears forming in your eyes as it suddenly hits you how long it’s been since you were this close to him, his gentle touch on your skin. “I missed you too,” you give in. Placing your hand atop his, a tingling sensation washes over your body.

Has it always felt this way, or is it because the two of you have been in separation for such a long time? When you tried to forget about him, moving on proved to be a difficult task because you always ended up reminiscing about Jaehyun and the memories you had with him. You fear that you’ll forget the crinkles by his eyes that form whenever he smiles widely, the earthy scent of his candle that reminds him of childhood home, and the way his hand fits perfectly into yours. And seeing him in person again, you want nothing more than to memorise each and every part of him until it is burned into your memory.

“Sweetheart,” Jaehyun calls out to you, voice still filled with so much love just like how you remember it. He pulls your hand towards him, pressing a chaste kiss against your knuckle before bringing it down to his lap, interlocking your fingers together. “Listen to me, okay?”

“Okay,” you say, preparing yourself for what’s to come.

“I need you to stay,” Jaehyun begs, not even bothering to hide the desperation in his tone. “I thought I’d be fine without you, but I’m not. I can’t sleep without you next to me, and you’re always appearing in my dreams. The traces of you that are left behind, I still cherish them, but it’s you I long to have.” He exhales, breath shaky, dark orbs revealing everything else that’s left unspoken. You’ve never seen Jaehyun so vulnerable before.

“Jaehyun…” You don’t know what to say, but you could see how painful it was, how long he’s been bottling it up. Your heart still carries so much love for him, because deep down, you know that he’s still the same Jaehyun that you first fell in love with. The same Jaehyun who would have a playful glint in his eyes, a knowing smile appearing on his face just before he’s about to crack another one of his jokes, patiently waiting for the right moment to say it.

Read: doing a word play on Harley-Davidson, the brand of his motorcycle, and Halli Galli, a traditional Korean board game that he regularly plays with his grandma. Echoes of his laughter surface in your mind, and you have to suppress a smile from forming on your face at the memory.

Despite the arguments, both big and small, you often find yourself only remembering the good parts of your relationship, because that’s when you’re the happiest, with him. Looking back, you don’t even remember what most of your arguments were about, save for the ones related to his racing, but even then, you can’t bear to take that away from him, especially not when you know how much joy he gets from doing what he loves.

“I don’t want you to give up what you love for me. It’s not fair and I don’t expect you to do that, so I think it’s better if we just went our separate ways.”

“No,” Jaehyun says firmly. “You know that’s not true, and I didn’t say I was going to give up racing.”

“Then you would know that it’s going to be a problem that will come up over and over again.” Your lips curl downwards as it reminds you of your past arguments. You hated going round in circles like this, always reaching a dead end each time.

“But we can work through it together, I know we can.” His thumb rubbing soft circles onto the palm of your hand, Jaehyun is determined to talk things out this time, instead of choosing to leave it unresolved like he did the past few times.

“How?”

“We’ll figure it out, eventually.”

A resigned sigh leaves your lips, and you find yourself stuck in a dilemma again. You want to be with Jaehyun, that’s for sure. And you know that there’s some level of truth to his words. If the both of you try to make things right, maybe, just maybe, everything will turn out well this time. But it’s also hard to ignore the unsettling feeling that bubbles in your chest, the possibility of things turning sour and resulting in a break-up again.

“So?” Jaehyun looks at you expectantly, awaiting your answer.

“Okay,” you say with a smile, and it brings a glimmer to Jaehyun’s eyes. For better or for worse, nothing is going to change the fact that Jaehyun will always be the love of your life.

“Okay? Okay as in you’re willing to try again?” he lets go of your hand, causing you to jut out your lower lip not only because of the loss of contact, but also because of how he was squishing your cheeks with his palms.

“Yes,” you try to say, but it comes out incoherent because his tight grip makes it difficult for you to talk properly. Nonetheless, he understood what you said. And upon hearing your response, Jaehyun immediately leans in to give you a peck on the lips, endlessly repeating i love you as he continues peppering you with kisses, hands moving down to your hips. He lifts you up seamlessly, bringing you closer such that you’re now straddling him.

“Jae, stop!” you protest in between giggles, hands shifting in an attempt to pull back because of how ticklish it was, but to no avail because Jaehyun’s hold on you is way too strong.

