she got legs like beyonce;

Then I’d say you’re a bit too passionate about Reese’s chocolate. 

What if I am?

Everything but global warming. Is that specific enough for you?

And if I said no?

There’s nothing more annoying that someone telling me I can’t do something because I’m too “young”, it’s not like I’m twelve.

How young are you? 

Everything’s better than Reeses. 

Everything? I think you may need a bit more information to back up your argument.

I think after the fourth carton it just went downhill.

Fourth? I think what you are is a legend for being able to eat that much.

"About the speech. Who is Sarah Kay? Chocolate is one of my pleasures!”

She's an amazing poet, I'd suggest looking her up on YouTube? I swear that you won't regret it. Chocolate is life.

You… are seriously cool. I may have a crush.

A crush? God I hope not. That would require far too much responsibility on my part that I just can't handle.

I somehow managed to break the curtain in the middle of showering and now the floor is soaked..

I don't quite know how you did that, but I suggest you get multiple mops ready before someone slips and injures themselves.

I managed to get this girls number    It feels so good to be back. 

Congratulations. What type of girl though--... This is important.

You would think it’s impossible to eat too much ice cream.. But I ate too much ice cream.

That's impossible. How much did you have?

Well, it’s been a long week.

That would be somewhat of an understatement, I feel as if my whole body is quite ready to explode.

Between a cranky fiance and a cranky boss at the station, I’m not entirely sure which is the lesser of the two evils. Any suggestions as to how I get myself out of this predicament?

I think that the only option to this is running away to a completely different country and changing your identity. There is no other way. 

Oh my God, are you into slam poetry? Finally, someone interesting in this podunk town. That piece is amazing. I swear to God, I would send that woman a chocolate shop instead of flowers, she is so great.

I think that I may just send her myself in a box so she can talk my ear off all day. She is pure majesty in a human is what she is.

I can’t say I have, but if we’re gonna choose between Reeses and Hershey’s — I’d have to say the latter.

The latter? And why would you choose Hershey's over Reeses? 

"Well, I think that I’ve missed something. I’ve never heard of it."

Never heard of the chocolate or the speech, may I ask.