It gets better eventually.

you feel uncomfortable taking credit for things you did

you feel uncomfortable being praised or complimented, and you feel like sudden expectation or blackmail are coming up afterwards, you need to find intentions behind praise

someone getting mad at you is absolutely terrifying and you’ll do anything to avoid it

you don’t ever feel it’s safe to stand up for yourself, you can predict that even if you did that, ultimately you’d only be punished and hurt even worse, and you can’t risk it

you always analyze every situation with „am I bothering these people? Is my presence a burden to everyone?“ even when you’re with friends or at a place where you were invited

you don’t feel like a part of anything, not your family or your peer group, you worry everyone is going to figure out that you’re out of line trying to pretend to be a part of their group and reject you

you worry that you have no value to anyone and you feel like you need to deserve to be a part of society

you feel inexplicably ashamed of yourself, there are so many situations you can’t talk about, or even think about without feeling overwhelming shame

you keep feeling everything bad that happens is your fault, even for things that aren’t related to you directly, you feel responsible and like you should have done something to prevent it

you feel like everything would be better if only you didn’t exist

you struggled with suicidal thoughts before (or still struggle with them)

you feel like anyone who hurts you is justified in doing so and you deserve to be hurt

you’re terrified of being punished for anything you do, and don’t do, to the point where you paralyze and can’t do things you’re supposed to do at times, because you can’t tell if it’s going to end up in you suffering punishment

you don’t feel comfortable being touched or cuddled, you feel like it makes you weak if you desire it

you don’t feel okay showing big emotions in front of anyone, you feel your feelings in secret, or not at all

nobody knows just in how much pain you are. You don’t show it.

you can tell that even if you did talk to someone about your problems, you’d be accused of exaggerating, asking for attention, faking it, or being weak for not controlling your emotions better

you feel like the dream of a good life, where you’re loved and happy and cherished, is something completely unrealistic and it feels silly to even imagine it, it’s out of reach for you

statistically your generation is having less underage sex & drinking less & doing fewer drugs & generally making better choices than your parents’ generation

the shit you see on tv is just a bunch of middle-aged tv producers (who should know better) sexualizing you & projecting onto your age group. 

You hurt so much in friendships because you are more invested in it than they are or they care to be. Not everyone considers friendship to be such a precious and important relationship in their life and you need to be aware of that before you open your heart to people. 

When someone is being vulnerable with you, it says more about you than it does about them. It shows that you make them feel comfortable and like it’s a safe space and that you will not judge them or go around spreading rumours. They trust you. Because you are a trustworthy and emotionally mature person. 

You don’t need to have a huge showdown sort of confrontation with someone before deciding to distance yourself from them. You can decide that in your own head. Since you are neither ghosting them nor turning on them, you are not required to talk it out. You are simply toning down your affection towards them because now you see them for who they are. 

Your transness is not tied to the decisions you make for your body, you are already beautiful and valid from the start. And if starting HRT does feel like the right path for you, we will be there to support you every step of the way.

Trying to be cute for food