“Not here,” you didn’t intend for it, but your words come out more as a plea when you feel Jaehyun’s mouth travel down to your jaw, kissing a sensitive spot on your neck, treading dangerously close to your collarbone.

Jaehyun’s kisses stop, and he pulls back momentarily, looking at you with hazy eyes. “Why not, baby? Already forgot the night we went to the drive-in?”

Memories of said night come flooding back.

You’d suggested going to one of those drive-in theatres because it’s on your bucket list, and being the loving boyfriend that he is, Jaehyun agreed. Although the majority of the vehicles there were cars, it didn’t make you feel any less special. In fact, you appreciated that the both of you could easily hide in a corner, it’s as if it was just the two of you in this big and vast world.

It was also the same night that the both of you made out for the first time ever on his motorcycle, not that you’d ever imagined doing that. Movie long forgotten; you kissed each other like there was no tomorrow. That night still remains vivid in your mind, but you don’t know why Jaehyun has to bring it up, because if anything, it makes you crave him even more now.

Unable to hold back any longer, you inch closer to Jaehyun, wrapping your arms around his neck, connecting your lips together. Feeling him smile against your lips, Jaehyun wastes no time in diving back to the kiss, letting out a soft groan when your teeth tugs on his lower lip. “Will never forget it,” you murmur, and Jaehyun takes it as a chance to place the tip of his tongue into your mouth, tilting his head for better access.

“Won’t let you forget even if you wanted to.”

Jaehyun can taste the bitterness of the alcohol in your mouth, but there is nothing sweeter than the feeling of your soft lips working against his, and he’s absolutely sure that he can kiss you for a lifetime. His kisses become deeper, and he pulls you in closer, never ever wanting to let you go again. It is at this very moment that everything feels complete. It doesn’t only feel familiar, it’s also perfect, the way you two fit just right, like the last two pieces of a puzzle that are meant to be next to each other.

Finally pulling away, Jaehyun’s chest rises and falls with rapid breaths, and you try to catch your breath too. A coy smile on his face, he admires how beautiful you look, heart overflowing with warmth when he thinks about how lucky he is to have you by his side.

“Be my forever only?” Jaehyun asks.

Arms still around him, you move closer to rest your chin on his shoulder, taking in the scent of his musky cologne that you missed so much.

Watching all of this brings a smile to your face, and since Jaehyun isn’t looking, you sneakily take out your phone to snap a picture of that cute moment for memory’s sake. This is potentially your next lock screen wallpaper (yes, you changed it later that night).

“Sit down please.” Jaehyun gently instructs, doe-eyes looking endearingly at the Shiba Inu His eyebrows furrow when the puppy doesn’t do as he says, paws still pranced against his lap. He repeats the command but in Japanese this time, gaze expectant.

“Good job!” Jaehyun praises the puppy when it finally obeys, now sitting down in a relaxed position. Feeding the treats, Jaehyun proceeds to give it belly rubs.

Unable to focus on anything else but Jaehyun, you find yourself getting lost in your thoughts about him again. While your boyfriend has always been cute in his own little ways, this is pretty new to you. Making incomprehensible noises and his voice raised to an unusually high octave while interacting with the puppies, witnessing this side of Jaehyun makes it feel like you’re falling in love with him all over again.

As if he could sense your stare on him, Jaehyun turns to look at you, finally noticing that you are near the cashier counter, away from him and all of the puppies. “Baby, why are you just standing there?” he asks, gesturing to the empty space beside him. “Come join me, the puppies are so cute.”

“So you still remember that I’m here,” you joke, getting both of your beverages from the counter before walking over to the table that Jaehyun was seated by, sitting down next to him. After placing the drinks on the table, you immediately carry one of the puppies, snuggling it close to your chest, gushing at how cute and soft it is.

“You jealous?” Jaehyun’s response comes a tad bit late, gaze now shifted towards you.

“No,” you admit truthfully. “I always knew that you liked dogs, but not to this extent. It’s cute how you turn into a different person babying them.” Making silly faces at the Shiba Inu, you’re oblivious to Jaehyun’s shy smile and reddening ears, to which he is grateful for. Despite being in a relationship for close to six years now, he still gets shy at your compliments.

In an attempt to change the topic, Jaehyun leans in closer to you, mimicking your actions and squishing the puppy’s face too. “But aren’t they so cute? I’ve always wanted to raise a dog, but my mum didn’t allow it because my fur allergy was severe when I was younger.” You nod, the latter part of Jaehyun’s words flying past your head because of your fascination with that one puppy that you’ve set your eyes on ever since you entered the café.

“They’re the cutest.”

Since it is a weekday afternoon, there are not many customers, so you and Jaehyun pretty much had the puppies to yourselves. Towards the end, however, most of the puppies ended up scurrying over to Jaehyun’s side. Feeling exhausted because of how active the puppies were, you decided to just sit back and watch him play with them.

One of the puppies liked Jaehyun so much that it enthusiastically jumped up to his face, peppering him with an endless number of kisses. Initially shocked by the puppy’s actions, Jaehyun eventually makes a kissy face back, reciprocating the puppy’s love (it was somewhat aggressive, but he wasn’t going to complain). Needless to say, your heart melted at the cute interaction, and you wished you’d taken a picture of it, but it happened way too quickly.

It isn’t long before the bell rings, signalling that it is time for the both of you to leave. Lower lip jutting out, Jaehyun is not ready to say goodbye to the puppies yet. Waving at them for the one last time, he takes a picture of them on his film camera. Although he didn’t know when he’ll get a chance like this again, he knew that he’d definitely be back here again. With you.

–

Usually, Jaehyun was the one planning dates, listing out a few places that the both of you could go together. But since this is your first overseas trip together and neither of you are familiar with the country, it was mutually agreed that it is best to just explore without a fixed itinerary, taking things slow and easy.

Famished and tired from all that playing, the both of you take a pit stop at a nearby Gyukatsu restaurant before finding other activities to do. Thankfully a multilingual speaker, Jaehyun manages to repeat your orders to the waiter without much difficulty.

While waiting for the food and drinks to arrive, Jaehyun takes out his film camera and asks you to pose. You’re not a big fan of having your pictures taken, so out of instinct, you put a hand up to cover your face.

“Stop, you know I’m bad at posing!” you protest, earning a chuckle from Jaehyun. It’s a daily occurrence at this point, the way you’d refuse to let Jaehyun take pictures of you, but eventually give in because it is difficult to say no to him.

Jaehyun grabs your wrist with his free hand, pulling it down so that your face can be seen clearly. Oh, this is foul play. He’s obviously stronger, so you have a low chance of winning against him when it comes to physical strength.

Amidst your struggle, the shutter sound of the camera follows shortly after, causing you to widen your eyes. You were definitely not ready for that shot.

“Jaehyun!”

You rapidly look around the restaurant when you accidentally raise your voice a little too loudly for someone who’s in a public space, letting out a relieved sigh when you realise that the two of you are the only ones in the restaurant. The staff were seemingly preoccupied with their duties too, and even if they did hear you, you could only hope that they pretended not to.

Turning back to Jaehyun who is now gently massaging your wrist, he looks way too satisfied for your liking, and you want to wipe off the (beautiful) dimpled smile off his face.

“You know i can’t delete the picture,” Jaehyun says before you can, making you huff. “And you always look pretty anyway.”

You’re not sure if it’s because of his heart-fluttering words, or his loving gaze that makes it feel like you’re the only person in the entire world, but you can feel your heart rate increasing. If only Jeong Jaehyun knew the effect he had on you.

“Baby.” Jaehyun warns, eyebrows creasing when you finally break free of his hold, leaning forward to poke his dimple.

“What? Your dimples are so cute.” You say nonchalantly, continuously pressing it with your finger as though it was some sort of button. “Cutest dimples in the universe, if I have to be completely honest.”

Jaehyun is about to say something, but is interrupted by the waiter who arrives with your food and drinks. Embarrassed because of the close proximity between you and Jaehyun, you quickly withdraw your hand too, leaning back into your seat.

This is your first proper meal of the day, so most of the time is spent eating without much conversation going on. A comfortable silence that the both of you are used to. By the time you’re done with your meal, the sun is almost setting.

You and Jaehyun spent a few hours going into boutiques along the street, buying a few knickknacks, including a matching hoodie set. Jaehyun got his in black, and yours in white. But the both of you knew you would end up stealing his hoodie because oversized hoodies are just more comfortable. And maybe, you just take delight in stealing his hoodies, especially for times when he’s unable to spend the night at your place because of work.

Chancing upon an indoor amusement park, the both of you bought tickets and tried out the various rides. It was a new experience considering that most of the amusement parks you’ve been to were outdoor, filled with rollercoasters and whatnot.

You were not a big fan of the haunted house, however, shutting your eyes for half of the journey. It was Jaehyun’s idea to go in, and you felt bad for leaving him alone so you promised to accompany him.

To make it up to you, Jaehyun bought you ice cream afterwards. But he also did not forget to tease you with the video that he took of you letting out a high-pitched scream because of the scare actors, clinging onto his arm like your life depended on it. Even though he was busy laughing at you, Jaehyun didn’t want to admit that this was something that he’ll watch when you’re not by his side.

­–

The photobooth was the last stop at the amusement park.

Squeezed next to each other so as to fit into the frame, your head was resting on Jaehyun’s shoulder. Naturally, his (cute, big) head laid atop yours too. Smiling in preparation for the first shot, you even specially changed into your matching hoodies for the photos too.

Before the photo gets taken, Jaehyun hurriedly brings up a hand to the side of your head, making a peace sign with his fingers. There’s truly no end to his silly antics, but you think that this is one of the many things that you adore about him.The remaining photos are taken in a rush, you and Jaehyun frantically discussing what poses to do while the timer is still running. It was so chaotic, but a good kind of chaotic.

Even down to the last photograph, Jeong Jaehyun is still as unserious as ever.

Just as the countdown is about to come to an end, he calls your name, and you turn to face him. The camera flashes, and it is at this very moment that Jaehyun leans in even closer, giving you a peck on the lips.

While you’re still trying to process what happened, your boyfriend cheekily smiles at you, booping your nose to break you out of your daydream.

“You’re so infuriating…” Your voice is low, unsure of how to react. You’d think that you’ll be used to his advances by now, but obviously, you’re not. Crossing your arms, you’re the first to break eye contact, the closeness of your bodies making it even harder for you to not be nervous.

“But you still love me,” Jaehyun reminds you.

“Shut up.”

Silence ensues while the both of you remain seated inside the photo booth, patiently waiting for your photos to be printed out. There were a variety of filters that you could choose from, and you had fun trying to doodle on Jaehyun, adding devil horns and things like that. You know, as revenge for what he did earlier.

Interlocking your fingers together, Jaehyun says, “I’m so tired, but i really had so much fun today.” You hum in agreement, telling him how fun it was to wander around aimlessly with no destination in mind, as well as your favourite spots that you visited today.

Jaehyun ponders for a few seconds. “I think my favourite is definitely the Shiba Inu café.”

“Of course it is!” you exclaim, the images of Jaehyun babying the puppies resurfacing in your mind. “I wished I’d taken more pictures of you playing with them though.”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Jaehyun replies, “we’ll go to more dog cafés from now.”

He plays with your pinky finger, seemingly deep in thought before speaking again. “We should get a Samoyed in the future. Or any other dogs, you know, ones that you can hug to sleep like a huge teddy bear.”

“We?” a lilt in your voice, you’re surprised at the suggestion. You turn slightly to look at Jaehyun, who looks back at you upon hearing your question.

“You don’t want to get a dog?” Jaehyun frowns. Since you’re a dog lover, he thought that you’d definitely be on his side about this. “I even planned on getting two so they won’t be lonely and can be playmates with each other when we’re not home.” He whines, genuinely sounding upset that you’re against his idea.

Your breath hitches. “No, it’s not that.” The image of it is enough to make you giddy, but you’re still taken aback by the implication of his words. Surely, he realises that the act of raising dogs together holds the promise of something else?

“Then? What is it?” he asks, curious.

“You want to raise puppies… with me?”

There is a doubtful tone to your voice, but you can’t help it. It’s hard to believe that the Jeong Jaehyun wanted to do something so… domestic. With you, at that. You’re in his future, and he speaks of it as if he has been planning and thinking about this for a really long time. As if it is bound to happen, and that it is only a matter of time before it does.

Jaehyun looks confused, but also mildly amused. “Yes, baby. Who else am I going to do that with?”

“I don’t know… you tell me.” You grow quiet, unsure of how to continue the conversation any further. Averting your eyes, you look down at your intertwined hands.

“­­­____,” Jaehyun calls out. “Look at me.” And you do, the rising tension within the cramped-up space of the booth doing nothing to ease your erratic heartbeat. Jaehyun rarely calls you by your name, but when he does, you know that he’s being serious.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He starts, eyes filled with sincerity.

“And that includes marrying you, raising puppies with you, and everything else that you want to do. Even if you don’t want to do anything, then i want to do nothing with you too.” Letting go of your hand, Jaehyun tenderly presses his thumb against your cheek, smiling.

Warmth spreads within your chest at his sudden confession, and you wonder if you saved a country in your past life to love and be loved by someone like Jaehyun. Overwhelmed by your emotions, you wrap your arms around his neck to envelope him in a tight hug, taking in the lemon scent of his cologne that is as familiar as home to you. Jaehyun hugs you back, arms around your waist.

“Jeong Jaehyun, I love you so much. I hope you keep your promise because I’ll never find someone like you again.” Your voice is muffled due to how your head is buried in his chest, but he still hears you clearly.

“I love you too.” Jaehyun says back almost immediately. "And don’t be crazy, I’ll be a fool to let you go.”

“Wait!” pulling away from the hug, Jaehyun’s arms are left hanging in the air by your sudden movement.

“What is it this time?”

Frowning again, Jaehyun is visibly upset at how you cut short the hug.

“That’s not meant to be a proposal right?” you look at him with narrowed eyes. “Like, you will actually propose to me properly next time?”

He shakes his head in disbelief, but at the same time, he is unable to fight back the smile that is threatening to form on his face. Instead of responding, he grabs you by the waist, sealing your lips together.

“Jaehyun,” placing a hand against his chest, you try to stop him, suddenly hyper aware of how the both of you are in public. Technically you are in an enclosed space, but still. Intimate moments like this are often saved for the private space of your homes. Not when someone could potentially walk in on the both of you kissing each other.

Jaehyun doesn’t seem to care, however, one hand moving up to the nape of your neck, bringing you even closer to deepen the kiss. Eyes closed, you give in, kissing him back. It is hard not to, when all you could focus on is how warm and soft his lips feel against yours, the sweet taste from his peach lip balm invading all of your senses.

Unlike any other kiss that you’ve shared before, this one is filled with unspoken promises. And just when you think that it’s impossible to love Jeong Jaehyun any more than you already do, he proves you wrong, pouring every bit of his heart into the kiss.

Your photos have been printed! Don’t forget to check for your belongings before leaving, and we hope to see you again!

Jaehyun lets out a groan at the sound of the automated message, annoyed. First it was the hug, and now the kiss. Being someone who has physical touch ranked as his highest love language, it somehow feels like the universe is not on his side today. He pulls back slightly, but still holds you close to him. While you’re trying to catch your breath, Jaehyun’s nose rests against yours, beautiful dark orbs boring into you.

Fortunately, there’s no one waiting in line to use the photo booth, so you and Jaehyun still had some time before getting out. In fact, you are more than relieved to know that there’s no one outside–you simply couldn’t imagine the walk of shame outside the booth, especially with your faces printed clearly on the photos at the collection point of the machine.

His tall frame towering over you, Jaehyun bends down, chin on your shoulder. He looks at the photo strips that you’re holding in your hand, claiming that you look very cute and that he has to frame this up in his room when he gets home. Probably put it by his bedside table, so that he can look at you day and night.

Rolling your eyes (affectionately) at his sweet talk, you pass Jaehyun his set of photos. He places his hand on your lower back, guiding you out of the amusement park as you continue to admire the photos.

The walk back to your hotel feels particularly long, but perhaps it’s because the two of you had a long day. Since it was your second last day in Japan, you and Jaehyun wanted to make the most out of it, deciding to stay out later than usual. There were no regrets though, and you’d do it all over again if you could.

“You know, I meant it,” Jaehyun takes your hand in his, “the thing about raising two puppies.”

A part of you cannot believe that he’s still on it. Then again, what Jaehyun wants, Jaehyun gets. His persistence is on a whole new level, and you knew that he would not stop talking about it until he got a definite answer from you.

“Okay babe, I got it. If you want two puppies, then we’ll get two puppies,” you promise.

“That was easy.” Jaehyun smiles in victory, fist pumping in the air, causing you to shake your head at him. Even though your boyfriend’s older than you, he still acted like a child sometimes.

“I want two kids too,” he quickly adds.